The Empowered Divorce Podcast; Navigating Divorce After Betrayal Trauma and Abuse

You've heard it a hundred times — you need boundaries. You agree, you nod along, and then you close the app and have no idea where to start. In this episode I'm getting into the actual how. I walk you through the stages of boundary setting, the real difference between a request and a boundary, and give you word-for-word language you can use with your ex today. I also get honest about the long list of things you simply cannot control after divorce — even when they affect your kids — and why the most powerful boundaries you'll ever set are the ones you set with yourself.
This is Part 2 of a two-part series. If you missed Part 1, go back and listen first — that's where we figure out where your boundaries are missing.
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✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING
📍 Dating From Within Workshop- Get on the Interest List 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Cli⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ck here to register⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💬 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Empowered Divorce Q&A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month.
👣 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Body Love Class⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal.
📍 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Believing In You Group Coaching ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ready to stop letting your brain hijack your healing? Learn how to work with your nervous system, shift your thoughts, and create the life you actually want. Next round begins in January—spots go fast!👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Reserve your spot⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start by taking the quiz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check it out here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more + enroll⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey

Need support ?📩 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy

If you’ve ever listened to a boundaries episode, nodded the whole time, and then shut it off thinking, “Okay… but what do I actually do?” this one is for you.
In today’s episode, I’m not teaching boundaries in theory. I’m helping you figure out where you actually need one, especially if you’re navigating betrayal, post separation abuse, high conflict divorce, or ongoing co parenting stress.
Because when you’ve been living in chronic activation for a long time, it’s hard to tell what’s normal stress, what’s grief, and what’s your body saying, “We need protection.”
This episode is Part 1 of a two part series. This week we focus on awareness and clarity. Next week we’ll go into boundary language and implementation.
Why “knowing you need boundaries” is different than knowing where to start

The difference between an empowered response and chronic activation

Why fight mode can feel like empowerment, even when it’s draining you

How your nervous system can get conditioned to engagement, adrenaline, and urgency

Why boundaries are not demands for someone else to change, they’re decisions about what you will do

How to identify where your energy is leaking and where you’re still emotionally tied

Use these four questions this week to notice where boundaries are missing:
Where am I leaking energy?

Where do I feel trapped?

Where am I afraid?

Where am I still hoping?

No fixing yet. No pressure. Just noticing.
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✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING
⁠https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey⁠
📍 Dating From Within Workshop- Get on the Interest List 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Cli⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ck here to register⁠
⁠https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💬 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Empowered Divorce Q&A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month.
👣 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Body Love Class⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal.
📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start by taking the quiz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check it out here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more + enroll⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
🎥 Watch on ⁠YouTube⁠: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey

Need support ?📩 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy

Healthy Dependence After Betrayal: The Attachment Truth About “I Don’t Need Anyone”
If you’ve been betrayed, divorced, or coming out of a relationship where you lost yourself, it makes total sense if you swung hard into “I don’t need anyone.” For a while, that kind of hyper independence can feel like safety. Like a fortress. Like finally no one can regulate you, hurt you, or take you down again.
But here’s the part no one wants to say out loud. That extreme independence is not the same as secure attachment. And it can create a false sense of safety that actually keeps you stuck, disconnected, and terrified of ever trusting again.
In this episode, I’m joined by my friend and colleague Geoff, who has over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from betrayal and attachment injury. We talk about the difference between healthy differentiation and emotional walling off, why you’re wired for connection even after divorce, and what secure attachment actually looks like when you’ve been through betrayal, abuse, and loss.
This is a conversation for my divorce ladies who want love again but are scared as hell. If you’ve wondered if it’s even safe to need someone, or if you have to be fully healed before dating again, you’re going to feel seen here.
• Why “I don’t need anyone” can feel empowering but still be a trauma response
• Differentiation vs hyper independence and why swinging to the other extreme keeps you stuck
• What attachment theory actually says about healthy dependency
• How betrayal creates shame and disconnection from self
• Why healing does not happen in isolation and why safe relationship can unlock deeper healing
• The difference between sexual consent and true relational safety
• Why going slow matters and how to test for emotional stability early
• What unhealthy dependency looks like including enmeshment, overfunctioning, and losing yourself
• How co regulation can happen outside of romantic relationships while you’re still rebuilding

