Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

This is an episode re-run and one that is still so relevant and needs a re-listen. It seems actually that it is even more relevant today.  Parent's are still asking Parents are still asking, "How do I stay close to my adult child without pushing them away?" Francine Toder's answer isn't another communication technique—it's something much harder: look at yourself first.
When our children become adults, many of us assume the hardest years are behind us. But for countless parents, the challenges simply change.
In this thoughtful conversation, psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder explains why building healthy relationships with our adult children requires something many of us never expected: changing ourselves.
Drawing from her book Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0, Francine explores why parents often experience anxiety, disappointment, and even physical stress over their adult children's decisions—and why those feelings are often signals that we need to pause before reacting.
Together we discuss:
Why our expectations often become our biggest obstacle
What that "knot in your stomach" really means
How parents unintentionally push adult children away
The importance of treating adult children as equals
Why advice—even well-intended advice—can feel like criticism (we've heard this before!)
How gifts and financial help sometimes come with hidden strings
The role of self-awareness in repairing relationships
Why our children don't need us to fix everything—they need us to understand them
How to create a meaningful life beyond parenting
If you've ever wondered whether you're helping—or accidentally hurting—your relationship with your adult child, this episode is filled with compassionate insight and practical wisdom.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

When an adult child moves back home once, many parents see it as temporary. But what happens when it becomes a pattern?
In this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, Denise is joined by psychotherapist Joe Nucci to answer a listener's heartfelt question about her adult son, who has returned home five different times.
Together they explore the difficult balance between offering support and fostering independence, why curiosity is more helpful than assumptions, and how parents can have honest conversations without losing compassion.
We discuss:
Why adult children may repeatedly move back home
The difference between helping and enabling
Questions parents should ask before making decisions
How curiosity can uncover the real issue
Why temporary discomfort can sometimes lead to long-term growth
Navigating guilt while remaining true to your parenting values
Key Takeaway
Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn't opening the door—it's knowing when it's time to close it.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Some conversations are worth revisiting.
As we prepared to re-release this conversation with therapist Rachel Haack, I listened to it again for the first time in several years. I thought I knew exactly what Rachel was going to say. After all, I was the one asking the questions.
But that's the gift of listening again. Sometimes the conversation hasn't changed at all—you have.
This time, Rachel's insights on defensiveness, curiosity, perfection, and the evolving relationship between parents and their adult children landed in a completely different way. I found myself reflecting not only on my parenting, but on how much I've grown since we first recorded this episode.
Whether you're hearing this conversation for the first time or listening again alongside me, I hope you'll discover something new, too.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to healthy conversations with our adult children.
How choosing curiosity over certainty can transform difficult discussions.
What it really means to know your adult child as the person they are today—not just the child you raised.
Why asking, "I know I have blind spots. Would you help point them out to me?" can deepen trust and connection.
The changing role of parents as adult children build lives, relationships, and families of their own.
Rachel's compassionate perspective on mothers-in-law, shifting family roles, and the grief that can accompany those transitions.

Why perfection is an impossible goal—and why embracing life's complexities leads to healthier family relationships.
The wisdom behind Rachel's grandfather's saying: "Those who know the most know to say the least."
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show

Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is our first in a series of our new shorter segments called: 
Straight from the Listener Line – Real Questions. Real Answers.
In this new series, we take one real listener question and bring in an expert to help us think it through honestly, thoughtfully, and with real-life experience behind it.
Today’s episode tackles a topic many grandparents quietly struggle with:
“What happens when you’re trying your best to help… but it still feels like you can’t do anything right?”
A listener shares the emotional challenge of being both a stepmom and mother-in-law while navigating the first year of a new baby’s life. 
From formula instructions and changing nap schedules to feelings of criticism, boundaries, and the complicated dynamics between a daughter-in-law’s family and a son’s family, she describes what feels like a “no-win situation.”
Joining Denise is grandparent expert Kimberly Bepler, founder of GrandparentDoula.com and a returning guest from Season 5, Episode 95.
I thought I had the answer to this one. But I was real off and Kimberly was spot on.
She offers a compassionate and eye-opening perspective on what many new parents — especially first-time mothers — are experiencing beneath the surface:
• The intense pressure and vulnerability of new motherhood
• Why control can feel so important during the first year
• How social media and modern parenting expectations affect confidence
• Why grandparents often feel criticized even when they mean well
• The importance of supporting parents’ goals, even when they seem rigid or constantly changing
• How empathy, reassurance, and flexibility can strengthen family relationships
This conversation is thoughtful, practical, and deeply validating for grandparents trying to navigate changing family roles with love and grace.
If you’ve ever wondered:
• “Why does everything feel so sensitive?”
• “Why do I feel like I’m always getting it wrong?”
• “How do I stay supportive without overstepping?”
— this episode is for you.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This week we're revisiting one of our  most talked-about episodes.  Clinical psychologist and bestselling author of the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,  Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins us discuss emotional maturity, self-awareness, and why we need to play the long game.
Many parents struggle with the feeling that they are constantly being asked to listen, validate, and accommodate their adult children while their own feelings go unheard. Dr. Gibson offers a different perspective. She argues that when the goal is preserving and strengthening a relationship, sometimes the most important thing is not proving who is right but understanding the other person's emotional experience.
In this conversation, we discuss:
What it means to be an emotionally immature parent—and why emotional maturity exists on a continuum
Why every parent, even the most loving parent, has moments they regret
How stress, anxiety, and defensiveness affect our relationships with our adult children
What to do when your adult child remembers an event very differently than you do
Why intentions and impact are not always the same thing
The difference between surface-level family relationships and emotionally intimate relationships
Why validation does not mean admitting guilt or agreeing with everything your child says
The listener question many parents ask: "Why is it always on us?"
Dr. Gibson's perspective on estrangement and the role therapy should play in family relationships
How parents can develop greater self-awareness and self-knowledge at any age
Why building a healthy relationship with an adult child often requires playing "the long game"
One of the most memorable takeaways from this episode is Dr. Gibson's reminder that relationships are not courtrooms. When an adult child shares something that hurt them, focusing on understanding their experience may be more helpful than debating the facts.
Whether your relationship with your adult child is thriving, strained, or somewhere in between, this conversation offers thoughtful insights into connection, communication, and personal growth.
About Dr. Lindsay Gibson
Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Her work has helped millions of readers better understand family dynamics, emotional maturity, and the path toward healthier relationships.
To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com
We are on SUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic."  We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.
Please follow us on social media now.  It helps us so much.  Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.  
Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com
And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show
 
 
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.