Lights On with Carl Lentz

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

When a mom of three teenage boys emailed us asking how to lead her family through the aftermath of her husband's betrayal, we knew this conversation needed its own episode. Her oldest son has gone cold. The anger is hardening. The whole family is weary. And she's wondering if the work she and her husband are doing will ever be enough to reach the kids who didn't choose any of this.
In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura sit with the question every couple in recovery eventually has to face: how do you parent well while your kids are still reacting to something you created? Drawing from six years on this road with their own three children, they reframe the question entirely, walk through what the adolescent brain is actually capable of processing, and offer five principles that have carried their family through layered, lagging, multi-year healing.

You'll hear why the most dangerous timeline in family recovery is the one in your head. Why your son's anger is not his final form. Why "show me, don't tell me" is the only currency teenagers will spend. And why the goal isn't to win your kids back, it's to become so steady, so safe, and so full of life that the ice has no choice but to melt.

If you're a parent in the thick of repair work, or you're watching someone you love try to lead a family through the consequences of a hard year, this one was written for you. Carl gets honest about shame, consistency, and the moments his own kids have caught him still mirroring their pain. Laura speaks directly to the fear underneath your child's reactions: they didn't just lose trust in you, they lost trust in life itself.

Stay for the metaphors that will outlast the episode (the garden, the ice block, the leaking roof) and the reminder that you are not behind. You are right on time.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Wonder Project
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CHAPTERS:

0:00 Intro
0:58 Welcome to Lights On
1:00 The Listener's Email
2:51 The Family's Story
4:24 Why This Episode Matters
5:11 Reframing the Question
7:07 How Kids Process Betrayal
8:00 Children Heal on Their Own Timeline
10:13 The 5 Principles
11:01 Resetting Expectations
13:08 Principle 1: Don't Mirror Your Kids
18:07 The Garden Mindset
20:03 When Shame Tries to Win
21:34 They Lost Trust in Life
24:17 Leading When They're Not Okay
25:00 One Day at a Time
29:03 Answer Pain with Patience
30:28 Your Calm Heals Them
31:58 Show the Repair
34:04 Holding the Line with Grace
35:20 Keep Encouraging Therapy
36:44 Principle 2: Anger Isn't Their Final Form
38:35 Principle 3: You Can't Rush Trust
40:06 Do It Because You're Healthy
40:58 Control Your Consistency, Not Them
41:19 Principle 4: Lead by Example
43:10 Kids Notice Everything
44:25 Let Them See the Repair
45:03 Repair in Front of Them
46:47 Principle 5: Heat, Not Pressure
48:00 Creating Safety Over Time
49:20 Don't Give Up
49:54 Outro & Sponsors
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If you or someone you love is trapped in addiction and you've run out of answers, call Hope Is Alive at 1-844-3-HOPE-NOW or visit hopeisalive.net

In this honest and hope-filled episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Lance Lang — pastor's kid turned 50-pill-a-day addict turned founder of Hope Is Alive — for a conversation that will change the way you see addiction forever. Lance breaks down the moment he hit rock bottom, why addiction doesn't care about your last name, your bank account, or your upbringing, and how one full confession in his uncle's office on April 6th, 2011 became the first day of the rest of his life. Carl and Lance dismantle the stigma that rehab is for people who've lost everything, explain why explanations are not excuses but tools, and make the case that sobriety is not a surrender — it's a superpower. From the lie that you're too busy to get help, to the three things every family member of an addict needs to hear, to why the cost of not going is always greater than the cost of going, this episode is a lifeline for anyone who's been waiting for a sign. Whether you're the one struggling in silence, the spouse who's tried everything, or the parent sitting in a pew next to someone who's carrying the same secret you are — this is your moment.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura created Lights On to bring light to the areas of life where we need it most.

If this episode gave you hope or you're ready to take the next step, don't wait. Call Hope Is Alive at 1-844-3-HOPE-NOW or visit hopeisalive.net

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Lance at: hopeisalive.net
Hope Is Alive: hopeisalive.net
Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:
0:00 - Welcome to Lights On
1:56 - Lance Lang: Pastor's Kid, Drug Addict, Founder
3:56 - Addiction Doesn't Discriminate
8:39 - Rock Bottom: 50 Pills a Day
9:55 - The First Full Confession
10:27 - 90 Days That Changed Everything
13:53 - God Behind Bars Partnership
16:00 - What People Get Wrong About Addiction
21:05 - Explanations Are Not Excuses
23:18 - Remove the Stigma From Rehab
25:29 - Hope Is Alive: Recovery Done Differently
31:01 - Finding Hope: Support Groups for Families
33:15 - You're Not Alone. It's Not Your Fault. There Is Hope.
40:21 - Plana Partnership
41:02 - Sobriety Is Your Superpower
43:49 - Recovery Is Not Just Sobriety — It's Identity
46:23 - Try the Drug Called Hope
47:54 - How to Call Hope Is Alive Right Now
49:25 - A Word to the Addict Listening
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura answer three listener questions that keep circling the same uncomfortable truth: good intentions are not the same as real work. And the people you love can feel the difference.
The first question comes from a couple on the other side of a hard season. They are doing well, on the same page, and they want to know what easy, non-heavy things actually help a marriage reconnect. Carl and Laura break down the Treasure Walk, a simple but intentional 20 minute practice that changed the way they communicate. The rule is straightforward. The other person is the treasure chest. Your only job is to find out what is in there. They also get into why fun is not optional during rebuilding seasons, why pickleball almost ended their marriage, and what it actually means to make your relationship a stated priority versus a real one.

