Fertility Cafe

What happens when what a surrogate wants for a birth and what the intended parents need are not the same thing?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Gabby. She and her wife have been together seventeen years and have two sons, one carried by each of them. When they decided their own family was complete, they set a calendar reminder for a year out to be sure, and when it went off they both said the same thing. Gabby went on to carry for two intended mothers in another state, and got pregnant on the first attempt.

This conversation covers a match call that felt like first date jitters and ended with both couples saying yes before anyone hung up. It covers the contract clause Gabby questioned and then accepted once she understood the fear behind it, the twenty-week scare where her wife told her plainly that this was not her baby to make decisions about, and the hardest disagreement of the journey: Gabby wanted an unmedicated birth, her OB recommended an induction that was not strictly necessary, and the intended mothers were desperate to control what could be controlled. She talks about how they worked through it, what happened in the delivery room that she did not expect, and the request the family made of her on Mother’s Day.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand what it really means to carry someone else’s child and someone else’s decisions, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I’m more proud of being a surrogate than anything else in my life." -- Gabby

What You’ll Learn

● How she and her wife each carried one of their own sons before she became a surrogate

● The calendar reminder they set to decide whether their family was complete

● How knowing three surrogates from her high school class shaped her agency choice

● Why she wanted the screening process to be as thorough as it was

● What she was looking for in intended parents, and what she was not

● Why both sides said yes on the match call without sleeping on it

Guest Bio

Gabby is a gestational surrogate, wife, and mother of two sons, one of whom she carried and one carried by her wife. She delivered a baby girl for two intended mothers in another state and is now the child’s godmother. She talks openly about the sacrifices a surrogacy journey asks of a whole family and about the moments where she had to set aside what she wanted, because she believes the honest version of this does more good than the version people see in the news.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand the decisions, the compromises, and the relationships that a journey actually involves.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

Body Autonomy For Surrogates and Egg Donors

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-43-body-autonomy-for-surrogates-and-egg-donors/

Bringing Equality to Reproduction

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-99-bringing-equality-to-reproduction

Surrogate Stories: What Postpartum Feelis Like Without a Baby

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction and guest background
(00:00:49) - Gabrielle's own pregnancies and journey to surrogacy
(00:02:11) - Deciding to become a surrogate
(00:04:43) - Choosing an agency and screening process
(00:08:21) - What Gabby looked for in intended parents
(00:09:28) - The match call and instant connection
(00:13:07) - Medical screening and appointments before transfer
(00:14:09) - Transfer day emotions
(00:16:54) - The two week wait and positive test
(00:18:47) - Celebrating milestones and parents' past loss
(00:20:44) - Deciding what to share during pregnancy
(00:21:30) - A scare and hospital visit
(00:24:08) - Growing friendship with intended parents
(00:25:25) - Navigating disagreements and compromises
(00:27:01) - The induction decision and conflict
(00:30:59) - Fears about induction and birth choices
(00:32:58) - The birth and handing over the baby
(00:35:42) - Postpartum recovery and ongoing relationship
(00:37:19) - How her sons experienced the surrogacy
(00:40:17) - Would she do it again
(00:41:27) - Advice for future surrogates
(00:43:12) - Addressing stigma and misconceptions about surrogacy
(00:46:28) - Closing thoughts and thank you

What do you do when a surrogacy journey ends before it starts, and you decide to try again anyway?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Christina, a gestational surrogate and mother of two who came to surrogacy as a calling after foster care and adoption did not feel like the right path for her family. She expected her husband to need convincing. He said yes immediately.

