Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

Dads are struggling with fatherhood in ways we don't see as moms, and maybe he doesn't have the words to tell you.
As moms, it can be easy to feel like we're carrying the emotional weight of parenting, especially when our kids are struggling. We may have strong ideas about how things should be done, and when our partner approaches parenting differently, it can feel frustrating, confusing, or even like we have to take over.
But what if there's more going on underneath the surface?
In this conversation, I’m joined by Jeff Hittner, founder of Ambitious Dads, who has spent years talking to fathers about their experiences as parents. After interviewing more than 200 dads, Jeff has uncovered some of the unique challenges fathers face, including the pressure to be a provider, the lack of role models and community, and the difficulty many men have finding safe spaces to talk honestly about their fears and struggles.
We also talk about something I know so many of us can relate to: co-parenting when you and your partner come from completely different backgrounds. Our childhood experiences, our wounds, and even something as simple as how we were raised around food or screens can shape what we believe good parenting looks like. And when we're both convinced our way is the right way, it can be incredibly difficult to step back and make room for another approach.
For me, this conversation was a beautiful reminder that fatherhood isn't about having all the answers, and neither is motherhood. 
Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do for our families is become curious about what's underneath our own reactions, give each other room to grow, and remember that we're all learning as we go.
In this episode on fatherhood & what dads need, we discuss:
Why so many dads struggle to talk about the hard parts of fatherhood
The pressure fathers can feel to define their worth through providing
Why dads need community and safe spaces to talk about parenting
How our own childhood experiences influence the way we parent
Why co-parenting can be so challenging when two parents have different parenting philosophies
What can happen when fear turns into control in parenting
How moms can better understand and support the dads in their families
Why vulnerability, humility, and repair are such important parts of fatherhood and parenting
How letting your kids see you learning and making mistakes can actually be a gift
Why you don't have to be a perfect parent to be a good one

