Fertility Cafe

What happens when agency after agency turns you down, and you keep going anyway?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Rachel, who delivered twins in 2015 after being matched three times and declined by several agencies before that. Her answers to the termination and selective reduction questions on the applications were the reason for the automatic denials, and it took another agency telling her so before she understood why. She and Eloise have known each other for more than a decade, and this conversation covers ground the two of them have been over privately for years.

Rachel walks through the first match that ended in a miscarriage and a couple who could not afford to continue, the second that ended before it began, and the third, a local couple who had been trying for roughly eight years. She talks about the awkward first dinner, the beta number so high she asked how many were in there, the New Year’s Day bleed that turned out not to be what she feared, and a delivery where the placentas would not detach. Afterward: a doctor who told her he would never clear her to carry again, a two-week checkup where she insisted something was wrong and was told she was missing the babies, a hemorrhage on her husband’s birthday, and a hysterectomy a year later. She is also candid about the one thing she would change, which is not the journey but the contract.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear the whole arc, including the parts that come long after the babies go home, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I didn’t give the baby away. They weren’t mine." -- Rachel

What You’ll Learn

Why she was drawn to carrying for someone else before she had her own children

Why several agencies declined her application automatically, and how she found out

How she thinks about the termination and reduction clauses surrogates are asked to sign

Why she preferred to carry for strangers rather than someone she knew

What happened with her first two matches, and how close she came to quitting

What repeating screening and psych evaluations three times over was like

Guest Bio

Rachel is a gestational surrogate and mother of two daughters who carried twins for a local couple through Family Inceptions, delivering in 2015 after two earlier matches ended without a baby. Her delivery and the months that followed brought complications that ultimately ended her ability to carry again. She talks about all of it openly, including what she would negotiate differently, because she wants women considering surrogacy to understand the full arc rather than only the delivery room.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand what can go wrong, what protections to ask for, and what the relationship can look like a decade later.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

@rachelraymondrealtor

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Thinking About Becoming a Surrogate?

...

Chapters

(00:00:01) - Introduction and Guest Background
(00:01:01) - What First Sparked Interest in Surrogacy
(00:02:25) - Application Denials and Selective Reduction Stance
(00:03:48) - Deciding to Become a Surrogate
(00:06:38) - Setting Boundaries on Termination
(00:09:10) - First Two Failed Matches
(00:11:17) - Meeting the Third Couple and Building Trust
(00:17:20) - Screening, Psych Evals, and the Process
(00:18:56) - Husband's Role Through the Process
(00:20:30) - Medication Protocol and Embryo Transfer
(00:24:03) - Positive Pregnancy Test and Scare
(00:27:33) - Learning It Was Twins
(00:28:51) - Pregnancy Experience Carrying Twins
(00:32:18) - Relationship with Parents During Pregnancy
(00:33:14) - Daughters' Reactions and Funny Public Moments
(00:37:17) - Birth Story and Delivery Day
(00:40:07) - Delivery Complications and Hemorrhaging
(00:42:54) - Post-Birth Infection and Hospital Stay
(00:46:49) - Staying Connected with Intended Parents After Birth
(00:48:25) - Relationship with Twins as They Grow Up
(00:50:30) - Normalizing Surrogacy for Kids
(00:53:04) - Reflecting on Emotional Experience and Family Joy
(00:55:59) - Long-Term Health Issues and Hysterectomy Decision
(00:57:24) - Contract Gaps and Compensation Issues
(01:02:54) - Comparing Experiences and How Surrogacy Has Evolved
(01:05:20) - Regrets and Gratitude Looking Back
(01:08:30) - Misconceptions About Surrogacy
(01:11:07) - Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy
(01:13:45) - Praise for Family Inception Agency Support
(01:17:20) - Value of Working Through an Agency
(01:19:58) - Closing Thoughts and Sign-Off

What if the thing that decided your agency was not the compensation or the process, but who got to do the choosing?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Sydni, a single mom of two girls and a daycare center director in Alabama. The idea came to her during a fasting season at her church, when she went in asking what more she was supposed to be doing with her life. She sat with it for three days, then started researching, filling a notebook with every question she could think of before she ever spoke to an agency.

