A Little Help For Our Friends

This episode talks about how mood, especially dysregulated emotions, affect memory. It explains why people with emotional issues may have such a different perspective and memory for things that happened in the past.

If you're close to someone with big emotions, you've probably gotten into an argument with them about something you remember...very differently than they do. You bring up something that happened and they'll say "that never happened!", leaving you to question your whole reality. In this episode, Dr. Kibby delves into why the "that never happened" argument happens so often. What if your loved one is genuinely remembering a fight differently- and that difference isn’t about manipulation, but about how your brain reconstructs trauma and emotion? This episode dives deep into the science of how mood, trauma, and dysregulation distort memory, often making "truth" feel entirely relative.

Dr. Kibby discusses why borderline personality disorder, trauma, or anxiety see the world and their memories through a skewed lens, and how this impacts trust, communication, and conflict resolution. She describes frameworks like mood-congruent bias and affect-as-information, which explain how emotions activate specific memory networks, creating a battlefield of conflicting recollections.

This episode also breaks down practical strategies for coming to a resolution when someone has a very different version of events. Learn how to respond when someone insists "that didn’t happen," or accuses you of things you don’t remember without gaslighting or invalidating their experience. You’ll hear about the dangers of false memories, how negative content is more memorable, and why gaslighting often involves wielding power over someone’s very sense of reality.

If you've ever wondered whether their reality is "crazy" or if you're losing your mind, this episode will give you the understanding and tactics you need to foster compassion, clarity, and peaceful communication.

Resources:
KulaMind for support with loved ones with emotional issues
Joshi, G., Rathore, T., & Verma, K. (2025). Emotion-induced memory distortions: Insights from deese-roediger-mcdermott and misinformation paradigms—A comprehensive review. Health Sciences Review, 14, 100216.

This episode features a conversation with Kaytlyn Gilner, a mental health advocate and host of the "Not So Dumb Blonde" podcast. We delve into the complexities of complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD), exploring the nuances and overlaps between these diagnoses.

If you struggle with intense negative emotions, difficulty with intimacy, low self-esteem, and dissociation, what "diagnosis" should you get? In this episode, Kaytlyn Gilner shares her personal journey of misdiagnosis and the transformative power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Dr. Kibby and Kaytlyn break down the hot controversy over these diagnoses that pushes back on the stigma of BPD. The recent backlash against the "borderline personality disorder" label argues that a diagnosis like "complex PTSD" recognizes the symptoms as trauma responses better.

Dr. Kibby and Kaytlyn discuss the importance of understanding, setting boundaries, and the role of environment in mental health. They also talk about the power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the intensive outpatient treatment that teaches how to regulate emotions and relationships, no matter what diagnosis you have. This episode offers insights into how loved ones can support those struggling with intense emotions, emphasizing the need for empathy and structured support.

Resources:
KulaMind, Dr. Kibby's program to support loved ones of people with emotion dysregulation
Katylyn's Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships (DBT-Inspired Workbook):
https://tr.ee/9pKDGhjuNU
Is It an Actual Red Flag or Anxiety? (DBT-Inspired Workbook):
https://tr.ee/GrAOWvyh1V
To connect, collaborate, or attend an event with Kaytlyn:
https://linktr.ee/kaytlynm
YouTube: NotSoDumbBlondePodcast
Instagram: @notsodumbblonde_pod

This episode gives a step by step guide to managing mental health crises like self-harm, suicide, or overdose threats.

Most people feel completely helpless when someone they love descends into a mental health crisis but what if you had a clear, plan that could save lives? In this episode, Dr. Kibby shares the insider knowledge she gained from working in psychiatric emergency rooms and supporting families through the most dangerous moments. Whether it's a loved one overdosing, becoming violent, or threatening suicide, knowing exactly what to do can make all the difference and even prevent tragedy.

Dr.Kibby demystifies the chaos of mental health emergencies. She walks you through what really happens inside the hospital, explains how to recognize dangerous signs like alcohol withdrawal or impulsive self-harm, and reveals the untold reality of involuntary holds and crisis interventions. She shares personal stories and offers practical, repeatable steps to de-escalate crises before they escalate further.

Tune in for actionable tactics: how to create a tailored safety plan, the best emergency resources like 988 and mobile crisis teams, and when to call 911 versus seek professional help. You’ll learn concrete warning signs and calming techniques from DBT skills, as well as how to assemble your support network in advance. Safety planning isn’t just for professionals- it’s your first line of defense. With clear advice rooted in real-world experience, this episode equips you to act decisively when it matters most. Don’t wait for a crisis to strike! Prepare now, protect those you love, and reclaim your peace of mind.

Resources:
Safety Plan Template
Dr. Kibby's quick guide for managing an emotional outburst (for free)

This episode gives parents of adults with borderline personality disorder insights into the experience of parenting someone with BPD and strategies for supporting their children.

When your child struggles with intense emotions, it's heartbreaking for any parent. But when you're a parent of an adult child with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you're walking on eggshells trying not to make things worse. In this episode, Dr. Kibby shares powerful, research-backed strategies for parents of grown children with intense emotions, revealing how your approach can prevent crises from escalating and rebuild vital connections.

You’ll discover why family dynamics often reinforce emotional storms, and how shifting your perspective can de-escalate fights before they explode. Dr. Kibby breaks down practical, compassionate tools like validation, boundary-setting, and safety planning—skills that empower you to stay calm and present, even when your loved one is in chaos.

Plus, she reveals why involving the whole family system is essential, not just the individual with BPD, and how to handle crisis moments like threats or self-harm without reinforcing harmful behaviors. We’ll also explore the impact of trauma, shame, and guilt that parents carry and how your own mental health is intertwined with theirs.

If you’re exhausted by cycles of overwhelm, blame, or hopelessness, this episode is your guide to navigating the unthinkable with clarity and kindness. Perfect for parents, partners, or anyone supporting someone with borderline or emotional dysregulation.

Resources:
Join KulaMind, Dr. Kibby's support program for parents and partners of people with BPD

Book: Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents: How to Help Your Child (of Any Age) with Borderline Personality Disorder without Losing Yourself

This episode explores the psychology of why we chase emotionally unavailable partners.

Are you caught in a cycle of pursuing those who seem just out of reach? In this episode, Dr. Kibby delves into the psychology behind why we chase those who are hard to get. She talks about to main principles that drive this behavior, from behavioral economics to the neurobiology of attachment.

She unpacks the attachment patterns that lead to the "pursuit-withdrawal" cycle, where anxious and avoidant attachments clash, creating a loop of emotional highs and lows. Through personal anecdotes and scientific insights, Dr. Kibby reveals how these patterns are rooted in our upbringing and survival mechanisms. Learn strategies to break free from this cycle, including emotion regulation techniques and the importance of secure attachments.

Resources:
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.