Beautifully Complex

Friendship shouldn’t feel like an audition.

And yet, for so many of our neurodivergent kids, it does.

They try to decode shifting rules, confusing social cues, and ever-changing group dynamics, all while wondering, “Am I weird?” or “Why don’t I fit in?” It’s heartbreaking to watch your child struggle socially, especially when you’re not sure how much to step in and how much to step back.

In this episode, I sit down with school counselor and children’s author Jennifer Licate to talk about what friendship skill-building actually looks like — especially for kids who struggle to read nonverbal cues, interpret tone, or navigate subtle social shifts.

We talk about:
• Helping kids understand facial expressions and body language in concrete ways 
• Supporting authenticity without pushing masking or compliance
• Knowing when to intervene and when to let kids work it out
• Teaching empathy without teaching kids to tolerate mistreatment 
• Letting go of friendships that no longer feel safe or aligned

Friendship is nuanced. It’s emotional. And for our kids, it can feel overwhelming.

This conversation is full of gentle guidance for helping your child build real connection while staying true to who they are.

If you’ve ever wondered how to support your child socially without over-managing or forcing them to “fit in,” this episode is for you.

Listen now and let’s unpack this together.

Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/346

This episode sponsored by VillageMetrics — Just talk about your child's day. VillageMetrics uses AI to find patterns, track progress, and show you what's helping. Start your free trial today. [https://villagemetrics.com?utm_source=beautifully_complex&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=beautifully_complex.](https://villagemetrics.com/?utm_source=beautifully_complex&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=beautifully_complex.)

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.

You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Somewhere along the way, we started normalizing things that should never be normal for kids. Public behavior charts. Compliance scripts delivered to dysregulated nervous systems. Support that’s only available if a child behaves “well enough.” And the cost of all of it is dignity.

In this episode, I’m naming what so many parents feel in their gut but struggle to articulate: too many systems prioritize compliance over humanity, especially for neurodivergent kids. When behavior is treated like a moral failure instead of a nervous system signal, children learn that their bodies are a problem, their needs are inconvenient, and their voices don’t matter.

I walk through real, everyday examples, like classroom behavior charts, IEP meetings where kids disappear in plain sight, “calm down” spaces that feel more like exile than support, and the familiar phrase “they know better.” These practices don’t teach skills. They teach fear, shame, and self-abandonment.

Dignity isn’t something kids earn through good behavior. It’s a basic human right. And regulation isn’t a choice — it’s biology. When we ask kids to perform regulation on demand, we’re asking them to do something their nervous system literally cannot do in that moment.

This episode isn’t about being permissive or coddling kids who struggle. It’s about being humane. It’s about choosing nervous-system-first support, privacy, co-regulation, and repair over punishment. It’s about asking one simple question before we respond: Does this preserve this child’s humanity?

I’m not neutral on this. I’m choosing dignity above all, and I’m inviting you to do the same.

🎧 Listen now and join me in changing the story for our beautifully complex kids.

[JOLIE — ADD the below at the end of the description only in Spreaker, not in Wordpress]

You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/345

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.

You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

There’s a moment many of us reach in parenting when the compassion just… runs out. Not because we don’t love our kids, but because our nervous system has been carrying too much for too long. When the meltdowns repeat, the stress never lets up, and every day feels like survival, even empathy can feel impossible.

In this episode, I’m joined by nervous system coach Melissa Corkum to talk about what’s really happening when you feel disconnected, resentful, or emotionally shut down as a parent. We explore a lesser-known but deeply validating concept called blocked care — a biological, protective response in your nervous system that kicks in under chronic stress. This isn’t a failure. It’s not a character flaw. It’s your body trying to keep you alive.

Melissa explains why parenting neurodivergent kids places such intense, ongoing demands on caregivers, and why “just try harder” is the least helpful advice imaginable. We talk about compassion fatigue, how repeated emotional pain changes the brain’s chemistry, and why your system may be pulling resources away from connection in order to survive.

