Fertility Cafe

What does a surrogacy journey look like when you and the parents cannot speak the same language?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is MaKayla, a mother of four who runs a small farm in Florida and carried a baby boy for international intended parents who did not speak English. Every conversation across the entire journey went through a translator. Her husband travels for work and was out of the country for much of it. She talked about surrogacy with her husband for years before a neighbor going through her own journey finally showed her what it actually looked like.

This conversation covers a process that moved faster than she expected, including being matched with her intended parents before she had completed a single piece of screening. It covers learning her baby’s sex and name from his parents rather than a doctor, because she wanted it to be theirs to tell her, and the conversation she insisted on having through a translator when they told her they did not want to be in the delivery room. She talks about what she asked the nurse to do the moment he was born, cutting the cord herself, and the five months she spent pumping and donating milk afterward. She is now beginning a second journey, this time with someone she calls family.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear how to set expectations and protect yourself while still giving a family everything, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I would have done it for free just for that moment." -- MaKayla

What You’ll Learn

● How a neighbor going through her own journey turned years of talk into a decision

● Why she took over her own injections, and the routine that made them painless

● What it meant to be matched with intended parents before screening had started

● How a translator shaped every conversation of the journey

● Why she deliberately set her expectations low, and what she counted as a bonus

● Why she did not want a doctor to be the one to tell her the baby’s sex

Guest Bio

MaKayla is a gestational surrogate and mother of four who lives on a small farm in Florida. She carried and delivered a baby boy for international intended parents, communicating with them through a translator for the length of the journey, and stays in touch with them today. She is now in the early steps of a second journey. She talks openly about how she set expectations and protected herself emotionally while still giving the family everything she had, because she believes women considering surrogacy deserve a realistic picture rather than a polished one.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand how to hold boundaries and expectations while carrying for someone else.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

U.S. Surrogacy for International Parents

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-93-u-s-surrogacy-for-international-parents/

When IPs Don’t Want a Relationship

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-75-when-ips-dont-want-a-relationship/

Surrogate Stories: Three Journeys, No Sugarcoating 

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to Mikayla and her family
(00:01:01) - Her own pregnancies
(00:02:11) - Deciding to become a surrogate
(00:04:31) - Doing her own injections
(00:05:41) - Choosing the agency and fast matching process
(00:08:04) - Screening, psych evals, and clinic coordination
(00:09:23) - The match call with international intended parents
(00:10:35) - Husband's military travel and involvement
(00:13:08) - Embryo transfer day
(00:13:57) - The two week wait and early testing
(00:15:41) - Ultrasounds and finding out the baby's gender
(00:17:37) - How the pregnancy went and her kids' reactions
(00:19:20) - Balancing the farm, family, and surrogacy appointments
(00:21:48) - Staying organized and managing communication across language barriers
(00:22:55) - Setting expectations for the relationship with parents
(00:25:51) - Meeting the parents and the birth experience
(00:28:19) - Delivery, cutting the cord, and meeting the baby
(00:29:43) - Hospital discharge and the baby's big size
(00:33:00) - Compensation and how it was used
(00:34:35) - Deciding to become a surrogate again
(00:35:51) - Hopes for the next journey with new intended mother
(00:36:52) - Current status of the second journey
(00:37:20) - Common misconceptions about surrogacy
(00:38:18) - Advice for women considering surrogacy
(00:39:39) - Reflections, regrets, and emotional closure
(00:41:48) - Ongoing contact with the family and closing thoughts

A note for listeners: this episode includes frank discussion of pregnancy loss, a selective reduction, and the death of an infant.

What does surrogacy look like across ten years, three journeys, and outcomes nobody plans for?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Jessica, a three-time gestational surrogate and mother of four whose first journey began about ten years ago, before much of the regulation that exists today. She was introduced to surrogacy through family, met her first intended parents within an hour of the first phone call, and said yes before she fully understood what she was agreeing to.

This conversation covers a first journey that took five transfers, a pregnancy the clinic misread, a decision that was not hers to make, and a delivery she drove herself to while in labor. It covers what happened to that relationship afterward, and what she learned years later about that family. Her second journey was, in her words, the way a surrogacy journey should go. Her third brought her back into the industry through a job interview that turned out to be something else, an agency she walked away from, and twin girls born early in a hospital that did not yet have her paperwork. It also brought a loss she is still working through.