More about Jeff Hittner
Jeff Hittner is a leadership expert, executive coach, and the founder of Ambitious Dads. After interviewing more than 200 fathers, Jeff saw the same challenge again and again: ambitious men feel pulled between two lives, the career they’re building and the family they don’t want to miss.
Through the Ambitious Dads Podcast and his coaching practice, Jeff helps fathers stop treating work and home as competing worlds. His work gives men the tools, frameworks, and community to lead as the same man in every room: one man, one engine.
By treating fatherhood as the ultimate leadership lab, Jeff helps men become more grounded, more capable, and more aligned leaders everywhere.
Check out the Ambitious Dads website and sign up for the newsletter.
Listen to the Ambitious Dads Podcast here.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:
→ Leaving a review
→ Subscribing to the show
→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Your child is looking for the easy way out. And maybe you are as well.
If you're parenting a teen or young adult after treatment, you may know the feeling. Your child has worked through treatment, but now they're talking about drinking instead of using drugs, experimenting with a different substance, or finding a way to manage their pain without truly addressing what's underneath. 
You find yourself wondering, Didn't we already go through this? Why can't they see what's happening?
In this episode, Seth and I talk about the difficult reality of parenting a teen or young adult after treatment. We explore why substance use can continue to show up in different forms, what unresolved pain might have to do with it, and how easy it is to believe that one more solution will finally make everything better.
And then there's our own part as parents.
Because as much as we want our kids to stop hurting, we also want to stop hurting ourselves. We want to avoid the confrontation, the anger, the discomfort of holding a boundary, or the fear of watching our child struggle. Sometimes, we hope our teen will change so we don't have to look at what we might need to change ourselves.
That doesn't mean you're a bad parent. I've been there, too. I know how deeply you want to help your child, and how tempting it can be to make the discomfort go away. But what if growth, for you and your child, requires something different?
There is no easy way out. And that doesn't mean there isn't hope. It means we have to be willing to look at what's underneath the behavior, recognize what belongs to us, and allow our kids to experience the discomfort that comes with growth.
In this episode on parenting a teen or young adult after treatment, we discuss:
Why teens and young adults may substitute one substance for another after treatment.
The underlying pain, trauma, and emotional discomfort that can drive substance use.
Why treatment is an important beginning, not necessarily a complete solution.
The temptation to search for a quick fix, including new treatments or medications.
How parents can fall into the trap of looking for an easy way out themselves.
The importance of recognizing your own role in the family dynamic.
Setting boundaries while allowing your teen or young adult to experience the discomfort of life.
Why growth requires ongoing work, patience, and a willingness to face what feels uncomfortable.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:
→ Leaving a review
→ Subscribing to the show
→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Your teen is struggling with addiction and you’re terrified that helping them might actually be making things worse. What do you do?
In this episode, I’m joined by Thomas Henderson, a former struggling teen who began using substances at just 11 years old and eventually found himself caught in a cycle of addiction, relapse, treatment, and recovery. Today, Thomas works with families and uses his own experience to help parents and kids navigate some of the same challenges he once lived through.
Thomas and I talk honestly about the incredibly difficult line between supporting your teen and enabling them. His parents loved him deeply and never stopped believing in him, but there were also times when their support allowed his addiction to continue. Eventually, they had to make the terrifying decision to completely cut off financial support and communication and let Thomas experience the consequences of his choices.
From a parent’s perspective, that kind of boundary can feel impossible. 
How do you step back when your child is hurting? 
How do you hold onto hope without rescuing them? 
And how do you know when helping has crossed into enabling?
Thomas shares what those choices felt like from his side of the story, including what he remembers about his parents’ unconditional belief in him, what finally helped him take ownership of his recovery, and why he believes reconnecting with yourself is such an important part of lasting change.
In this episode on helping a teen with addiction without enabling them, we discuss:
Thomas’s journey from early substance use to addiction and recovery
How parents can unintentionally enable a teen’s addiction
The difference between supporting your teen and rescuing them
Why Thomas’s parents eventually had to draw a hard boundary
What it felt like for Thomas when his parents stopped financially supporting him
How consequences can sometimes create the pressure needed for change
Why parents need to hold onto hope, even when their teen has given up on themselves
How treatment, wilderness, nature, mentors, and community shaped Thomas’s recovery
What Thomas wants parents of struggling teens to understand about addiction and ownership

More about Thomas Henderson
Thomas got sober in 2020 after years of addiction and rebuilt his life from an RV in the California desert. Today, he is a family manager and coach at Not Therapy Coaching where he uses his experiences to help others build resilience, purpose, and lasting change. He's also an ultramarathon runner, breathwork facilitator, and entrepreneur.
Learn more about Not Therapy on their website.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:
→ Leaving a review
→ Subscribing to the show
→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You want the best for your teen. You want them to succeed, make good choices, and build a life they can be proud of. But what happens when the expectations you have for your child start to feel like pressure to them?
If you’re anything like me, you might be thinking right now, “But I don’t expect my kid to become a doctor!” And neither did I. But parental expectations and pressure can be much more subtle than that. Sometimes they show up in the activities we encourage, the questions we ask.  the future we picture for our kids, or even in our definition of what “success” should look like. I’ve had to look at this in my own parenting, too, and today’s conversation gave me plenty to think about.
In this episode, I’m joined by Justin Levine, who was once a struggling teen in treatment, dealing with severe anxiety and OCD while also trying to keep up with the expectations he felt around school, running, and his future. Today, he works as a coach and mentor for teens and young adults, helping them build confidence, independence, and a sense of purpose.
Justin gives us something I think every parent of a struggling teen can benefit from hearing: the perspective of the kid who was actually living it.
We talk honestly about parental expectations and pressure and how difficult it can be to tell the difference between encouraging your teen and unintentionally taking over the steering wheel of their life.
For Justin, one of the biggest turning points came when he realized that some of the goals he was working toward weren’t actually his own. His experience offers a powerful perspective for parents: sometimes, giving your teen more ownership doesn’t mean giving up on them. It may be exactly what allows them to finally find their own motivation.
We also talk about what can happen when a teen enters treatment without truly being ready to engage in the work, why simply “checking the boxes” isn’t the same as changing, and how family dynamics can contribute to disconnection on both sides.
If you’ve ever felt afraid of what might happen if you loosen your grip a little, this conversation offers a perspective you’ll want to hear.
In this episode on parental expectations and pressure, we discuss:
How anxiety, perfectionism, and OCD can hide behind high achievement
Why your teen’s behavior may not tell you the whole story of what’s happening internally
When an activity that once brought your teen joy becomes another source of pressure
The complicated dynamic that can happen when a parent is also a coach
Knowing when to encourage your teen and when to step back
Why simply “doing the work” in treatment doesn't necessarily mean your teen is ready to change
The difference between completing treatment and actually engaging in the process
How parental expectations can unintentionally create pressure and disconnection
The importance of letting your teen develop goals that actually belong to them
How Justin eventually repaired and strengthened his relationship with his parents
The role a mentor can play between therapy, treatment, and everyday life
How a trusted person outside the parent-child relationship can help a struggling teen move toward independence

