Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Healing After Betrayal – Moving from Broken to Brave with Tammy Gustafson

Have you ever done everything you were told a “good Christian wife” should do—pray harder, forgive quickly, submit more—only to find yourself deeply betrayed and wondering where God is in the middle of it all?

In this powerful conversation, Leslie sits down with counselor, speaker, and author Tammy Gustafson to talk honestly about betrayal trauma and the unique struggles Christian women face when their marriages are shattered by infidelity or sexual betrayal. Together, they unpack the spiritual confusion, misplaced responsibility, and emotional pain many women carry—and offer a path toward courageous, honest healing.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between your faith and your pain, this episode will help you find clarity, permission, and hope for moving from broken to brave.

Key Takeaways
When Faith Messages Keep Women Stuck

Many Christian women struggle to heal after betrayal because of harmful messages they’ve internalized—messages about submission, silence, and being responsible for their husband’s behavior. These teachings can make women feel small, guilty, or spiritually obligated to ignore their own pain. True healing requires untangling these distortions and rediscovering the heart of God, who sees and cares about the pain of betrayal.

Anger Is Not the Enemy—It’s Part of Healing

Anger is a normal and healthy response to betrayal. In fact, it’s often the energy that empowers women to set boundaries, find their voice, and begin healing. Tammy explains the difference between healthy anger, which helps us process grief, and rage, which harms. Suppressing anger often keeps women stuck, while honestly expressing it can move healing forward.

Why His Healing Can’t Be Your Job

After betrayal, many women instinctively focus on their husband’s shame, regret, or recovery. But this often stops the healing process. Tammy explains that true restoration begins when each person stays in their own “shoes”—the betrayer doing the hard work of repentance and change, and the betrayed partner focusing on her own healing. When that balance is restored, real transformation becomes possible.

Forgiveness Has a Process—And It Can’t Be Forced

Many Christian women are pressured to forgive quickly, but premature forgiveness can actually shut down the healing process. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the betrayal was okay, and it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. Instead, forgiveness usually comes after truth-telling, grieving, and processing anger. When women allow healing to unfold in the right order, forgiveness becomes freeing rather than forced.

Brave Healing Requires Strength and Self-Honor

Moving from broken to brave means stepping into your God-given worth and refusing to minimize the harm done to you. It means honoring your grief, setting boundaries, and recognizing that you deserve safety, honesty, and respect. Though this path may feel unfamiliar—or even selfish—it is often the courageous step toward real healing and freedom.

 

If this conversation resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate these questions by yourself.

If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is actually abuse—even if there’s no physical violence—I invite you to join my upcoming workshop:

Conquer Workshop: If He Doesn’t Hit Me, Is It Still Abuse? God Cares.
Register here: https://leslievernick.com/masterclass

This workshop will help you understand what healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics really look like—and what God says about your safety, dignity, and well-being.

Tammy is also offering a powerful resource for women navigating betrayal recovery:

To access the freebie, click here: https://betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/webinar-series-her-work/?coupon=LVFREE26

Her training will help you understand what helps—and what hurts—the healing process after betrayal.

 

Friend, if you are walking through the devastation of betrayal right now, please hear this: your pain matters, and God sees it.

Healing may take time. It may require courage you didn’t know you had. But you are not alone, and this painful chapter does not have to define the rest of your story.

With God’s help, wisdom, and the right support, it is possible to move from brokenness to strength—from confusion to clarity—and from despair to hope.

And I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

Finding Hope in the Deepest Pain

 

What happens when the unthinkable becomes your reality—and yet you still choose faith?

In today’s deeply moving episode, Leslie sits down with Hope Hooton, a courageous mother, advocate, and follower of Jesus whose life changed forever in May 2024 when her two children, Alec and Lydia, were tragically killed during court-ordered visitation with their father. In the midst of unspeakable grief, Hope has chosen to trust God and use her voice to protect other children.

Through her testimony, advocacy, and new memoir releasing today, Hope reminds us that even in devastating loss, God’s presence can still be found—and that purpose can rise from the deepest pain.