Jessica does not tidy any of it up. If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want the version nobody puts in a brochure, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I don’t sugarcoat things. It’s not who I am." -- Jessica

What You’ll Learn

How she was introduced to surrogacy and why the first yes came so fast

What the process looked like a decade ago compared to today

Why her first journey took five transfers to reach a pregnancy

The pregnancy her clinic misidentified, and how it was eventually found

What her contract said about the number of transfers she had agreed to

How it felt to agree to something she did not want, and why she agreed

Guest Bio

Jessica is a three-time gestational surrogate and mother of four who began her first journey roughly ten years ago and has since carried for three different families across two countries. Her journeys have included repeated failed transfers, decisions she did not want to make, relationships that ended badly and relationships that lasted, and loss. She speaks about all of it without softening it, because she believes the sanitized version of surrogacy does prospective surrogates no favors.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear what can go wrong, why the safeguards exist, and what she would do differently.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

When Third-Party Goes Wrong

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-45-when-third-party-goes-wrong/

The Dark Side of Surrogacy & Egg Donation

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-68-dark-side-of-surrogacy-egg-donation/

Thinking About Becoming a Surrogate?

If you’re thinking about becoming a surrogate and want to talk with a team that’s been doing this for over two decades, apply at https://familyinceptionssurrogacy.eggdonorconnect.com/surrogateprescreen?utm_source=FertilityCafe&utm_campaign=SurrogateStories

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Chapters

(00:00:00) - Intro: The Surrogate Series and Jessica's Story
(00:01:09) - Jessica's Own Pregnancies
(00:02:20) - How Jessica Became a Surrogate
(00:05:15) - Family Reactions to Surrogacy
(00:08:00) - First Journey: Meeting Intended Parents and Screening
(00:09:52) - First Journey: Failed Transfers and Ectopic Scare
(00:12:06) - First Journey: Retained Tissue and More Transfers
(00:14:10) - Getting Pregnant With Triplets
(00:16:28) - The Reduction Decision and Its Emotional Toll
(00:20:19) - Autonomy, Compensation, and Surrogate Mindset
(00:22:23) - First Journey Pregnancy and Boundaries With IPs
(00:24:52) - First Journey Delivery and Aftermath
(00:28:57) - Fallout and Disconnect After First Journey
(00:30:36) - Deciding on a Second Journey
(00:33:57) - Second Journey: Pregnancy and Delivery
(00:36:00) - Staying in Touch and Tragic News
(00:38:28) - Chance Encounter With First Intended Father
(00:41:17) - Processing Guilt and the Boys' Future
(00:43:40) - Considering a Third Journey and a Shady Agency
(00:48:06) - Walking Away and Being Pulled Back In
(00:51:36) - Setting Up the Third Journey Safely
(00:54:10) - Canada Fertility Clinic and Lax Regulations
(00:57:00) - Third Journey: Transfer and Twin Pregnancy
(00:59:37) - Building a Close Relationship With Third Journey Parents
(01:01:36) - Hardest Pregnancy: Twins at 40
(01:04:13) - Early Delivery Due to Elevated Blood Pressure
(01:08:54) - NICU, Parentage Paperwork, and Early Concerns
(01:11:01) - Noticing Disconnect With Intended Parents
(01:15:29) - Pumping Conflict and Shift in Relationship
(01:17:28) - Parents Leave Early Against Advice
(01:20:49) - The Devastating Phone Call
(01:23:00) - Grief, Anger, and Blame
(01:26:44) - Separating From the Intended Parents
(01:28:54) - Final Reflections and Advice for Future Surrogates

What happens when agency after agency turns you down, and you keep going anyway?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Rachel, who delivered twins in 2015 after being matched three times and declined by several agencies before that. Her answers to the termination and selective reduction questions on the applications were the reason for the automatic denials, and it took another agency telling her so before she understood why. She and Eloise have known each other for more than a decade, and this conversation covers ground the two of them have been over privately for years.

Rachel walks through the first match that ended in a miscarriage and a couple who could not afford to continue, the second that ended before it began, and the third, a local couple who had been trying for roughly eight years. She talks about the awkward first dinner, the beta number so high she asked how many were in there, the New Year’s Day bleed that turned out not to be what she feared, and a delivery where the placentas would not detach. Afterward: a doctor who told her he would never clear her to carry again, a two-week checkup where she insisted something was wrong and was told she was missing the babies, a hemorrhage on her husband’s birthday, and a hysterectomy a year later. She is also candid about the one thing she would change, which is not the journey but the contract.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear the whole arc, including the parts that come long after the babies go home, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I didn’t give the baby away. They weren’t mine." -- Rachel

What You’ll Learn

Why she was drawn to carrying for someone else before she had her own children

Why several agencies declined her application automatically, and how she found out

How she thinks about the termination and reduction clauses surrogates are asked to sign

Why she preferred to carry for strangers rather than someone she knew

What happened with her first two matches, and how close she came to quitting

What repeating screening and psych evaluations three times over was like

Guest Bio

Rachel is a gestational surrogate and mother of two daughters who carried twins for a local couple through Family Inceptions, delivering in 2015 after two earlier matches ended without a baby. Her delivery and the months that followed brought complications that ultimately ended her ability to carry again. She talks about all of it openly, including what she would negotiate differently, because she wants women considering surrogacy to understand the full arc rather than only the delivery room.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand what can go wrong, what protections to ask for, and what the relationship can look like a decade later.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

@rachelraymondrealtor

Related Episodes

Self-Advocacy and Third-Party Reproduction: Your Voice Matters

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-84-self-advocacy-and-third-party-reproduction-your-voice-matters/

Surrogacy and Egg Donor Insurance: Complete Guide to Coverage and Protection

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-122-surrogacy-and-egg-donor-insurance-complete-guide-to-coverage/

Thinking About Becoming a Surrogate?