More about Justin Levine
Justin Levine is the Founder and Head Coach of Strive to Thrive Coaching, a coaching practice dedicated to helping adolescents, emerging adults, families, and athletes build confidence, independence, and purpose. Justin's perspective is both professional and deeply personal. As a teenager, he attended wilderness therapy and residential treatment himself. That experience inspired him to return to the field—not as a client, but as a mentor, researcher, and clinician—eventually serving as Director of Neuro Health at Telos Residential Treatment Center before founding Strive to Thrive Coaching to provide the kind of support he wishes had been available after leaving treatment.
Learn more at → https://strivetothrivecoaching.org

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:
→ Leaving a review
→ Subscribing to the show
→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re trying so hard to repair what’s been broken, to rebuild trust, and feel close again with your teen or young adult. So when they pull away, it can feel almost impossible to not try harder.
But what if trying harder to reconnect is actually making this very connection harder?
In this episode, Seth and I have a very honest conversation about rebuilding connection with your struggling teen or young adult, and how difficult it can be to practice what we teach when the person we love is the one who’s struggling.
Seth shares what it’s like to support a struggling family member and realize that, despite knowing all the “right” things to do, there are moments when there is simply nothing more within your control. We talk about the guilt that can come with that realization, the urge to fix things, and the painful truth that you can care deeply about someone without being responsible for their choices.
I also share a recent experience with my own son. After a difficult conflict, I found myself wanting to reach out, talk things through, and repair the relationship. But underneath my attempts to connect was something I didn’t initially recognize: anxiety. I had an agenda. I wanted him to open up, reconnect, and let me know what he was feeling.
Once I realized that, I was able to slow down, let go of what I thought should happen, and simply be present with him.
And something surprising happened: when I stopped pushing for connection, he began moving toward it himself.
Rebuilding connection with your struggling teen doesn’t necessarily mean finding the perfect words or having the perfect conversation. Sometimes, it means creating enough safety for your teen to come toward you in their own time and in their own way.
In this episode on rebuilding connection with your struggling teen or young adult, we discuss:
Why trying harder to connect can sometimes create more distance
The difference between offering connection and trying to make someone connect with you
How guilt can make you feel responsible for another person’s choices
What it really means to “hold space” for your teen or young adult
Why safety requires letting go of judgment and your agenda
How your energy, tone, and way of being can affect connection
Why slowing down can be more helpful than pushing for a conversation
How connection can look different for you and your child
Recognizing the small ways your teen may already be reaching for connection
Why accepting what your teen or young adult is able to give right now can help rebuild trust and connection
The importance of noticing your own patterns and emotional reactions
Why rebuilding connection takes time, practice, and plenty of imperfect moments

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:
→ Leaving a review
→ Subscribing to the show
→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.