 

Key Takeaways
Recognizing the Red Flags of Abuse
Looking back, Hope can now clearly see the warning signs in her marriage—manipulation, gaslighting, emotional control, financial abuse, and power struggles. Abuse rarely starts dramatically; it often unfolds subtly over time. Naming these patterns is the first step toward protecting yourself and your children.

When Systems Fail to Protect Children
Despite documented domestic violence and severe mental illness, the court granted Hope’s husband unsupervised visitation with their young children. This devastating decision highlights a heartbreaking reality many mothers face: the family court system often prioritizes parental rights over child safety.

Faith That Holds in the Darkest Night
After losing her children, Hope’s life as she knew it disappeared overnight. Yet in her grief, she clung tightly to God’s presence—spending time in prayer, journaling, and meditating on Scripture. Proverbs 3:5–6 became her lifeline: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Turning Tragedy Into Purpose
Hope refused to allow her children’s story to end in silence. Through her social media platform Hope In The Pain, she shares encouragement, faith, and the reality of walking through grief with God. She also hosts the Voices Against Filicide Podcast, raising awareness about domestic violence, the abuse cycle, and cases of child homicide across the country.

Honoring Alec and Lydia Through Advocacy
Hope is now working with Arizona lawmakers to create stronger protections for children in custody cases. Her advocacy is helping bring critical attention to how family courts handle domestic violence and mental illness when making custody decisions.

 

Resources Mentioned
Hope’s New Memoir is Available TODAY (March 9):
There's Still Hope: A Journey of Adversity, Tragedy, and Unbreakable Faith

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1969338903

Arizona Legislation Honoring Alec & Lydia
Arizona legislation HB2995 has already passed the Arizona House of Representatives and is now moving forward to the Arizona Senate. This bill, referred to as The Alec and Lydia Act, aims to strengthen protections for children in family court cases by ensuring judges receive training in domestic violence, coercive control, trauma response, and mental illness when making custody decisions.

Please join us in praying that this legislation passes the Arizona Senate, helping protect vulnerable children and families across the state.

Hope’s Podcast:
Voices Against Filicide

Follow Hope on Social Media:
Hope In The Pain (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube)

Hope’s Links and Advocacy Resources:
https://linktr.ee/hopeinthepain?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=ccf41026-a8de-4055-9869-c221b71b91bf

Personal Invitation
If today’s conversation resonated with you—if you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship is simply difficult, deeply disappointing, or actually destructive—clarity is the first step toward wisdom and safety.

Leslie has created a free resource to help you understand what you’re dealing with and what healthy next steps might look like.

Download the Relationship Quick Start Guide here:
https://leslievernick.com/guide

This guide will help you discern the difference between difficult, disappointing, and destructive relationships, and begin moving forward with truth, courage, and biblical wisdom.

 

Hope’s story is a reminder that even when life breaks our hearts in unimaginable ways, God has not abandoned us.

Pain may be part of our story, but it is never the end of it.

If you are walking through grief, fear, or confusion today, remember this: God sees you, He is near to the brokenhearted, and with His help you can take the next step forward.

There is still hope.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and quietly wondered, “Who am I really?”

Not what you do. Not the roles you play. Not what others expect of you. But who you truly are.

In this deeply honest and hope-filled conversation, I’m joined again by our team coach, Susan King, as we explore what Scripture says about your identity—not just your duties. Together, we unpack how Christian women—especially those in destructive or emotionally unhealthy marriages—lose their sense of self and how to begin reclaiming the woman God created you to be. If you’ve been pretending things are “fine” when they aren’t, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, clarity, and courage.

Key Takeaways
1. You Are Called to Be, Not Just to Do
So many women are taught their role—wife, mom, helper—but not their identity. Yet Scripture tells us something far deeper.

You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). You are a chosen daughter, a royal priesthood, set apart and beloved. Before you accomplish anything, before you serve anyone, your identity is secure in Christ.

When we begin reading the Bible not as a rulebook but as a mirror—asking, “What does this say about who God is and who I am?”—everything changes.

2. If You’ve Been Pretending, It’s Time to Come Home to Yourself
One brave listener asked, “How do I find out who I am? I feel like I’ve been pretending most of my life.”

If that’s you, start here:

What have you been pretending to be?

What would change if you stopped pretending?

