Better Physician Life: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career

We talk a lot about what medicine costs physicians: burnout, call, inbox volume, and the constant interruptions. We spend far less time talking about what the career asks of the people who live on the other side of the pager.

In this episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh sits down with Kendra Harvey, a physician spouse of more than two decades, mother of five, and host of the Supporting Physician Spouses podcast. Together they explore the hidden load carried by spouses: the nights, weekends, and plans that shift without warning; the identity changes that happen during training and early practice; and the quiet resentment that builds when conversations never find a place on the calendar.

Kendra challenges the common advice to “have no expectations” and instead offers a more nuanced approach, lowering some expectations while fiercely protecting the ones that keep a marriage connected. She shares practical frameworks, including the 2-2-2 rule for intentional time together, the difference between parent-centered and family-centered homes, and the small, consistent actions physicians can take to make life meaningfully better for their partners.

This conversation is not about blame. It is about seeing the full picture of what this career requires and choosing, with intention, to do more for the marriage than most people do for theirs.

Three Actionable Takeaways:

Create a Regular Cadence for Connection: There is rarely a perfect time for hard or meaningful conversations. Schedule recurring check-ins (just like you honor the call schedule) so you address issues before they compound into resentment.

Lower Some Expectations, Protect Others: Unspoken or unrealistic expectations (e.g., dinner together five nights a week) create disappointment. Clear, negotiated expectations around communication, kindness, and presence protect the relationship. Make the implicit explicit.

Build a Family-Centered Home: Shift from a parent-centered (or kid-centered) dynamic to one where every member of the family has protected time, resources, and consideration. Small adjustments to the calendar and budget can create meaningful space for the non-physician spouse.

About the Show:

Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention.

About the Guest:

Kendra Harvey has lived on the other side of the pager for more than two decades as the spouse of a neurosurgeon and mother of five. She began writing about the physician-spouse experience in 2011 and now coaches physician spouses while hosting the Supporting Physician Spouses podcast.

Connect with Kendra:

🌐 Website: It Gets Better Now

🎙️ Podcast: Supporting Physician Spouses

📸 Instagram: @kendra_itgetsbetternow



About the Host:

Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work.

His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love.

Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh:

🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com
🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md
📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife
📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife
📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching

TikTok: @betterphysicianlife



If you find yourself walking through the door still stuck in work mode, check out the 5-Minute Commute Reset for Physicians.
Work doesn’t end on its own. This is a short, structured reset you can use on the drive home to shut down work-mode, clear your head, and show up more present for whatever comes next.
You can download it for free at: https://www.betterphysicianlife.com/commute-reset

The Better Physician Life Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your personal or organizational decisions.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the skepticism that protects you in medicine is the same force quietly limiting your options outside of it?

In this solo episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh takes listeners inside his own transformation, from the doctor who proudly corrected his wife for calling a lollipop a “sucker” and rolled his eyes at coaching, to the physician who finally got curious enough to try it.

He explores how medical training rewards certainty, independence, and the ability to figure everything out alone, and how those strengths can become a trap when applied to career dissatisfaction, burnout, and the quiet question so many physicians carry: Is this really it?

Through personal stories, honest reflections on FIRE, productivity metrics, and the online backlash against coaching, Dr. Hersh distinguishes helpful due diligence from the kind of skepticism that stops information-gathering altogether. He shares what he observed in other physicians who stayed skeptical while coaching, and still walked away with clearer decisions, less emotional carryover from clinic, and a different relationship to the same job.

This episode is not a sales pitch. It’s an invitation to examine the version of medicine you’re currently living and ask whether it’s the only one available to you.

Episode Mentioned;

Episode 16 - What If You Took the Risk? Physician Entrepreneurship & Change with Dr. Jimmy Turner

Three Actionable Takeaways:

Separate Useful Skepticism from Protective Momentum: Skepticism that leads to due diligence is valuable. Skepticism that becomes “this could never help someone like me” without further investigation is simply momentum. Notice which one is operating when you dismiss options that fall outside your current playbook.

Ask the Question That Breaks the Loop: “If I don’t do this, what changes?” forces an honest inventory of the status quo. If the answer is “nothing,” you now have data that staying the same is an active choice rather than a neutral default.

Compare Your Life Only to Versions You’ve Actually Lived: Rating your career a “7” only makes sense relative to the experiences you’ve had. You cannot accurately evaluate whether a different way of practicing is possible if you’ve never experienced one. Curiosity, not certainty, is the only way to gather that missing information.

About the Show:

Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention.

About the Host:

Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work.

His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love.

Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh:

🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com
🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md
📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife
📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife
📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching

TikTok: @betterphysicianlife



If you find yourself walking through the door still stuck in work mode, check out the 5-Minute Commute Reset for Physicians.
Work doesn’t end on its own. This is a short, structured reset you can use on the drive home to shut down work-mode, clear your head, and show up more present for whatever comes next.
You can download it for free at: https://www.betterphysicianlife.com/commute-reset

The Better Physician Life Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your personal or organizational decisions.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if one of the biggest sources of physician stress isn't a lack of control but a misunderstanding of where control actually exists?

In this insightful solo episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh examines the tension physicians experience between trying to control outcomes that were never fully theirs to guarantee while simultaneously giving away control over the parts of life that actually belong to them.

Using a personal story about a carefully planned family vacation disrupted by illness, Dr. Hersh illustrates how easily physicians fall into an all-or-nothing mindset about control. He explains why medical training reinforces the belief that more effort always produces better outcomes and how that belief begins to break down in real-world medicine.

The conversation moves beyond clinical practice to everyday life, exploring how physicians unknowingly surrender control over their evenings, attention, and family time while fighting battles they can never fully win. Dr. Hersh offers a practical framework for distinguishing between what deserves your effort and what deserves your acceptance, helping physicians reclaim the choices that truly matter.

This episode is a powerful reminder that while you can't control every outcome, you can always choose how you show up for the people and moments that matter most.

Three Actionable Takeaways:

Separate Outcomes from Choices: Not every outcome in medicine or life is within your control. Your responsibility lies in the quality of your decisions, not the certainty of results. Focus on making thoughtful, evidence-based choices rather than trying to guarantee perfect outcomes. This shift reduces pressure and helps you stay grounded in reality.

Identify the Decisions That Still Belong to You: Even in a demanding healthcare system, many choices remain yours: when you leave work, how you manage your inbox, whether you reopen Epic at night, and how present you are with loved ones. Recognizing these small but powerful areas of control helps you reclaim agency and restore balance daily.

Replace All-or-Nothing Thinking with Precision: Instead of asking whether you are in control or not, break situations into specific parts. Ask what exactly is yours to influence and what is not. This precise thinking mirrors clinical reasoning and helps reduce overwhelm, allowing you to act intentionally rather than defaulting to frustration or helplessness.

About the Show:

Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention.

About the Host:

Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work.

His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love.

Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh:

🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com

🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md

📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife

📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife

📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching

TikTok: @betterphysicianlife

If you find yourself walking through the door still stuck in work mode, check out the 5-Minute Commute Reset for Physicians.
Work doesn’t end on its own. This is a short, structured reset you can use on the drive home to shut down work-mode, clear your head, and show up more present for whatever comes next.
You can download it for free at: https://www.betterphysicianlife.com/commute-reset

The Better Physician Life Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your personal or organizational decisions.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why do physicians remember one complication more vividly than thousands of successful cases?

In this deeply reflective solo episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh examines the hidden emotional burden physicians carry after an unexpected complication or unfavorable patient outcome. While the clinical work may be finished, the internal conversation often continues, replaying every decision, questioning every action, and quietly wondering what the outcome says about who they are as a physician.

Dr. Hersh explores the difference between learning from a case and punishing yourself for it, explaining how physicians often confuse honest self-reflection with self-condemnation. He discusses why complications become identity questions, how perfectionism and medical training reinforce these beliefs, and why compartmentalizing difficult cases without processing them can quietly contribute to burnout over time.

Most importantly, this episode reminds physicians that one complication deserves careful review, not lifelong self-condemnation. Separating the facts of the case from the story we tell ourselves is an essential step toward both professional growth and personal well-being.

Episode Mentioned:

Episode 24:  Surgical Complications and Self-Doubt: How Surgeons Recalibrate After Hard Cases with Dr. Amy Vertrees

Three Actionable Takeaways:

Separate the Facts from the Story: Review difficult cases objectively to identify genuine learning opportunities, but avoid turning one outcome into a judgment about your worth or competence as a physician.

Process Difficult Cases Instead of Shelving Them: Compartmentalization helps you care for the next patient, but unresolved emotional weight accumulates over time. Make space to reflect before moving on.

Remember That Risk Is Part of Medicine: Every procedure carries known risks, even in the hands of experienced physicians. A complication does not erase years of excellent care or define your entire career.

About the Show:

Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention.

About the Host:

Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work.

His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love.

Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh:

🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com

🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md

📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife

📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife

📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching

TikTok: @betterphysicianlife

 

If you find yourself walking through the door still stuck in work mode, check out the 5-Minute Commute Reset for Physicians.
Work doesn’t end on its own. This is a short, structured reset you can use on the drive home to shut down work-mode, clear your head, and show up more present for whatever comes next.
You can download it for free at: https://www.betterphysicianlife.com/commute-reset

The Better Physician Life Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your personal or organizational decisions.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why do the skills that make physicians exceptional in the exam room sometimes make relationships at home more difficult?

In this thought-provoking solo episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh examines one of the most common yet overlooked challenges physicians face: the tendency to solve problems when loved ones simply want to be heard. Drawing from personal experiences with his wife and daughter, as well as conversations with physician clients, he explains how years of medical training condition doctors to identify problems, formulate solutions, and close the loop, even when that's not what's needed.

Dr. Hersh explores the emotional burden physicians often carry, the hidden fear that drives the need to fix everything, and why releasing responsibility for solving everyone else's problems can strengthen relationships rather than weaken them. He also offers practical strategies for becoming more present, listening without an agenda, and replacing the need to fix with the willingness to simply help.

This episode is a powerful reminder that while fixing resolves problems, helping shares burdens, and the people who love us often need our presence more than our solutions.

Three Actionable Takeaways:

Ask Whether They Want Help or a Solution: Before offering advice, pause and ask yourself whether your loved one is looking for answers or simply wants someone to listen. Presence often matters more than problem-solving.

Notice the Urge to Fix: When you feel the impulse to jump in with solutions, recognize it as a sign of care, not a command to act. Choosing to listen first creates deeper trust and connection.

Focus on Connection Instead of Resolution:Rather than measuring success by whether the problem is solved, measure it by whether the people you love feel heard, supported, and understood.

About the Show:

Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention.

About the Host:

Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work.

His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love.

Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh:

🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com

🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md

📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife

📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife

📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching

TikTok: @betterphysicianlife

If you find yourself walking through the door still stuck in work mode, check out the 5-Minute Commute Reset for Physicians.
Work doesn’t end on its own. This is a short, structured reset you can use on the drive home to shut down work-mode, clear your head, and show up more present for whatever comes next.
You can download it for free at: https://www.betterphysicianlife.com/commute-reset

The Better Physician Life Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your personal or organizational decisions.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.