Power Your Parenting: Moms With Teens

What if the rewards you’re using to motivate your teen are actually making them less motivated?

In this episode of Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens, I talk with Dr. Özgür Bolat, author of The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids, about the surprising downside of using rewards to motivate our kids. Dr. Bolat is a distinguished education scientist, researcher, associate professor, and internationally recognized expert in education and parenting. He earned his master’s degree from Harvard Graduate School of Education and his PhD from the University of Cambridge and spent a year as a visiting PhD student at MIT Sloan. His research and personal experience led him to explore how achievement, praise, and rewards can create a dependence on external validation—and what parents can do differently.

Dr. Bolat explains that while rewards may get teens to do what we want in the short term, compliance is not the same as motivation. When we say, “Get an A and I’ll give you money,” or “Finish your homework and you can have more screen time,” teens may become focused on the payoff rather than learning, mastery, or personal responsibility. Over time, rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation and even affect creativity, self-esteem, and connection. Instead of immediately trying to control behavior, Dr. Bolat encourages parents to get curious about what’s underneath it. Why isn’t your teen studying? Why have they stopped caring about school? What are they struggling with? His PEACE model helps parents move away from simply fixing the behavior and toward understanding and solving the deeper problem together.

3 Takeaways for Moms

1. Compliance is not the same as motivation.Rewards may get your teen to do something today, but they don't necessarily build the internal motivation to keep doing it. Ask yourself: Am I trying to get immediate compliance, or am I helping my teen develop ownership?

2. Look underneath the behavior.Instead of asking, “How do I get my teen to study?” get curious: “Why is my teen struggling to study?” Resistance may be pointing to discouragement, disconnection, fear of failure, lack of meaning, or another deeper issue.

3. Help your teen find a cause, not just a goal.Grades and college acceptance may not be motivating enough. Talk with your teen about the bigger picture: What kind of life do you want? What are you good at? What matters to you? How do you want to contribute? Meaning, growth, values, and connection can become powerful internal motivators.

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What if your teen’s defiance, withdrawal, lying, or disrespect isn’t actually the problem—but a signal that something deeper is going on beneath the surface?

Geoffrey Owen is the founder of Biologically Aligned Parenting and author of The Parenting Assumption. Drawing on decades of observation, his background in theater, the influence of The Continuum Concept, and his own experience raising two daughters, Geoffrey helps parents move away from managing and controlling behavior and instead understand the deeper needs that may be driving it. His approach encourages parents to create an environment of greater calm, safety, connection, and trust so children can mature and thrive.

When your teen is rude, defiant, withdrawn, or dishonest, it’s natural to focus on stopping the behavior. But what if there’s another way to look at it?

In this episode of Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens, I talk with Geoffrey Owen about his concept of Biologically Aligned Parenting. Geoffrey encourages parents to view difficult behavior not simply as something to correct, but as a signal that a child may be reacting to something in their environment or an unmet need for connection, safety, certainty, and trust.

We explore how easily moms can get caught in a cycle of monitoring, questioning, correcting, and trying harder—especially when we’re worried about our teens. Geoffrey suggests that sometimes doing less can actually create more connection. Instead of immediately reacting to the behavior, parents can become curious about what might be underneath it and pay attention to the emotional atmosphere they themselves are creating.

We also talk about how parental stress and anxiety can affect the entire household. When moms are constantly rushing, worrying, questioning, or trying to manage every detail, teens may experience that pressure even when our intentions are loving. One of the most powerful shifts we can make is to work on our own state—our anxiety, frustration, tone, and reactions—rather than putting all our energy into changing our teen.

Geoffrey also offers a provocative idea for moms who feel shut out by their teens: stop filling every space with questions and conversation. Give your teen room to initiate. Focus on your own life, interests, and well-being, and allow some space in the relationship. As we discuss from our own experiences with our daughters, sometimes when moms stop chasing the details, teens and young adults become more willing to share them.

This conversation offers moms permission to step away from exhausting over-management and consider a different question: Instead of asking, “How do I make my teen change?” ask, “What can I change in myself and in our environment that might make connection easier?”

3 Key Takeaways

1. Look beneath the behavior.
Instead of immediately labeling your teen as disrespectful, defiant, lazy, or difficult, get curious. Geoffrey suggests viewing behavior as a signal and asking what may be happening underneath it.

2. Your calm matters more than you think.
You may not be able to control your teen’s mood or choices, but you can pay attention to your own anxiety, frustration, tone, and reactions. A calmer parent can help create a calmer and more secure home environment.

3. Sometimes less parenting creates more connection.
Fewer questions, less monitoring, and less chasing can create the space teens need to come toward you. Listen more, manage less, invest in your own life, and give your teen opportunities to initiate connection.

Learn more at: https://geoffreyowen.com/
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What if your teen’s extreme behavior isn’t proof that you’re failing as a mom—but a sign that you simply need different tools?

When your teen is disrespectful, defiant, anxious, aggressive, using substances, or struggling emotionally, it’s easy to wonder, Where did I go wrong? In this episode of Power Your Parenting: Moms of Teens, I talk with Dr. Scott Sells, family therapist and author of the newly revised Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: Eight Strategies to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love. Dr. Sells reminds parents that extreme behavior often isn’t a “bad parenting” problem—it’s a tools problem. Drawing from decades of working with families as well as his own experience parenting twin teenage sons, he explains why parents need a balance of love and limits—or connection with correction.

Dr. Sells explains why gentle parenting alone may fall short with teens who have extreme behavioral or emotional challenges. Teens need connection, but they also need clear guardrails. As he puts it, “rules without relationships lead to rebellion.” You’ll hear practical strategies for rebuilding connection, including catching your teen doing something right, creating intentional special outings, and staying committed to the relationship even when your teen initially pushes you away.

