The Art of Manliness

Modern life is filled with conveniences designed to make things easier. We can order dinner without leaving the couch, check ourselves out at the grocery store, communicate instantly with anyone, and stream nearly every movie and song ever made.
So why do we often feel busier, more stressed, and more, well, inconvenienced than ever?
My guest today argues that many supposed advancements don’t actually save us time, money, or energy — and that even when they do, they can eliminate forms of friction that made life richer, more enjoyable, and more human.
His name is Gabe Bullard, and he’s the author of Against Convenience. Today on the show, Gabe and I discuss how self-checkout, mobile ordering, digital communication, streaming services, food delivery, and even smartphone cameras can paradoxically make life more annoying and less satisfying. Gabe also shares questions to ask yourself to decide which conveniences are worth keeping, and why deliberately adding a little friction back into your life can sometimes make it better.
0:00 Introduction
1:45 Why Convenience Isn't Working
4:22 Self-Checkout & Starbucks App Failures
11:29 The Illusion of Technological Progress
17:28 Phones as a Single Point of Failure
18:20 How Digital Communication Hurts Relationships
23:49 Dating Apps & Making Friends
27:15 Smartphone Cameras & the Value of Photos
32:41 Streaming & Entertainment Disappointment
40:10 Food Delivery Problems
46:30 Wendell Berry's Questions for New Tech
50:12 Practical Tips for Embracing Friction

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We all have things we’ve always wanted to know how to do, but have never gotten around to learning. Speak a foreign language. Play an instrument. Write a book. Take up surfing. Maybe you’ve even started one of these pursuits a few times, only to drop it after a couple of weeks.
My guest calls this collection of abandoned or deferred desires your “invisible list” and is the author of a book of the same name.
Today on the show, Ravi Gupta presents a plan for tackling the things on your invisible list by picking one hobby-like activity each year and working your way to an intermediate level in it. He explains the different categories these pursuits can fall into, from the liftoff project to the mental marathon to the skillbatical, and how to pick the right one for your season of life. We also discuss how camps for grownups can make skill acquisition more enjoyable, why you should consider taking up an adult-appropriate sport like tennis, why Ravi decided to take the MCAT even though he doesn't plan to become a doctor, and how working on your invisible list can give your life chapters and, over the course of a decade, turn you into a Renaissance-man badass.
After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/invisiblelist
0:00 — Introduction
1:45 — What is the Invisible List?
4:38 — Examples & Bucket List Comparison
8:46 — Why a Year Creates Life Chapters
11:10 — Making Time: Family & Constraints
15:44 — Five Rules of the Invisible List
18:39 — Why Aim for Intermediate?
21:19 — The Five Archetypes
26:50 — Liftoff Year: Powerlifting & Journaling
37:30 — Skill-Batical: Surfing & Adult Camps
43:17 — Age-Appropriate Sports: Tennis
45:46 — Mental Marathon: Taking the MCAT

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When people are faced with problems and complexity, our instinct is to add instead of subtract. As a result, we have a tendency to make our work and our lives more and more complex, and less and less effective and fulfilling. Even when what we add is new technology that promises to make us more productive, it often only seems to bog us down and give us even more to do.
My guest says that to fight this drift toward complexity, especially in the modern age, you’ve got to be ruthless about cutting out the superfluous and focusing on what’s most important. His name is Jim VandeHei, and he’s the co-founder and CEO of Axios and the co-author of Simplify.
Today on the show, Jim explains how to simplify your work and personal life using a three-step process: confront, delete, and amplify. We discuss how to identify the “slop” we’re all inundated with (and he’s not just talking about what’s generated by AI), rules of thumb for what to say no to, why you should spend more time developing your strengths than fixing your weaknesses, and the importance of getting clear on what you want out of life, both personally and professionally.

Resources Related to the Podcast
Jim's Book: Simplify: Do 50 Percent More with 50 Percent Less
Jim's last appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #987 — The No-BS Secrets of Success
Smart Brevity: The Power of Saying More with Less
AoM Article: The Spiritual Disciplines — Simplicity
AoM Podcast #699: The No-Nonsense Guide to Simplifying Every Aspect of Your Life
Connect With Jim VandeHei
Jim at Axios

0:00 Introduction & Website Redesign
0:48 The Problem with Complexity
1:56 Interview Begins: Why Another Book on Simplifying?
3:00 How AI Makes Life More Complex
5:42 The Confront, Delete, Amplify Framework
8:14 Why Complexity Creeps Into Everything
11:35 Identifying Slop in Work and Life
17:43 How to Confront Your Habits
24:59 Rules for Saying No
29:48 Amplify Strengths Over Weaknesses
37:35 Simplifying Communication at Work
42:29 Using AI to Simplify Your Life

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When Mark Hertling learned he was deploying for Operation Desert Storm, he decided to start a journal.
Back then, Mark was an Army major and cavalry officer with two young sons. His unit would be out in front of the main force, and during an intelligence briefing, he was told it could suffer casualties as high as 50 percent. Mark realized there was a real chance he might not come home. So he began writing down what he was experiencing, along with the lessons about life, leadership, and character that he wanted his boys to know if he wasn’t there to teach them himself.
Mark did come home, and went on to serve 38 years in the Army, including as an assistant division commander in Baghdad and later commander of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq during the 2007–2008 surge, before finishing his career as commander of U.S. Army Europe.
Decades later, that wartime journal became the basis for his new book, If I Don’t Return. Today on the show, retired three-star General Mark Hertling and I talk about the reflections it contains on making every day count, planning for friction, marriage and friendship, handwritten notes, casual profanity, the moral weight of war, and what it means to build a man.

Resources Related to the Podcast
My Life
On War by Carl von Clausewitz
AoM Article: Clausewitz on Overcoming the Annoying Slog of Life
General Douglas MacArthur’s Prayer for His Son
Connect With Mark Hertling
Mark on LinkedIn
Mark's faculty page
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Professor of psychology Angela Duckworth is famous for her work on grit — the combination of passion and perseverance that leads to high achievement. But she’s come to an increasing appreciation for the fact that success isn't just a matter of the qualities inside you; it's also driven by what's outside you — your peers, your mentors, and even your zip code.
Today on the show, Angela, whose latest book is Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, shares how our environments play a much bigger role in shaping us than we realize. She explains the three-box model of behavior, why relying on willpower is a fallible strategy for altering your habits, and why the most effective way to change yourself is to change what’s around you. We discuss how different situations bring out different versions of ourselves and how to shape your surroundings to encourage good habits, mitigate bad ones, and become who you want to be — whether that means rearranging what’s on your desk or moving across the country.

Resources Related to the Podcast
Angela's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #210 — Got Grit?
AoM Podcast #887: The Golden Rules of Success With Bob Bowman
AoM Podcast #1,023: Is Self-Control Overrated? With Michael Inzlicht
Dying Breed Article: The Power of "I Like," or Why Do People Hate the Idea of Motivation?
AoM Article: Alexander Graham Bell’s Secret to Greater Productivity
AoM Article: The Ceiling Word Art of Michel de Montaigne
Connect With Angela Duckworth
Angela's website
Angela's faculty page
Angela on LinkedIn
Angela on IG

0:00 Introduction
1:42 From Grit to Situated
4:18 Michael Phelps: Grit Meets Environment
8:43 The Three-Box Model Explained
12:28 Why Willpower Fails
19:18 Multiple Selves & Code Switching
26:30 Saving a Marriage Through Situational Change
31:51 Curating Your Physical Space
38:26 Shaping Your Digital Environment
43:14 Social Environment & Accountability
47:05 Culture, Microcultures & the Flywheel
53:15 Start With Situational Awareness

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