How To Love Yourself No Matter What

What if the reason you feel invisible… isn’t actually about other people?
In this episode, I’m sharing something that came up in a coaching session — and it hit deeper than I expected.
Because while most of us wouldn’t say “I feel irrelevant,” we feel it in subtle ways:
When someone doesn’t listen to us
When we don’t feel validated
When we feel overlooked in conversations
When our reactions feel bigger than the moment

And what I realized is this:
You only feel irrelevant when you treat yourself like you are.
In this episode, I break down how this shows up, why it triggers such strong emotional reactions, and how to take your power back — without needing anyone else to change.
In This Episode, I Cover:
Why “feeling invisible” is more common than you think
The hidden belief underneath emotional reactions
How quickly we internalize other people’s behavior
The difference between external validation and internal relevance
Why you don’t need permission to matter
How to stop fighting for relevance — and start owning it
The pattern that keeps repeating in relationships (and how to break it)
Why reactivity keeps you stuck — and curiosity moves you forward
How to get your needs met without escalating conflict

Key Takeaway
You are not relevant because other people validate you.
You are relevant because you decide you are.
When you stop outsourcing your worth and start leading yourself from that place — everything changes:
Your reactions.
Your relationships.
Your confidence.
Connect With Me
If this episode resonated, I’d love to hear from you.
Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahess
Or visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together.

This episode is a little different.
It’s actually a practice I shared with my private clients this week while I’m in Hawaii — and I wanted to bring it here because it’s something you can use in real time when you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck in your head.
This is about what I call planting yourself in the moment.
So many of us live in our thoughts — spinning, analyzing, anticipating — and it pulls us out of our bodies and away from ourselves.
This practice is a simple way to come back.
It helps you move out of your mind and into your body using your senses, your breath, and a few grounding thoughts that remind you: you’re safe, nothing has gone wrong, and you can be with yourself here.
The more you practice this, the easier it becomes to regulate your nervous system and support yourself through hard moments.
In This Episode We Talk About
• What it means to “plant yourself in the moment”
• How to use your senses to ground yourself anywhere
• A simple breathing pattern to calm your body
• The role of safety-based thoughts in nervous system regulation
• Why getting out of your head and into your body changes everything
• How to be present with yourself even when you’re experiencing discomfort
Key Takeaway
You can feel grounded and safe even in the middle of a difficult emotion.
When you learn to bring yourself back into the present moment — instead of getting lost in your thoughts — your nervous system settles, your body softens, and you reconnect with yourself.
Nothing has gone wrong.
This is just a feeling.
And you can be with yourself through it.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this resonated and you want support applying this work in your own life, I’d love to help.
You can book a discovery call with me and we’ll talk about what’s going on for you and whether coaching together is a good fit.
Book here:
amandahess.ca/bookacall

In episode 302, I shared the first 10 lessons I’ve learned from living 50 years with a sensitive nervous system.
Today we’re continuing with the next 10.
These lessons are about something I think many sensitive women struggle with: emotional adulthood.
Many of us are technically adults, but we’re still letting the hurt version of us, the teenage version of us, or the people-pleasing version of us lead our lives. And when that happens, we end up exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from ourselves.
Learning emotional responsibility changes everything.
It means recognizing that your feelings are yours to care for. It means setting boundaries instead of quietly crossing them and then feeling resentful. It means advocating for yourself even when it’s uncomfortable.
These are lessons I learned the hard way — through relationships, mistakes, and a lot of personal growth. My hope is that by sharing them with you, you might learn them a little more gently.
If you’ve ever struggled with resentment, over-explaining yourself, feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, or performing in order to be accepted, this episode will help you see those patterns more clearly.
And once you see them, you can start choosing something different.
In This Episode We Talk About
• Why other people are not responsible for your feelings
• How resentment often means you’re crossing your own boundaries
• Why over-explaining is usually fear of rejection
• Why advocating for yourself might make people uncomfortable — and why that’s okay
• How you can disappoint someone and still be a good person
• Why being “low maintenance” is often conditioning, not a personality trait
• The difference between being needed and being valued
• Why you don’t need to be relevant — you need to be important to yourself
• How to recognize when you’re performing instead of living
• Why you will almost never regret choosing yourself
Key Takeaway
Emotional adulthood begins the moment you stop trying to manage everyone else’s feelings and start taking responsibility for your own.
When you learn to set boundaries, validate yourself, and choose what actually matters to you, your life becomes more peaceful, more powerful, and far more fulfilling.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish.
It’s how you stop leaking your energy everywhere and start building a life that actually feels good to live.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you want support implementing this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me.
We’ll talk about what’s going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit.
Book here:
amandahess.ca/bookacall

