In today’s episode of Grounded Union Podcast, discover how to distinguish between surface-level apologies and genuine transformation. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen tackle one of the hardest questions couples face: “Does my spouse truly want to change?” Through raw personal stories of repeated betrayals, false starts, and painful honesty, they highlight the subtle yet powerful signs of authentic change. From nervous system regulation to the hard work of transparency, this episode sheds light on both red flags and green lights for anyone navigating broken trust.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Season 2, Episode 4: Caitlyn explains that when partners ask if change is possible, it’s usually about deeper wounds, not just curiosity.00:01:37 – Brandon quotes, “When the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving, that’s when people choose change.”00:02:43 – What Real Change Requires: They emphasize that transformation is measured by consistent investment, not by promises or workshops attended.00:03:39 – Two Destructive Responses: How passivity and defensiveness sabotage connection and keep couples stuck.00:05:30 – Stuck in the Same Cycle: They reflect on years of repeating the same wounds despite therapy, church, and community.00:07:05 – Caitlyn’s Breaking Point: Another betrayal in 2019 forces Caitlyn to question if their marriage could truly survive.00:08:43 – Radical Intimacy Defined: Caitlyn sets a new standard for union: no hiddenness, no secrets, no separation.00:10:30 – Brandon Commits to Change: He agrees to strip away distractions and fully reorient his life toward healing.00:11:41 – The Six-Month Window: Real transformation requires months of consistent effort, not instant results.00:16:01 – Daily Work Over Quick Fixes: Healing came through daily accountability and practice rather than weekend intensives.00:20:00 – Radical Transparency Builds Safety: True intimacy deepened only when Brandon confessed even the “small” lapses consistently.00:26:02 – Defining a Shared Vision of Union: Both commit to exclusivity, honesty, and a clear standard for their future together.00:35:00 – Choosing Who You Want to Become: Focus less on “how” to change and more on “who” they want to become.
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Why Christian Disciplines Aren’t Saving Your Marriage
This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, discover how Christian disciplines like prayer, fasting, and Bible reading—despite being foundational practices—sometimes fall short in saving marriages. Hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen bravely share their journey from passionate missionaries with an impeccable "spiritual resume" to facing severe marital struggles, exposing the dangerous gap between spiritual disciplines and emotional maturity. Despite daily Bible reading, prayer, fasting, multiple church services, and even Brandon's 40-day fast, their marriage was crumbling with addiction, betrayal, and disconnection. They reveal how Western Christianity's segmented approach creates fragmented lives where spiritual practices become escape mechanisms rather than tools for authentic intimacy. This episode challenges listeners to stop hiding behind religious performance and start doing the real work of integrating shadow parts of themselves. A paradigm-shifting conversation that offers hope to couples who've tried everything "spiritual" but still feel emotionally distant from their spouse.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (SOLD OUT)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Introduction and Resources: The hosts introduce the episode's central question and their intention to share their own story of struggling despite practicing Christian disciplines. They invite listeners regardless of their faith background, and highlight available resources like the Grounded Nation men's community app and the Maui 3-day Marriage Intensive.00:01:57 – How We Met and Early Marriage: Caitlyn begins sharing how she and Brandon met as missionaries in Ecuador, bonded over their shared vision for ministry, and eventually got married.00:03:16 – The Vision for Ministry and Marriage: Brandon elaborates on their early vision to be lifelong missionaries, rescue women from sex trafficking, and start orphanages.00:07:24 – The Spiritual Resume: They emphasize their "spiritual resume" of church, prayer, fasting, and discipline, and how it ultimately didn’t prevent their disconnect.00:10:14 – The Segmented Christian Life: Many Western Christians live "segmented" lives, separating their spiritual self from their practical and relational selves.00:18:20 – The Gospel's Invitation to Face Pain: The gospel isn't an excuse to ignore pain but an invitation to face it, heal, and integrate every part of oneself.00:23:09 – Freedom from Cuffs: True freedom is possible if one uncuffs themselves from limiting belief systems and steps into the hope and love of Christ.00:24:47 – What Must I Do?: The common question about earning freedom challenges the idea that spirituality is about achieving or attaining.00:29:44 – The Shadow Parts of You: What is often labeled as "temptation" or "sin nature" is the unintegrated "shadow parts" of oneself that need to be welcomed and healed.00:33:54 – God is in Every Moment: Dismantling the idea of separation from God; God is present in every moment of life.