This conversation covers her first match, which ended after a chemical pregnancy, and how she processed grieving a loss that was not hers to grieve while talking herself out of blaming herself for it. It covers the phone call where she was crying to her agent about her doubts when the profile of her eventual intended parents landed on that agent’s desk. She talks about doing the extra legwork to help reserved intended parents feel included, choosing an epidural so she would not shut them out of their own child’s birth, and the postpartum surprise nobody warned her about: a body running on adrenaline for a newborn who was not there. She is now preparing for a fourth transfer, a sibling journey for the same family.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear how a journey can go sideways and still be worth it, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"Go in hopeful, but go in with hands wide open." -- Christina

What You’ll Learn

● Why surrogacy became the path when foster care and adoption did not feel right

● How her husband responded, and why it surprised her

● Why shared beliefs were non-negotiable in a match, and how that narrowed the search

● What a chemical pregnancy looked like across three sets of beta results

● What it is like to grieve a loss that belongs to someone else

● How her first match ended, and what she wishes she had been prepared for

Guest Bio

Christina is a gestational surrogate and mother of two who first heard about surrogacy in 2020 and pursued it once her own family felt complete. Her first match ended after a chemical pregnancy. Her second, through Family Inceptions, ended with a healthy baby boy and a family

she has stayed close to since. She is now preparing for a sibling journey for the same intended parents. She speaks openly about the losses, the recovery, and the mindset she leaned on, because she believes the stories that go well rarely get told.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want an honest account of a journey that included loss, a broken match, and a family built at the end of it.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

What Surrogacy Really Feels Like: A Candid Conversation

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/what-surrogacy-really-feels-like-a-candid-conversation/

Mental Health & Family Building with Lori Metz, LCSW

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-44-mental-health-family-building-with-lori-metz-lcsw

Surrogate Series: Two Journeys, One family

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podca...

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to Christina's Surrogacy Story
(00:01:01) - How Surrogacy First Came on the Radar
(00:02:56) - Husband's Immediate Support and Family Calling
(00:04:18) - Explaining Surrogacy to Her Kids
(00:06:07) - Family and Friends' Reactions
(00:08:00) - Why She Chose Surrogacy Over Foster Care or Adoption
(00:09:23) - First Match and Unexpected Pregnancy Loss
(00:13:21) - Processing Loss and Learning to Let Go of Control
(00:15:47) - Finding the Second Match
(00:17:42) - Building Connection with Intended Parents
(00:23:48) - Navigating the Relationship Dynamics
(00:28:44) - The Delivery and Birth Experience
(00:30:42) - Impact on Her Own Children
(00:31:58) - Physical and Emotional Recovery
(00:36:35) - Addressing Feelings of Loss or Depression
(00:41:16) - Responding to Criticism and Exploitation Concerns
(00:44:32) - Experience Working with Family Inceptions
(00:46:04) - Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy
(00:48:19) - Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

What does a surrogacy journey actually look like from the surrogate’s side, including the parts nobody warns you about?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Ashley, a two-time gestational surrogate who carried both babies for the same family through Family Inceptions. Ashley walks through all of it: why she chose surrogacy, the agency that made her feel like a number, the couple who flew to Charleston just to have lunch with her, and the pregnancies that made her sicker than she has ever been in her life.

This conversation covers what drew Ashley to surrogacy after her own family was complete, why she left one agency before finding the right one, what matching and screening actually involved, and how she got through hyperemesis in both pregnancies. She also talks about the things surrogates rarely say out loud: a panic attack on the operating table, postpartum depression that did not hit until six weeks out, and what going home to an empty house felt like when the family flew back to London.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want an honest account from someone who has done it twice, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"Surrogacy is not scary. Surrogacy is amazing." -- Ashley

What You’ll Learn

● Why Ashley chose surrogacy after deciding she was done growing her own family

● What made her walk away from a large agency before her journey ever started

● What matching actually involved, from the intro video to the first video call

● What the screening process looked like and how much an advocate handles for you

● What hyperemesis was like in both pregnancies and what did not work to treat it

● Why she decided mid-C-section that she would do it all over again

Guest Bio

Ashley is a two-time gestational surrogate who carried both of her surrogate babies for the same intended parents through Family Inceptions. She lives in the Charleston area with her husband and their three children, works remotely full time, and remains close with the family she carried for. She speaks openly about the physical and emotional realities of surrogacy so that other women can make informed decisions before they begin.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want a full, first-hand account from someone who has been through two journeys and stayed close with the family she helped build.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Surrogate

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/what-i-wish-i-knew-before-becoming-a-surrogate/

How To Talk To Your Family, Friends & Employer About Becoming a Surrogate

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-90-how-to-talk-to-your-family-friends-employer-about-becoming-a-surrogate/

Surrogate Stories: A loss, a Rematch, and a Fresh Start

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/surrogate-stories-a-loss-a-rematch-and-a-fresh-start/<...