This conversation covers what she found when she called around. The agencies near her told her that her profile would go out and someone would let her know when a couple picked her, and that did not sit right with her. She wanted to be part of that decision. She also noticed which questionnaires got an instant reply and which one took a few days and came back personalized. Sydni talks about the second profile she opened, the letter inside it that brought her to tears, and a first transfer that worked. Then the birth: a March snowstorm in Alabama, tornado warnings where her intended parents live, an intended mother with thirteen backup travel plans, and Sydni sitting in triage taking pictures and joking around at five centimeters dilated. Only one person was allowed in the operating room, and she gave that spot to the baby’s mother instead of her own sister.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear what to ask an agency before you commit to one, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"There is not a compensation that can cover what you are putting your body through." -- Sydni

What You’ll Learn

● How the idea first came to her, and why she waited three days before saying yes

● What her thirteen-year-old already knew about surrogacy, and where she learned it

● How she explained it to a five-year-old, who became her loudest supporter

● The question she asked every agency, and the answer that ruled several out

● What a fast questionnaire response told her, and what a slow one told her

● Why she chose an agency rather than going independent

Guest Bio

Sydni is a gestational surrogate, a single mother of two daughters, and a daycare center director in Alabama. She carried and delivered a baby for intended parents she chose herself after reading their letter of intent, and the two families remain close. She is candid about what surrogacy asked of her as a working single parent, about what she looked for in an agency before she trusted one, and about the additional considerations she weighed as a Black woman choosing to carry a pregnancy for someone else.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to know what to look for, and what to ask, before choosing who to do it with.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

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What to Look For in a Surrogacy & Egg Donation Agency

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https://t...

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to Sydney and the series
(00:00:41) - Sydney's own pregnancies
(00:01:33) - Hearing the call to surrogacy
(00:03:27) - Sharing the decision with family
(00:05:28) - Researching and preparing before committing
(00:06:22) - Telling her daughters about surrogacy
(00:08:48) - Balancing work and surrogacy
(00:10:40) - Finding and connecting with intended parents
(00:13:15) - Choosing an agency over going independent
(00:15:05) - Why Family Inceptions stood out
(00:17:56) - Qualifying and the screening process
(00:19:31) - Contracts, medical clearance, and building trust
(00:21:41) - Transfer day
(00:23:25) - The two week wait and early testing
(00:25:53) - Relationship with intended parents during pregnancy
(00:28:33) - Support system during the pregnancy
(00:29:29) - The birth story
(00:34:46) - Delivery day and meeting the baby
(00:36:57) - Recovery after C-section
(00:38:23) - Postpartum emotions and body changes
(00:39:37) - Ongoing relationship with intended parents
(00:41:22) - Experience with Family Inceptions as an agency
(00:42:59) - Comparing agencies and feeling valued
(00:45:53) - Being a Black woman navigating surrogacy
(00:49:21) - Addressing assumptions about compensation
(00:50:38) - Closing thoughts and gratitude

What happens when what a surrogate wants for a birth and what the intended parents need are not the same thing?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Gabby. She and her wife have been together seventeen years and have two sons, one carried by each of them. When they decided their own family was complete, they set a calendar reminder for a year out to be sure, and when it went off they both said the same thing. Gabby went on to carry for two intended mothers in another state, and got pregnant on the first attempt.

This conversation covers a match call that felt like first date jitters and ended with both couples saying yes before anyone hung up. It covers the contract clause Gabby questioned and then accepted once she understood the fear behind it, the twenty-week scare where her wife told her plainly that this was not her baby to make decisions about, and the hardest disagreement of the journey: Gabby wanted an unmedicated birth, her OB recommended an induction that was not strictly necessary, and the intended mothers were desperate to control what could be controlled. She talks about how they worked through it, what happened in the delivery room that she did not expect, and the request the family made of her on Mother’s Day.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand what it really means to carry someone else’s child and someone else’s decisions, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I’m more proud of being a surrogate than anything else in my life." -- Gabby

What You’ll Learn

● How she and her wife each carried one of their own sons before she became a surrogate

● The calendar reminder they set to decide whether their family was complete

● How knowing three surrogates from her high school class shaped her agency choice

● Why she wanted the screening process to be as thorough as it was

● What she was looking for in intended parents, and what she was not

● Why both sides said yes on the match call without sleeping on it

Guest Bio

Gabby is a gestational surrogate, wife, and mother of two sons, one of whom she carried and one carried by her wife. She delivered a baby girl for two intended mothers in another state and is now the child’s godmother. She talks openly about the sacrifices a surrogacy journey asks of a whole family and about the moments where she had to set aside what she wanted, because she believes the honest version of this does more good than the version people see in the news.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand the decisions, the compromises, and the relationships that a journey actually involves.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

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Surrogate Stories: What Postpartum Feelis Like Without a Baby

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction and guest background
(00:00:49) - Gabrielle's own pregnancies and journey to surrogacy
(00:02:11) - Deciding to become a surrogate
(00:04:43) - Choosing an agency and screening process
(00:08:21) - What Gabby looked for in intended parents
(00:09:28) - The match call and instant connection
(00:13:07) - Medical screening and appointments before transfer
(00:14:09) - Transfer day emotions
(00:16:54) - The two week wait and positive test
(00:18:47) - Celebrating milestones and parents' past loss
(00:20:44) - Deciding what to share during pregnancy
(00:21:30) - A scare and hospital visit
(00:24:08) - Growing friendship with intended parents
(00:25:25) - Navigating disagreements and compromises
(00:27:01) - The induction decision and conflict
(00:30:59) - Fears about induction and birth choices
(00:32:58) - The birth and handing over the baby
(00:35:42) - Postpartum recovery and ongoing relationship
(00:37:19) - How her sons experienced the surrogacy
(00:40:17) - Would she do it again
(00:41:27) - Advice for future surrogates
(00:43:12) - Addressing stigma and misconceptions about surrogacy
(00:46:28) - Closing thoughts and thank you

What do you do when a surrogacy journey ends before it starts, and you decide to try again anyway?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Christina, a gestational surrogate and mother of two who came to surrogacy as a calling after foster care and adoption did not feel like the right path for her family. She expected her husband to need convincing. He said yes immediately.

This conversation covers her first match, which ended after a chemical pregnancy, and how she processed grieving a loss that was not hers to grieve while talking herself out of blaming herself for it. It covers the phone call where she was crying to her agent about her doubts when the profile of her eventual intended parents landed on that agent’s desk. She talks about doing the extra legwork to help reserved intended parents feel included, choosing an epidural so she would not shut them out of their own child’s birth, and the postpartum surprise nobody warned her about: a body running on adrenaline for a newborn who was not there. She is now preparing for a fourth transfer, a sibling journey for the same family.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear how a journey can go sideways and still be worth it, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"Go in hopeful, but go in with hands wide open." -- Christina

What You’ll Learn

● Why surrogacy became the path when foster care and adoption did not feel right

● How her husband responded, and why it surprised her

● Why shared beliefs were non-negotiable in a match, and how that narrowed the search

● What a chemical pregnancy looked like across three sets of beta results

● What it is like to grieve a loss that belongs to someone else

● How her first match ended, and what she wishes she had been prepared for

Guest Bio

Christina is a gestational surrogate and mother of two who first heard about surrogacy in 2020 and pursued it once her own family felt complete. Her first match ended after a chemical pregnancy. Her second, through Family Inceptions, ended with a healthy baby boy and a family

she has stayed close to since. She is now preparing for a sibling journey for the same intended parents. She speaks openly about the losses, the recovery, and the mindset she leaned on, because she believes the stories that go well rarely get told.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want an honest account of a journey that included loss, a broken match, and a family built at the end of it.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

