You Can Be Both

What happens when the voice you were taught to believe was God’s voice becomes the voice telling you that you’re going to hell?In this powerful episode of You Can Be Both, Lauren sits down with licensed psychotherapist SC Nealy, an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist specializing in religious trauma, LGBTQ+ issues, and relationship counseling, to unpack what happens when faith, identity, shame, fear, and trauma become intertwined.SC shares their personal experience growing up in an ultra-conservative evangelical environment, being taught from a young age to fear LGBTQ+ identity, and eventually finding freedom in embracing who they are. SC also opens up about being kicked out of a church after coming out, navigating religious trauma, and how those experiences ultimately shaped their work as a therapist.In this conversation, we talk about:• How to recognize religious trauma• The difference between guilt and shame• How high-control religious environments can impact LGBTQ+ identity• Why LGBTQ+ people can struggle with identity exploration after religious trauma• Why the fear of hell can remain even after leaving or deconstructing from the church• How religious trauma can affect your nervous system• Why you can intellectually know something isn't true while your body still feels unsafe• Practical grounding techniques for moments of fear, shame and anxiety• The impact of being rejected by your church or family• Whether you can be LGBTQ+ AND Christian• How to separate God’s voice from the messages we’ve been taught by people• Why healing often means moving away from black-and-white thinking• How finding safe LGBTQ+ community can help with healing• What it means to stay in religion while actively challenging oppressive systems• Why SC believes we should lean into curiosity instead of certaintyOne of the most powerful moments in this conversation is when SC explains that religious trauma isn't always one huge traumatic event. For many people, it's “a thousand cuts over time” — layer upon layer of shame, fear, rejection, control and messages that teach your body it isn't safe.And if you've ever left the church, accepted your LGBTQ+ identity, or begun deconstructing your faith but still occasionally find yourself thinking:“What if they're right?”“What if I'm going to hell?”“What if I'm doing something wrong?”SC explains why those thoughts and feelings can continue long after you've intellectually rejected the beliefs that caused them — and why healing isn't always about convincing your mind. Sometimes, it's about teaching your body that you're safe.We also talk about how community can play a powerful role in healing from religious trauma, especially for LGBTQ+ people who have experienced rejection from their families or churches. As SC explains, what is broken in groups can sometimes be healed in groups.SC's book, Healing Sacred Wounds, explores religious trauma and invites readers to ask questions rather than simply accepting someone else's answers. SC's goal isn't to tell people what to believe — it's to help people examine what they've experienced and decide what they believe for themselves.If you've experienced religious trauma, church hurt, spiritual abuse, Christian deconstruction, LGBTQ+ rejection, fear of hell, shame surrounding your identity, or confusion about how your faith and sexuality can coexist, this episode is for you.You don't have to choose between who you are and your relationship with God.🌈 JOIN THE YOU CAN BE BOTH COMMUNITYA safe community for LGBTQ+ people of faith:YouCanBeBoth.com/community📖 SC Nealy's book — Healing Sacred WoundsLearn more at lgbtcounselingdmv.com/healing-sacred-wounds🎙️ Subscribe to You Can Be Both for conversations about LGBTQ+ identity, Christianity, religious trauma, deconstruction, faith, healing, and learning that you really can be both.If this episode speaks to you, like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear this.#YouCanBeBoth

Is street preaching actually biblical — or is it pushing people further away from Jesus?

In this episode of You Can Be Both, Lauren Lanzaretta takes a deeper look at street preachers, aggressive evangelism, and the Christians who show up at Pride events with signs of condemnation. After several uncomfortable encounters with street evangelists herself, Lauren asks an important question:
Is this really how Jesus taught Christians to reach people?

We look at what the Bible actually says about evangelism, how Jesus treated people, religious hypocrisy, the psychology behind why forceful preaching can create resistance, and research suggesting people are far more receptive to conversations about faith through genuine relationships than strangers preaching at them on the street.

Lauren also explores the culture surrounding aggressive street preaching, masculinity, authority, religious fundamentalism, and why confronting street preachers can sometimes reinforce their belief that they are being persecuted for telling “the truth.”

For LGBTQ+ people who have already experienced rejection, discrimination, and religious trauma, being confronted with condemnation at Pride or in public spaces can be especially painful. So how should LGBTQ+ Christians respond?

Maybe the most powerful form of evangelism isn’t yelling louder. Maybe it’s loving people. Serving people. Knowing people. Listening to people. And allowing our lives to demonstrate the love of Jesus before our words ever do.

🌈 **Join the You Can Be Both community for LGBTQ+ people of faith:**
youcanbeboth.com/community

🎙️ Subscribe for weekly conversations about LGBTQ+ identity, Christianity, faith, religious trauma, deconstruction, healing, and what it means to know that **you can be both.**

What should Christian parents do when their child comes out as gay, transgender, or nonbinary?

