ADHD reWired

Episode topic: ADHD, sex, desire discrepancy, intimacy, communication, kink, queerness, polyamory, and what happens when libido doesn't match in relationships. Content note: This episode includes candid adult conversation about sex, desire, libido, kink, dating apps, polyamory, and sexual communication. Episode Summary What happens when one partner wants sex more than the other? What if ADHD affects libido in both directions? And what if "just do it" is actually some of the worst advice out there? In this episode, Eric is joined by Laura Jurgens, a dual-certified master relationship and intimacy coach, desire and arousal specialist, and host of The Desire Gap podcast. Laura helps individuals and couples create more authentic sexual connection, including when one or both partners are neurodivergent. Eric and Laura get into a candid, shame-free conversation about ADHD, sex, mismatched libido, desire discrepancies, rejection sensitivity, sensory needs, communication, and why so many people struggle to talk openly about what they actually want. Laura explains why desire differences are incredibly common in long-term relationships, why obligation sex can create resentment and shut down libido, and how ADHD can shape both high and low desire. She also shares how people can begin reconnecting with their bodies, practicing self-attunement, and communicating more clearly with partners. The conversation also explores sex positivity, kink positivity, queer dating, bisexuality, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and the importance of honest, embodied consent. This episode is frank, playful, personal, and deeply human. In This Episode, You'll Hear About Why desire discrepancy is common in long-term relationships How ADHD can contribute to both high libido and low libido Why "just do it" is terrible advice for mismatched desire The difference between sex for connection and sex for nervous system regulation How obligation sex can lead to resentment, shutdown, pain, or sexual dysfunction Why a partner can start to feel like a "tool" or "medication" when sex becomes self-regulation The role of dopamine, novelty, and hyperfocus in ADHD sexuality Why some ADHDers struggle to get out of their heads and into their bodies How stress, burnout, and nervous system activation can shut down libido Why self-attunement is a key starting point for intimacy How alexithymia can complicate emotional and sexual communication What "sex positive" and "kink positive" can actually mean Why embodied consent matters more than intellectual "I guess this is fine" consent How kink communities can model explicit communication and negotiation The risks of opening a relationship when the relationship is already disconnected Why polyamory requires a high level of trust, communication, and self-awareness Dating while bisexual, queer, neurodivergent, or exploring new relational identities How to disclose needs and patterns without using ADHD as a "get out of jail free" card Why communicating about withdrawal, burnout, and alone time matters in relationships Notable Moments / Quote Pulls "Obligation sex is the worst possible advice." "If you are trying to manage your partner's feelings with your body, that is a one-way ticket to resentment town." "Sex can become the way an ADHDer gets into their body and out of their head." "Your partner starts feeling like a tool or a medication rather than a person you authentically want to connect with." "Compatibility doesn't mean there are no differences. It means there are differences you can navigate." "Do I love the sex I'm having? That's a question a lot of people aren't even asking themselves." "Practice with the kitten to play with the tiger." "Don't yuck on someone else's yum." "You don't have to be evangelically polyamorous." Guest Bio Laura Jurgens is a dual-certified master relationship and intimacy coach and host of The Desire Gap podcast. She is a desire and arousal specialist who helps individuals and couples discover authentic sexual connection, including when one or both partners are neurodivergent. Her approach helps people release shame, shed relationship anxiety, and build confidence through more effective communication. Her work is play-based, practical, inclusive, trauma-informed, and grounded in current research. Laura is a former university professor with a PhD in biological sciences, with certifications from the Somatica Institute, The Life Coach School, and the NeuroAffective Touch Institute. Learn more about Laura at laurajurgens.com and listen to The Desire Gap podcast. Resources & Links Learn more about Laura Jurgens: laurajurgens.com Listen to Laura's podcast: The Desire Gap Learn more about ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups: coachingrewired.com Learn more about ADHD reWired: adhdrewired.com Join Adult Study Hall, our virtual coworking community: adultstudyhall.com Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/adhdrewired Sponsor / Program Mention Registration is open for the next season of ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups. This is our intensive coaching and accountability program for ADHD adults who want more structure, support, follow-through, and connection. Learn more and start pre-registration at: coachingrewired.com

