LOVERS by shan

Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. Damage doesn’t have to be. In this episode, we explore what actually separates fights that bring couples closer from fights that quietly turn lovers into enemies. We talk about the moment arguments go sideways, why so many conflicts feel bigger than the issue at hand, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they fundamentally disagree. Our guest, Touré Neblett, draws on decades of navigating high-stakes, contentious conversations both publicly and privately to share what he’s learned about emotional regulation, repair, and conflict inside a long-term marriage. This conversation focuses on how disagreement can exist without contempt, and how learning to fight differently can fundamentally change the trajectory of a relationship. Follow Touré Website → https://toure.com Toure Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/ Instagram YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ youtube.com Podcast → Touré Show (Apple/Spotify) Books → Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now; I Would Die 4 U: Why Prince Became an Icon; Soul City; Never Drank the Kool-Aid; The Portable Promised Land; Nothing Compares 2 U (available on Amazon and major booksellers) Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode, I share the deeper psychological lessons inside the new Diddy documentary, not to debate guilt or innocence, but to understand the human systems that create cycles of power, harm, silence, and attachment. This isn’t a Hollywood story or an industry story. It’s a human story. The documentary made Diddy feel more human rather than less, and that’s what makes it so unsettling. When you look closely at the incentives, the grooming, the rewards, the fear, the validation, and the primal drives behind the behavior, you start to see a spectrum that exists in all of us — the universal instincts for status, belonging, intimacy, dominance, and connection. I also talk about Cassie, Kirk Burrowes, and the partners who stayed inside that ecosystem, not to blame but to understand the psychological gravity of coercive control. When we understand the forces acting on people — the love-bombing, the fear, the dependency, the identity fusion — we gain clarity on why people stay, why people participate, and why some people break free. This video is ultimately about human nature, accountability, restraint, and how to build relationships where love and power don’t collapse into each other. If you or someone you care about has experienced sexual assault or abuse, you are not alone. For confidential, 24/7 support from trained specialists, visit RAINN: https://rainn.org/ In an emergency, dial 911 or seek help from someone you trust. Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

Did you know, in 2023, more than 39,000 people were diagnosed with HIV in the United States and six territories, with Hispanic and Black individuals each accounting for more than a third (Source. CDC) In this episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with Jonathan Van Ness for a conversation about receiving an HIV diagnosis, the years he kept it private, and the moment he decided he wanted the story to come from him. Jonathan shares what it felt like to catch himself holding back during interviews, how choosing to speak changed his relationship with his own truth, and the sense of relief that followed once he stopped protecting something that shaped so much of his life. They also talk about the realities of HIV today, why knowing your status matters, and how tools like PrEP fit into the larger picture of staying informed and reducing stigma. Follow Jonathan Van Ness Website → https://jonathanvanness.com/ Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jvn YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/jvn JVN Hair → https://jvnhair.com/ Podcast → https://jonathanvanness.com/podcasts/ Books → https://jonathanvanness.com/books/ Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RYU, our little munchkin just turned FIVE! And while Thanksgiving week is here, Jared and I felt like it was the perfect moment to sit together and talk about being parents.  Somewhere between the sleepless nights, tiny victories, meltdown moments, and unexpected laughter, Ryu taught us something surprising: sometimes, love is giving someone your dirty socks. (It’s her quote, and honestly… she’s not wrong.) Together, we explore: ✨ How becoming parents reshapes the way you love and the way you’re loved ✨ The unexpected emotional cost and reward of raising strong-willed children ✨ A reflection on why we are the way we are A conversation for anyone navigating love, partnership, and the wild joy of raising tiny humans. — ⭐ Follow Jared Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady/?hl=en Music Monday YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA ⭐ Want more Lovers? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with singer and songwriter Sabrina Claudio for a conversation about heartbreak, loneliness, friendship, and the lessons that shaped her new album. Sabrina talks openly about how loneliness can quietly influence decisions, including staying in relationships that feel draining. She shares what it was like to feel isolated even while partnered, why she struggled to speak up about what she was going through, and how she eventually chose to walk away. We also explore the idea of emotional detox, the feeling of carrying someone long after the relationship ends, and the moment she realized she needed to release what was weighing her down. If you have ever tried to heal while still holding on, or wondered why connection sometimes feels complicated, this conversation offers insight and companionship. Referenced in this episode: Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory — the idea that our development is shaped by multiple layers of environment (from family + friends all the way to culture + society). Follow Sabrina Claudio Sabrina’s short film Fall In Love With Her Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/sabrinaclaudio Twitter → https://twitter.com/sabrinaclaudio YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/c/SabrinaClaudio Website → https://www.sabrinaclaudio.co Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes