THE MEN'S SELF HELP PODCAST

What happens when you want sex more often than your partner—or when your partner seems to want it more than you do?
In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John is joined by Guy Counseling contributing writer Jack for a candid conversation about mismatched sex drives in relationships.
They explore why differences in sexual desire are so common and why they don't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your relationship. The conversation also gets into stress and libido, feeling rejected when your partner says no, and an important distinction that often gets overlooked: wanting sex and being comfortable initiating sex aren't necessarily the same thing.
John and Jack also tackle a question plenty of couples probably wonder about but may not talk about openly: Can masturbation help when partners have different sex drives, and where does adult video fit into the picture?
Other topics include scheduling intimacy, sexual "accelerators" and "brakes," nonsexual touch, emotional safety, and approaching sex as an invitation rather than a demand.
📚 Book Recommendation
The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis
Dr. John recommends this book for its real-world look at couples struggling with significant differences in sexual desire and the ways those differences can affect intimacy and relationships.
Amazon: https://amzn.to/4hEUzoL
As an Amazon Associate, we may earn from qualifying purchases.
🔗 Resources & Further Reading
How to Handle Mismatched Libidos in a Relationship — AskMen
The article that helped spark today's conversation, exploring desire discrepancies and ways couples can navigate them.
https://www.askmen.com/dating/relationship-advice/how-to-handle-mismatched-libidos-in-a-relationship.html
How Stress Can Lead to Low Libido — Verywell Mind
More about the relationship between chronic stress and reduced sexual desire.
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-stress-can-lead-to-low-libido-3145029
Why Your Girlfriend Never Initiates Sex — Guy Counseling
Dr. John explores why rarely initiating sex doesn't necessarily mean someone lacks sexual desire or attraction.
My girlfriend never initiates sex
Contact The Show
If you would like to contact the show with a question or submit a listener email, you can visit the pod's website Guy Counseling. Use this link for the contact form. 
Keep in mind we get a lot of email and not all questions will be featured on the pod. When you write, please let us know if we have your permission to feature your question. Identifying information may be changed to protect privacy. 
 Affiliate & Sponsor Disclosure
This episode may include paid sponsorships or affiliate links. If you make a purchase, sign up for a service, or take another qualifying action through one of these links, The Men's Self-Help Podcast may receive compensation at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Sponsors and recommended resources may vary by episode.
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Your support helps cover production costs, hosting, editing, and future episodes of The Men's Self-Help Podcast.
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What does it actually look like when a man has his life in order?
In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore draws on more than two decades of clinical experience in men's work to break down ten habits shared by men who are genuinely grounded — not the Instagram version, but the real thing.
From defining success on your own terms to protecting your sleep, maintaining friendships, and knowing when to ask for help, these are the habits that hold up under pressure. Dr. John draws on his clinical experience as a licensed therapist in Chicago to bring each one to life with honesty, humor, and a few unexpected detours along the way.
Whether you're already doing a few of these or starting from scratch, this episode offers a practical roadmap you can begin using this week.
Sponsor
The Men's Self-Help Podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Head to https://betterhelp.com/guycounseling to get 10% off your first month of therapy.
Resources Mentioned
Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you make a qualifying purchase through one of these links, Guy Counseling may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping support the independent production of this podcast.
Contact (1997) — Trailer
Referenced in the discussion of Habit 2, keeping promises to yourself. Directed by Robert Zemeckis and starring Jodie Foster.
Watch the trailer on YouTube
The Insomnia Breakthrough by Katherine Coleman
Recommended in the discussion of Habit 4, protecting your sleep. Dr. John has recommended this book to clients over the years with strong results.
https://amzn.to/4fVTVC0
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
Referenced in the discussion of Habit 7, maintaining relationships. This long-running study has followed participants across decades and has highlighted the importance of strong relationships for long-term health and well-being.
Learn more about the Harvard Study of Adult Development
Thought Court Worksheet
Want to challenge an unhelpful thought and look at it from a more balanced perspective? Dr. John created a free Thought Court worksheet you can download and use on your own. The accompanying Guy Counseling guide walks you through the exercise step by step.
No signup. No email address. No strings attached. Just grab it and use it if it's helpful.
👉 https://guycounseling.com/thought-court-cbt-exercise/
Have a Question for the Podcast?
Have a question you'd like me to answer on a future episode? Send it through the Guy Counseling contact form:
https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/
If your question is selected, identifying details may be changed to protect your privacy, and it may be read using a synthesized voice.
Support the Show — Buy Me a Coffee!
If you're enjoying The Men's Self-Help Podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can buy me a coffee here:
https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp
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Disclaimer
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for individualized support.
 Production Notes
Written and produced by Dr. John Moore, with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

How to Stop "Shoulding" on Yourself
Do you constantly tell yourself you should be doing better, that you must have everything figured out, or that life ought to be different?
In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores the psychology of musterbation — the rigid musts, shoulds, and oughts that can put enormous pressure on us and make it harder to deal with everyday life.
The concept comes from psychologist Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). You'll discover how this kind of rigid self-talk can quietly fuel anxiety, guilt, anger, shame, perfectionism, and emotional exhaustion.
Dr. John walks through a practical three-step approach for challenging these destructive internal rules and replacing them with more flexible ways of thinking.
You'll also hear from Matt, a listener who isn't sure he's ready to marry the woman he's been dating. Dr. John discusses the difference between outside pressure and genuine readiness, why unresolved conflict deserves attention, and how premarital counseling can help couples approach one of life's biggest decisions with greater clarity.
Whether you're struggling with perfectionism, relationships, negative self-talk, or impossible expectations, this episode offers practical psychological tools you can begin using today.
In This Episode
What psychologist Albert Ellis meant by "musterbation"

