Selfish Parenting

Everyone loves the idea of a stay-at-home mom until the internet starts running the divorce horror stories. So let’s actually talk about it. In this episode, I sit down with Trish White, a stay-at-home mom of three who very intentionally chose this life, and we break down what protection really looks like. Not fear. Not paranoia. Not secret resentment. Real protection. The kind that starts before you ever leave your job. We talk about choosing a partner who doesn’t flinch at your ambition to stay home, why financial transparency matters more than “soft life” aesthetics, what red flags to clock early, and how to build equity, credit, and confidence inside your marriage. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, you absolutely can. But it only works when it’s chosen, supported, and structurally sound.

Trish A. White is a stay-at-home mom of three and content creator featured in Essence for her perspective on Black stay-at-home motherhood and the trad-wife conversation, where she shares financial transparency tips, faith-centered family life, and empowered SAHM insight across her social platforms. You can follow Trish on Instagram!
3 Truths About Staying Home That Actually Protect You:
The man you choose matters more than any contract. Being a stay-at-home mom starts with the husband. If he flinches at your desire to stay home, doesn’t follow through on his goals, or is emotionally unstable in small conflicts, that instability will grow under pressure. The right partner makes the role feel secure, not risky!
Financial access isn’t optional… it’s adult. You should know the accounts, understand the bills, build credit in your name, and sit in on real money conversations. Most stay-at-home vulnerability comes from financial ignorance, not the role itself. Transparency builds trust. Secrecy builds dependency.
Preparation should empower you, not scare you. Yes, be on the deed. Yes, understand prenups. Yes, build equity and keep your skills sharp. But protection isn’t about expecting betrayal, it’s about being informed, intentional, and confident enough to enjoy the life you chose.
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
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A lot of people treat marriage and motherhood like deadlines you’re supposed to hit. In this episode, I break down how I think about readiness, not as a timeline, but as an intentional choice that should add to your life, not shrink it. I share what actually mattered to me before getting married, from choosing an exceptional partner to knowing who I was outside of a relationship and being able to financially support myself. Then we get into what real readiness for kids looks like: the costs people don’t talk about, the emotional work that shows up in postpartum and parenting triggers, and the reality that choosing to have children is a lifelong commitment. If you’re going to choose marriage or motherhood, this episode is about choosing it on purpose… not out of pressure, fear, or expectation.

Resources mentioned:
Rise of the SHEconomy - Morgan Stanley Research
Health fertility and age-related pregnancy data - UCSF Facility Research

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Marriage or Motherhood:
If your partner never changes, same job, same mindset, same habits, would you still want to be with them?
Can you financially support yourself without relying on a partner?
Do you know who you are outside of a relationship or motherhood?
Have you lived independently enough to know what you actually want (living alone, traveling alone, dating different people)?
What would you realistically have to sacrifice or give up if you had children?
Have you addressed your own childhood trauma and personal triggers?
Are you choosing marriage or kids because you truly want them? Or because of fear or societal pressure?
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me:
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A lot of couples talk about “building together.”Fewer talk about what happens when ambition, money, children, and the internet all enter the relationship at the same time. In this episode, I sit down with Colette Louis to talk about what it actually looks like to grow a marriage while growing businesses – without one partner quietly carrying the invisible weight of it all. We unpack how she and her husband made early decisions about money, labor, and priorities, why outsourcing became a necessity rather than a luxury, and how they protect their relationship in a culture that rewards oversharing. This conversation challenges the idea that doing everything alone is something to be proud of, and offers a more honest picture of partnership, boundaries, and shared responsibility.
Colette Louis is a lifestyle creator, wife, mom of two, and entrepreneur who shares honest conversations about motherhood, home, and building a life that feels as good as it looks. She’s the voice behind Simply Colette, where she blends everyday routines with intentional living and soft ambition. Known for turning real life into relatable storytelling, Colette encourages women to move beyond survival mode and step into thriving – at home and within themselves. Through her content and community, she reminds women that growth can be gentle, beautiful, and still powerful.
Connect with Colette:
Website
IG
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Resources mentioned:
Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households
In this episode, we cover:
What it really means to build a business with your spouse
Why “equal” doesn’t always mean “fair” when it comes to labor at home
How invisible labor contributes to burnout and resentment
Outsourcing as a strategic decision, not a moral failure
Setting boundaries online to protect your marriage offline
Why help isn’t optional if you want sustainability, not survival
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me:
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LTK
YouTube - Chancè
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We keep hearing that the birth rate is falling, the economy is panicking, and somehow the solution lives in women’s bodies. In this episode, I’m saying the quiet part out loud: every reason to have children is selfish -- and that’s not a bad thing. As a mother of four, I unpack why choosing not to have children is not selfish at all, but often an act of self-preservation. Through my own birth stories, research on maternal health, and the realities no one puts on the baby shower invitation, this episode challenges the idea that women owe their bodies, or their lives, to society. Motherhood should always be a choice, never a moral obligation.
Resources mentioned:
Diary of a CEO podcast episode featuring Dr. Erica Komisar (discussion on declining birth rates and women’s autonomy)
In this episode, I cover:
Why women’s bodies are not economic policy or national resources
The real, lifelong physical and mental costs of pregnancy and childbirth
Why there is no truly “selfless” reason to have children, and why honesty matters
How child-free women often help hold families and communities together
A practical decision framework to help you decide if having (or having more) children is right for you
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me:
Instagram
Shop My
LTK
YouTube - Chancè
YouTube - Selfish Parenting
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When you think about the personal rules you follow while parenting your children, how many of those are shaped by an experience you’ve had in your life? Chances are, at least one or two of the daily decisions you make are shaped by trauma. That’s why I’m so excited to have Kobe Campbell, an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, on the podcast! We discuss how trauma impacts our lives, why you should stop dismissing your trauma as “not that bad,” and the role trauma therapy can play in helping us heal.
Kobe Campbell, LCMHC is an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, bestselling author, speaker, and entertainment consultant. As a seminary-trained therapist, she specializes in helping people understand how their past shapes their present through her signature work on inner child healing and breaking generational cycles. Her 4x #1 Amazon bestselling book, Why Am I Like This? How to Break Cycles, Heal From Trauma, and Restore Your Faith has transformed thousands of lives by combining evidence-based therapy with faith-filled compassion.
Connect with Kobe: 
Why Am I Like This? by Kobe Campbell
Instagram
TikTok
YouTube
Some key takeaways from this episode include:
If something happened to you that changed the way you interact with the world, it was probably a traumatic event. Even if it didn’t impact people around you, or “doesn’t seem that bad” compared to what others have been through, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic.
There are two things we might develop as a result of trauma: adaptive practices and maladaptive practices. Adaptive practices might keep you healthy and safe, but maladaptive practices can result in you repeating generational trauma or keeping loved ones at arm’s length.
The growth and healing you experience in therapy will hopefully cover you for a lifetime, but healing isn’t linear and it happens over the course of your whole life. You might go to therapy for six months, then feel good and not need therapy for years, then go back when you notice unhealthy patterns. 
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me:
Instagram
Shop My
LTK
YouTube - Chancè
YouTube - Selfish Parenting
TikTok