Why You Feel So Triggered at the Holidays: Perfectionism, Toxic Parents, and What You Can Control
This week’s episode breaks down why the holidays bring up so much dread, why perfectionism shows up so strongly for cycle breakers, and how to stay grounded when your family triggers you.
Torie Wiksell, therapist and boundaries coach, shares:
• Why “not being triggered” is not the goal
• How perfectionism shows up for cycle breakers
• What’s actually in your control this week
• How to prepare for emotional flooding, guilt, and old survival mode
• A realistic definition of “success” for adult children of toxic parents
• How to navigate the holiday without dissociating or blaming yourself
This episode is your reminder that complicated emotions don’t mean you’re failing. They mean you’re human.
Want ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and access to the full archive of You’re Not Crazy? Join the Private Feed for $5/month. It’s the easiest way to support the show and get more cycle-breaker support in your week.
Join here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/private
And if you need more support with your own toxic parent, check out Confident Boundaries with Toxic Parents, Torie’s self-guided course that walks you step-by-step through setting boundaries, navigating guilt, and creating realistic strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics.
When you enroll this week, you’ll also get her Holiday Survival Guide for free: a practical, trauma-informed roadmap for navigating the season with clarity and confidence.
Get immediate access at ConfidentBoundaries.com/course Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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19:57
Why Your Boundaries With a Toxic Parent Keep Failing
In today’s episode, Torie breaks down the 5 most common reasons boundaries with narcissistic, emotionally immature, and otherwise toxic parents fail, and the practical shifts that actually help them stick.
Want ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and access to the full archive of You’re Not Crazy? Join the Private Feed for $5/month. It’s the easiest way to support the show and get more cycle-breaker support in your week.
Join here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/private
And if you need more support with your own toxic parent, check out Confident Boundaries with Toxic Parents, Torie’s self-guided course that walks you step-by-step through setting boundaries, navigating guilt, and creating realistic strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics.
When you enroll this week, you’ll also get her Holiday Survival Guide for free: a practical, trauma-informed roadmap for navigating the season with clarity and confidence.
Get immediate access at ConfidentBoundaries.com/course
You deserve a peaceful holiday season, and you don’t have to wing it this year. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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16:56
When Holiday Guilt Hits Hard: How to Tell Manipulative Guilt from Healthy Guilt (and What to Do About It)
In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell breaks down the difference between healthy guilt and the manipulative guilt toxic parents use to control you.
You’ll learn:
Why guilt feels so overwhelming for adult children of narcissistic or emotionally immature parents
How to recognize when guilt is being used as manipulation
Practical steps to calm your body and stop guilt from driving your decisions
If you grew up walking on eggshells or still feel responsible for your parent’s emotions, this conversation will help you find clarity, self-trust, and relief.
Want ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and access to the full archive of You’re Not Crazy? Join the Private Feed for $5/month. It’s the easiest way to support the show and get more cycle-breaker support in your week.
Join here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/private
And if you need more support with your own toxic parent, check out Confident Boundaries with Toxic Parents, Torie’s self-guided course that walks you step-by-step through setting boundaries, navigating guilt, and creating realistic strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics.
When you enroll this week, you’ll also get her Holiday Survival Guide for free: a practical, trauma-informed roadmap for navigating the season with clarity and confidence.
Get immediate access at ConfidentBoundaries.com/course Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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23:41
Why “Family Estrangement” Misses the Point: What No One’s Saying About Going No Contact With Toxic Parents
As a therapist, boundaries coach, and cycle breaker herself, Torie shares the deeper truth behind these painful family dynamics: what really leads someone to end contact, how the media gets it wrong, and why accountability and power dynamics must be part of the conversation.
If you’ve ever been told you “abandoned” your family or felt judged for making the gut-wrenching decision to protect your peace, this episode will remind you that you’re not crazy — and that choosing yourself does not make you a selfish person.
We’ll cover:
Why “family estrangement” has become a loaded, stigmatizing term
The power imbalance between parents and adult children that not enough people are talking about
The truth about why cycle breakers go no contact — and why it’s never impulsive
How media narratives and even some therapists perpetuate shame
A more honest, hopeful way to talk about healing family relationships
Want ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and access to the full archive of You’re Not Crazy? Join the Private Feed for $5/month. It’s the easiest way to support the show and get more cycle-breaker support in your week.
Join here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/private
And if you need more support with your own toxic parent, check out Confident Boundaries with Toxic Parents, Torie’s self-guided course that walks you step-by-step through setting boundaries, navigating guilt, and creating realistic strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics.
When you enroll this week, you’ll also get her Holiday Survival Guide for free: a practical, trauma-informed roadmap for navigating the season with clarity and confidence.
Get immediate access at ConfidentBoundaries.com/course
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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19:07
When Caring Becomes Self-Abandonment: How Cycle Breakers Get Stuck in the Caretaker Role
In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell shares the truth about how that same caretaking instinct keeps so many cycle breakers stuck. Torie opens up about her own experience navigating guilt, fear, and the pressure to protect the people in her family who hurt her—especially as she shares her own story publicly.
This conversation explores:
How caretaking becomes a form of self-abandonment
Why guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re breaking a pattern
What it actually looks like to stop managing everyone else’s emotions
How to release responsibility for other people’s discomfort without losing your empathy
If you’ve ever felt torn between taking care of yourself and protecting your family’s feelings, this episode will help you understand why that tension exists—and how to start choosing yourself without shame.
Torie’s reminder for this week:
“ It is not our job to comfort people we care about when they are uncomfortable with us taking care of ourselves.”
Want ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and access to the full archive of You’re Not Crazy? Join the Private Feed for $5/month. It’s the easiest way to support the show and get more cycle-breaker support in your week.
Join here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/private
And if you need more support with your own toxic parent, check out Confident Boundaries with Toxic Parents, Torie’s self-guided course that walks you step-by-step through setting boundaries, navigating guilt, and creating realistic strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics.
When you enroll this week, you’ll also get her Holiday Survival Guide for free: a practical, trauma-informed roadmap for navigating the season with clarity and confidence.
Get immediate access at ConfidentBoundaries.com/course
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
About You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for Cycle Breakers with Toxic Parents
Psychotherapist and Coach, Torie Wiksell, is no stranger to talking about challenging and dysfunctional family dynamics. In addition to specializing in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders as both a therapist and coach, Torie grew up with a mother who had an unmanaged personality disorder.Torie has spent a significant portion of her 12 year career as a therapist working with clients with personality disorders, their partners, and family members, and brings a unique and relatable perspective to navigating these complicated relationships.Follow TorieOn TikTok: tiktok.com/@theboundariescoachOn Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundariesLearn more about Coaching and the Confident Boundaries Membership: www.confidentboundaries.comDisclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
Listen to You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for Cycle Breakers with Toxic Parents, The Mel Robbins Podcast and many other podcasts from around the world with the radio.net app
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