In this deeply personal episode of You Can Be Both, Lauren sits down with Shari Bruck—a mother of two LGBTQ+ children—to discuss faith deconstruction, religious fear, unconditional love, and what it truly means to support your child.

Raised in a strict Catholic family, Shari grew up surrounded by religious shame, guilt, patriarchy, and the belief that there was only one acceptable path to God. As she began questioning those teachings, she developed a spirituality rooted not in fear or control, but in love, curiosity, acceptance, and our shared humanity.

Years later, both of Shari’s children came out—Taylor as gay and Riley as LGBTQ+, gender-nonconforming, and using they/them pronouns. Shari shares honestly about what came naturally, what required learning, the mistakes she has made, and why parents do not need to understand everything about their child’s identity in order to love and respect them.

This conversation explores:
• How parents should respond when their child comes out
• Why being LGBTQ+ is not a choice
• Learning to use they/them pronouns
• Supporting a nonbinary or gender-nonconforming child
• Deconstructing harmful religious beliefs
• The damage caused by shame, rejection, and religious fear
• Why rejecting your LGBTQ child will not change who they are
• Finding chosen family when your biological family does not accept you
• Choosing love even when you do not fully understand

As Shari powerfully explains, your child is still the same person you have always known and loved. Coming out does not change them—it allows you to know them more honestly and deeply.

“You’re not going to pray the gay away. You’re not going to ostracize the gay away.”

For every Christian parent struggling to understand their LGBTQ+ child, this episode offers a simple place to begin: pause, listen, ask questions, keep your heart open, and default to love.

If your family has rejected you because of your sexuality or gender identity, please remember: you are worthy of love, you are not alone, and there are people who will accept you exactly as you are.

Join the You Can Be Both Community:
YouCanBeBoth.com

Subscribe for honest conversations about LGBTQ+ identity, Christianity, faith deconstruction, religious trauma, healing, inclusion, and discovering that you truly can be both.

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Meet Shari Bruck
00:43 Growing up in strict Catholicism
02:38 Deconstructing religion and redefining spirituality
07:31 Creating a home where children feel safe
10:24 When Taylor came out as gay
15:16 Loving LGBTQ children without shame
23:50 Learning about nonbinary identity and they/them pronouns
31:19 Why parents should “default to love”
36:05 How to respond when your child comes out
40:37 Religious fear versus your child’s truth
45:08 Accepting yourself and finding chosen family
48:29 Let love be your guiding principle

#LGBTQChristian #ChristianParents #YouCanBeBoth

If you've ever wondered whether you can be both LGBTQ+ and Christian, this conversation is for you.

In this powerful episode of You Can Be Both, Lauren sits down with Mattie Mae Motl—a progressive Bible scholar, Master of Divinity graduate, and PhD candidate studying gender, sexuality, and the New Testament—to unpack some of Christianity's biggest questions.

Together they discuss:

✨ Is being gay really a sin?
✨ What the Bible actually says about LGBTQ people
✨ The "clobber verses" explained
✨ Why Jesus never mentioned homosexuality
✨ How deconstruction can strengthen—not destroy—your faith
✨ Women, patriarchy, and the Bible
✨ Why love—not fear—is the lens Jesus taught us to read Scripture through
✨ How LGBTQ Christians can find peace with God

Whether you're deconstructing your faith, healing from religious trauma, or simply searching for honest conversations about Scripture, this episode offers hope, compassion, and a fresh perspective rooted in biblical scholarship.

If this conversation encouraged you, please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and share it with someone who needs to hear that you really can be both LGBTQ and a person of faith.

❤️ Join the You Can Be Both Community:
youcanbeboth.com

🎙️ Follow Mattie Mae Motl: @mattiemaemotl

🎙️ Follow Lauren: @Lanzaretta
📖 Follow You Can Be Both:
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In this powerful conversation, Lauren Lanzaretta interviews Pastor Kristian Smith—a straight, fifth-generation Baptist preacher and fierce LGBTQ+ advocate—about his journey from embedded homophobia to becoming one of the most vocal allies in the Black church community.

Kristian shares how a simple question asked in seminary—"Did you choose your sexuality?"—completely transformed his theology. He discusses why so much homophobia is rooted in sexual discomfort, the importance of visibility in Black and queer communities, and what real allyship looks like in 2026.

This is a must-watch for anyone seeking to understand intersectional faith, spirituality, and justice.

About Kristian Smith:
Public theologian, digital pastor, author of "Breaking All the Rules" and "Question Your Answers: A Deconstruction Survival Guide." Host of the Holy Smokes Cigar and Spirituality Podcast. Master's of Divinity from Mercer University's McAfee School of Theology.

YOU CAN BE BOTH PODCAST: A faith-rooted, justice-centered conversation space for LGBTQ+ people and allies. Join Lauren Lanzaretta as she talks faith, identity, and what it means to be authentically yourself.

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BOOK -- Breaking All The Rules: An Ancient Framework for Modern Faith: https://amzn.to/4f6XO6z