Coaching Culture with Ben Herring

A 60-5 final score makes headlines, but the real story is what has to be true inside a team for that kind of performance to show up when it matters most. We’re joined by Tom Kinley, General Manager of the Hurricanes, to break down the culture systems and leadership habits that turn a talented roster into a connected, resilient, high-performing group.

We dig into how Tom defines team culture as shared patterns of thinking and behavior, and why the “intangible” edge is often the difference between evenly matched sides. Tom shares the Hurricanes’ everyday standards that build belonging, including the simple practice of greeting every person in an environment of roughly 150 staff and players, plus the deliberate way leaders create accountability without turning everything into mandates.

From there, we get practical about high performance: planning the week, building trust fast in a new role, and aligning everyone around the Hurricanes vision to “unite and excite” while living an “us vs us” mindset. We also talk talent development, hiring for character fit, creating optimism and license to play, and why widening the lens matters, including learning from experts outside rugby to improve communication and bring the unspoken to the surface.

If you care about coaching culture, leadership, organizational culture, and building teams that perform under pressure, this one is packed with usable ideas. Subscribe, share it with a coach or leader you respect, and leave a review with the one culture habit you want to try next.
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Getting selection wrong isn’t only about who you pick. It’s about how you tell people. We dig into one of the most uncomfortable parts of coaching: delivering news that changes an athlete’s week, their confidence, and sometimes their future. Whether you coach school teams, club sports, or high-performance environments, we make the case that face-to-face communication still beats texts, calls, and “finding out in the meeting” because humans are wired for connection, tone, and intent.

We break down the moments that matter most, especially when a player is moving down the lineup. Our simple rule: talk to them every time and do it before the team is announced. We unpack why public blindsiding is so damaging, how psychological safety shows up in a two-minute chat, and how small, respectful conversations create long-term trust. We also share a framing tool that keeps the conversation grounded: explain selection as your opinion and your responsibility, not as a so-called objective truth that invites debate.

We also zoom out to stakeholder communication. Promoted players deserve in-person praise because those are relationship-building moments that stick for years, and parents often need context too. If your rationale is sound, transparent conversations tend to go better than the stories people invent in the silence. If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a coach, and leave a review. What’s the best way you’ve ever received tough feedback?
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Want to go to Japan? Contact me ben@coachingculture.com.au
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Ever wonder why some teams click faster, learn quicker, and bounce back stronger? We unpack the real levers behind high performance—where data sharpens intuition, language creates buy-in, and framing turns meetings into movement. With performance strategist and developmental coach John Dams, we trace his path from early rugby roles to shaping elite environments, pulling out lessons any coach or leader can use tomorrow.

We dig into the mindset side first: emotional intelligence as a practical coaching skill. John breaks down the four controllables—what you say, think, do, and feel—and shows how they anchor tough moments. We explore empathy as an action, not a slogan, and why journaling shifts you from first-person emotion to third-person objectivity. That shift lets you see patterns, drop unhelpful reactions, and coach the person in front of you rather than the story in your head.

Then we get hands-on. We show how to build rapport by matching language and values, and why framing is the hidden superpower. Use POWER—Purpose, Agenda, Outcome—to set clear contracts for reviews, one-to-ones, and training blocks. Pair that with sticky phrasing and simple, specific language that holds under pressure. We connect the dots between meaning and action to find flow, and share how to review against stated goals instead of mood. And yes, we tackle the “spray”: when it serves the team, when it’s just venting, and how intention changes impact.

Finally, we return to the engine room: the marriage of data and intuition. Treat gut feel as hypothesis, use data to validate or iterate fast, and build cycles where insight compounds over weeks, not seasons. Culture, identity, and belonging are universal; execution is local. Your job is to read the room, adapt the frame, and own the culture work instead of outsourcing it. Subscribe, share with a coach who needs it, and leave a review with your best sticky phrase—we’ll read favorites on a future show.
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Want to go to Japan? Contact me ben@coachingculture.com.au
Include your phone number so I can have a chat. Ben
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What happens when a record-setting, globe-trotting winger trades the try line for a whiteboard? We sit down with Nems to explore how he’s building the Fijian Drua development pathway with a people-first approach that still demands edge. From Leicester’s cold logic of the kicking game to the Crusaders’ obsession with nailing roles, he unpacks the methods that actually travel—and the ones that don’t.

We get honest about what it takes to coach in Fiji, where players often support entire families and arrive with extraordinary talent but limited exposure to weights, nutrition, or film study. Nems shares how he teaches with video for visual learners, sets simple tactical rules that hold under pressure, and creates real-world structure by sending players to work one day a week and pushing for vocational certificates. This is development beyond drills: life skills, identity, and resilience built alongside game plans.

On the field, he shows why purposeful kicking wins territory and how to coach bravery without breaking bodies. Off the field, he proves that care is a competitive advantage—knowing a player’s family, giving grace when life hits hard, and earning the right to demand more. He explains why doubling down on strengths beats chasing every weakness, and how one-on-one clarity turns raw potential into reliable performance. We also dive into retirement’s invisible toll, the value of taking time to reflect, and the simple habits—consistency and effort—that move careers forward.

If you care about rugby culture, player development, and coaching that respects context, this conversation will sharpen your toolkit. Subscribe, share with a coach who needs it, and leave a review with your favorite insight so we can keep raising the game together.
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Want to go to Japan? Contact me ben@coachingculture.com.au
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Coaching kids is one thing. Coaching your own child can feel like stepping onto a field where every word carries twice the weight. I’ve been thinking about why so many coaches avoid coaching their son or daughter, even when they love the sport, and I’ve come to a simple reframe: the real question isn’t “why is my kid hard to coach?” It’s “what changes in me when the athlete is someone I love?”

I walk through three shifts that quietly sabotage parent coaching. First, we stop seeing the child and start seeing the future, which turns development into pressure and makes kids feel the distance between who they are and who we wish they’d become. Second, our parent identity collides with our coach persona, and kids are incredibly sensitive to that mask. If they sense we’re performing a role instead of showing up as ourselves, resistance is often a response to inconsistency, not stubbornness.

Third, love creates attachment to outcomes. When your child’s success feels personal, it’s easy to react to what a moment means instead of responding to what’s actually happening. Using a Stoic approach, I separate what we can control (effort, habits, behaviors) from what we can’t (results), and I offer a better way to measure success: enjoyment, learning, and the strength of the relationship over time.

If you’ve ever felt torn between being a great coach and being the parent your child trusts, this one’s for you. Subscribe, share it with a coach-parent you know, and leave a review with the biggest lesson you’re taking into your next practice.
Send us Fan Mail
Want to go to Japan? Contact me ben@coachingculture.com.au
Include your phone number so I can have a chat. Ben
Support the show
Subscribe and Share, it makes a massive difference! Appreciation in advance.