What virtues reflect who you truly are?

Your identity is not your temporary emotions. It’s not others’ opinions. It’s rooted in your God-given character and values.

Notice when you lose track of time because you’re fully alive. Notice what brings you joy. Notice what stirs your heart. These clues aren’t selfish—they’re sacred.

3. Why So Many Christian Women Lose Themselves
In destructive or controlling marriages, women often experience subtle erosion—constant undermining, gaslighting, or isolation. Over time, they internalize the belief that their thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter.

But even in “good” marriages, many women self-abandon. We’ve been taught that becoming “one” means losing ourselves. That loving means over-functioning. That serving means silencing our voice.

That is not biblical oneness. That is erasure.

Healthy oneness honors two whole people—each with a voice, a body, and a soul.

4. Caring for Yourself Is Stewardship, Not Selfishness
So many women struggle with shame when they begin asking, “What do I need?”

But Scripture never calls you to neglect yourself. Jesus modeled rest, solitude, nourishment, and boundaries.

Stewarding your one precious life is not self-absorption—it’s obedience. When your tank is empty, you cannot love wisely. Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish; it’s responsible.

Ask yourself:

What brought me joy today?

What drained me?

What small change would help me show up as my best self?

Small awareness leads to big transformation.

5. “He’s Fine”… But You’re Not
One of the most painful dynamics women describe is this:
“My husband acts like everything is fine. And I start doubting myself.”

Here’s the truth:
Things may genuinely be fine for him.

But that doesn’t mean they’re fine for you.

You are allowed to be a separate self with separate experiences. Instead of arguing about whether things are “really fine,” try saying:
“I understand that this feels okay to you. But it’s not okay for me. And that matters.”

Healthy love cares when something isn’t fine for the other person.

If you’re realizing that you’ve lost sight of who you are…
If you’ve been stuck pretending…
If you feel erased in your own life…

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Join Walking in CORE Strength, our transformational program designed to help you rediscover your voice, rebuild your confidence, and grow strong from the inside out—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

Learn more and join here:
👉 https://leslievernick.com/strong

Sweet friend, you are not just a role.
You are not invisible.
You are not too much—or not enough.

You are God’s beloved daughter.

Even if you’ve been pretending for years, it is not too late to come home to yourself. With God’s help and a little courage, you can grow into the strong, dignified, wise woman He created you to be.

You are not alone.
And change is possible.

Until next time, take gentle care of your heart.

Have you ever thought you finally met the right one—only to discover, painfully, that everything he said was a lie?

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with media expert and speaker Beverly Hallberg to unpack her harrowing journey through a deceptive and destructive marriage. From whirlwind courtship to abuse behind closed doors, Beverly opens up about the spiritual confusion, grief, and courage it took to get free—and the God who never left her. This is an episode every woman navigating confusing relationship dynamics needs to hear.

Key Takeaways
“He Wasn’t Who He Said He Was”: The Power of Deception
Beverly shares how her abuser cloaked himself in faith, family values, and kindness—appearing to be the ideal match. But soon after the wedding, the mask dropped. She explains how yellow flags were hidden in grief, charm, and shared spiritual language, making discernment incredibly difficult.
→ You’re not foolish if you didn’t see it. These relationships are built on intentional deceit.

When Abuse is Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual
From subtle sabotage to explosive rage and spiritual manipulation, Beverly's marriage wasn’t just disappointing—it was destructive. She bravely recounts the patterns of control, harm, and gaslighting that unraveled her emotionally and physically.
→ Abuse is not just about bruises. It’s about patterns that diminish, devalue, and destroy.

God Doesn’t Value Marriage Over Safety
Wrestling with Scripture and shame, Beverly found clarity in truth: God cares more about the people in the marriage than preserving the institution at all costs. Biblical wisdom and wise counsel helped her see that staying would harm not just her—but enable his sin.
→ God does not call you to stay in harm’s way to keep a vow someone else already broke.

Healing Isn’t Linear—but It’s Real
Beverly shares her long road back to emotional and spiritual wholeness. From losing her in-laws to enduring an ectopic pregnancy alone, her healing came through community, Scripture, and reclaiming her voice.
→ You can heal. It takes time, safe people, and honesty—but freedom is possible.

To the Woman Who Feels Stuck: You Are Not Alone
Speaking directly to women who may not have the resources or support Beverly did, she offers wisdom on safety planning, building a support system, and why even one safe parent can make all the difference for children.
→ The first step is to tell someone. God will meet you as you take that step.

Personal Invitation
If Beverly’s story hit close to home, you might be wondering, How am I supposed to be OK, when he's not? That’s a critical question, and you don’t have to answer it alone. Leslie is offering a free, faith-based webinar designed to give you the clarity and confidence to take your next right step.

During this free training, we will cover:

How to clearly define your problem, the other person’s problem (at least in your opinion), and the problem in your relationship.

The difference between love that’s motivated by fear and love that’s motivated by freedom—and what it takes to make the switch.

How to listen beneath the surface of nice words, flattery, and love bombing to discern what’s true so that you can make good choices going forward.

How to build your own internal strength so that his weaknesses—or yours—don’t get the best of you.

...and much more.

Reserve your spot now: https://leslievernick.com/problem

Beloved, God sees. He sees your tears, your confusion, your exhaustion—and He cares. You are not alone, and you are not beyond hope. No matter how deep the pain or how tangled the web, God is a God of truth, healing, and freedom. You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take the next brave step.

You were made for more than survival. You were made to live in peace, truth, and safety.

Watch Mike Winger’s message on abuse and divorce: View Here

When Should I Talk to a Lawyer (Even If I'm Not Planning to Divorce?)
Have you ever wondered if reaching out to a lawyer makes you disloyal—or unfaithful—to your marriage or to God?
Many Christian women in painful or destructive relationships fear that even considering legal advice is a betrayal. But today’s episode is here to shine light on the truth: seeking legal counsel doesn’t mean you’re filing for divorce—it means you’re taking wise, informed steps to protect yourself, your children, and your peace of mind.

Leslie welcomes back trusted friend and family law attorney Maryann Modesti, who brings over 30 years of experience and gospel-centered wisdom to this critical conversation. Whether you're feeling stuck, scared, or simply unsure of what’s next, this episode will empower you to walk in truth, courage, and godly stewardship—without shame.

Key Takeaways
1. Seeking Legal Counsel is Not a Sin
Talking to a lawyer does not equal filing for divorce. It's a step toward wisdom, clarity, and stewardship.
God calls us to seek truth, especially when we’re confused or afraid. Consulting a lawyer allows you to understand your rights and responsibilities and prepares you for whatever path you may need to take next.

2. Red Flags That Signal It’s Time to Get Information
Subtle but destructive behaviors—like isolation, financial control, hidden assets, gaslighting, or coercion—can erode your identity and safety. If you're constantly doubting yourself or feel emotionally trapped, it's time to seek clarity from a legal professional—even if you're not ready to leave.

3. Delay Can Have Serious Consequences
Waiting too long can cost you financially, emotionally, and relationally—especially when children are involved. Without legal awareness, women risk losing financial control, custody advantages, and personal agency. Abuse often escalates, and silence can cause deeper damage over time.

4. Choose the Right Kind of Lawyer
Look for integrity, experience, and someone who truly listens and understands the nuances of covert abuse, religious manipulation, or controlling behaviors. A trustworthy attorney doesn’t just fight—she counsels, balances wisdom with practicality, and helps you discern the cost of peace over the cost of war.

5. You’re Not Being Ungodly—You’re Being Wise
God cares deeply about your safety, your sanity, and the well-being of your children. Seeking legal counsel is part of being a faithful steward of the life, resources, and role God has entrusted to you. Truth is never the enemy of faith—it is the foundation of it.

Need Help Navigating These Hard Realities?
If someone else’s behaviors are affecting your peace, we invite you to our free webinar:

I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay

You’ll learn how to set healthy emotional boundaries, recognize what's yours to carry, and protect your well-being even when others don’t change.

You Are Not Alone
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: gathering information is not rebellion—it’s wisdom.
You don’t have to make big decisions today, but you do deserve to understand your options. God is with you in this process. He is for your dignity, your healing, and your future. You are not powerless—you are being equipped. And we’re walking with you.