The Academic Imperfectionist

When was the last time you made a completely frivolous, inconsequential decision? Some of you, I know, are going to have to think hard about your answer to that. Some of you are all about the drama, in the worst possible way. Missing that deadline means sabotaging your entire career. Forgetting that colleague's name means revealing yourself as a giant buffoon to everyone you care about connecting with. Making the wrong decision about which project to work on next means squandering what remains of your potential. You're so anxious about reaching your goals that you're burning through your energy and your peace of mind. You know you can't go on like this, but you're afraid to relax because that means giving up, failure, and oblivion. 
It really doesn't have to be this way, my friend. Not everything matters. There's room in your life and in your career for playfulness, whimsy, and mistakes without consequences. Make yourself a calming cuppa and settle in for some straight talking from The Academic Imperfectionist.

You've done the inner work, the soul searching, the assertiveness training. You're no longer a people-pleasing pushover who agrees to anything anyone asks. These days, you're someone who's not afraid to guard their own boundaries. You know the word 'no', and you're not afraid to use it. Go you! But there's a problem. Sometimes, saying 'no' doesn't work. You get pushback. It feels like sometimes people don't hear you. You don't understand why this happens. And while you've learned to be comfortable with saying 'no', you're out of your depth when it comes to fighting your corner against people who go all-out to get a 'yes'.
I've got you covered, my friend. With a dollop of philosophy of language, a side-serving of sociolinguistics, and a sprinkle of sociology, you can understand what's going on, and what you can do about it. 
References:
Brown, P. and Levinson, S. 1987: Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press).
Goffman, Erving. 1967: Interaction Ritual: Essays on Face-to-Face Behavior (New York: Pantheon Books).
Grice, H. Paul. 1975: ‘Logic and Conversation’, in Cole, P. and Morgan, J. L. (eds.) Syntax and Semantics, Vol. 3, Speech Acts (New York: Academic Press), 41-58.

Imagine the scenario. You're hanging around the buffet at a conference, or skirting the edges of a post-seminar drinks reception, or - heaven forbid -  drifting around an institutional networking event. As you're clutching your room-temperature drink and trying not to look too awkward, someone you've never met before says hello and asks, 'So, what do you do?' Do you have an answer? Is it a satisfactory one? Or are you someone who lies awake at night wondering how they can curate their career in a way that will enable them to be able to answer this question in a confident, self-assured way? It has come the attention of The Academic Imperfectionist that there are plenty of you out there who worry about this question. It's time to dial down the stress. Grab a cuppa, and get listening!

If you're an academic with ADHD, you're probably battle-hardened from years spent struggling to do things that come easily to your colleagues: focus, resist distractions, tame exciting but messy ideas into nice coherent research papers. But no matter how good you've got at finding ways to get the work done, you're still at a disadvantage. The rules for How To Get Things Done were written for people who don't have ADHD. Living by those rules is harder for you than for other people, and it leaves you with a demoralising sense of being second-rate. My friend, it doesn't need to be like this. You can rewrite the rules to allow you to play to your strengths instead of managing your weaknesses. Your card-carrying academic ADHD imperfectionist buddy is here to set you on the right tracks.

Do you often have thoughts like, 'I just need to finish X, then I can relax'? Except that when you finish X, you still can't relax, because along comes another obligation - and before you know it, you're face-to-face with burnout. If that's you, you're not alone, and you're not incompetent. You're simply approaching your work in a way that has served you well ever since you were a kid: finish your homework now, play later. That approach is not serving you any more, but it's hard to move on because it's part of your identity. Who even are you, if not the kid who gets their homework done?! There's a way through this muddle, my friend. Join The Academic Imperfectionist for a mindset reset.