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to the Surrogate Series
(00:01:11) - Meet Ashley: Two-Time Gestational Surrogate
(00:02:41) - What Sparked the Decision to Become a Surrogate
(00:05:20) - Convincing Herself and Choosing an Agency
(00:07:58) - Telling Kids and Family's Reactions
(00:12:03) - Employer Support and Deciding to Do It Again
(00:15:29) - First Agency Experience vs Family Inceptions
(00:17:19) - Screening Process and Paperwork
(00:18:15) - Matching with Tom and Charlie
(00:21:27) - Screening Details and Considering Independent Surrogacy
(00:24:19) - Transfer Day and Bonding with Charlie
(00:27:06) - The Two-Week Wait and Positive Test
(00:28:39) - Severe Hyperemesis During Pregnancy
(00:30:33) - Nesting Instincts During Second Pregnancy
(00:31:43) - Public Comments and Reactions to Her Pregnant Belly
(00:34:29) - C-Section Recovery Experience
(00:37:22) - Panic Attack During Second C-Section
(00:39:58) - Unexpected Early Delivery and Rush to Hospital
(00:44:38) - Birth Plan Realities and Readiness to Deliver
(00:45:59) - Postpartum Depression After the Final Journey
(00:48:25) - Coping and Finding Purpose Again
(00:51:54) - Compensation and How It Was Used
(00:53:11) - Misconceptions About Surrogacy
(00:54:54) - Reflections and Any Regrets
(00:56:08) - Experience with Family Inceptions and Closing Thoughts

What does it take to stay in a surrogacy journey when almost none of it goes the way you pictured?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Taylor, a wife, a mom of two, and a gestational surrogate who has now matched with three different families. She wanted to be pregnant again without adding to her own family, so she went looking for an agency founded by a Black woman, typed exactly that into Google, and found Family Inceptions on the first try.

This conversation covers all of it. Her first journey with international intended parents, the failed first transfer that became her first experience of loss, and the decision to go again with the same couple, which ended in a healthy baby and an intended father the hotel staff had to wake up to get him to the delivery room. Her second journey, which ended before it began when the transfer did not take and the couple could not continue. The rematch that followed, and the couple she is with now, close to her and her husband in age, who want a relationship that lasts. Taylor is also blunt about compensation, about what she says to women who tell her they would do it for the money, and about what it has meant to her to be a Black woman going through this process.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear what it takes to keep going when a journey does not go to plan, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"It is the most challenging yet most rewarding experience I think you’ll ever have." -- Taylor

What You’ll Learn

● Why she wanted to be pregnant again without adding to her own family

● Why she searched specifically for an agency founded by a Black woman

● How she explained surrogacy to a husband who did not know how it worked

● What her parents said, and what changed her mother’s mind in the delivery room

● What a failed first transfer felt like, and why she blamed herself at first

● Why she chose to go again with the same couple after the loss

Guest Bio

Taylor is a gestational surrogate, wife, and mother of two who applied to become a surrogate in 2020 at twenty-seven. She carried and delivered a baby for her first intended parents, navigated a loss and a rematch on her second journey, and is now beginning again with a couple she and her husband feel especially connected to. She shares her journeys publicly in part because she

wants other Black women considering surrogacy to see that it can go well. Outside of surrogacy she is usually found with a crochet project in her hands.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want an honest account of what happens when a journey takes turns nobody planned for.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

The Nitty Gritty of Compensation in Third-Party Reproduction

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-77-nitty-gritty-of-compensation-in-3rd-party-reproduction/

A Spouse’s Perspective on His Wife Becoming a Surrogate

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-12-a-spouses-perspective-on-his-wife-becoming-a-surrogate/

Surrogate Stories: She...

