Selfish Parenting

Marriage can be beautiful, fulfilling, stretching, and deeply intimate, but it is not something I can honestly talk about for women without also talking about the risk, the labor, and the reality of what so many wives are carrying. In this conversation, I sit down with Yvette Henry to talk about what 15 years of marriage has taught her, why she still believes marriage can be worth it, and why I struggle to tell women that marriage is automatically worth it for them. We talk about choosing well, the limits of that advice, unpaid labor, faith-based expectations, the Proverbs 31 woman, emotional exhaustion, and what it means to stop performing wifehood and actually live inside a marriage that makes room for your whole self. Yvette also shares the heart behind her devotional Release, Rest, Remain, and why permission to rest is not something we need to wait for from our husbands, our children, the church, or the world… it is something we have to learn how to give ourselves.
Yvette Henry is a homeschooling mother of four, writer, and co-host of the podcast How Married Are You? alongside her husband, Glen. She has been married for 15 years, has built an incredible online community as Mrs. Melanin, and is the author of the devotional Release, Rest, Remain.
Connect with Yvette:
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Resources mentioned:
Release, Rest, Remain by Yvette Henry
Research mentioned:
Women gain about seven more hours of housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create?
Men do about one hour less housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create?
Women initiate 69% of divorces, compared to 31% initiated by men — Michael J. Rosenfeld / American Sociological Association, Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces, But Not Non-Marital Breakups
Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples — Michael J. Rosenfeld, Stanford University
In this episode, we cover:
Whether marriage is actually worth it for women
Why marriage requires work, not just love
The danger of telling women to “choose well” like that alone can protect them
What women gain and lose inside traditional marriage structures
How faith can shape marriage, rest, and wifehood
Why the Proverbs 31 woman has been misunderstood
The difference between performing marriage and actually being in one
Why rest has to come from within
How Yvette and Glen think about division of labor, parenting, and partnership
Why divorce can be an option without being treated like failure
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
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There is a kind of exhaustion that does not come from doing one more load of laundry or packing one more lunch – it comes from being the person who knows everything that needs to happen before anyone else even thinks to ask. In this episode, I’m joined by Paige Connell, known online as @SheIsAPaigeTurner, for a conversation about the part of the mental load that feels the most frustrating to name out loud: why so many women are expected to manage the home, explain the standards, teach their partners how to participate, and then somehow not feel resentful about it. We talk about default parenting, invisible labor, willing partners, outsourcing, the difference between helping and owning, and what it actually takes to stop being the project manager of your family.
Paige Connell is a content creator, writer, speaker, consultant, podcaster, and mom of four. Online, she is known as @SheIsAPaigeTurner, where she creates content about the mental load, equitable partnerships, motherhood, and what it means to build a home where both partners truly participate.
Connect with Paige:
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sheisapaigeturner@select.co 

Resources mentioned:
Paige’s Free Guide to the Mental Load Conversation
Stanford University study on divorce initiation

