The Only Way to Win Back Your Wife After Breaking Her Trust
In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/Chapters:00:00 - Intro00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince)05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive"09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months)36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere"42:07 - Plana.org Partnership42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your FriendSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
-------- Â
56:16
--------
56:16
The One Sacrifice That Saved Our Marriage After Infidelity
In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!"21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse"43:51 - Plana.org Partnership49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In PainSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
-------- Â
51:52
--------
51:52
25-Year Divorce Lawyer: These 3 Things Destroy Every Marriage
In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse.James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy.Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic.Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - INTRO02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap40:25 - Plana.org Partnership41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage KillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
-------- Â
1:12:38
--------
1:12:38
The Brutal Cost of Letting Everyone's Opinion Matter
In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions)10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything)35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop)50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the FieldSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
-------- Â
51:05
--------
51:05
23 Years of Secret Addiction: A Pastor's Shocking Recovery Story
In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with Blaine Bartel, a former megachurch pastor who built one of America's largest youth ministries before losing everything due to a 23-year secret addiction. For the first time, Blaine opens up about the moment his double life was completely exposed, the "terrifying grace" that shattered his world in 24 hours, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild from absolute rock bottom. They discuss everything from the difference between recovery and resurrection, why churches abandon fallen pastors, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens when ministry success collides with hidden shame. From the shock of losing his marriage and ministry to discovering what true freedom actually looks like, this conversation reveals how one man died to everything he was and found life again. Whether you're struggling with addiction, wondering if restoration is possible, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about sexual addiction, ministry failure, and the kind of honest conversations most people never have.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/---Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - Blaine's Background: From Ministry Success to 23-Year Secret03:33 - "God Issued a Warrant for My Soul" - Complete Exposure in 24 Hours05:09 - "You'll Never Get Free" - The Doctor's Devastating Prediction06:45 - Recovery vs Resurrection: The Moment Everything Changed08:20 - "Jesus Makes Dead People Alive" - True Heart Transformation10:45 - Death Before Resurrection: Why the Cross Comes First12:43 - Why Pastors Fall So Hard and the Problem of Quick Comebacks17:34 - GOD BEHIND BARS PARTNERSHIP18:18 - The Loneliest Moment: When Everyone Cuts You Off24:28 - Carl's Story: Being Completely Shunned by Hillsong Church30:41 - Why Churches Choose Brand Protection Over Restoration36:14 - The Day They Finally Lifted Their Heads Again39:16 - PLANA.ORG PARTNERSHIP40:16 - Jesus Washing Feet: The Vision That Changed Everything43:37 - Understanding Addiction: The Three Greatest Fears of Every Man48:31 - Brain Chemistry vs Willpower: Why "Moral Failure" Misses the Point52:38 - Sacred Rituals: Bridging the Gap Between Inspiration and Transformation59:15 - Vision for the Man vs Vision for the Career: What Really Matters1:02:48 - How to Safeguard Your Life: Full-Throated Confession and CommunitySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives.
Turn on the lights with us!
South Africa