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to Taylor and the Surrogate Series
(00:00:59) - Taylor's Own Pregnancy Experiences
(00:03:52) - Discovering Surrogacy and Finding an Agency
(00:06:03) - Talking It Over With Husband and Family
(00:08:15) - Family and Work Reactions to Surrogacy
(00:09:43) - State of Surrogacy Awareness and Regulation
(00:11:50) - First Journey: International Parents and Early Miscarriage
(00:14:13) - First Journey: Successful Delivery and Sweet Moments
(00:17:23) - Recovery After the First Journey
(00:20:35) - Kids' Reactions to the Surrogacy Process
(00:22:22) - Second Journey: Setbacks and a New Match
(00:25:50) - Building a Special Connection With New Intended Parents
(00:27:55) - Choosing Intended Parents Across Journeys
(00:35:38) - Addressing the Money Misconception
(00:39:13) - Pushback on Surrogacy Bans and Misinformation
(00:42:09) - Sharing Her Journey and Representation for Black Surrogates
(00:48:03) - Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy
(00:51:14) - Common Misconceptions and Funny Questions
(00:53:47) - Where to Follow Taylor and Closing Thoughts

What does surrogacy look like when everything actually goes the way it should?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Amy, a two-time gestational surrogate who carried for two different families through Family Inceptions. Amy works in healthcare, where colleagues talked openly about infertility long before she ever considered surrogacy herself. She and her husband are foster parents. She has four children of her own. Both times she carried, she delivered a family their second child, which she describes as giving them a sibling as much as a baby.

This conversation covers the years Amy spent thinking about surrogacy before she acted on it, the children’s book that made her intended mother feel the match was meant to be, and why she turned down matches where the connection was not there. She talks about two very different deliveries, one so fast the father did not make it and one long enough that everyone was in the room, and about the questions her healthcare coworkers asked most. She is also direct about the misconception that bothers her most: that a surrogate and her intended parents are in an employer and employee arrangement rather than a friendship.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear from someone whose two journeys went well and who is sad to be finished, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I became a surrogate because I’m a happy, healthy pregnant woman and I wanted to share that." -- Amy

What You’ll Learn

● Why Amy thought about surrogacy for years before she pursued it

● How working in healthcare shaped what she understood about infertility

● Why she specifically wanted to carry for families who already had a child

● What her match calls felt like, and why she said no to some of them

● What the screening process asked her to think through before matching

● How she and her intended parents handled communication during both pregnancies

Guest Bio

Amy is a two-time gestational surrogate who completed both journeys through Family Inceptions, carrying a second child for each of two families. She works in healthcare, is a foster parent alongside her husband, and is a mother of four. She speaks about surrogacy openly and often, including with coworkers and her own teenagers, because she believes more women would consider it if they understood how the process actually works.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want a clear-eyed account of what a well-matched, healthy journey looks like from start to finish.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

Why I Chose to Become A Gestational Surrogate

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-89-why-i-chose-to-become-a-gestational-surrogate/

Surrogate Logistics: Travel, Timelines, and Support

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-112-surrogate-logistics-travel-timelines-and-support/

Thinking About Becoming a Surrogate?

If you’re thinking about becoming a surrogate and want to talk with a team that’s been doing this for over...

Chapters

(00:00:33) - The Surrogate
(00:01:00) - Surrogacy Is For Real
(00:04:46) - The Surrogate's Journey
(00:06:15) - Amy on Her Surrogacy Journey
(00:07:51) - The Matching Process
(00:10:07) - The Process of Surrogacy
(00:11:37) - On The Intended Parents' Relationship During Their Pregnancies
(00:12:43) - Surrogate's Message for Family
(00:13:44) - What was it like at work? Surrogacy talk
(00:15:12) - Surrogate Baby's Birth
(00:18:31) - Surrogacy Is a Terrible Experience
(00:20:44) - On Her Choice to Have a Baby Early
(00:21:39) - What Makes a Surrogate So Special?
(00:23:50) - What Do You Think Is The Biggest misconception about Surrogacy
(00:28:48) - Surrogate's Journey Through Family Inceptions
(00:29:48) - Amy Surrogate's Advice for Others