...

Chapters

(00:00:01) - Introduction and Guest Background
(00:01:01) - What First Sparked Interest in Surrogacy
(00:02:25) - Application Denials and Selective Reduction Stance
(00:03:48) - Deciding to Become a Surrogate
(00:06:38) - Setting Boundaries on Termination
(00:09:10) - First Two Failed Matches
(00:11:17) - Meeting the Third Couple and Building Trust
(00:17:20) - Screening, Psych Evals, and the Process
(00:18:56) - Husband's Role Through the Process
(00:20:30) - Medication Protocol and Embryo Transfer
(00:24:03) - Positive Pregnancy Test and Scare
(00:27:33) - Learning It Was Twins
(00:28:51) - Pregnancy Experience Carrying Twins
(00:32:18) - Relationship with Parents During Pregnancy
(00:33:14) - Daughters' Reactions and Funny Public Moments
(00:37:17) - Birth Story and Delivery Day
(00:40:07) - Delivery Complications and Hemorrhaging
(00:42:54) - Post-Birth Infection and Hospital Stay
(00:46:49) - Staying Connected with Intended Parents After Birth
(00:48:25) - Relationship with Twins as They Grow Up
(00:50:30) - Normalizing Surrogacy for Kids
(00:53:04) - Reflecting on Emotional Experience and Family Joy
(00:55:59) - Long-Term Health Issues and Hysterectomy Decision
(00:57:24) - Contract Gaps and Compensation Issues
(01:02:54) - Comparing Experiences and How Surrogacy Has Evolved
(01:05:20) - Regrets and Gratitude Looking Back
(01:08:30) - Misconceptions About Surrogacy
(01:11:07) - Advice for Women Considering Surrogacy
(01:13:45) - Praise for Family Inception Agency Support
(01:17:20) - Value of Working Through an Agency
(01:19:58) - Closing Thoughts and Sign-Off

What if the thing that decided your agency was not the compensation or the process, but who got to do the choosing?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Sydni, a single mom of two girls and a daycare center director in Alabama. The idea came to her during a fasting season at her church, when she went in asking what more she was supposed to be doing with her life. She sat with it for three days, then started researching, filling a notebook with every question she could think of before she ever spoke to an agency.

This conversation covers what she found when she called around. The agencies near her told her that her profile would go out and someone would let her know when a couple picked her, and that did not sit right with her. She wanted to be part of that decision. She also noticed which questionnaires got an instant reply and which one took a few days and came back personalized. Sydni talks about the second profile she opened, the letter inside it that brought her to tears, and a first transfer that worked. Then the birth: a March snowstorm in Alabama, tornado warnings where her intended parents live, an intended mother with thirteen backup travel plans, and Sydni sitting in triage taking pictures and joking around at five centimeters dilated. Only one person was allowed in the operating room, and she gave that spot to the baby’s mother instead of her own sister.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to hear what to ask an agency before you commit to one, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"There is not a compensation that can cover what you are putting your body through." -- Sydni

What You’ll Learn

● How the idea first came to her, and why she waited three days before saying yes

● What her thirteen-year-old already knew about surrogacy, and where she learned it

● How she explained it to a five-year-old, who became her loudest supporter

● The question she asked every agency, and the answer that ruled several out

● What a fast questionnaire response told her, and what a slow one told her

● Why she chose an agency rather than going independent

Guest Bio

Sydni is a gestational surrogate, a single mother of two daughters, and a daycare center director in Alabama. She carried and delivered a baby for intended parents she chose herself after reading their letter of intent, and the two families remain close. She is candid about what surrogacy asked of her as a working single parent, about what she looked for in an agency before she trusted one, and about the additional considerations she weighed as a Black woman choosing to carry a pregnancy for someone else.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to know what to look for, and what to ask, before choosing who to do it with.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

What to Look For in a Surrogacy & Egg Donation Agency

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-88-what-to-look-for-in-a-surrogacy-egg-donation-agency/

Eggs Over Easy: Black Women & Fertility

https://t...