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Geoff Steurer: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/

✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING
⁠https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey⁠
📍 Dating From Within Workshop- Get on the Interest List 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Cli⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ck here to register⁠
⁠https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💬 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Empowered Divorce Q&A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month.
👣 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Body Love Class⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal.
📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start by taking the quiz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check it out here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more + enroll⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
🎥 Watch on ⁠YouTube⁠: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey
Need support ?📩 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy

In this episode I talk with you about self objectification and how it quietly pulls you out of your own life. Many women learn to experience themselves from the outside in, constantly evaluating how their body looks instead of feeling what their body needs. This can come from sexual abuse, purity culture, early exposure to pornography, body shaming, or sexual betrayal in adult relationships. Over time your body stops feeling like home and starts feeling like a project to fix, present, or protect.
I walk you through the difference between healthy self awareness and self objectification, and why living under the imagined gaze of others creates anxiety, shame, perfectionism, and disconnection from your own internal cues like hunger, desire, and intuition. I also talk about how pornography culture and sexual betrayal intensify this pattern, turning your nervous system toward constant comparison, threat detection, and body monitoring.
The invitation here is not to convince yourself you are beautiful. The invitation is to become a person again, not a body first and a person second. I offer simple, practical steps to notice when you leave your body, gently return, and build an internal sense of safety that is not dependent on being attractive. This is about reclaiming your humanity, softening the bracing in your body, and learning to live from the inside out.
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✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING
📍 Dating From Within Workshop- Get on the Interest List 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Cli⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ck here to register⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💬 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Empowered Divorce Q&A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month.
👣 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Body Love Class⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal.
📍 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Believing In You Group Coaching ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ready to stop letting your brain hijack your healing? Learn how to work with your nervous system, shift your thoughts, and create the life you actually want. Next round begins in January—spots go fast!👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Reserve your spot⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start by taking the quiz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check it out here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more + enroll⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey
Need support ?📩 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

In this episode, I’m talking about something that gets misunderstood all the time: what safety actually is when your nervous system has lived in chronic relational threat. If you’ve noticed triggers around Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, kid exchanges, family gatherings, Target runs, or even a simple text from your ex, you are not crazy. Your body learned to scan for danger because it had to. And while getting more truth can matter, truth alone does not automatically create safety inside your body. I break down why healing after betrayal is a different kind of divorce, why “just move on” advice does not work, and how self love grows when you learn to become a safe place for you.
I also teach the four parts of “safety within” so you can start practicing it in real life: internal permission, internal protection, internal soothing, and internal choice. We’ll talk about the pendulum swing between retreat and over exposure, why avoidance sometimes gets mislabeled as boundaries, and how to tell the difference between real present day danger and trauma activation. If you feel like you have done all the mindset work, all the books, all the therapy, and you still feel stuck, I also share why that is often a sign it’s time for somatic work. You cannot think your way into safety if your body is still living in the old threat. This episode will help you stop treating triggers like a prophecy and start using them as information, so you can stay connected to yourself even when life is messy, because you are the chooser in your life and you get to create that internal safety one step at a time.
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✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING
📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced Course :Want real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.
👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://intimacywithin.amiewoolsey.com/intimacy-within-page⁠
📍 Dating From Within Workshop- Get on the Interest List
👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
💬 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Empowered Divorce Q&A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month.
👉 https://theempowereddivorcecoach.com/live-question-and-answer
👣 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Body Love Class⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal.
👉⁠https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/body-love-class/⁠
📍 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Believing In You Group Coaching ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ready to stop letting your brain hijack your healing? Learn how to work with your nervous system, shift your thoughts, and create the life you actually want. Next round begins in January—spots go fast!
👉⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amiewoolsey.com/believing-in-you-coaching-program⁠
📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.
🎯 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start by taking the quiz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://theempowereddivorcecoach.com/when-youve-exhausted-all-of-your-options⁠
📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.
👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shouldistayorgo.amiewoolsey.com/⁠
💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://choose.clientsecure.me/request/clinician⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey
Need support ?📩 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