Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Have you ever wondered whether what you’re living through is really abuse—or if maybe you’ve just been told for so long to “pray harder,” “submit more,” and “be a better wife” that you no longer trust your own reality? In this deeply honest episode, Leslie sits down with Kelly Yazzie, Leslie Vernick & Company’s community manager, to talk about her painful journey through sexual abuse, spiritual manipulation, coercive control, and the long road to clarity and healing.

Kelly shares how years of harmful teaching, church responses, and confusion around what God really asks of women kept her trapped in a destructive marriage. But she also offers hope. Through Scripture, truth, support, and courage, Kelly began to reclaim her voice, rebuild her faith, and discover that God does not ask us to suffer our best for someone else’s worst.

Key Takeaways

Abuse can begin early and still be hard to name
Kelly shares that the abuse in her marriage began on her honeymoon, yet it took her years to fully recognize it for what it was. When harmful behavior is wrapped in spiritual language or normalized by church culture, women often question themselves instead of naming the truth.

Bad theology can keep women bonded to harm
One of the most heartbreaking parts of Kelly’s story is how often she sought help, only to be sent back into danger. This episode shines a light on how distorted teachings about submission, forgiveness, and suffering can be used to pressure women to endure abuse rather than wisely confront it.

Biblical submission is not silence, coercion, or one-sided obedience
Kelly unpacks how studying Scripture with fresh eyes changed everything for her. She came to see that biblical submission is mutual and rooted in reverence for Christ, not in domination, fear, or forced compliance.

Healing begins when confusion starts to lift
After discovering her husband’s adultery, Kelly began questioning everything she had been taught. Through Scripture, Leslie’s book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, and the support of safe women, the fog began to clear and she could finally see the manipulation and control for what it was.

You are the one who must choose before God
One of the most powerful moments in this episode is Kelly’s reminder that she was the one who had to make the decision about her future. Even when spiritual leaders pressured her toward a certain outcome, she learned that a godly woman must discern, with God’s help, what is true, wise, and necessary for her own safety and stewardship.

A Personal Invitation

If Kelly’s story stirred something in you and you’re realizing you need clarity, support, and a safer next step, the Quick Start Guide is a wonderful place to begin. It’s designed to help you better understand what’s happening in your relationship, ground yourself in truth, and take wise, practical steps forward.

Get the Quick Start Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide

 

Friend, if you have been living under the weight of fear, confusion, or spiritual pressure, please hear this: God sees you. He is not asking you to deny reality in order to be faithful. He is a God of truth, love, wisdom, and light.

There is hope for healing. There is freedom on the other side of confusion. And with God’s help, you can reclaim your voice, renew your faith, and take your next step in courage.

Boundaries, Overfunctioning, and Finding Your Voice in Difficult Relationships

Have you ever tried to set a boundary… only to feel shut down, ignored, or even guilted into backing down?

In this honest and practical episode, Leslie is joined by trusted coach Diana Bala to walk through real-life questions women face every day—how to hold boundaries when someone is angry, how to navigate emotionally draining family dynamics, and how to stop overfunctioning in relationships. Together, they offer compassionate wisdom, biblical truth, and actionable steps to help you move from confusion and exhaustion to clarity and courage. 

 

Key Takeaways

1. Boundaries Are About Your Actions—Not Controlling Theirs
One of the biggest misunderstandings about boundaries is thinking they’re about stopping someone else’s behavior. They’re not. Boundaries are about what you will do when someone behaves in a way that feels unsafe or unhealthy.
Instead of saying, “You can’t yell at me,” a healthier boundary is: “I’m not willing to stay in this conversation when you’re yelling.” This shift empowers you to take responsibility for your own well-being.

2. Staying Grounded When Emotions Escalate
When someone raises their voice or pressures you, your body naturally reacts. You may feel anxious, frozen, or overwhelmed—and that’s normal.
Learning to regulate yourself in those moments—through grounding, breathing, and staying focused on your boundary—helps you avoid getting pulled into circular arguments. You don’t have to respond to every accusation; you can calmly repeat your boundary and disengage.

3. Small Boundaries Still Count (And Build Courage)
If strong, direct boundaries feel unsafe or overwhelming, start small. Even saying, “I can’t talk right now,” or taking a break can be a powerful first step.
These small shifts begin to change the dynamic. They also give you valuable information about how safe the relationship truly is—and whether additional support or a safety plan may be needed.

4. You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Reactions
This is one of the hardest truths to accept: people may feel disappointed, angry, or upset when you set a boundary—and that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Just as Jesus didn’t say “yes” to everyone, you are allowed to honor your limits. You can be kind and empathetic toward someone’s feelings without taking responsibility for managing them.

5. Overfunctioning Keeps Others From Growing
Overfunctioning often comes from a good heart—but it can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and imbalance. It may even prevent others from stepping into their own responsibilities.
Ask yourself: What am I getting out of this? and Is this actually helping—or enabling?
Letting go of overfunctioning means setting internal boundaries first—deciding what you will and won’t carry—and then consistently following through, even when it feels uncomfortable.

 

If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, draining, or even destructive, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

The CONQUER Membership is a safe, faith-based space designed specifically for Christian women who want clarity, healing, and practical support. Inside, you’ll find biblical teaching, live coaching, and a community of women walking a similar path.

👉 Learn more here: https://leslievernick.com/membership

 

Friend, learning to set boundaries isn’t about becoming harsh or unkind—it’s about becoming whole.

God cares deeply about your dignity, your safety, and your well-being. As you begin to take even small steps toward honoring yourself, you are also stepping closer to the life of peace and freedom He desires for you.

You are not alone in this journey. With courage, practice, and God’s guidance, change is possible.

Healing After Betrayal – Moving from Broken to Brave with Tammy Gustafson

Have you ever done everything you were told a “good Christian wife” should do—pray harder, forgive quickly, submit more—only to find yourself deeply betrayed and wondering where God is in the middle of it all?

In this powerful conversation, Leslie sits down with counselor, speaker, and author Tammy Gustafson to talk honestly about betrayal trauma and the unique struggles Christian women face when their marriages are shattered by infidelity or sexual betrayal. Together, they unpack the spiritual confusion, misplaced responsibility, and emotional pain many women carry—and offer a path toward courageous, honest healing.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between your faith and your pain, this episode will help you find clarity, permission, and hope for moving from broken to brave.

Key Takeaways
When Faith Messages Keep Women Stuck

Many Christian women struggle to heal after betrayal because of harmful messages they’ve internalized—messages about submission, silence, and being responsible for their husband’s behavior. These teachings can make women feel small, guilty, or spiritually obligated to ignore their own pain. True healing requires untangling these distortions and rediscovering the heart of God, who sees and cares about the pain of betrayal.

Anger Is Not the Enemy—It’s Part of Healing

Anger is a normal and healthy response to betrayal. In fact, it’s often the energy that empowers women to set boundaries, find their voice, and begin healing. Tammy explains the difference between healthy anger, which helps us process grief, and rage, which harms. Suppressing anger often keeps women stuck, while honestly expressing it can move healing forward.

Why His Healing Can’t Be Your Job

After betrayal, many women instinctively focus on their husband’s shame, regret, or recovery. But this often stops the healing process. Tammy explains that true restoration begins when each person stays in their own “shoes”—the betrayer doing the hard work of repentance and change, and the betrayed partner focusing on her own healing. When that balance is restored, real transformation becomes possible.

Forgiveness Has a Process—And It Can’t Be Forced

Many Christian women are pressured to forgive quickly, but premature forgiveness can actually shut down the healing process. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the betrayal was okay, and it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. Instead, forgiveness usually comes after truth-telling, grieving, and processing anger. When women allow healing to unfold in the right order, forgiveness becomes freeing rather than forced.

Brave Healing Requires Strength and Self-Honor

Moving from broken to brave means stepping into your God-given worth and refusing to minimize the harm done to you. It means honoring your grief, setting boundaries, and recognizing that you deserve safety, honesty, and respect. Though this path may feel unfamiliar—or even selfish—it is often the courageous step toward real healing and freedom.

 

If this conversation resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate these questions by yourself.

If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is actually abuse—even if there’s no physical violence—I invite you to join my upcoming workshop:

Conquer Workshop: If He Doesn’t Hit Me, Is It Still Abuse? God Cares.
Register here: https://leslievernick.com/masterclass

This workshop will help you understand what healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics really look like—and what God says about your safety, dignity, and well-being.

Tammy is also offering a powerful resource for women navigating betrayal recovery:

To access the freebie, click here: https://betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/webinar-series-her-work/?coupon=LVFREE26

Her training will help you understand what helps—and what hurts—the healing process after betrayal.

 

Friend, if you are walking through the devastation of betrayal right now, please hear this: your pain matters, and God sees it.

Healing may take time. It may require courage you didn’t know you had. But you are not alone, and this painful chapter does not have to define the rest of your story.

With God’s help, wisdom, and the right support, it is possible to move from brokenness to strength—from confusion to clarity—and from despair to hope.

And I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

Finding Hope in the Deepest Pain

 

What happens when the unthinkable becomes your reality—and yet you still choose faith?

In today’s deeply moving episode, Leslie sits down with Hope Hooton, a courageous mother, advocate, and follower of Jesus whose life changed forever in May 2024 when her two children, Alec and Lydia, were tragically killed during court-ordered visitation with their father. In the midst of unspeakable grief, Hope has chosen to trust God and use her voice to protect other children.

Through her testimony, advocacy, and new memoir releasing today, Hope reminds us that even in devastating loss, God’s presence can still be found—and that purpose can rise from the deepest pain.

 

Key Takeaways
Recognizing the Red Flags of Abuse
Looking back, Hope can now clearly see the warning signs in her marriage—manipulation, gaslighting, emotional control, financial abuse, and power struggles. Abuse rarely starts dramatically; it often unfolds subtly over time. Naming these patterns is the first step toward protecting yourself and your children.

When Systems Fail to Protect Children
Despite documented domestic violence and severe mental illness, the court granted Hope’s husband unsupervised visitation with their young children. This devastating decision highlights a heartbreaking reality many mothers face: the family court system often prioritizes parental rights over child safety.

Faith That Holds in the Darkest Night
After losing her children, Hope’s life as she knew it disappeared overnight. Yet in her grief, she clung tightly to God’s presence—spending time in prayer, journaling, and meditating on Scripture. Proverbs 3:5–6 became her lifeline: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Turning Tragedy Into Purpose
Hope refused to allow her children’s story to end in silence. Through her social media platform Hope In The Pain, she shares encouragement, faith, and the reality of walking through grief with God. She also hosts the Voices Against Filicide Podcast, raising awareness about domestic violence, the abuse cycle, and cases of child homicide across the country.

Honoring Alec and Lydia Through Advocacy
Hope is now working with Arizona lawmakers to create stronger protections for children in custody cases. Her advocacy is helping bring critical attention to how family courts handle domestic violence and mental illness when making custody decisions.

 

Resources Mentioned
Hope’s New Memoir is Available TODAY (March 9):
There's Still Hope: A Journey of Adversity, Tragedy, and Unbreakable Faith

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1969338903

Arizona Legislation Honoring Alec & Lydia
Arizona legislation HB2995 has already passed the Arizona House of Representatives and is now moving forward to the Arizona Senate. This bill, referred to as The Alec and Lydia Act, aims to strengthen protections for children in family court cases by ensuring judges receive training in domestic violence, coercive control, trauma response, and mental illness when making custody decisions.

Please join us in praying that this legislation passes the Arizona Senate, helping protect vulnerable children and families across the state.

Hope’s Podcast:
Voices Against Filicide

Follow Hope on Social Media:
Hope In The Pain (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube)

Hope’s Links and Advocacy Resources:
https://linktr.ee/hopeinthepain?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=ccf41026-a8de-4055-9869-c221b71b91bf

Personal Invitation
If today’s conversation resonated with you—if you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship is simply difficult, deeply disappointing, or actually destructive—clarity is the first step toward wisdom and safety.

Leslie has created a free resource to help you understand what you’re dealing with and what healthy next steps might look like.

Download the Relationship Quick Start Guide here:
https://leslievernick.com/guide

This guide will help you discern the difference between difficult, disappointing, and destructive relationships, and begin moving forward with truth, courage, and biblical wisdom.

 

Hope’s story is a reminder that even when life breaks our hearts in unimaginable ways, God has not abandoned us.

Pain may be part of our story, but it is never the end of it.

If you are walking through grief, fear, or confusion today, remember this: God sees you, He is near to the brokenhearted, and with His help you can take the next step forward.

There is still hope.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and quietly wondered, “Who am I really?”

Not what you do. Not the roles you play. Not what others expect of you. But who you truly are.

In this deeply honest and hope-filled conversation, I’m joined again by our team coach, Susan King, as we explore what Scripture says about your identity—not just your duties. Together, we unpack how Christian women—especially those in destructive or emotionally unhealthy marriages—lose their sense of self and how to begin reclaiming the woman God created you to be. If you’ve been pretending things are “fine” when they aren’t, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, clarity, and courage.

Key Takeaways
1. You Are Called to Be, Not Just to Do
So many women are taught their role—wife, mom, helper—but not their identity. Yet Scripture tells us something far deeper.

You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). You are a chosen daughter, a royal priesthood, set apart and beloved. Before you accomplish anything, before you serve anyone, your identity is secure in Christ.

When we begin reading the Bible not as a rulebook but as a mirror—asking, “What does this say about who God is and who I am?”—everything changes.

2. If You’ve Been Pretending, It’s Time to Come Home to Yourself
One brave listener asked, “How do I find out who I am? I feel like I’ve been pretending most of my life.”

If that’s you, start here:

What have you been pretending to be?

What would change if you stopped pretending?

What virtues reflect who you truly are?

Your identity is not your temporary emotions. It’s not others’ opinions. It’s rooted in your God-given character and values.

Notice when you lose track of time because you’re fully alive. Notice what brings you joy. Notice what stirs your heart. These clues aren’t selfish—they’re sacred.

3. Why So Many Christian Women Lose Themselves
In destructive or controlling marriages, women often experience subtle erosion—constant undermining, gaslighting, or isolation. Over time, they internalize the belief that their thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter.

But even in “good” marriages, many women self-abandon. We’ve been taught that becoming “one” means losing ourselves. That loving means over-functioning. That serving means silencing our voice.

That is not biblical oneness. That is erasure.

Healthy oneness honors two whole people—each with a voice, a body, and a soul.

4. Caring for Yourself Is Stewardship, Not Selfishness
So many women struggle with shame when they begin asking, “What do I need?”

But Scripture never calls you to neglect yourself. Jesus modeled rest, solitude, nourishment, and boundaries.

Stewarding your one precious life is not self-absorption—it’s obedience. When your tank is empty, you cannot love wisely. Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish; it’s responsible.

Ask yourself:

What brought me joy today?

What drained me?

What small change would help me show up as my best self?

Small awareness leads to big transformation.

5. “He’s Fine”… But You’re Not
One of the most painful dynamics women describe is this:
“My husband acts like everything is fine. And I start doubting myself.”

Here’s the truth:
Things may genuinely be fine for him.

But that doesn’t mean they’re fine for you.

You are allowed to be a separate self with separate experiences. Instead of arguing about whether things are “really fine,” try saying:
“I understand that this feels okay to you. But it’s not okay for me. And that matters.”

Healthy love cares when something isn’t fine for the other person.

If you’re realizing that you’ve lost sight of who you are…
If you’ve been stuck pretending…
If you feel erased in your own life…

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Join Walking in CORE Strength, our transformational program designed to help you rediscover your voice, rebuild your confidence, and grow strong from the inside out—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

Learn more and join here:
👉 https://leslievernick.com/strong

Sweet friend, you are not just a role.
You are not invisible.
You are not too much—or not enough.

You are God’s beloved daughter.

Even if you’ve been pretending for years, it is not too late to come home to yourself. With God’s help and a little courage, you can grow into the strong, dignified, wise woman He created you to be.

You are not alone.
And change is possible.

Until next time, take gentle care of your heart.