Lights On with Carl Lentz

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected] this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.---Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com---CHAPTERS00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach34:24 Plana Partnership36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls YouSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected] this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com CHAPTERS:00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking31:44 - Plana Partnership32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays EndSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.I wasn't ready.We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."One more person to reach. One more life to change.This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/—// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com__🙏 PRAY FOR YOGIHe's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]!In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.-----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Planahttps://plana.org/-----## CHAPTERS:00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer38:59 - Plana Partnership39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You51:22 - Patterns Over Promises55:47 - The Right Kind of DifficultSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Email us:[email protected] this urgent conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle an email that made them immediately stop everything and record: a woman whose husband has had over 200+ sexual encounters with prostitutes, massage parlors, and emotional affairs—yet he's calling HER controlling for asking him to stop chatting with younger women at the gym. Drawing from their own five years of rebuilding trust after infidelity, they expose the dangerous pattern that destroys second chances: the betrayer who refuses to see what's obvious. Carl reveals why any man who's broken his marriage vows cannot ask anything "outrageous" from his wife ("You could ask me to build a papier-mâché dragon and I'm doing it"), while Laura opens up about the exhausting reality of being told you're crazy when your intuition was right all along. They demolish the myth that boundaries after betrayal are "controlling" when the brutal truth is: if you cheated, you created this—every single boundary she asks for is sacred, not crazy. From why "I'm just being friendly" is the most dangerous phrase a cheating husband can say, to the therapist who tricked Carl into humility by making him assume everything he heard was right for one week, this episode validates every betrayed partner who's been gaslit into thinking their needs are unreasonable. They reveal why the betrayed person gets to be "selfish" for a season (and why that season might be 10 years), how tolerance is conditioned over time starting way before marriage, and why Carl still reports when there's a woman receptionist at his doctor's office five years later. The frame that changes everything: You can't rebuild trust while the behaviors that broke it are still being defended. And if you're the one who cheated and you're sitting there thinking "but she's being unreasonable" while defending your right to talk to other women, this conversation exposes why you're not ready to change and what that means for your marriage. Warning: This episode will challenge men who think they've apologized enough and may trigger those who've weaponized the word "controlling" to avoid accountability for their betrayal.---------Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---------CHAPTERS:00:00 - Urgent Pod: The Email That Made Us Record Immediately03:33 - 200+ Affairs And He Says She's Being Ridiculous07:16 - Nothing You're Asked Is Outrageous After Betrayal11:48 - You Created This Pattern Over Hundreds Of Decisions15:00 - The Receptionist Story: Why Carl Still Reports Everything17:09 - You Can't Rebuild Trust While Defending Old Behaviors22:00 - "I'm Just Being Friendly" Is Feeding An Old System27:40 - Controlling vs. Protecting: How To Know The Difference32:14 - Shaming vs. Setting Boundaries: The Dignity Question36:07 - What You Tolerate: Trauma, Fear, And Fatigue40:43 - What Pattern Of Mine Keeps Me Stuck In Their Pattern?43:19 - The College Boyfriend Story: How Tolerance Gets Conditioned45:40 - If Love Costs You Peace, Is It Love?47:21 - The Question Every Husband Should Ask About BoundariesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.