Sex for Saints

Most couples who come to me have already tried. They have read the books, taken the courses, sat with a therapist, and walked out with a plan they both believed in. And it worked, for a few weeks, maybe a few months, before everything slid back to exactly where it was. In this episode I use an iceberg model I heard Brene Brown describe to explain why that keeps happening. The problem you can see is only the tip. Through the story of one couple who made the same plan five separate times, I walk down all four layers and show why the changes you make never last, and what actually has to shift for them to hold.
The Iceberg Under Your Marriage Graphic

Many conversations about improving your sex life focus on what men can do differently. But there's another side that rarely gets talked about: women who can't receive. In this episode, Amanda breaks down two distinct patterns — the wife who checks out and endures, and the wife who keeps redirecting everything back to her husband — exploring why each happens, where the need for control comes from, and what it actually takes to change. Whether you're the one struggling to receive or the husband who's stopped trying, this episode offers a way forward.
Get the worksheet here

After thousands of hours on Zoom with couples, I can usually tell by the second or third conversation which marriages are going to make it. It has almost nothing to do with the size of the problem. In this episode I walk through the six patterns I watch for, what each one sounds like on a call, and what to do if you see your own marriage in one of them. Recognizing one is not a verdict. It's information you can work with.
Here is this episode's worksheet.

Most of us have heard of the seven deadly sins, but I'd never heard them reframed quite like this. In this episode, I dig into Elizabeth Oldfield's idea that these old sins aren't really about morality checklists, they're about disconnection, and I bring that lens straight into marriage and the bedroom. The part I can't stop thinking about is a mistranslation in Matthew 5 that's convinced a lot of good, married people they should feel ashamed just for wanting their own spouse. I also discuss how President Benson's "Beware of Pride" talk works within  Oldfield's work, and for every pattern that pulls you apart, I give you what actually brings you back together. I invite you to listen and see if anything makes you stop and think about your own relationship. You might be surprised.
Here are the questions for this week's episode.
Here is the link to the book I talk about, Fully Alive.

Most of the fights in your marriage aren't problems to solve. They're paradoxes, and we get stuck the moment we try to pick a side instead of accepting both. In this episode, I dig into why our faith is built floor to ceiling on paradoxes, why the Stockdale Paradox (brutal honesty plus unshakable faith) separates couples who heal from couples who quietly erode, and why even the word "cleave" asks you to cling and stand apart at the same time. I share how my clients broke a three-year standoff not by resolving their paradox but by stepping into the middle of it. If you've been waiting for the tension in your marriage to disappear before things get good, this one's for you.