We also explore the complicated question many moms face: Is this anxiety, trauma, neurodivergence, a mental health issue—or simply oppositional behavior? Dr. Sells discusses looking at both skill and will, reducing over-accommodation of anxiety, and examining how smartphones, instant gratification, nutrition, and family patterns may contribute to emotional struggles.

Most importantly, this conversation offers hope. You don’t have to parent perfectly, and trying harder with the same strategies isn’t always the answer. Sometimes you need a new tool—one that helps you lower the drama, restore your authority, and rebuild the loving connection underneath all the conflict.

Scott Sells, PhD, is the founder and developer of the evidence-based treatment models Parenting with Love and Limits and Family Systems Trauma, used by therapists across the United States and Europe. He earned his PhD and MSW from Florida State University and has served as a professor of social work at Savannah State University and the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. He has delivered keynotes for major mental health organizations and authored more than 20 professional publications. Dr. Sells is the author of three books, including the newly revised Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: Eight Strategies to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love, Treating the Traumatized Child, and Treating the Tough Adolescent.

3 Key Takeaways

1. It may not be a parenting problem—it may be a tools problem.
When the strategies you’ve always used stop working, trying harder isn’t necessarily the solution. You may need a different, more specialized tool.

2. Teens need both love AND limits.
Connection without boundaries can leave teens without needed guardrails, while rules without a relationship can fuel rebellion. The goal is balanced parenting: connection with correction.

3. Look beneath the behavior.
Disrespect, defiance, anxiety, or withdrawal may be the surface problem. Getting curious about what is driving the behavior—and then choosing the right tool—can help parents move from constant firefighting toward real change.

Learn more at https://familytrauma.com/dr-scott-sells/

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What if the secret to doing it all isn’t trying harder—but finally putting yourself back into the equation?

In this episode of Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens, Colleen O’Grady talks with Dr. Anne Welsh, psychologist, executive coach, working mother of four, and author of Ambitious Mother: From Surviving to Thriving in Your Career and at Home. Dr. Welsh understands firsthand the invisible pressure women feel to succeed at work, show up fully for their families, and somehow keep everything running—often at the expense of themselves. Her work challenges the idea that mothers must choose between success and sanity and offers a new way to think about ambition, motherhood, and what it means to thrive.

Colleen and Dr. Welsh explore the “ambition paradox”—the belief that work takes away from your kids, kids take away from your work, and the only solution is to stretch yourself thinner and thinner until you virtually disappear from your own life. Dr. Welsh encourages moms to redefine ambition, moving away from the traditional “ladder” of achievement toward a more flexible “web,” where there is room to pivot, rest, prioritize relationships, pursue meaningful work, and change direction as life changes. They also discuss the surprising “motherhood advantage”—how parenting develops empathy, leadership, negotiation, problem-solving, and other skills that can actually make women stronger in their careers.

The conversation gets especially relevant for moms of teens and tweens as Colleen and Dr. Welsh unpack the often-overlooked mental and emotional load of this stage of parenting. Teens may need less hands-on care, but their heartbreaks, academic pressures, mental health struggles, changing friendships, and unexpected crises can require tremendous emotional energy. Moms need safe places to share that load and permission to adjust their careers and ambitions as family needs change. And as kids move toward college and adulthood, moms may also find themselves wondering, What do I want now? Dr. Welsh encourages women to start small—notice the “breadcrumbs of joy,” reconnect with their preferences and desires, and give themselves time to discover what they want their next chapter to become.

3 Takeaways

1. Put yourself back into the equation.

When work and family both need something, moms often sacrifice themselves first. Your needs, desires, friendships, interests, and ambitions matter too. Taking care of yourself isn’t separate from taking care of your children—it helps you show up as a more whole and fulfilled person.

2. Redefine what ambition means to you.

Ambition doesn’t have to mean climbing a corporate ladder, earning more money, or achieving a prestigious title. You can be ambitious about connection, relationships, meaningful work, impact, creativity, peace, or having more breathing room in your life. And what you're ambitious about can change in different seasons.

3. Your kids are watching how you live your life.When moms pursue what matters to them, they model something powerful: You are allowed to have a meaningful, fulfilling life. Instead of teaching children that adulthood and parenthood require burnout and self-sacrifice, moms can demonstrate self-respect, flexibility, purpose, and fulfillment.

Learn More at: https://www.drannewelsh.com/ambitious-mother-book

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Have you become so busy taking care of everyone else that you've forgotten how to take care of yourself?

In this inspiring conversation, Colleen welcomes Cherie Ashana, author of The Sacred She Reset, to discuss why so many moms feel depleted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from themselves during midlife. Cherie shares her own story of burnout and how it led her to create a framework for helping women move from exhaustion to radiance. Together, they explore how suppressed anger often carries an important message, why self-care is not selfish but essential, and how reconnecting with yourself ultimately benefits your entire family. They also offer practical tools—including breathwork, journaling, and creating daily moments of stillness—to help moms reset their nervous systems and rediscover joy.

Three Key Takeaways

1. Your anger may be pointing to unmet needs.
Many moms spend years putting everyone else first. Over time, unexpressed needs can build into frustration or rage. Instead of judging your anger, get curious about what it's trying to tell you.

2. Small daily resets restore your nervous system.
Even five minutes each morning to breathe, place your hands over your heart, and ask yourself, "How am I feeling today?" can calm your nervous system and help you approach your family from a place of peace rather than depletion.

3. When moms become radiant, everyone benefits.
Taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. The joy, peace, and healthy boundaries you cultivate become the model your family experiences every day.

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Learn more at: https://awakenedshe.com/

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