Most importantly, we talk about what actually helps. Not silver bullets or quick fixes, but small, doable ways to begin restoring safety and capacity in your nervous system, starting with self-compassion. From noticing tiny points of joy, to completing the stress response cycle through movement, to releasing the shame that thrives in isolation, this conversation offers relief and hope.

If you’ve ever thought, I don’t recognize myself as a parent anymore, this episode is for you. You are not alone, and nothing about this means you’re doing it wrong.

Listen in for a deeply validating, nervous-system-centered conversation about burnout, blocked care, and finding your way back to yourself.

Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/344

This episode sponsored by VillageMetrics — Just talk about your child's day. VillageMetrics uses AI to find patterns, track progress, and show you what's helping. Start your free trial today. www.villagemetrics.com

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.

You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

What if the behavior that feels the most disrespectful isn’t a choice at all?

Eye rolling. Yelling. Snapping back. Refusing. These moments hit deep. They sting, especially when they happen in public or in front of people who expect “better behavior.” And so often, we’ve been taught that this kind of behavior must be corrected immediately, or else we’re letting something slide.

But that interpretation is costing us more than it’s helping.

When a child is overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally flooded, their nervous system shifts into survival mode. The thinking brain goes offline. What looks like disrespect, defiance, or opposition is often a biological response to stress, not a lack of manners, morals, or character.

When we push for compliance in those moments, we’re adding pressure to an already overloaded system. We’re escalating threat instead of restoring safety. And while our intentions are good, the cost can be high: damaged trust, intensified power struggles, and a child who feels unsafe bringing their hardest moments to us.

This episode is about slowing down long enough to ask a different question. Instead of “How do I stop this behavior?” we shift to “What is this behavior telling me?”

You’ll learn why correction, lectures, and consequences don’t work when a nervous system is dysregulated — and what actually helps instead. We’ll talk about lowering demands temporarily, regulating first and teaching later, and how responding through a nervous-system lens preserves dignity for both you and your child.

This isn’t about permissiveness. It’s about capacity. It’s about safety. And it’s about building the kind of relationship where learning and accountability can truly take root.

Listen in for a compassionate, biology-backed reframe that can change how you see, and respond to, those hardest moments.

Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/343

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.

You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

We’ve been told for generations that pressure builds motivation. Push harder. Raise the stakes. Add consequences. But when you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, that approach doesn’t just fall flat, it actively works against you.

Pressure doesn’t inspire effort. It signals threat.

When a child’s nervous system senses pressure, their body shifts into protection mode. Fight. Flight. Freeze. And once that happens, access to the thinking brain — the part responsible for learning, planning, organizing, problem-solving, and follow-through — dims or shuts off completely. The very skills we’re trying to access disappear.

Most of us don’t apply pressure because we’re cruel or controlling. We do it out of love. Out of fear. Out of a deep desire to prepare our kids for adulthood and success. But there’s a painful paradox here: the more pressure we apply, the less capable our kids become, and the more disconnected our relationship feels.

In this episode, I unpack why pressure is read by the autonomic nervous system as threat, why neurodivergent kids are especially sensitive to it, and how common parenting phrases and punishments unintentionally increase dysregulation. I also explain why behaviors like avoidance, shutdown, and resistance are signals (not character flaws) and what actually supports motivation instead.

We talk about regulation as the foundation for everything: learning, executive function, resilience, and connection. And I offer practical, nervous-system-informed alternatives that reduce power struggles without lowering the bar or giving up on your child.

This is permission to stop pushing and start supporting without guilt.

Listen in to learn how pulling back on pressure can restore doability, connection, and motivation for both you and your child.

Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/342.

This episode sponsored by VillageMetrics — Just talk about your child's day. VillageMetrics uses AI to find patterns, track progress, and show you what's helping. Start your free trial today. https://villagemetrics.com?utm_source=beautifully_complex&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=beautifully_complex. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.

You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.