There's an entire industry built on the idea that if you hate yourself enough, you'll eventually change. And yet everything we know about shame tells us the opposite is true. So why do we keep going back there? And more importantly, what does it actually take to break free?
This week on Live Well Be Well, I'm sitting down with Shahroo Izadi, Behavioural Change Specialist, NHS clinical trainer, and bestselling author of The Kindness Method and The Last Diet.
Shahroo spent years working in addiction recovery, and what she found there transformed not only her professional understanding of change, but her own relationship with food, her body, and herself.
We go deep into why so many of us associate change with self-loathing, why willpower alone will always fail us, and how the tools used in addiction recovery hold the blueprint for any meaningful behaviour change. Shahroo also shares her own story with complete honesty, including binge eating, a gastric band, eight stone lost, and what finally made the difference. This is one of those conversations that reframes everything.
Here's what we dive into:
- How shame becomes the enemy of lasting habit change.
- Why the only habit worth learning is how to change habits.
- What addiction recovery gets right that mainstream wellness misses.
- How to interrupt the shame spiral after a setback.
- Why body neutrality is a more honest goal than body positivity.
Love,
Sarah Ann 💛
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If You Enjoyed This Episode, You Might Also Like:
Dr. Shefali's Approach to Shadow Self: From External Validation to Inner Alignment
https://youtu.be/46-BbuvGHuY
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Highlights:
00:00:00 Intro
00:07:00 Shahroo's Story: Stammers, Weight, and Self-Help at Age 10
00:10:34 Working in Addiction and Recognising Her Own Cycle
00:15:27 "Better Than Well": What Addiction Recovery Gets Right
00:23:24 Body Positivity, Body Neutrality, and the Thin Ideal
00:31:38 The Gastric Band: What Happens When You Don't Change the Behaviour
00:34:18 Social Judgment and the Ozempic Study
00:43:33 How to Stop the Swing Between Extremes
00:46:21 The Second Choice: Interrupting the Shame Spiral
00:53:23 Matt Haig on Using Your Worst Days as a Reference Bank
00:58:44 Writing Letters to Your Future Self
01:06:22 How Shahroo Sees Herself Differently Five Years On
01:18:47 Hatefulness Doesn't Create Change
01:20:07 Self-Compassion vs. Self-Love: What We're Actually Asking For
01:26:17 What "Live Well, Be Well" Means to Shahroo
South Africa