In this live Q&A episode, Eric Tivers and ADHD reWired coaches Brian Entler and Kristin Marts answer listener questions about the overlap between ADHD and autism (AuDHD), and how to better understand your brain through both coaching and therapy. They explore how coaching and therapy serve different—but complementary—roles, especially when it comes to turning insight into action. You'll hear practical examples of how to use each space effectively, whether you're job searching, working through burnout, or trying to follow through on what matters. Eric also breaks down the concept of monotropism—a lesser-known but powerful way to understand autistic attention—and how it differs from ADHD hyperfocus. Later in the episode, the conversation turns to late autism diagnosis, self-identification, and the emotional impact of finally understanding yourself through a new lens. Eric shares openly about his own diagnosis and how it's shaped his relationships, self-compassion, and recovery from burnout. They also tackle questions about: Why autism is often diagnosed earlier than ADHD in children How to advocate for your child when concerns are dismissed Auditory processing challenges and sensory sensitivity The growing conversation around self-diagnosis This is a wide-ranging, honest, and deeply validating conversation about what it means to better understand how your brain works—and what to do with that understanding. KEY TAKEAWAYS Coaching helps with execution and follow-through, while therapy focuses on emotional processing Monotropism explains long-term, topic-based focus often seen in autistic individuals Late autism diagnosis can lead to increased self-compassion and clarity Self-diagnosis can be valid when grounded in thoughtful research and reflection Sensory and auditory processing challenges are often context- and stress-dependent Advocacy is essential when concerns about children are dismissed

Pre-registration for the ADHD reWired Coaching Groups is due Thursday. Registration events are happening Thursday and Friday. The next group starts next week. 👉 For exact dates, times, and next steps, go to: https://www.coachingrewired.com This episode includes a short, experimental song made with Suno Ai explaining the coaching groups. If you're listening after the registration window closes, future groups will be announced on the website.

What if the reason you haven't finished the thing you keep thinking about isn't motivation, discipline, or follow-through — but fit? In this episode, Eric is joined by Katherine Mutti Driscoll, PhD, an AuDHD coach, educator, and author, for a conversation that starts with writing a book and quickly becomes something much bigger: how neurodivergent adults actually get meaningful work done. They explore why so many ADHD and AuDHD adults carry "someday projects" for years, how structure (not willpower) turns intention into action, and why unmasking isn't just about identity — it's about designing systems that work with your nervous system instead of against it. Writing is the case study. Adaptation is the point. In This Episode, We Talk About Why motivation isn't the real problem for ADHD and AuDHD adults How an interest-based nervous system shapes creativity and follow-through The role of structure, deadlines, and external accountability in finishing big projects ADHD, autism, and the balance between novelty and predictability Unmasking your process and letting go of "normal" ways of working Why you don't have to love the process to do meaningful work Perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and surviving the one-star review Dictation, movement, printing drafts, and other non-traditional workflows How support, containers, and community make progress possible A Key Takeaway You don't need to become more disciplined. You need a container that fits. When the system works for your brain, the work has a chance to happen. About the Guest Katherine Mutti Driscoll, PhD is an AuDHD coach, educator, and author. She holds a PhD in education, is trained through the International ADHD Coach Training Center and Impact Parents, and is currently studying to become a mental health counselor. Katherine is the author of The ADHD Workbook for Teen Girls and is currently working on her second book focused on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Website: https://catherinemuttidriscoll.com Book (The ADHD Workbook for Teen Girls, New Harbinger): https://www.newharbinger.com/9781648482809/the-adhd-workbook-for-teen-girls/ Resources & Links Mentioned ADHD reWired (podcast, resources, and programs): https://www.adhdrewired.com ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups: https://www.adhdrewired.com/arc Adult Study Hall (ADHD-friendly virtual coworking): https://www.adultstudyhall.com Internal Family Systems (IFS / parts work): https://ifs-institute.com Interest-Based Nervous System (ADDitude overview): https://www.additudemag.com/interest-based-adhd-nervous-system/