How musts, shoulds, and oughts can create unnecessary emotional pressure

The basics of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)

How rigid thinking can contribute to anxiety, guilt, anger, and shame

Why perfectionism often involves unrealistic internal rules

How to identify the musts and shoulds hiding in your self-talk

A practical three-step approach for challenging rigid beliefs

How to replace demands with more flexible thinking

The difference between relationship pressure and genuine readiness for marriage

How premarital counseling can help couples make more informed decisions

Sponsor
Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Head to https://betterhelp.com/guycounseling to get 10% off your first month with our sponsor, BetterHelp. Therapy can be a meaningful space to reflect, grow, and create positive change in your life.
Resources Mentioned
Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you make a qualifying purchase through one of these links, Guy Counseling may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping support the independent production of this podcast.
ABC Model for REBT Worksheet — Therapist Aid
Use this worksheet to explore the ABC model commonly associated with REBT and examine the connection between beliefs and emotional or behavioral consequences.
ABC Model for REBT Worksheet
Example Premarital Counseling Program
Learn what couples typically discuss during a structured premarital counseling program, including communication, conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, family expectations, and future planning.
Chicago Premarital Counseling Program
Before You Say "I Do" by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts
A resource for couples considering marriage and thinking through important questions before making a lifelong commitment.
Find it on Amazon
Have a Question for the Podcast?
Have a question you'd like Dr. John to answer on a future episode? Send it through the Guy Counseling contact form:
https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/
If your question is selected, identifying details may be changed to protect your privacy, and it may be read using a synthesized voice.
Support the Show
If you're enjoying The Men's Self-Help Podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can buy Dr. John a coffee here:
https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp
Disclaimer
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for individualized support.
Production Notes
Written and produced by Dr. John Moore, with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

Have you ever finally gotten a chance to relax—only to discover that you can't handle the quiet?
In Episode 47 of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores why stillness can feel strangely uncomfortable in a world filled with notifications, headlines, endless scrolling, and constant demands for our attention.
Drawing from a personal experience in Puerto Rico, Dr. John explains how repeated stimulation can leave the nervous system stuck on alert. Even when nothing is wrong, the brain may interpret quiet as unfamiliar—and therefore suspicious.
You'll learn why the amygdala acts like a smoke alarm that sometimes struggles to distinguish a real emergency from everyday "burnt toast." You'll also hear about the brain's default mode network and the important work that may occur when you stop actively doing and allow your mind to settle.
The episode also explores what contemplative traditions have understood for centuries: stillness is not empty. It can create room for memories to organize, emotions to surface, ideas to connect, and clarity to emerge.
Dr. John concludes with one simple challenge: place your phone in another room and spend five minutes sitting in the nothing. When the restlessness appears, don't treat it as failure. Treat it as the repetition that helps teach your nervous system that quiet can be safe.
Today's sponsor
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
BetterHelp offers online access to licensed therapists with experience in areas such as anxiety, depression, relationships, career concerns, and other challenges.
Learn more and get started at:
https://www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling
This is an affiliate link. The Men's Self-Help Podcast may receive compensation when listeners use it.
Recommended book
Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics by Dan Harris
As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.
Related Reading
When nothing clearly dangerous is happening, anxiety can still make uncertainty feel like a threat. Calm Anxiety explains why anxiety can make safe situations feel dangerous and how avoidance, reassurance-seeking, and threat prediction can reinforce that response. From Calm Anxiety Clinic. 

Want to help support the show? Buy Me a coffee! https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp
Important disclaimer
The Men's Self-Help Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for psychotherapy, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Dr. John Moore is not acting as your personal therapist through this podcast. Please speak with a licensed healthcare professional if you are experiencing concerns about your mental or physical health.
Production note:
Audio production assistance provided by Joel Oliver. Episode artwork generated with Adobe Firefly. Transition sounds provided royalty-free by Pixabay. This episode blends live-recorded audio with Dr. John Moore's own authorized voice model.

Ever notice how some mornings seem to set the tone for your entire day?
In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores what makes a healthy morning routine actually work—and why you don't need an elaborate, social media-worthy ritual to start your day on the right foot.
You'll learn why your morning routine should focus on four essential goals: waking up your body, settling your nervous system, activating your mind, and directing your attention. Along the way, John shares practical ideas you can begin using immediately, whether you have an hour, thirty minutes, or just fifteen.
You'll also hear why perfection isn't the goal, how to create a routine you'll actually stick with, and what to do when life inevitably throws your schedule off track.
If you've been looking for a simple, realistic approach to building better mornings, this episode offers practical strategies grounded in psychology—not hype.
In this episode you'll learn:
Why most morning routines fail
The four jobs every healthy morning routine should accomplish
How to calm your nervous system before the day begins
The difference between productive habits and performative routines
How to create a morning routine you can actually maintain
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who could use a better start to their day.


Resources Mentioned
Looking for a signature scent? Check out Dr. Moore's guide to Best Colognes for Men: 25 Popular Fragrances Worth Wearing.
Looking for Mental Health Counseling? Check out Better Help
Affiliate disclosure: The BetterHelp link above is an affiliate link. If you sign up through it, Guy Counseling may receive a commission at no additional cost to you.

Production note: Audio production assistance provided by Joel Oliver. Episode artwork generated with Adobe Firefly. Transition sounds provided royalty-free by Pixabay. This episode blends live-recorded audio with Dr. John Moore's own voice model.

After a long break, The Men's Self-Help Podcast is coming back.
In this brief return message, Dr. John shares why he stepped away, why he decided to return, and what listeners can expect going forward.
New episodes will focus on men's mental health, relationships, emotional wellness, and practical tools you can actually use.
The first full episode returns next week with a conversation about what to do when you feel yourself spiraling.