The second question comes from a man who fought hard to save his marriage after his wife had an affair with someone in their own spiritual community. They divorced. She remarried. He is now engaged to someone incredible. And he is still carrying the weight of what he lost. His fiancee is asking whether he is fully healed. His honest answer is that he does not know. Carl walks him through what he calls the position switch, the difference between grieving what you cannot change and investing in what is right in front of you. Grief is a signal, not a home. And what you stop feeding will eventually stop running your life.
The third question is the one the whole episode builds toward. A woman who was betrayed and abused. She left, moved countries, committed to two full years of consistent therapy work and has seen real transformation in herself. Her husband followed. His effort has been on and off, starting and stopping therapy depending on his mood or who he is around. Now there is pressure to reconcile and move back in together, and she is being asked to treat his inconsistent effort as equivalent to hers. Carl is direct: the betrayer does not get to drive the car of the new chapter. He then reads, for the first time since receiving it, the letter his therapist wrote him after five years of showing up every single Tuesday night for two and a half hours. What consistency actually looks like in the long run. What it costs. And what it builds that nothing else can.

This episode is for anyone who has confused presence with progress, or mistaken tears and intentions for evidence.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Wonder Project
https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/offers/ref=atv_3p_amz_c_CDvZ9m_1_1?benefitId=wonderprojectus
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you're a man trapped in a cycle of pornography and shame, email us at [email protected]

In this raw and practical episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz brings back Blaine Bartell for a conversation built for the man who has tried everything and still can't break free. Blaine, founder of House of Resurrection and a man who lost everything to 23 years of sexual addiction, breaks down the exact system that keeps men stuck: the addiction cycle of trigger, crave, cave, and payoff. But more importantly, he reveals the freedom cycle that saved his life and can save yours. Carl and Blaine dismantle the myth that willpower and accountability partners are enough, explain why advocacy and brotherhood heal what policing never could, and give you a step by step playbook you can start today. From the Swiss cheese method of stacking recovery layers to why you don't stop something by stopping something, this episode is a lifeline for any man ready to fight a broken system with a better one. Whether you struggle in silence, love someone who does, or pastor men who will never tell you the truth, this is your blueprint for building a life with nothing to hide.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura created Lights On to bring light to the areas of life where we need it most.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/
House of Resurrection: https://houseofres.life

Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura dive into the difficult questions surrounding marital betrayal, emotional boundaries, and the road to healing. Should you tell your children about your marital struggles? Why do women cheat, and is the husband ever to blame? What actually defines an emotional affair, and how do you escape the "validation trap" before it destroys everything?

Drawing from their own journey through public betrayal and 23 years of marriage, Carl and Laura explore why "image protection" is often the greatest enemy of true healing. They challenge the societal narratives that make some affairs seem "understandable" while others are "predatory," and they expose the uncomfortable truth about why men and women often seek intimacy outside their marriage.

Whether you're a betrayed spouse trying to make sense of the chaos, or a partner realizing you’ve been "lonely together" for far too long, this episode offers a roadmap back to connection. Laura opens up about the power of self-worth that isn't dependent on a spouse's validation, and Carl delivers a hard truth for anyone trying to blamesharing their way out of a broken vow: atonement must come before explanation.

From the "nose-to-nose" challenge that exposes the distance between you, to the daily affirmations that rewire your brain for confidence, to the "sliding door moments" where affairs actually begin—this episode is for any couple ready to stop protecting a fake image and start building a real legacy.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Intro

01:15 Why Doesn't Laura Speak More?

03:08 Should We Tell Our Children About Marital Struggles?

09:56 God Behind Bars Partnership

10:29 Why Do Women Cheat?

14:15 The Brain’s Search for Control After Betrayal

20:49 The Validation Trap: Why Affairs Feel Like a Dream

23:08 Owning Your Own Validation

28:27 Affirmations: Rewiring Your Brain for Self-Worth

32:57 Atonement vs. Blamesharing

34:52 Society’s Narrative on Infidelity

37:44 Plana Partnership

38:18 Defining Emotional Affairs

41:11 The Danger of Being "Lonely Together"

46:54 How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

47:58 Closing and How to Contact Us
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