Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Have you ever looked in the mirror and quietly wondered, “Who am I really?”

Not what you do. Not the roles you play. Not what others expect of you. But who you truly are.

In this deeply honest and hope-filled conversation, I’m joined again by our team coach, Susan King, as we explore what Scripture says about your identity—not just your duties. Together, we unpack how Christian women—especially those in destructive or emotionally unhealthy marriages—lose their sense of self and how to begin reclaiming the woman God created you to be. If you’ve been pretending things are “fine” when they aren’t, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, clarity, and courage.

Key Takeaways
1. You Are Called to Be, Not Just to Do
So many women are taught their role—wife, mom, helper—but not their identity. Yet Scripture tells us something far deeper.

You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). You are a chosen daughter, a royal priesthood, set apart and beloved. Before you accomplish anything, before you serve anyone, your identity is secure in Christ.

When we begin reading the Bible not as a rulebook but as a mirror—asking, “What does this say about who God is and who I am?”—everything changes.

2. If You’ve Been Pretending, It’s Time to Come Home to Yourself
One brave listener asked, “How do I find out who I am? I feel like I’ve been pretending most of my life.”

If that’s you, start here:

What have you been pretending to be?

What would change if you stopped pretending?

What virtues reflect who you truly are?

Your identity is not your temporary emotions. It’s not others’ opinions. It’s rooted in your God-given character and values.

Notice when you lose track of time because you’re fully alive. Notice what brings you joy. Notice what stirs your heart. These clues aren’t selfish—they’re sacred.

3. Why So Many Christian Women Lose Themselves
In destructive or controlling marriages, women often experience subtle erosion—constant undermining, gaslighting, or isolation. Over time, they internalize the belief that their thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter.

But even in “good” marriages, many women self-abandon. We’ve been taught that becoming “one” means losing ourselves. That loving means over-functioning. That serving means silencing our voice.

That is not biblical oneness. That is erasure.

Healthy oneness honors two whole people—each with a voice, a body, and a soul.

4. Caring for Yourself Is Stewardship, Not Selfishness
So many women struggle with shame when they begin asking, “What do I need?”

But Scripture never calls you to neglect yourself. Jesus modeled rest, solitude, nourishment, and boundaries.

Stewarding your one precious life is not self-absorption—it’s obedience. When your tank is empty, you cannot love wisely. Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish; it’s responsible.

Ask yourself:

What brought me joy today?

What drained me?

What small change would help me show up as my best self?

Small awareness leads to big transformation.

5. “He’s Fine”… But You’re Not
One of the most painful dynamics women describe is this:
“My husband acts like everything is fine. And I start doubting myself.”

Here’s the truth:
Things may genuinely be fine for him.

But that doesn’t mean they’re fine for you.

You are allowed to be a separate self with separate experiences. Instead of arguing about whether things are “really fine,” try saying:
“I understand that this feels okay to you. But it’s not okay for me. And that matters.”

Healthy love cares when something isn’t fine for the other person.

If you’re realizing that you’ve lost sight of who you are…
If you’ve been stuck pretending…
If you feel erased in your own life…

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Join Walking in CORE Strength, our transformational program designed to help you rediscover your voice, rebuild your confidence, and grow strong from the inside out—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

Learn more and join here:
👉 https://leslievernick.com/strong

Sweet friend, you are not just a role.
You are not invisible.
You are not too much—or not enough.

You are God’s beloved daughter.

Even if you’ve been pretending for years, it is not too late to come home to yourself. With God’s help and a little courage, you can grow into the strong, dignified, wise woman He created you to be.

You are not alone.
And change is possible.

Until next time, take gentle care of your heart.

Have you ever thought you finally met the right one—only to discover, painfully, that everything he said was a lie?

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with media expert and speaker Beverly Hallberg to unpack her harrowing journey through a deceptive and destructive marriage. From whirlwind courtship to abuse behind closed doors, Beverly opens up about the spiritual confusion, grief, and courage it took to get free—and the God who never left her. This is an episode every woman navigating confusing relationship dynamics needs to hear.

Key Takeaways
“He Wasn’t Who He Said He Was”: The Power of Deception
Beverly shares how her abuser cloaked himself in faith, family values, and kindness—appearing to be the ideal match. But soon after the wedding, the mask dropped. She explains how yellow flags were hidden in grief, charm, and shared spiritual language, making discernment incredibly difficult.
→ You’re not foolish if you didn’t see it. These relationships are built on intentional deceit.

When Abuse is Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual
From subtle sabotage to explosive rage and spiritual manipulation, Beverly's marriage wasn’t just disappointing—it was destructive. She bravely recounts the patterns of control, harm, and gaslighting that unraveled her emotionally and physically.
→ Abuse is not just about bruises. It’s about patterns that diminish, devalue, and destroy.

God Doesn’t Value Marriage Over Safety
Wrestling with Scripture and shame, Beverly found clarity in truth: God cares more about the people in the marriage than preserving the institution at all costs. Biblical wisdom and wise counsel helped her see that staying would harm not just her—but enable his sin.
→ God does not call you to stay in harm’s way to keep a vow someone else already broke.

Healing Isn’t Linear—but It’s Real
Beverly shares her long road back to emotional and spiritual wholeness. From losing her in-laws to enduring an ectopic pregnancy alone, her healing came through community, Scripture, and reclaiming her voice.
→ You can heal. It takes time, safe people, and honesty—but freedom is possible.

To the Woman Who Feels Stuck: You Are Not Alone
Speaking directly to women who may not have the resources or support Beverly did, she offers wisdom on safety planning, building a support system, and why even one safe parent can make all the difference for children.
→ The first step is to tell someone. God will meet you as you take that step.

Personal Invitation
If Beverly’s story hit close to home, you might be wondering, How am I supposed to be OK, when he's not? That’s a critical question, and you don’t have to answer it alone. Leslie is offering a free, faith-based webinar designed to give you the clarity and confidence to take your next right step.

During this free training, we will cover:

How to clearly define your problem, the other person’s problem (at least in your opinion), and the problem in your relationship.

The difference between love that’s motivated by fear and love that’s motivated by freedom—and what it takes to make the switch.

How to listen beneath the surface of nice words, flattery, and love bombing to discern what’s true so that you can make good choices going forward.

How to build your own internal strength so that his weaknesses—or yours—don’t get the best of you.

...and much more.

Reserve your spot now: https://leslievernick.com/problem

Beloved, God sees. He sees your tears, your confusion, your exhaustion—and He cares. You are not alone, and you are not beyond hope. No matter how deep the pain or how tangled the web, God is a God of truth, healing, and freedom. You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take the next brave step.

You were made for more than survival. You were made to live in peace, truth, and safety.

Watch Mike Winger’s message on abuse and divorce: View Here

When Should I Talk to a Lawyer (Even If I'm Not Planning to Divorce?)
Have you ever wondered if reaching out to a lawyer makes you disloyal—or unfaithful—to your marriage or to God?
Many Christian women in painful or destructive relationships fear that even considering legal advice is a betrayal. But today’s episode is here to shine light on the truth: seeking legal counsel doesn’t mean you’re filing for divorce—it means you’re taking wise, informed steps to protect yourself, your children, and your peace of mind.

Leslie welcomes back trusted friend and family law attorney Maryann Modesti, who brings over 30 years of experience and gospel-centered wisdom to this critical conversation. Whether you're feeling stuck, scared, or simply unsure of what’s next, this episode will empower you to walk in truth, courage, and godly stewardship—without shame.

Key Takeaways
1. Seeking Legal Counsel is Not a Sin
Talking to a lawyer does not equal filing for divorce. It's a step toward wisdom, clarity, and stewardship.
God calls us to seek truth, especially when we’re confused or afraid. Consulting a lawyer allows you to understand your rights and responsibilities and prepares you for whatever path you may need to take next.

2. Red Flags That Signal It’s Time to Get Information
Subtle but destructive behaviors—like isolation, financial control, hidden assets, gaslighting, or coercion—can erode your identity and safety. If you're constantly doubting yourself or feel emotionally trapped, it's time to seek clarity from a legal professional—even if you're not ready to leave.

3. Delay Can Have Serious Consequences
Waiting too long can cost you financially, emotionally, and relationally—especially when children are involved. Without legal awareness, women risk losing financial control, custody advantages, and personal agency. Abuse often escalates, and silence can cause deeper damage over time.

4. Choose the Right Kind of Lawyer
Look for integrity, experience, and someone who truly listens and understands the nuances of covert abuse, religious manipulation, or controlling behaviors. A trustworthy attorney doesn’t just fight—she counsels, balances wisdom with practicality, and helps you discern the cost of peace over the cost of war.

5. You’re Not Being Ungodly—You’re Being Wise
God cares deeply about your safety, your sanity, and the well-being of your children. Seeking legal counsel is part of being a faithful steward of the life, resources, and role God has entrusted to you. Truth is never the enemy of faith—it is the foundation of it.

Need Help Navigating These Hard Realities?
If someone else’s behaviors are affecting your peace, we invite you to our free webinar:

I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay

You’ll learn how to set healthy emotional boundaries, recognize what's yours to carry, and protect your well-being even when others don’t change.

You Are Not Alone
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: gathering information is not rebellion—it’s wisdom.
You don’t have to make big decisions today, but you do deserve to understand your options. God is with you in this process. He is for your dignity, your healing, and your future. You are not powerless—you are being equipped. And we’re walking with you.

Resilience After Abuse: What It Really Means and How to Rebuild

Key Takeaways

Have you ever felt so broken by your past that the idea of “resilience” feels impossible or even offensive?
You're not alone. In this honest and hope-filled conversation, Leslie sits down with licensed therapist and trauma expert Tabitha Westbrook to unpack what true resilience looks like after abuse, trauma, or coercive control. They explore how healing is not about forgetting the past or slapping on a spiritual Band-Aid, but about gently—and courageously—cleaning off your front porch, one step at a time.

If you're feeling numb, overwhelmed, or wondering why you're not "over it yet," this episode will ground you in truth, compassion, and practical steps to begin rebuilding—body, mind, and spirit.

Key Takeaways from Today’s Episode:

Resilience Isn’t Pretending It Didn’t Happen
True resilience doesn’t mean denying the trauma or "getting over it." It means facing what’s been dumped on your porch—the trash, the rats, the grief—and slowly beginning to clean it up. You may not have caused the mess, but you are worthy of healing and peace.

“You’re not responsible for the trash that was thrown on your porch—but you are responsible for whether or not you leave it there.” – Tabitha Westbrook

Healing Happens One Bag at a Time
You don’t have to sweep the entire porch in one day. Progress might look like removing one trash bag, asking a friend for help, or simply opening the front door. Healing is a slow, strengthening process. Each step builds capacity and courage.

“Even if all you do today is open the door and breathe, that’s progress.”

Boundaries Are Part of Resilience
Setting healthy boundaries with people who have harmed you—or who continue to—is not unloving. It’s wise. And sometimes, healing means evaluating whether certain relationships need to shift or even end. But estrangement isn’t always the only option.

“Resilience includes discernment—who gets to come to the gate, who stays on the sidewalk, and who doesn’t get to be in your yard at all.”

Your Body Is Not the Enemy—It’s a Messenger
Many women have been taught to ignore their feelings or bodily cues, especially in the church. But trauma is stored in the body, and your body can alert you to danger or truth—even when your mind can’t make sense of it. Learning to listen to your body is a sacred act of healing.