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction to Sydney and the series
(00:00:41) - Sydney's own pregnancies
(00:01:33) - Hearing the call to surrogacy
(00:03:27) - Sharing the decision with family
(00:05:28) - Researching and preparing before committing
(00:06:22) - Telling her daughters about surrogacy
(00:08:48) - Balancing work and surrogacy
(00:10:40) - Finding and connecting with intended parents
(00:13:15) - Choosing an agency over going independent
(00:15:05) - Why Family Inceptions stood out
(00:17:56) - Qualifying and the screening process
(00:19:31) - Contracts, medical clearance, and building trust
(00:21:41) - Transfer day
(00:23:25) - The two week wait and early testing
(00:25:53) - Relationship with intended parents during pregnancy
(00:28:33) - Support system during the pregnancy
(00:29:29) - The birth story
(00:34:46) - Delivery day and meeting the baby
(00:36:57) - Recovery after C-section
(00:38:23) - Postpartum emotions and body changes
(00:39:37) - Ongoing relationship with intended parents
(00:41:22) - Experience with Family Inceptions as an agency
(00:42:59) - Comparing agencies and feeling valued
(00:45:53) - Being a Black woman navigating surrogacy
(00:49:21) - Addressing assumptions about compensation
(00:50:38) - Closing thoughts and gratitude

What happens when what a surrogate wants for a birth and what the intended parents need are not the same thing?

This episode is part of the Surrogate Stories, where we hand the mic to the women who make this whole thing possible. These are their journeys, their stories, in their own voices. Eloise Drane sits down with surrogates and lets them tell it start to finish: why they said yes, what carrying for another family really asked of them, and what they carried home afterward.

This week, our surrogate is Gabby. She and her wife have been together seventeen years and have two sons, one carried by each of them. When they decided their own family was complete, they set a calendar reminder for a year out to be sure, and when it went off they both said the same thing. Gabby went on to carry for two intended mothers in another state, and got pregnant on the first attempt.

This conversation covers a match call that felt like first date jitters and ended with both couples saying yes before anyone hung up. It covers the contract clause Gabby questioned and then accepted once she understood the fear behind it, the twenty-week scare where her wife told her plainly that this was not her baby to make decisions about, and the hardest disagreement of the journey: Gabby wanted an unmedicated birth, her OB recommended an induction that was not strictly necessary, and the intended mothers were desperate to control what could be controlled. She talks about how they worked through it, what happened in the delivery room that she did not expect, and the request the family made of her on Mother’s Day.

If you are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand what it really means to carry someone else’s child and someone else’s decisions, this is the episode to listen to before you take the next step.

"I’m more proud of being a surrogate than anything else in my life." -- Gabby

What You’ll Learn

● How she and her wife each carried one of their own sons before she became a surrogate

● The calendar reminder they set to decide whether their family was complete

● How knowing three surrogates from her high school class shaped her agency choice

● Why she wanted the screening process to be as thorough as it was

● What she was looking for in intended parents, and what she was not

● Why both sides said yes on the match call without sleeping on it

Guest Bio

Gabby is a gestational surrogate, wife, and mother of two sons, one of whom she carried and one carried by her wife. She delivered a baby girl for two intended mothers in another state and is now the child’s godmother. She talks openly about the sacrifices a surrogacy journey asks of a whole family and about the moments where she had to set aside what she wanted, because she believes the honest version of this does more good than the version people see in the news.

This episode is for women who are considering becoming a surrogate and want to understand the decisions, the compromises, and the relationships that a journey actually involves.

Episode Resources

Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com

Fertility Café: thefertilitycafe.com

Related Episodes

Body Autonomy For Surrogates and Egg Donors

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-43-body-autonomy-for-surrogates-and-egg-donors/

Bringing Equality to Reproduction

https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-99-bringing-equality-to-reproduction

Surrogate Stories: What Postpartum Feelis Like Without a Baby

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Introduction and guest background
(00:00:49) - Gabrielle's own pregnancies and journey to surrogacy
(00:02:11) - Deciding to become a surrogate
(00:04:43) - Choosing an agency and screening process
(00:08:21) - What Gabby looked for in intended parents
(00:09:28) - The match call and instant connection
(00:13:07) - Medical screening and appointments before transfer
(00:14:09) - Transfer day emotions
(00:16:54) - The two week wait and positive test
(00:18:47) - Celebrating milestones and parents' past loss
(00:20:44) - Deciding what to share during pregnancy
(00:21:30) - A scare and hospital visit
(00:24:08) - Growing friendship with intended parents
(00:25:25) - Navigating disagreements and compromises
(00:27:01) - The induction decision and conflict
(00:30:59) - Fears about induction and birth choices
(00:32:58) - The birth and handing over the baby
(00:35:42) - Postpartum recovery and ongoing relationship
(00:37:19) - How her sons experienced the surrogacy
(00:40:17) - Would she do it again
(00:41:27) - Advice for future surrogates
(00:43:12) - Addressing stigma and misconceptions about surrogacy
(00:46:28) - Closing thoughts and thank you