From the dangerous mindset that marriage is just about finding the right person to the revolutionary truth that the quality of the players in marriage determines whether you see relationship as competition or collaboration, and why the brutal truth about why marriages collapse is that people bring residual effects from their upbringing into marriage without understanding that though you may look polished, educated, and talented, the effect of the environment that raised you is still there and just a little trigger will show where you came from, the young person raised in an environment where you fight for everything creating a competition mentality of survival of the fittest that no matter how refined you appear carries forward into adult relationships, the child who was shifted from one house to another or had wealthy parents who were sound and had everything but gave no time leaving a person devoid of love who had everything going for them but didn't have attention or affection, the partner coming into marriage struggling with trust issues asking can I trust what you are doing because the effect of where I'm coming from is tearing me apart and in my subconscious I'm hearing voices from the past, the realization that the quality of players in marriage is one thing but the pattern of play requires that you fish out your opponent and understand their pattern because no two marriages are the same and you may have a friend whose wife does certain things but you cannot expect your wife to be like that, the wisdom that you must sit down and talk about what are the possible things that can challenge the mindset of a person and bring them to see marriage as competition instead of collaboration, the understanding that when you sit down and truly understand each other that understanding will weave something that brings you to a place of knowing you are a team not competitors, the competition mindset that doesn't happen overnight and may not be resolved by yourself alone but you can get help, the agencies and people coming with competition wanting to prove who is on top which is all lack of knowledge and ignorance that should be sorted out before marriage, the critical truth that there are things that should be sorted out before marriage because if you wait those dysfunctional tendencies will be used as weapons against a fantastic marriage that could have been properly managed for the greatest result, the intense premarital exposure to knowledge and wisdom that digs out a lot about a person because you are not just the man that wears the shirt and trouser in front of me but a combination of a lot of things, the women who are a combination of a lot of things where so many have been broken before marriage and the competitive clamoring is not about competing against you but about the backlog of trauma that may not have been resolved, the women looking for the next victim to lash out on because they may have been violated, abused, molested, talked down to, or considered inconsequential, the beautiful glamorous woman where what you see may just be the container but you do not know the content, the process of knowing the content that takes time starting with meeting the person with the mindset of friendship, the opportunities to create trust that you are not coming as one of the bandwagons of people that abused her one way or the other which will go through rigorous testing where she will test you.
Guest: Mama Cathy
Host: Derrick Abaitey
South Africa