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Healing From Betrayal and Creating Safety
In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, Caitlyn and Brandon Doerksen honestly navigate the difficult experience of betrayal and the long journey toward restoring safety and trust in their marriage. Season 2 opens with the couple addressing their most requested topic: how to heal when trust is shattered. Caitlyn shares her vulnerable story as the betrayed spouse, including years of repeated deception and the critical moment she established firm boundaries. Brandon explores the difference between passive and active betrayal and emphasizes that good intentions are not enough without true inner transformation. Together, they explain why wounded partners shouldn’t be expected to maintain composure, how denial covers up deeper wounds, and why many couples get caught in destructive cycles. Filled with raw storytelling and practical advice, this episode is a must-listen for those seeking hope after betrayal.Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:29 - Season 2, Episode 2: Brandon and Caitlyn open up about healing betrayal, rebuilding trust, and their journey to healing together.00:01:51 - Active and passive betrayal: Brandon explains the difference between overt actions like cheating and more subtle forms like emotional withdrawal.00:06:00 - Repeating deception cycles: Caitlyn shares the exhausting pattern of betrayal and false recovery that led to long-term trauma.00:09:00 - False promises and deeper harm: Brandon reflects on how surface-level commitments and dismissing Caitlyn’s intuition created further disconnection.00:20:06 - Movement as healing: Caitlyn explains how walking, swimming, and nature helped her process pain and regulate her nervous system.00:25:00 - Redefining real union: Caitlyn challenges performative marriages and emphasizes that true partnership requires mutual truth and commitment.00:31:31 - Reconnecting through embodiment: Brandon shares practical tools—cold showers, breathwork, and movement—that helped him feel again.00:34:16 - Emotional awakening as a couple: Caitlyn highlights the importance of both partners choosing to prioritize healing and emotional presence.00:40:10 - Trust takes time to rebuild: Brandon explains how rebuilding trust is an ongoing process that depends on consistency, honesty, and emotional availability.00:43:00 - Radical responsibility in healing: Brandon and Caitlyn explore how owning your part fully is key to rebuilding intimacy and lasting trust.
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What to Do When You're Attracted to Somebody Other Than Your Spouse
In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen dive deep into a widely debated and often shame-filled topic: being attracted to people other than your spouse. The conversation is sparked by a viral social media post that drew thousands of comments and opposing viewpoints, which the hosts read and respond to throughout the episode. They challenge the common narrative that men are "biologically wired" to be attracted to other people, arguing instead that this is a learned belief system. The discussion gets to the core of why this is such a painful topic for many couples, revealing it often stems from a lack of mutual commitment and a shared vision for the marriage. The hosts offer a surprising revelation: it is possible to create a relationship where you are only attracted to your spouse. This episode provides actionable advice on how to build a stronger, more committed union by shedding old beliefs and intentionally creating the marriage you desire. (Watch the Instagram reel that sparked this episode.) Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Welcome to Season 2! The hosts start the season with an overview of today’s topic: attraction outside of marriage—and why it's such a hot-button issue. 00:01:40 – Is It Normal to Be Attracted to Others?: Caitlyn reflects on how taboo this conversation is, especially in Christian spaces, and shares her initial thoughts about normalizing attraction.00:06:14 – The Viral Post Reactions: They read through viral Instagram comments: some encouraging, some skeptical, and others just plain spicy—highlighting diverse audience reactions. 00:06:56 – Recognizing vs. Being Attracted: The difference between recognizing someone is attractive and being attracted to them.00:10:07 – Why Isn’t This Message Taught?: The hosts reflect on the church's silence around emotional integrity in attraction and why this conversation threatens the status quo. 00:25:13 – The Pinball Machine of Attraction: Every decision begins with contemplation, and even a "harmless" attraction can lead to a deeper desire for connection that ultimately causes a separation in a relationship. 00:28:12 – The Three Roots of Attraction: The core areas that contribute to attraction: past experiences, consumption, and limiting beliefs. 00:35:25 – Unpacking the "Biologically Wired" Argument: Brandon and Caitlyn dismantle the argument that humans are "biologically wired" to be attracted to others by explaining that what we're exposed to and what we consume shapes our beliefs. 00:47:43 – Desire, Disconnection & Avoidance: Brandon reflects on how Caitlyn’s full-hearted devotion exposed his own avoidant behavior and emotional disconnection, and why that pattern was painful to confront.00:56:23 – This Wasn’t Easy—But It Was Worth It: This level of transformation was born from deep pain and discomfort, especially in the wake of betrayal.