If you've ever had a week where your intentions were solid… and your follow-through vanished into the void, you're not alone. In this episode, Eric is joined by writer, teacher, and ADHD coach Paulette Perhach, who shares the FINISH framework: a simple, ADHD-friendly approach to actually completing projects, building consistency, and getting unstuck. Paulette's take is refreshingly honest: ADHD can feel like the superpower and the kryptonite at the same time. She talks about getting diagnosed at 38, learning to ask for accommodations without shame, and building systems that support creative work… even when your brain fights you every step of the way. This conversation is part practical strategy, part nervous-system-friendly encouragement, and very "you're not broken, you're under-supported." ✅ In This Episode, You'll Learn: Why ADHD brains often need "fake stakes" (engineered urgency) to follow through How to break big goals into small increments that create momentum The importance of nixing distractions (without relying on willpower) How to protect hyperfocus and use it intentionally instead of accidentally Why community and body doubling are so powerful for ADHD How self-compassion becomes a real strategy, not just a nice idea What to do when you're having a "bad brain day" and can't access your usual tools 🧠 The FINISH Framework (Six Elements to Finish Anything) Paulette breaks down the acronym FINISH: F — Fake Stakes ADHD motivation often needs emotional urgency. Fake stakes are "real enough" accountability: deadlines, commitments, public accountability, or putting something on the calendar that makes it harder to ghost your own goal. I — Increment Instead of "write the book," aim for 500 words a day. Small daily targets create dopamine, progress, and trust. N — Nix Distractions This is about designing your environment so you don't have to wrestle your brain all day long. Tools like app blockers (Freedom App) and external reminders can support focus. I — Immerse Make space to hyperfocus on purpose by doing the planning/admin work ahead of time. Paulette calls this a weekly "writer's refresh" to calm the nervous system and reduce background stress. S — Share Community matters. Body doubling matters. Doing things with other people (even silently) can dramatically increase follow-through. H — Hype This one is about self-talk and emotional regulation. Exercise, meditation, and kindness toward yourself aren't luxuries, they're performance tools for ADHD brains. 🔥 Standout Moments Paulette's line: "My version of consistency is that I get back up every time I fall down." The difference between luxury vs. accommodation, especially when traveling Eric's take on requesting extra time to board flights and why it can be a legitimate accommodation The idea that shame doesn't create change (it creates shutdown) Why ADHD-friendly success often looks like iteration, not perfection 🎧 ADHD-Friendly Takeaway If your brain only gives you one usable step today, let it be this: Pick the smallest thread you can hang onto to stay connected to the work. Open the document. Read one paragraph. Write one sentence. Show up for one increment. That counts. That builds trust. 👤 About Paulette Perhach Paulette Perhach is a writer, teacher, and ADHD coach who helps writers and creatives build sustainable, fulfilling creative lives. Her work has appeared in major outlets, and she leads writing and meditation sessions through her community programs. 🔗 Resources Mentioned Paulette Perhach (website): paulperhach.com Writer's Mission Control Center: thewritermissioncontrolcenter.com Freedom App (distraction blocking) ✅ Work With Eric / Join the Community Want structure that actually works for your ADHD brain? ADHD reWired Coaching & Accountability Groups: coachingrewired.com Winter 2026 Groups Forming Now! -- February 5-6 | April 2-3Registration EventsThursday, January 15, 22, 29 at 4:30 PM PT / 7:30 PM ETFriday, January 16, 23, 30 at 7:30 AM PT / 11:30 AM ET Adult Study Hall (Virtual Coworking): adultstudyhall.com Support the podcast on Patreon: patreon.com/adhdrewired