Get Naked with Dr. Kate

What happens when a survivor's fight for safety is labeled a crime? In this powerful and essential episode, Dr. Kate Balestrieri sits down with investigative journalist Justine van der Leun to explore the harrowing reality of "criminalized survival." Justine spent years inside prisons, listening to women who killed, maimed, or broke the law, not because they were monsters, but because they were survivors who ran out of options.

Her book, Unreasonable Women, tells the unforgettable stories of these women, revealing how the legal system often erases their histories of abuse and paints them as cold-blooded perpetrators instead of victims of intimate partner violence. In this conversation, Justine and Dr. Kate discuss the thin, blurry line between victim and perpetrator, the sexist and racist tropes used to prosecute women, and the profound lack of support that sets survivors up for failure.

This isn't just their story; it's a stark examination of who society allows to be violent and who is expected to endure it. Tune in for a moving conversation that will change the way you see justice, survival, and the women the system has deemed "unreasonable."

Key Topics Discussed:

What is "Criminalized Survival"?

The Case of Nikki Addamando

The "Reasonable Man" Standard

The Three Prongs of Victim Blaming

The Role of Sexism and Racism

The High Cost of Violence

A Call for Change

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Today’s video contains a guest appearance from Laura Danger, both an educator as well as an advocate for domestic equity. In today’s video, Dr. Kate Balestrieri and Laura Danger explore relationship inequity, emotional and domestic labor, and how mismatched definitions of “trying” create friction, resentment, and loss of desire. They cover various themes surrounding relationships such as:

how to distinguish capacity vs willingness,

how defensiveness and punishment can function to silence needs, and

how mental health can affect contribution while still requiring collaborative problem-solving and support.

They collaborate on what it means to have a partner that weaponizes incompetence and how unresolved could corrupt the foundation of relationships.

00:49 Podcast Return and New Book

01:36 Meet Laura Danger

02:39 Why Equity Becomes Conflict

04:59 Listener Question Bare Minimum Partner

05:58 Good Faith Effort vs Incompetence

08:22 Cant vs Wont and Defensiveness

12:42 Mental Health and Capacity in Couples

16:53 Boundaries and Resentment Spiral

21:53 The NAG Paradox Explained

22:25 Honey Do Trap

23:21 Power Imbalance Loop

24:53 New Parent Resentment

27:42 Repair With Check Ins

29:17 Fair Play Framework

30:35 Regulating Conflict Cycles

35:27 Anger As Information

42:54 Somatic Anger Cues

44:37 Closing And Resources

About Laura Danger:

Laura Danger, is an educator, author, facilitator, and advocate for domestic equity and equal distribution of the mental load. She is a prominent voice, who popularized topics regarding care culture and fostering equitable dynamics within a relationship.

Instagram & TikTok: @thatdarnchat

Website: www.lauradanger.com

Book: No More Mediocre https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593474783/?bestFormat=true&k=no%20more%20mediocre&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-bk-ww_k0_1_16_de&crid=35U7ZEMYGXUV9&sprefix=no%20more%20mediocre

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When a child discloses sexual abuse, the immediate focus is understandably on the survivor's healing. But what happens to the parents in the aftermath - specifically, to their romantic and sexual relationship?

In this episode, Dr. Kate Balestrieri speaks with Dr. Imani Reynolds, a clinician at Modern Intimacy, whose pioneering research explores the hidden third relationship often overlooked in the healing process: the one between the parents.

Dr. Reynolds’ work reveals the profound and often invisible impact that a child's abuse can have on a parent’s own sexuality, desire, and intimacy with their partner. They discuss the jarring experience of secondary traumatic stress, how intrusive thoughts can alter sexual fantasy and desire, and how partners often react and cope in vastly different ways, creating a new set of challenges for the relationship.

This conversation offers a vital and compassionate look at how the entire family system is affected and provides a crucial perspective on the importance of parents addressing their own well-being.

Key Themes Include:

The Overlooked Impact on Parents

Desire vs. Intimacy

The Role of Secondary Trauma

When a Fantasy Isn't a Fantasy Anymore:

The Unseen Divide


The Breakdown of Trust

A Call to Care for the Whole System

For more support, schedule a complimentary consultation, to explore how working with a clinician at Modern Intimacy might help.

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Share it with a friend or partner who might need to hear this vital perspective. We want to hear from you!

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We often think of intimacy as the meeting of minds and bodies, but what happens when your emotions—frustration, anxiety, or shame—hijack the moment? In this episode, Dr. Kate Balestrieri sits down with psychologist and author Dr. Ryan Martin to explore the critical link between emotional regulation and relational health.

Dr. Martin, author of the new book Emotion Hacks: 50 Ways to Feel Better Fast, debunks the "Catharsis Myth" and explains why vigorous exercise when you're angry might actually be making things worse. Together, they unpack the neuroscience of anger, the importance of feeling uncomfortable emotions (not numbing them), and how to use your feelings as a source of vital information.

If you’ve ever struggled to pause before reacting, felt overwhelmed by big feelings, or wondered how your emotional patterns affect your sex life and relationships, this episode is for you. Learn how to build your "emotional toolkit" and develop the skills to not just survive your feelings, but to use them for deeper connection.

For more information about Dr. Ryan Martin:
https://alltheragescience.com/

YT, TT + IG: @AngerProfessor

Emotion Hacks: https://www.amazon.com/Emotion-Hacks-Ways-Feel-Better/dp/1786788675

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📞 SCHEDULE A FREE 30-MIN CONSULTATION: https://www.modernintimacy.com/contact/
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Think deepfakes are just a privacy issue? Think again.

We are conditioned to see sexual deepfakes as a crime against an individual’s reputation. But what if they are actually a weapon of mass control?

In this episode, Dr. Kate Balestrieri sits down with author Soraya Chemaly to blow the lid off the mainstream narrative. They argue that these digital violations aren't just about consent.

But in fact, they are stochastic terrorism: a systematic, male-supremacist tool designed to police women’s behavior through sheer terror.

They dive into the ugly underbelly of the "boy crisis," the tech industry’s victim-blaming band-aids, and why changing the way we think about sex and equality is the only armor that actually works against imposed sexualization.

If you’ve ever felt like the world is getting more dangerous for everyone online, this conversation will give you the language to understand why—and the tools to fight back.

For more information about Soraya Chemaly, including all of her books and social media, visit https://www.sorayachemaly.com

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