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How to Get Your Husband to Change
In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the real story behind how lasting change happens in marriage—and why you can’t force your husband to change. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share raw, vulnerable insights from the darkest seasons of their relationship, when betrayal, denial, and disconnection ruled their home. Caitlyn unpacks the painful truth that no ultimatum or strategy could transform Brandon—he had to choose healing for himself. Together, they explore how patterns of shame, hidden behaviors, and avoidance sabotage intimacy and what it really takes for a man to reclaim emotional presence, empathy, and integrity. You’ll learn why confronting uncomfortable realities, setting immovable standards, and choosing embodiment over numbness is key to rebuilding trust and true connection. This episode isn’t just about saving a marriage—it’s about becoming fully alive in it.Our 2025 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshops:📍 Mesa, Arizona – April 12th & 13th (Registration Closed)📍 Portland, Oregon – June 7th & 8th📍 San Diego, California – August 22nd & 23rd (In-Person & Virtual) 📍 Maui, Hawaii – October 10th-13th (3-Day Marriage Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included!)Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsLooking for immediate support in your marriage?Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trialWorkshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshopsGrounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples programFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcastYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:28 – Intro and Season One Recap: Brandon introduces the end of season one, highlighting key themes and insights shared throughout.00:01:02 – Upcoming Couples Workshops: Information about their in-person workshops in Portland, San Diego, and an intensive retreat in Maui.00:02:09 – Who’s Responsible for Change in a Marriage?: Brandon and Caitlyn introduce the central question of the episode—who is responsible for change in a marriage, and what does it look like to go from feeling powerless to creating lasting transformation?00:06:41 – From Denial to Acceptance: Moving from denial to a victim mentality and finally taking responsibility for his role in the marriage breakdown.00:09:15 – Taking Responsibility for Pain and Change: How both partners must take responsibility for their actions, behaviors, and pain, even if the other partner has caused hurt.00:20:21 – Holding a Clear Vision for Your Marriage: The importance of maintaining a strong vision for the marriage and clearly inviting your spouse to rise into it.00:23:13 – Choosing Your Marriage from Power, Not Fear: The importance of staying together because of a shared vision rather than fear of being alone or financial dependence.00:25:21 – Avoiding the Toxic Middle Ground: How couples often settle for a disconnected marriage to avoid the stigma of divorce, highlighting the importance of true intimacy.00:29:07 – Now is the Best Time to Heal: There is no perfect time to start healing your marriage, and begin immediately by removing distractions and focusing inward.00:36:39 – Healing the Childhood Fear of Responsibility: How childhood punishments influence our adult fears around accepting responsibility, and how stepping into ownership fosters intimacy and connection in marriage.
Welcome to the Grounded Union Podcast, hosted by Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen.
In 2019, our marriage hit rock bottom—so close to divorce that we thought there was no way back. But through deep healing, transformation, and a relentless pursuit of something better, we didn’t just save our marriage—we created something more beautiful than we ever imagined.
On our journey, we realized that the conventional advice from counselors, pastors, and mentors wasn’t enough. So, we set out on an uncharted path, searching for real, lasting change. Now, standing on the other side, we’ve mapped out the exact process that restored our love, trust, and connection—a process we weren’t given but one we discovered through lived experience.
This podcast is our invitation to you: to walk this path with us, to challenge the norms, and to build a marriage that is passionate, open, honest, deeply connected, and full of life. No one told us it was possible—but we’re here to tell you: it absolutely is.
Join us on this journey. It’s not just about saving your marriage—it’s about creating one that’s stronger, richer, and more alive than ever.
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