ON BOYS Podcast

Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door.Why Parents Miss the First SignsMany parents aren’t ready for male puberty. Early physical changes can be subtle, and they usually appear just as boys begin seeking more privacy. According to Vanessa, it’s entirely possible you won’t notice the initial stages of puberty until your son’s behavior shifts dramatically.When Your 10-Year-Old Acts More Like a TeenPuberty hormones—mainly testosterone—don’t just change bodies; they shape moods, too. Sudden spikes are associated with outbursts and that well-known “swing to silence” so many adolescent boys display. Pediatrician Cara Natterson explains these hormone surges can escalate and crash within hours, and that emotional roller coaster is often what you see when your son acts like “a jerk.”They Dislike the Swings, TooKids don’t enjoy these wild ups and downs any more than you do. Their brains are awash in hormones they don’t yet know how to handle, causing confusion and moodiness. In addition, boys’ emotional regulation skills aren’t fully developed, which is why parents, teachers, and other adults need to show empathy while holding them accountable.Offer Room to Recover“We have to give boys the benefit of the doubt,” Vanessa advises, emphasizing that many feel ashamed after a blow-up. By giving them space to cool off, then reconnecting later, you let them know there’s a path to re-enter the conversation without judgment.Weathering the Adolescent StormIt’s normal to feel grief, fear, and frustration as your son navigates puberty. Boys often distance themselves from parents during this time, which can feel like rejection. Don’t forget they usually “come back” after they’ve crossed the threshold into more mature adolescence.A Messy Yet Meaningful JourneyYes, your son might seem smelly, messy, or downright disrespectful right now—none of which means he’ll stay that way, or that you’ve parented poorly. As Vanessa says, guiding boys toward kindness, empathy, and thoughtfulness is a winding road filled with bumps.Respond, Don’t ReactWhen tempers flare, remain calm. Give your son the space he needs, and circle back once he’s cooled down. Teach him about emotions in those quieter moments and seek additional help if needed. By walking alongside him, you’ll both be better prepared to handle the challenges—and rewards—of growing up.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, by Cara Natterson, MD & Vanessa Kroll Bennettlessawkward.com — Cara & Vanessa’s website (includes links to their books, newsletter, podcast, & talks)The Puberty Podcast — Cara & Vanessa’s podcast (Don’t miss Jen on their podcast — Building Boys with Jennifer Fink)Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson –– ON BOYS episodeThe Truth About Parenting Teen Boys — the famous BuildingBoys post about 14-yr-old boys being a**holesPuberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episodeGuy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys, by Cara NattersonGuy Stuff Feelings: Everything You Need to Know About Your Emotions, by Cara NattersonSponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Check out IXL and use code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024? Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via PexelsYour favorites include:5. Needed: Boy-Friendly SchoolsTyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Journal Family & Tech columnist who interviewed Tyler for her series on boys and education. Now a high school student, Tyler suggests that “instead of making guys change the way they behave, maybe schools should change the way they’re structured.”4. Middle School: Misunderstood or Magic?“This is a very pervasive story, that middle school is terrible. But it doesn’t have to be. We make it terrible by working directly against the developmental needs of middle schoolers and designing these buildings and classes in way that make their lives really hard,” says veteran educator Chris Balme, author of Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years.3. Modern Male Puberty is AwkwardYour son may well be annoying, thoughtless, disrespectful, disorganized, smelly, and messy during puberty. None of that means he’ll end up that way as an adult. And none of it means that you’re doing (or have done) something wrong.“The path to building kind, empathic, loving, thoughtful men is a very windy, bumpy road,” Vanessa says. “And at every step of the way, it can be really tempting to lose faith.”2. How to Raise a Healthy Gamer“Right now, there is an antagonistic relationship between most parents & their kids around video gaming,” Dr. K says. “You think they need to cut back; they don’t think they have a problem. Then, as parents start to institute limits, children will try to undermine them. Even if you ‘win’ in this scenario, you lose.”It’s more helpful, he says, to establish a collaborative relationship.1. Set Boys Up for School Success“It’s really essential that we, as parents & educators of boys, are preparing them to navigate the struggles within school,” says Dr. Todd (Jason) Feltman, author of Transforming into a Powerful Third, Fourth, or 5th Grade Navigator of School Success.  “It’s not just the academic struggles but also the socialization, the physical and emotional struggles.”A few of our other 2024 favorites:Color Blindness in BoysCircumcision: Facts & MythsFBI: Sextortion Targets BoysNavigating Youth Mental Health in the Digital AgeEmily Edlynn on A Healthier Approach to TechDr. Niobe Way on Reimaging BoysUplifting Black Boys Benefits All Students Sponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today!So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024.Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, we highly recommend it!Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K)www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s websiteWhy are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episodeThe Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episodeVideo Game Addiction — ON BOYS episodeEmily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech — ON BOYS episodeThe Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog postWhy Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog postSponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS  Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are GreatBoy-affirming merch!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How often do we really listen to boys & young men?Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned that boys’ and men’s perspectives aren’t always welcome. As he says, “We are never given license to speak.”We encourage you to listen as he describes his experiences in school (including being started on ADHD medication in 3rd grade) and in the world.Takeaways:Boys’ perspectives on masculinity are often overlooked.There is a stigma associated with boys expressing their feelings.Open dialogue about gender dynamics is essential.Boys need to be included in conversations about their experiences.Understanding the role of community in boys’ development is important.Boys often feel shame in expressing their struggles.The future of gender discussions requires sensitivity and awareness. The emotional journey of becoming a man is complex and often fraught with societal expectations.Shame and responsibility are significant themes in discussions about masculinity.Perceptions of men as threats can lead to feelings of fear and vulnerability.Boys are often seen as needing to fit into a rigid educational model that may not suit them.Cultural perspectives on masculinity can shape how boys view themselves and their roles in society.Dialogue and understanding are crucial in addressing the challenges faced by boys and young men.The importance of recognizing boys as human beings with their own experiences and emotions.Educational systems may need to adapt to better engage boys in learning.There is a need for more voices from young men in discussions about masculinity and societal expectations.The conversation around masculinity must include diverse perspectives to foster understanding and growth.Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Lance’s SubstackADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episodeTalking to Tween & Teen Boys — ON BOYS episodeSports & Masculinity — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: IXLThe world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS  Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are GreatBoy-affirming merch!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy