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You’re in a meeting. You propose something directly: “We should trial this in Q2.” Your manager nods, writes it down, credits you in the follow-up email. Same meeting, same table. Your colleague proposes an identical idea: “I wonder if we could maybe try this... if that seems reasonable?” The manager asks clarifying questions. Doesn’t write it down immediately. Later, when the idea comes up, it gets attributed to you. Or gets explained back differently. Or gets framed as tentative until someone else restates it with more certainty.
Same words. Different cost. Different outcome. Different message about who belongs in the room.
For years, the feedback both of you probably heard was about communication style. Be more direct. Don’t hedge so much. Project more confidence. Speak up. The problem, the logic goes, is how you’re communicating. The solution is to communicate differently. Change yourself. No clear direction, just do.
But there’s another way to look at this.