Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

If you've listened to Bite Your Tongue for a while, you may remember this conversation with friendship expert Shasta Nelson. I'm bringing it back because when I listened to it again, I realized just how much is packed into this episode.
Yes, we talk about friendship—but we also talk about something at the very heart of this podcast: How do we build a healthier, more adult relationship with our grown children?
Shasta introduces us to what she calls the Friendship Triangle: positivity, consistency and vulnerability. And while she developed it around friendship, those same three things can tell us a lot about our relationships with our adult kids.
One part really stayed with me.
Shasta says vulnerability with our adult children isn't telling them what we think they should do differently. It's having the courage to ask what we might have done differently.
Can we ask: How did I impact you in ways I may not even realize? What was hard for you growing up? What do you wish I had done more of—or less of?
And then comes the really hard part: Can we listen to the answer without defending ourselves?
But there's another piece of this conversation I think is equally important.
We need lives and relationships outside our children.
I said during this interview that the fuller my own life is, the less I feel I have to depend on my kids. Shasta takes that idea even further. Our adult children can be incredibly important relationships in our lives—but they don't have to be our best friends. We need people our own age who can listen to us, challenge us and help us process our own feelings.
Maybe those two ideas are more connected than I realized the first time we recorded this episode.
The stronger and fuller we are outside the relationship, the better able we may be to show up inside it—with less need, less judgment, more curiosity and more vulnerability.
So whether you heard this episode the first time around or you're discovering it today, I hope you'll listen again. I certainly heard some things differently this time.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

If you've ever stared at your phone wondering whether to send that text, this episode is for you.  Sometimes the silence lasts longer than you want.  Sometimes you feel them pushing away.
That's why this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, tackles one of the most emotionally difficult dilemmas parents face.
If your adult child isn't reaching out, should you call? Text? Wait? And how do you stay connected without feeling like you're chasing them?
We talk to one of our favorite therapists Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein (Dr. Jeff).  
Together we discuss:
How often should parents reach out?
The difference between inviting connection and expressing frustration
Why "keeping score" damages relationships
How to talk about communication without sounding critical
What to do when you're afraid you're doing too much—or not enough
Are you inviting connection or pushing them away. 
We found Dr. Jeff's advice to be spot on and we hope this listener who posed the question finds help, but also that all of the listeners find a kernel of support or help that they can take with them. 
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is an episode re-run and one that is still so relevant and needs a re-listen. It seems actually that it is even more relevant today.  Parent's are still asking Parents are still asking, "How do I stay close to my adult child without pushing them away?" Francine Toder's answer isn't another communication technique—it's something much harder: look at yourself first.
When our children become adults, many of us assume the hardest years are behind us. But for countless parents, the challenges simply change.
In this thoughtful conversation, psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder explains why building healthy relationships with our adult children requires something many of us never expected: changing ourselves.
Drawing from her book Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0, Francine explores why parents often experience anxiety, disappointment, and even physical stress over their adult children's decisions—and why those feelings are often signals that we need to pause before reacting.
Together we discuss:
Why our expectations often become our biggest obstacle
What that "knot in your stomach" really means
How parents unintentionally push adult children away
The importance of treating adult children as equals
Why advice—even well-intended advice—can feel like criticism (we've heard this before!)
How gifts and financial help sometimes come with hidden strings
The role of self-awareness in repairing relationships
Why our children don't need us to fix everything—they need us to understand them
How to create a meaningful life beyond parenting
If you've ever wondered whether you're helping—or accidentally hurting—your relationship with your adult child, this episode is filled with compassionate insight and practical wisdom.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

When an adult child moves back home once, many parents see it as temporary. But what happens when it becomes a pattern?
In this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, Denise is joined by psychotherapist Joe Nucci to answer a listener's heartfelt question about her adult son, who has returned home five different times.
Together they explore the difficult balance between offering support and fostering independence, why curiosity is more helpful than assumptions, and how parents can have honest conversations without losing compassion.
We discuss:
Why adult children may repeatedly move back home
The difference between helping and enabling
Questions parents should ask before making decisions
How curiosity can uncover the real issue
Why temporary discomfort can sometimes lead to long-term growth
Navigating guilt while remaining true to your parenting values
Key Takeaway
Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn't opening the door—it's knowing when it's time to close it.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Some conversations are worth revisiting.
As we prepared to re-release this conversation with therapist Rachel Haack, I listened to it again for the first time in several years. I thought I knew exactly what Rachel was going to say. After all, I was the one asking the questions.
But that's the gift of listening again. Sometimes the conversation hasn't changed at all—you have.
This time, Rachel's insights on defensiveness, curiosity, perfection, and the evolving relationship between parents and their adult children landed in a completely different way. I found myself reflecting not only on my parenting, but on how much I've grown since we first recorded this episode.
Whether you're hearing this conversation for the first time or listening again alongside me, I hope you'll discover something new, too.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to healthy conversations with our adult children.
How choosing curiosity over certainty can transform difficult discussions.
What it really means to know your adult child as the person they are today—not just the child you raised.
Why asking, "I know I have blind spots. Would you help point them out to me?" can deepen trust and connection.
The changing role of parents as adult children build lives, relationships, and families of their own.
Rachel's compassionate perspective on mothers-in-law, shifting family roles, and the grief that can accompany those transitions.

Why perfection is an impossible goal—and why embracing life's complexities leads to healthier family relationships.
The wisdom behind Rachel's grandfather's saying: "Those who know the most know to say the least."
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show

Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.