Office Hours with Arthur Brooks

We spend much of our lives building our careers. We chase success, recognition, and expansive networks—yet despite all of it, many of us still experience a quiet, persistent loneliness.
In this episode of Office Hours, I turn to Aristotle and his work, the Nicomachean Ethics, to ask an age-old question: what makes a good friend? I’ll explore Aristotle’s three types of friendship, and suggest something that sounds counterintuitive: the best of friends are perfectly useless. I also share four practical ways to deepen the friendships you already have, and cultivate more of these useless relationships that create real meaning, deeper happiness, and a life well lived.
—
Brought to you by:
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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(06:32) Why close friendships are essential to happiness
(11:42) What a healthy friendship ecosystem looks like 
(14:54) Aristotle’s three types of friendship
(23:57) Real friends vs. deal friends
(31:17) Friendship step #1: Give yourself a friendship checkup
(32:39) Friendship step #2: Identify the people who truly know you
(35:06) Friendship step #3: Go deep or go home
(38:24) Friendship step #4: Make more friends that you don’t need
(41:32) Q&A: Adjusting to home after a year abroad 
(44:12) Q&A: Building better habits
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• Why You Should Want to Be Alone: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/07/hermit-solitude-benefits-happiness/678955
• I Matter to My Friend, Therefore I am Happy: Friendship, Mattering, and Happiness: https://experts.nau.edu/en/publications/i-matter-to-my-friend-therefore-i-am-happy-friendship-mattering-a
• Friendship and personality as predictors of happiness:  https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-006-9012-7 
•The average American has three best friends: https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/friends-adults-american-how-to-friendship-difficulty-a8906861.html 
• Social Support, Social Strain, Loneliness, and Well-Being Among Older Adults: An Analysis of the Health and Retirement Study: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-05698-001
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Sometimes, the most insidious thing someone can tell you to make you feel better is the age-old phrase, “but you’re perfect!” While research suggests this may ease emotional pain temporarily, it might actually be holding you back from growth and, consequently, satisfaction.
In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why we avoid uncomfortable truths when feeling down, and why the better path towards fulfillment is honest self-acceptance—embracing your imperfections, and taking on the challenge to improve.
—
Brought to you by:
• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks
—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(06:50) The psychology of self-enhancement bias
(10:39) Who suffers most from self-enhancement bias
(15:50) Why we protect others with comforting lies
(17:16) What the research shows about self-enhancement bias
(22:57) #1: You’re not perfect but you’re normal
(25:37) #2: Accept yourself
(27:05) #3: Work to improve
(30:03) #4: Don’t blame other people
(32:05) #5: Reframe imperfections as puzzles
(35:48) Q&A: People pleasing and happiness
(37:33) Q&A: Finding time for happiness in a busy life
(39:24) Q&A: Teaching happiness habits to young children
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide: https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277
• Taking time seriously. A theory of socioemotional selectivity: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10199217
• Comparative perceptions of driver ability--a confirmation and expansion: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3730094
• The Illusion of Moral Superiority: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5641986
• Age and the better‐than‐average effect: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-10557-008
• The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex is selective for pain: Results from large-scale reverse inference: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26582792
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Want to miss (or forget) life’s sweetest moments? Easy: don’t savor anything. My late mother, an artist, knew this was a terrible strategy for happiness. Through her art, she was an expert at savoring—and the first to teach me its benefits.
In this episode of Office Hours, I connect her lesson to what we now know from behavioral science: because of our built-in negativity bias, we tend to overlook positive experiences unless we make an effort to notice them. I’ll share three simple ways to do that—so you can experience your life more deeply, remember it more clearly, and find meaning even in the hard moments.
Want to go deeper on this—and other ideas from the podcast—and actually put them into practice? If you’re ready to do that work in person, I’ve partnered with MEA, a transformational science-backed retreat center, to bring these principles to life through a series of retreats in Santa Fe. You can find the details at retreats.arthurbrooks.com.
