I Wish You Knew

She schedules her crying every week. She hasn't processed a single painful experience in her entire life. And her body is keeping score.

Raina is a brand strategist, agency owner, mother of two, and one of the most high-functioning people you'll ever meet. She's also been running on pure survival mode since childhood; dissociating from every emotion that slowed her down and treating the people around her like objects she navigates around instead of humans she connects with.

In this episode, Adam breaks down how quiet disorganized attachment combined with autistic features creates a double-layered wall between someone and every person who's ever tried to love them. He explains why "understanding why someone hurt you" isn't the same as forgiving them; it's actually stripping them of their humanity. And he walks Raina through the exact moment her nervous system learned that love is just a setup for betrayal.

his conversation covers:

Why high-functioning women with chronic dissociation often develop autoimmune disorders by their mid-30s

The difference between short-term dissociation (useful) and lifelong dissociation (destructive)

How your brain processes trauma using left brain logic and right brain emotion; and why it gets stuck

What happens when you remove someone's agency by excusing everything they do

Kohlberg's morality scale and why you should only open up to the top 10%

The "resolve and repair" model for confronting people without rupturing the relationship

Why the people who confused you in your life were probably the ones who loved you most

How 40 collaborative conversations in 90 days can rewire your neural pathways

If you've ever been told you're "cold" when you're actually terrified; this one's for you.

📚 WORK WITH ME

🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat

💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/

📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/

🚨 LOVE FOR LIFE: VALENTINE’S 2026 — SALE 🚨 

Are you working on yourself or building love together as a couple? This is for anyone ready to break unhealthy attachment patterns, build emotional security, and create a foundation for love that feels safe, connected, and built to last.
👉 https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/vale...

Children are born neurologically and emotionally fragile. They're born feeling frightened and unsafe. And somewhere along the way, we decided that was someone else's problem to solve.

Erica Komisar joins Adam Lane Smith for a conversation about what we've lost: the understanding that the first three years of a child's life shape everything that comes after.

In this video: 
→ Why 85% of your child's social-emotional brain develops before age three 
→ The attachment foundation that determines mental health for life 
→ How we told women that careers matter more than shaping the next generation 
→ What chronic absence does to a child's nervous system (and why we're medicating the result) 
→ The feminist message that backfired: "Women should be more like men" 
→ Why 60% of mothers would stay home if they had financial and emotional support 
→ The father's role: vasopressin, protection, play, and teaching risk 
→ How fatherlessness connects to the behavioral crisis in young boys 
→ The deathbed question: who will be holding your hand when you die? 
→ Why sibling rivalry spikes when parents aren't present enough 
→ The CEO/CFO model of marriage: equal value, different specialization 
→ How wives can pull workaholic husbands back into the family

ABOUT ERICA KOMISAR: Erica Komisar is a psychoanalyst, parent guidance expert, and author of "Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters." Her new book on raising healthy children through divorce releases March 2026.

🔗 Erica's Website: komisar.com 
🔗 Attachment Circles (Nonprofit): attachmentcircles.org 🔗 Instagram: @ericakommisar

📚 WORK WITH ME

🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?ut...

💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coa...

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-...

📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter

She's won races most people can't finish. Built businesses. Commanded stages. But relationships? That's where the pattern kept breaking.

Danica Patrick joins Adam Lane Smith and Andrey Korikov for a raw conversation about why high-achieving women keep attracting emotionally unavailable men: and what actually has to change.

In this video: 
→ The "quiet disorganized" attachment pattern most successful women don't know they have 
→ Why making life easy for men destroys the bond you're trying to build 
→ The four levels of safety men must provide: and where most fail 
→ Adam's three-date method for filtering out avoidant men fast 
→ How to stop erasing yourself in relationships 
→ The CEO/COO model that lets you stay in your feminine at home 
→ Why male discomfort is actually a good sign

📚 WORK WITH ME

🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?ut...

💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coa...

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-...

📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup

Why is dating broken? 

Why are young men flooding back to church? 

In this conversation, I sit down with Patrick Coffin: Catholic broadcaster, close-up magician, and host of The Patrick Coffin Show. We go deep on the real reasons relationships are falling apart: and it goes back further than you think.

We cover: 
→ Why dating is a failed concept (and what humans actually need) 
→ The 3 "divorces" that broke Western civilization 
→ How your image of God shapes your attachment style 
→ Why empaths and narcissists can't stop finding each other 
→ The difference between emotional permanence and emotional impermanence 
→ What the Traditional Latin Mass has to do with secure attachment 
→ Why "spiritual but not religious" is code for "I don't want to be challenged" 
→ The biochemistry of feeling loved (oxytocin, vasopressin, and cortisol) 
→ How to repair after conflict: the skill most families lost 120 years ago
Plus: Patrick performs a live magic trick that lands.

This is the intersection of faith, neuroscience, and attachment theory: the stuff that actually changes how you bond.

🔗 RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Patrick Coffin's Podcast: https://patrickcoffin.media 
True North Community: https://patrickcoffin.media

📚 WORK WITH ME:
🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat
💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/
📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/
📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/

🎙️ ABOUT THIS CHANNEL:
I'm Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist. I've spent 16 years helping people understand how their brain learned to bond: and how to change it. I work with anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles to build secure relationships that actually last.
Subscribe for weekly videos on attachment, relationships, and the psychology of connection.

Dr. Chris Lee opens with the truth most people avoid: men are dying from loneliness. 

In this conversation, Adam Lane Smith and Dr. Chris Lee break down the science of emotional regulation, why your amygdala hallucinates up to 340% more threats if you have insecure attachment, and why scheduling your feelings might be the most counterintuitive (and effective) thing you ever do.

About Dr. Chris Lee: Neuroscience researcher, consultant, father, homeschool parent. Lost his father to suicide at 22, had his daughter two weeks later. Built his career understanding why men suffer in silence and how to break the pattern.
🔗 Instagram: @drchrislee 
🔗 Website: drchrislee.com

About Adam Lane Smith: The Attachment Specialist. 17 years married. Six children (number six on the way). Helping one billion people become securely attached.
🔗 RESOURCES:
🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat
📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ 
Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/
📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/

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