Defining Stories

• Episode 14: Survival Stories with Kelly

  Kelly has a mesmerising force with which she engages with the world and although her conversation with us might be called a story of survival, it more like a story about thriving, or continuing to thrive. When the upcoming horizon in your life story looks rose-coloured because you’ve made it through a separation, you’ve found a new life-partner and you are starting to feel like you’ve found your stride again,your narrative arc does not want the mind-numbing news that you have to postpone joy for an immediate health crisis. Kelly’s life went in an entirely new direction when at a relatively young age she learned she had stage 3 ovarian cancer. Her life story was dramatically interrupted and sent in a new direction. How Kelly has managed herself through this transition, how she has found meaning and rebuilt her physical health and her dynamism is a testament to her inimitable attitude towards life.We invite you to listen with awe to the gems of learning and meaning-making that Kelly has arrived at and with which she is so generous in sharing. Here is a person who is not defined by fear and who has learned how you rebuild an identity. Shealso shares some great tips of how we can be present for the people in our lives who might be moving through a life defining event. Hear what it means to show up, to avoid trying to fix the situation and how to validate the person’s experience. Kelly is the kind of person you’d love to have in your friendship circle because she’s the one that knows how to honour loss and how to move alongside uncertainty and fear rather thanbe at war with it. She’s the one who will lift you up, push you forward and remind you that you’ve got this. She knows all this because that’s what she did to reach the shores of her new horizon

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• Episode 13: Migration Stories with Clare

  Clare is looking back on a life-changing event from over 25years ago. Bravely, all those years ago she activated the plan to migrate to new country. Not to the other side of the world, just down towards the end of the continent of Africa. How hard could it be, right? Inspired to build a better life for her children and to findnew opportunities for her and her partner’s career, Clare drove the migration forward with checklists and tick boxes that controlled the minutia of details and foresaw potential dangers everywhere. In Clare’s indomitable style mitigants were always at the ready, even the plans had plans. However, having an emotional breakdown in a supermarket wasn’t on the checklist.When we take on dramatic changes to our lives (or have themthrust upon us), we become acutely aware of how we no longer belong in the world. The German term Carl Jung referred to when discussing this deep sense of alienation or not feeling "at home" in the world is "Unheimlich." It describes something that is both familiar and strange at the same time — creatingdiscomfort, eeriness, or psychological disturbance. This aligns with the un-homed state: a disconnection not just fromexternal belonging, but from inner harmony.Clare’s un-homing is filled with trials and triumphs, andshe has distilled her learning down into some delicious wisdoms that she shares with us. When we see that the stories of our life are no longer mapping to the reality in which we find ourselves its time to build some new stories and refresh some of the old ones. This remapping of our lives takes us to some very vulnerable places and the emotional load we end up carrying cause fault lines to appear in marriages, relationships and within our minds and bodies too. Loss evokes grief and grief needs to be metabolised and there are no short cutsthrough this.  “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”  Maya Angelou Clare defies reduction and instead rises like a proverbial phoenix from the fires of adversity. From her defiant reinvention and her perseverance through the adversity Clare knows that with the massive changes activated by migration there will be tears and there will be challenges. With a community supporting you from the side, a bit of counselling to give succour and the ability to see a future you discover a whole new level of capability just waiting inside you. Please enjoy meeting Clare and her story of migration.

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• Episode 12: Coming of Age Stories

  Adolescence can be brutal.  Finding our path out of the hellscape of the teenage years is no easy feat. Adolescence is so difficult because it’s a time of such profound change without full control over what is happening inside of us and around us nor is there clarity about how this will all turn out. It’s a liminal space – that bridge between who you were and who you’re becoming. What Oscar shares so poignantly with us in this episode is that sense of hopelessness that can travel with us in these confusing times of our life. Oscar has such vivid recall of how his world seemed so darkand it appeared that others knew what they were doing and where they were taking their lives. His confusion about himself and his harsh comparison of himself against others remind us how hard it is to invest in anything when feel so unsure of who we are. It’s a time where we lack intention, and we think weare so incapable. We disengage from our lives and what travels with us is the dark hopelessness.What I love about Oscar’s story is the antidote to thishopelessness that he gets to experience and to share with us. It is love that gets us through tough times. Even when we are kicking off and being disagreeable in so many ways and we feel so disenchanted with life there are often a few remarkable humans that just love us through this moment. Oscar recognises these key people who made his life better and different and so while at first this may sound like a story of hopelessness it’s actually a love story.Growing up is messy and confusing. We can get lost and mayfeel very alone with own thoughts and our wounded hearts. What Oscar teaches us is that if we can let the people and the activities, we love become a part of our lives, we will stumble upon hope again. When we start to give value to others, we begin to realise how valuable we are to ourselves. We start to emerge with a stronger sense of identity, purpose, andresilience. We come of age seeing ourselves and the world with clearer eyes. We start making choices from that deeper understanding and it dawns on us that we area more conscious, capable, and complex version of ourselves. We’ve grown up a bit.

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• Episode 11: Possibility Stories

  Phoebe is a master in the art of possibility. What makes her so masterful is this beguiling ability to just get involved in things with no expectation of an outcome other than she will learn something and quench her curiosity. She somewhat bravely leaps into things knowing she has an artillery of great skills and experiences at her disposal along with an ardent belief that she can work out problems if they arise. As a result, Phoebe is an opportunity magnet.When you listen to Phoebe talk about her career and life trajectory, you might notice this measured balance of humility and confidence. Here is a woman who knows she is smart and capable and reliable and will add value to anything she chooses to hold, and simultaneously, here is a woman who is scared and filled with uncertainty and who feels awkward about how much she doesn’t yet know. The two parts blend and the symbiosis is like a perfectly balanced sauce, or a beautiful composed piece of music, or a piece of art that takes your breath away. There is an artistry in how Phoebe is composing her life, and it is inspiring. As Phoebe shares the range of opportunities that have found her, she also gives us some of the strategies she uses to navigate the qualms of life. Her story reminds us that the antidote to Imposter Syndrome is curiosity; to remember we are all human no matter how talented, or celebrity branded a person is. She shows us how knowing our values can help usassess options and make choices that better align with our hopes for the future.At one point in Phoebe’s story, she jokingly refers to a label she has been given as the black sheep of the family. This signifies being the one who stands out as different, often in a way that goes against family norms, expectations, or traditions. Theterm typically carries a negative connotation, implying that the person is seen as rebellious, unconventional, or even adisappointment to others. However, it can also be a badgeof individuality and independence. While being the blacksheep can sometimes feel isolating, it can also signify courage, authenticity, and the willingness to carve one's own path.Carving her path is exactly what Phoebe is crafting. She is a woman with a certain verisimilitude about her. It’s no surprise she is head-hunted and offered opportunities to manageimpactful projects and the work of important people that will make a difference to multitudes. I am reminded of the achingly beautiful poem by Maria Kalman Women Holding Things when I speak to Phoebe, I rest more easily knowing her capable arms are holding very precious things like her son, and our planet.

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• Episode 10: Reinvention Stories

  Reinvention stories are a common theme in literature. Jane Eyre refuses to let her difficult past define her, ultimately creating a life of dignity and self-respect. In The Great Gatsby we witness Jay Gatsby’s transformation highlighting both the allure and illusion of self-reinvention, questioning whether we can truly escape our past. Dickens gives us the ultimate reinvention story in Great Expectations. Pip’s journey is not just about changing his external circumstances; it’s about discovering who he truly is and learning to value the right things. His transformation is both a physical shift (new environment, education, social class) and a psychological one (self-awareness, humility, and integrity). Look back over your life and you will see you have had to reinvent yourself multiple times. Starting school, and finishing school; getting a job, and leaving a job; falling in love, and failing at love. Each experience is an opportunity for reinvention. What we choose to hold on to and what we select as excess baggage that can be left behind refines anddefines the narrative that we take with us in the transformation process. What Tom offers us in this episode is a beautiful, contemplative reflection on the reinvention at play as we age and choose to become an elder and not just older. Tom Verghese’s life has blossomed from his dynamism and curiosity. An immigrant to Australia 44 years ago his professional arena has been about diversity, inclusion and traversing cross cultural intersections. His interests are in conscious aging, and he shares with us how he is experimenting with placing himself in new locations –geographically, socially, and emotionally. He is very interested in keeping an elastic mindset that can stretch and transform its thinking habits and support him in guiding his life into new spaces where he will continue to grow and indulge himself in his true passion: learning. We meet Tom in his liminal space. That messy in-between state where we are no longer who we used to be and not yet the person we will become. We are experimenting with possibilities. The genius we need to imbibe in liminality helps us hold all parts of life and our identity lightly. We can let the definitions ascribed to us by life, the past roles we performed, the relationship patterns repeatedly played out and our previous preferences move on like clouds shape shifting in the sky. What Tom offers us is this alluring idea that aging is aspirational. As we age, we can enjoy more freedoms, be more choiceful, feel looser and show up in kinder and wiser ways. Tom got me thinking about how to make my aging story a good story and to think about how I can contribute to making lives better. How are you going to reinvent yourself?

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