In this episode, we cover:
What the mental load looks like when it turns into resentment
Why “just tell me what to do” still keeps women in charge
The difference between a partner helping and a partner owning the work
How women end up becoming the default parent without ever agreeing to it
Why teaching a partner can feel unfair, even when the partner is willing
How to know whether you have a willing partner or just a passive one
Why outsourcing buys back time but does not erase the mental load
The role of standards, safety, research, and invisible decision-making
How to talk about the workload before you are already angry
What our children learn when equity is modeled, not just talked about
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me: 
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I grew up in the church. I prayed, I read my Bible, I believed God was the reason my family survived some of the hardest things we ever went through. Faith grounded me, especially as a refugee kid trying to make sense of losing everything and starting over. But I also grew up hearing that my body was a problem, that my value lived in my virginity, that motherhood was my highest calling, and that men’s comfort mattered more than women’s safety. In this episode, I’m talking about Christianity, modesty culture, Mormonism, Congolese churches, motherhood, and the part of faith that still feels confusing for me. I still pray. I still believe in God. I still find comfort in parts of the Bible. I also know I cannot raise my daughters inside the same shame, fear, and patriarchy that made me question my own body, my own freedom, and my own worth. This is where I am right now: grieving the church community I loved, questioning what I was taught, and choosing to teach my children about religion without handing them the trauma that came with mine.
Research mentioned:
42% of US adults have deconstructed from Christianity (Barna, Ex-Christians Aren’t the Only Ones Deconstructing Faith) 
54% of Gen Z women (compared to 46% of men) have left their formative religions (Dan Foster / Medium, Why Young Women Are Leaving the Church in Droves)
40% of women ages 18-29 are now religiously unaffiliated (PRRI, Gen Z, Gender, and Religion)
65% of young women believe churches don't treat men and women equally (Survey Center on American Life, Young Women Are Leaving Church in Unprecedented Numbers)
In this episode, we cover:
Why I stopped searching for a home church after spending years trying to find one that felt safe
How modesty culture taught me to carry shame for a body I was still learning how to live in
What Mormonism showed me about women doing the work while men held the power
Why having daughters made me question which parts of church I was willing to pass down
The grief I still feel for the community, care, and village that church gave me
How I’m teaching my children about religion without making fear the foundation
Why so many of us are questioning Christianity and realizing patriarchy was sitting right there with it
What it feels like to still pray, still believe, and still not know where church fits in my life anymore
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me: 
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Work from home is a career killer for women? I disagree a thousand percent. In this episode, I’m challenging the idea that ambition has to come at the expense of your mental health, your time, or your identity. I’m talking about my experience in corporate America as a Black woman, the invisible labor that comes with being in office, what the research actually says about remote work and productivity, and who the “three hour mom” narrative really applies to. Because not all advice is universal, and success should not require you to lose yourself in the process.
Stats mentioned:
Code switching can cost Black professionals 2–3 hours of mental energy daily (Harvard Business Review, 2019) 
64% of Black employees experience at least one racial microaggression per week (McKinsey & Company, 2023) 
Black women reported a 31% improvement in psychological well-being when working remotely (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2022)
Remote and hybrid work reduced racial microaggressions by 42% for Black women (SHRM, 2023)
Remote workers show a 13% increase in productivity (Stanford Business, 2020)
87% of employees report being equally or more productive working from home (Microsoft WorkLab)
Remote and hybrid workers report higher engagement than fully in-office employees (Gallup, 2023)
In this episode, we cover:
Why the “work from home is a career killer” narrative ignores what Black women actually experience
The real cost of code switching, and why the office is not a neutral space
Why being seen at work still doesn’t guarantee being considered
How communication bias shows up in emails and perception
The truth about the “three hour mom” – and what it actually requires
What the data really says about productivity at home
Why you need to be selective about whose advice you follow
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me: 
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YouTube - Chancè
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This episode contains graphic depictions of domestic violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text “START” to 88788.
Kiana built her platform on transparency, but this conversation makes it clear just how much she was holding at the same time. What looked like a happy, growing relationship online was layered with control, instability, and survival behind the scenes – and she was navigating all of it while pregnant, postpartum, and still showing up publicly. We talk about what it actually means to live through something in real time without the luxury of stepping away, how content creation became both an outlet and a lifeline, and why the version of a relationship you see online can be completely real and still not be the full truth. This episode isn’t about exposing social media – it’s about understanding why women stay, why they leave, and what it costs to delay your own healing.
Kiana Leroux is a content creator known for her honest, lived-experience advice and transparent storytelling around relationships, motherhood, and personal growth.
Connect with Kiana
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YouTube
Stats mentioned:
62% of creators report burnout (Forbes Healthy Study, 2025)
65% of content creators experience anxiety and depression (Fast Company & Creator Studies, 2025)
In this episode I cover:
What’s actually happening behind “happy” relationship content
Why leaving isn’t always a clean or immediate decision
How abuse can exist alongside love, success, and visibility
The role content creation can play when you’re trying to survive something
Why “ride or die” culture sets women up to lose
The difference between real connection and emotional intensity
What it looks like to rebuild while still being watched
Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.
Connect with Me: 
Instagram
Shop My
LTK
YouTube - Chancè
YouTube - Selfish Parenting
TikTok