—
Brought to you by:
• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet ⁠https://davidprotein.com/arthur⁠
—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(09:52) What savoring really is
(10:39) How savoring affects your brain and body
(14:54) How savoring shapes your memory
(17:16) Negativity bias and why it’s hard to savor
(20:18) #1: Savor in all three time zones
(24:34) #2: Expand your savoring techniques
(27:21) #3: How I do it–what are you looking forward to
(29:12) How to savor difficult experiences to support growth
(31:19) Q&A: Making space for relationships in a demanding season of work
(32:39) Q&A: Finding a religion that resonates
(34:08) Q&A: Finding a calling
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• Savoring the past: Positive memories evoke value representations in the striatum: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4254527
• The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation: https://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Mindfulness-Introduction-Practice-Meditation/dp/0807012394
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Grief is part of the human experience. If you love, you will lose. And when you do, the pain is inescapable. It can be disorienting, overwhelming, and in the case of acute grief, the symptoms can even resemble something like psychosis.
In this episode of Office Hours, I explore what grief actually is, how it is lived and felt by those who are bereaved, and why these reactions—however unsettling—are not signs of dysfunction. They are, in fact, evidence of something profoundly good: the depth of our love and devotion to one another.
The aim is not to eliminate grief—that is neither possible nor desirable—but to approach it with understanding. In doing so, we can move toward our suffering rather than away from it, extend compassion to others walking a similar path, and begin to discover meaning within our loss.
—
Brought to you by:
• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet https://davidprotein.com/arthur
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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro  
(05:13) The story of Itaru Sasaki’s wind phone  
(07:26) What grief is  
(09:33) Grief vs. bereavement  
(10:03) Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief and newer research  
(14:42) The brain’s response to grief  
(18:24) How long does it take to get through grief  
(20:45) Post-traumatic growth and the five areas that often improve  
(23:45) #1. Look for meaning  
(26:56) #2. Change your identity  
(29:15) #3. Adopt rituals  
(30:53) #4. Let yourself be happy again  
(32:10) #5. Help others with grief  
(34:10) Q&A: How failure helps your career  
(35:24) Q&A: Getting married in a church after leaving it  
(37:24) Q&A: Breaking the cycle of self-blame
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• My Wind Phone (wind phone directory): https://www.mywindphone.com
• Treatment of complicated grief: a randomized controlled trial: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15928281
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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In a previous episode on leisure, I talked about how fewer and fewer people are spending time outdoors. Today, the average child spends just minutes outside each day, a dramatic shift from how most of us grew up and from how humans have lived for thousands of years.
In today’s episode of Office Hours, I explain why reconnecting with nature is essential for your happiness and well-being. Drawing on research from psychology and neuroscience, I show how time outdoors can reduce anxiety and depression, improve cognitive function, and even help you break free from the constant cycle of comparison and rumination.
You might think your life is not compatible with spending more time outside. But the evidence suggests the opposite: you can’t afford not to. I share with you three practical ways to bring nature back into your daily life. I hope you try them and get outside to touch some grass!
—
Brought to you by:
Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks
—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(05:14) How much time do people spend outdoors today?
(07:10) Why we’re spending more time inside
(11:05) What happens when you don’t get enough time outdoors
(12:31) What happens when you add nature back in
(19:08) #1: Spend as much time as you can outside
(22:04) #2: Witness/touch nature
(24:27) #3: Start a walking routine
(26:36) Why you’ll enjoy being in nature more than you think
(27:23) Lessons from transcendentalism
(28:46) Q&A: The difference between happiness and joy
(30:24) Q&A: Serving others without resentment
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur 
• Global survey finds we’re lacking fresh air and natural light, as we spend less time in nature: https://press.velux.com/new-global-survey-finds-were-lacking-fresh-air-and-natural-light-as-we-spend-less-time-in-nature
• The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness: https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Generation-Rewiring-Childhood-Epidemic/dp/0593655036
• Stanford researchers find mental health prescription: Nature: https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2015/06/hiking-mental-health-063015
• Why Is Nature Beneficial? The Role of Connectedness to Nature: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5d8921893ec7066969f68df5/t/5d94da7035bc6f4984f509d1/1570036337561/the_role_of_connectedness_to_nature_on_positive_affect_2009.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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