We've all experienced those people that seem hot one minute and cold the next. Their mixed signals keep us wondering if they want to be besties or secretly planning our demise. The ups and downs of it can feel like a whiplashing rollercoaster. Solving the mystery can seem impossible, but we might just have your answers! In this episode, Justin and Abi are joined by their long-time friend and fellow Life Consultant, Rachel, to shine a light on disorganized attachment and its impact on relationships. As three people who've operated out of it, they unpack the origins of this pattern, the push-pull dynamics it creates, and the internal shame, fear, and powerlessness that come with it. From childhood trauma to emotional incest, they reflect on how early wounds shape our nervous systems—and what it takes for people with disorganized attachment to create stable connections. If you've ever felt like you're too much, too broken, or too confusing to love… this episode is for you. There is a path toward clarity, healing, and secure connection—and it starts with understanding. Don't miss out. You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife Don't forget to RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!
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360: A Guide to Expressing Your Emotions - Greatest Hits
Most of us were never taught how to feel emotions—let alone how to express them in a way that feels safe for us and the people we love. From family dynamics to gender norms to childhood survival strategies, our emotional patterns were shaped long before we had words to describe them. In this episode, Justin and Abi dive into one of the most common relationship struggles: how we respond to emotions—both our own and others'. They explore the battle between "too emotional" and "not emotional enough," sharing personal stories that reveal just how often those extremes are shaped by past pain. They also break down what's really happening in these moments—threat responses, nervous system dysregulation, and internalized judgments—and show what it looks like to feel without becoming consumed. Whether you've ever been shut down for having big feelings or felt overwhelmed by someone else's, this conversation will help you understand where those reactions come from and how to move toward emotional safety—for you and the people you care about. You won't want to miss this episode—it might just shift how you see emotional connection altogether. You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife Don't forget to RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!
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359: Overcoming Emotional Hurdles in a Relationship Pt. 1 - Greatest Hits
Most of us were never taught how to share pain in a way that brings connection. We were taught to explode, shut down, or stay silent—and those patterns don't just disappear when we get into relationships. In this episode, Justin and Abi explore the messy ways they both used to express pain—and the chaos it created in their marriage. From nonverbal shutdowns to emotional overwhelm and assumptions that turned into judgments, they explain how unspoken pain builds walls and leaves both people feeling powerless. You'll hear how their childhoods shaped their reactions, how misreading each other's signals led to bigger disconnects, and what it took to begin rewiring those patterns. If you've ever been told you're "too much" when you try to share your feelings—or you find yourself constantly shutting down instead of opening up—this episode will help you understand why. This is part one of a two-part series—don't miss it. You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife Don't forget to RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!
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358: Toxic Empathy Vs Healthy Empathy - Greatest Hits
Empathy can be one of the most destructive forces to connection—or one of the most powerful. Without it, relationships become cold and judgmental. But too much of it, without boundaries, and we lose ourselves trying to carry everyone else's pain. So how do we find that middle ground? In this episode, Justin and Abi unpack what healthy empathy looks like, and what happens when it gets twisted into judgment or codependency. They share raw and personal stories from their own marriage—navigating chronic illness, financial stress, different upbringings, and PTSD—to show how empathy helped them heal long-standing patterns of resentment, disconnection, and pain. You'll learn the difference between cognitive and affective empathy, how boundaries make empathy safer, and why being "too empathetic" can actually be a sign of unprocessed trauma. If you've ever struggled with being too empathetic, not empathetic enough, or confused about what empathy should look like in healthy relationships, this conversation is a game-changer. Don't miss out! You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife Don't forget to RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!
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357: What to Do When Your Partner Won't Change - Greatest Hits
Nothing is more frustrating than feeling stuck in a relationship where your partner refuses to change. Maybe you've had the same conversation a hundred times, but nothing ever shifts. Maybe they acknowledge the problem but don't take action. Or worse—maybe they don't even see an issue at all. In this episode, Justin and Abi dive into what to do when you're hitting a wall with your partner. They unpack the emotional toll of waiting for change, the difference between healthy patience and self-abandonment, and how to navigate the tension between acceptance and advocating for your needs. They also explore what true relational growth looks like—and why sometimes, the most powerful change you can make starts with yourself. If you've ever felt exhausted from trying to get your partner to evolve, this conversation will give you clarity, empowerment, and a new perspective on what's actually in your control. You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife Don't forget to RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!
The Connected Life is a thought-provoking conversation about all the beautiful and messy ups and downs of life. Join Life Consultants Justin & Abi Stumvoll as they share vulnerable stories and practical wisdom that will lead you on a journey of connecting with yourself, others, and the world right in front of you. Their authentic, no-BS style will make you laugh, challenge you to dig deep, face your fears, and inspire you to love yourself and others more.
South Africa