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Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to Christina's Surrogacy Story
(00:01:01) - How Surrogacy First Came on the Radar
(00:02:56) - Husband's Immediate Support and Family Calling
(00:04:18) - Explaining Surrogacy to Her Kids
(00:06:07) - Family and Friends' Reactions
(00:08:00) - Why She Chose Surrogacy Over Foster Care or Adoption
(00:09:23) - First Match and Unexpected Pregnancy Loss
(00:13:21) - Processing Loss and Learning to Let Go of Control
(00:15:47) - Finding the Second Match
(00:17:42) - Building Connection with Intended Parents
(00:23:48) - Navigating the Relationship Dynamics
(00:28:44) - The Delivery and Birth Experience
(00:30:42) - Impact on Her Own Children
(00:31:58) - Physical and Emotional Recovery
(00:36:35) - Addressing Feelings of Loss or Depression
(00:41:16) - Responding to Criticism and Exploitation Concerns
(00:44:32) - Experience Working with Family Inceptions
(00:46:04) - Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy
(00:48:19) - Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

What does a surrogacy journey actually look like from the surrogate’s side, including the parts nobody warns you about?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Ashley, a two-time gestational surrogate who carried both babies for the same family through Family Inceptions. Ashley walks through all of it: why she chose surrogacy, the agency that made her feel like a number, the couple who flew to Charleston just to have lunch with her, and the pregnancies that made her sicker than she has ever been in her life.

This conversation covers what drew Ashley to surrogacy after her own family was complete, why she left one agency before finding the right one, what matching and screening actually involved, and how she got through hyperemesis in both pregnancies. She also talks about the things surrogates rarely say out loud: a panic attack on the operating table, postpartum depression that did not hit until six weeks out, and what going home to an empty house felt like when the family flew back to London.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want an honest account from someone who has done it twice, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"Surrogacy is not scary. Surrogacy is amazing." -- Ashley

What You’ll Learn

● Why Ashley chose surrogacy after deciding she was done growing her own family

● What made her walk away from a large agency before her journey ever started

● What matching actually involved, from the intro video to the first video call

● What the screening process looked like and how much an advocate handles for you

● What hyperemesis was like in both pregnancies and what did not work to treat it

● Why she decided mid-C-section that she would do it all over again

Guest Bio

Ashley is a two-time gestational surrogate who carried both of her surrogate babies for the same intended parents through Family Inceptions. She lives in the Charleston area with her husband and their three children, works remotely full time, and remains close with the family she carried for. She speaks openly about the physical and emotional realities of surrogacy so that other women can make informed decisions before they begin.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want a full, first-hand account from someone who has been through two journeys and stayed close with the family she helped build.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

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Surrogate Stories: A loss, a Rematch, and a Fresh Start

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Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to the Surrogate Series
(00:01:11) - Meet Ashley: Two-Time Gestational Surrogate
(00:02:41) - What Sparked the Decision to Become a Surrogate
(00:05:20) - Convincing Herself and Choosing an Agency
(00:07:58) - Telling Kids and Family's Reactions
(00:12:03) - Employer Support and Deciding to Do It Again
(00:15:29) - First Agency Experience vs Family Inceptions
(00:17:19) - Screening Process and Paperwork
(00:18:15) - Matching with Tom and Charlie
(00:21:27) - Screening Details and Considering Independent Surrogacy
(00:24:19) - Transfer Day and Bonding with Charlie
(00:27:06) - The Two-Week Wait and Positive Test
(00:28:39) - Severe Hyperemesis During Pregnancy
(00:30:33) - Nesting Instincts During Second Pregnancy
(00:31:43) - Public Comments and Reactions to Her Pregnant Belly
(00:34:29) - C-Section Recovery Experience
(00:37:22) - Panic Attack During Second C-Section
(00:39:58) - Unexpected Early Delivery and Rush to Hospital
(00:44:38) - Birth Plan Realities and Readiness to Deliver
(00:45:59) - Postpartum Depression After the Final Journey
(00:48:25) - Coping and Finding Purpose Again
(00:51:54) - Compensation and How It Was Used
(00:53:11) - Misconceptions About Surrogacy
(00:54:54) - Reflections and Any Regrets
(00:56:08) - Experience with Family Inceptions and Closing Thoughts