“Your shoulders don’t have lips—but they speak through tension, pain, and nausea. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you.”

Triggers Are Opportunities, Not Failures
If you're still getting triggered, it doesn’t mean you're failing. It means your body is showing you something that still needs tending. Healing is not linear—and it never ends this side of heaven. But each trigger is an invitation to deeper understanding and growth.

“When you’re triggered, it’s not time to shame yourself. It’s time to ask: What is this showing me? Where do I still need care and kindness?”

Feeling Stuck? You're Not Alone—And You’re Not Broken.

If you’re in a season where even opening your front door feels impossible, please know this: You don't have to do it alone. Asking for help is a holy, courageous first step. Whether it's a friend, a support group, or a therapist, reaching out can be the beginning of your transformation.

Final Encouragement

Sweet friend, healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel pain again—it means the pain won’t own you. You were made for more than just surviving. With God’s help and your brave yes, you can rebuild your life, reclaim your voice, and rediscover your worth.

You are not too far gone. You are not too broken. And you are not alone.

Learn more about Tabitha and her book: Body and Soul: Healed and Whole
https://www.tabithawestbrook.com

When Healing Isn’t Instant: Reframing Mental Health, Faith, and Finding Your Next Step
Have you ever wondered if your struggles with anxiety, depression, or trauma mean you're not “spiritual enough”? Maybe you've tried praying harder, reading your Bible more, or pushing yourself to “have more faith,” yet you're still stuck. If so, you're not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with one of our incredible coaches, Susan King, to explore the shame many women feel around mental health and emotional struggles. Together, we unpack harmful spiritual myths, why healing is often a journey, and how to take faithful, empowered steps forward—even when life feels overwhelming.

Whether you’re navigating separation, burnout, or simply trying to figure out where to start, this conversation will offer you clarity, comfort, and practical wisdom for your next step. 

Key Takeaways
You Can Love Jesus Deeply and Still Need Help
Too many women have been told that anxiety or depression means their faith is weak. Susan and I challenge this harmful belief, pointing to biblical figures like David, Elijah, and Paul—deeply faithful people who struggled emotionally. God meets us in our weakness, not with condemnation but with compassion.

Spiritual Maturity Doesn’t Mean Avoiding Hard Emotions
Misinterpretations of Scripture—like reading "do not be anxious" as a command rather than comfort—can lead to unnecessary guilt. Healing is a process, and God often uses tools like counseling, medication, and support to bring restoration. You’re not a failure if you need help.

Your Desires Matter—Even in the Messy Middle
We talk about the tension between accepting your current chapter and still longing for something more. Is it wrong to want change? Absolutely not. God invites us to co-author our story with Him. Discovering your God-given desires and letting go of comparison is part of living authentically and faithfully.

Get Curious About Your Internal World
When life feels overwhelming, it’s not just about a to-do list. Sometimes resistance comes from fear—of failure, disapproval, or making a mistake. We share powerful tools like brain dumping and identifying your internal vs. external work so you can get unstuck and take your next step with clarity.

Small Steps Can Shift Everything
Healing and change don’t require massive leaps. A 2% shift—whether that's taking a breath, letting go of perfectionism, or asking, “Who do I want to be today?”—can redirect your day and your life. Start small, stay curious, and trust that God is with you in every step.

💛 Ready for Real Change? Join Us in Empowered to Change
If this conversation resonated with you, we’d love to walk with you further. Empowered to Change is our transformative coaching program designed to help women just like you break free from destructive patterns, build internal strength, and create real, lasting change—with God at the center.

👉 Join Empowered to Change today: https://leslievernick.com/growth

 

Sister, you are not broken beyond repair. You are not failing because you’re struggling. Healing is not a race—it’s a sacred journey. Whether you’re just beginning or you’re in the messy middle, know this: God sees you. He is with you. And step by step, with truth and grace, you can grow.

You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s keep walking in truth—together.