Many women say they want deeper friendships. They want their people — the women they can laugh with, text, and go for coffee or brunch with.
But there’s a hidden pattern that quietly blocks connection.
When we walk into rooms believing that nobody likes us, we become hyper-focused on ourselves — how we’re being perceived, whether we’re awkward, whether we said the wrong thing. And when our attention is turned inward like that, it becomes almost impossible to actually connect with someone else.
Real friendship doesn’t grow out of self-consciousness or performance. It grows out of curiosity, generosity, and genuine interest in another person.
In this episode, I talk about the mindset patterns that make adult friendship harder than it needs to be — and what actually creates meaningful connection.
I also share the simple framework I use with my coaching clients to understand how friendships develop over time and why so many women unintentionally put pressure on the wrong relationships.
If you’ve ever felt like everyone else has friends except you, or like making friends as an adult feels confusing or exhausting, this episode will help you see what’s really going on — and how to start approaching connection in a healthier, more empowering way.
In This Episode We Talk About
Why believing “nobody likes me” makes connection almost impossible
How insecurity creates self-focus that blocks real friendship
The difference between collecting friends and building relationships
Why adult friendships feel harder than friendships earlier in life
The three “friendship buckets” that explain how friendships actually form
Why putting pressure on a few people to become your friends often backfires
The importance of growing your self-relationship so friendships can form naturally
How vulnerability and invitations create opportunities for connection
Why genuine curiosity is one of the most powerful tools for building friendships

Key Takeaway
Friendship isn’t something you acquire or secure.
It’s something you build — one conversation, one interaction, and one genuine connection at a time.
The question isn’t “Do they like me?”
The real question is:
“Am I showing up with curiosity, openness, and a willingness to connect?”
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you’re ready to work on your relationship with yourself — the foundation for every relationship in your life — you can book a discovery call with me.
We'll talk about what’s going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit.
Book here:
amandahess.ca/bookacall

I turned 50 this week.
And I’ll be honest — this birthday feels different.
There’s awareness.
There’s fear.
There’s grief.
And there’s a level of self-trust I would have begged for in my twenties.
In this episode, I’m starting a 5-part series sharing 50 things I know at 50 about being a sensitive woman in 2026 — not just how to survive, but how to thrive.
Today, I’m giving you the first 10.
These are the foundational lessons — the ones about your nervous system, your emotions, your responsibility, and your capacity.
Because if you don’t understand how you’re wired, you will misunderstand your entire life.
In This Episode, I Cover:
Why sensitivity is not a flaw (even if it’s been treated like one)
How your nervous system drives your reactions
Why emotions are messengers — not problems
The difference between regulation and suppression
Why other people are not responsible for your feelings
How to stop fucking yourself over
Why joy must be cultivated
How to move with fear instead of shrinking from it
Why friendship takes work (especially at midlife)
What loving yourself actually requires
Why focusing on what you want MORE of changes everything

Key Takeaway
Being a sensitive woman in 2026 is not about hardening yourself.
It’s about building emotional capacity.
It’s about regulating your nervous system instead of reacting from it.
It’s about becoming unwilling to betray yourself.
Turning 50 hasn’t made me less sensitive.
It’s made me more skilled.
And skill changes everything.
Continue the Series
This is Part 1 of a 5-part birthday series:
50 Things I Know at 50 About Being a Sensitive Woman in 2026
Stay tuned for Part 2 next week.
Connect With Me
If this episode resonated, I’d love to hear from you.
Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahess
Or visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together.