Anger Secrets

• 160 - Why Defensiveness Is Silently Destroying Your Relationship

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever found yourself in an argument before you even realise what triggered it? In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores how defensiveness quietly damages relationships, and how you can stop it. Learn why your instinct to defend yourself often masks deeper fears, and how choosing connection over combat can transform your relationship.Key Takeaways:-Defensiveness often stems from the fear that we're to blame, even when we don’t want to admit it.-The key to change is awareness: notice your emotional triggers before reacting.-Taking even partial responsibility can immediately diffuse tension and build trust.-Empathy transforms conflict: put yourself in your partner’s shoes to respond with care, not combat.-Honest, calm communication breaks the cycle of blame and opens the door to healing.-Change won’t happen overnight, but with intention and practice, defensiveness can be replaced by understanding.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

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• 159 - Stop Blaming Others: The Key to Controlling Your Anger

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever said, “You made me so mad”? In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs unpacks the hidden cost of blaming others for your anger—and the freedom that comes when you take full responsibility for your actions. If you’re ready to step out of blame, stop the cycle of conflict and take back control of your emotions, this episode offers the insights and tools you need to begin.Key Takeaways:-Blaming others for your anger gives away your power and keeps you stuck in reactive, unhealthy patterns.-Taking responsibility for your actions means owning your choices, not justifying or excusing hurtful behavior.-Four common reasons people avoid responsibility include fear of consequences, family conditioning, entitlement and shame.-Real change begins with acknowledging your actions, accepting the consequences, and committing to a plan for change.-Anger management programs provide essential skills for managing emotions in real time—something therapy often doesn’t cover.-Taking ownership of your anger is a courageous step that leads to more respectful, loving, and empowered relationships.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

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• 158 - The Truth About Therapy and Anger — Katie’s Story

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.When therapy didn’t work, Katie feared she’d never get control of her anger. Her relationship was falling apart, her parenting was suffering and she was terrified of repeating the cycle of anger she grew up with. In this inspiring episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs interviews Katie about her powerful journey—how she broke free from past patterns, what finally helped and how her family life has transformed as a result.Key Takeaways:-Therapy often focuses on the past, but anger needs to be managed in the present with clear, practical tools.-Katie’s turning point came through the Complete Anger Management System, where she learned how to recognise her early warning signs of anger and take real-time action.-Using the Tension Scale, Positive Self-Talk and the Anger Diary, Katie was able to reflect, grow and change how she responds to stress.-Change is not always linear, but with commitment and support, progress is absolutely possible—even in a few short weeks.-Healing generational anger is possible and Katie’s story shows that with the right tools, you can create a better future for yourself and your children.-Supportive, relationship-focused anger management can lead to real breakthroughs for both individuals and couples.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

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• 157 - Do You Want To Be Right — Or Be Happy?

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever felt the urge to prove you're right—especially in the heat of an argument? In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares a personal story and a lesson from a truck-driving client that will change the way you think about conflict. Discover why letting go of the need to be right isn’t weakness—it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to protect your relationships and your peace of mind.Key Takeaways:-The need to “be right” often fuels conflict, putting your relationships and emotional health at risk.-Trying to prove someone else wrong rarely creates connection—it usually leads to resentment and defensiveness.-Seeking to understand instead of arguing your point helps de-escalate tension and fosters mutual respect.-Letting go of being right doesn’t mean giving in—it means valuing the relationship over the need to win.-Even small changes in behavior, like giving others space, can have a big impact on your calmness and safety, both emotionally and physically.-When you release the urge to control others, you gain true control over yourself.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

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• 156 - How to Build a Stronger, Happier Relationship

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Arguments that start small often end in deep emotional disconnect. In this heartfelt episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores how seemingly minor issues can spiral into major conflicts—and how you can change that. He shares three simple but powerful tips that will help you manage conflict better, communicate more effectively and reconnect with your partner in a meaningful way.Key Takeaways:-Conflict doesn’t have to damage your relationship—when handled well, it can actually bring you closer together.-Trying to “win” arguments only leads to both partners losing; the goal is mutual understanding, not victory.-Active listening and asking thoughtful, open-ended questions can break patterns of miscommunication and foster deeper connection.-Small, intentional acts of appreciation and quality time go a long way in keeping a relationship strong and loving.-Making your relationship a priority—despite life’s busyness—helps build emotional intimacy and trust.-Even couples on the brink of separation can rebuild connection with the right tools and willingness to grow together.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

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