Legally Clueless

Lisa moved to Nigeria for love. But what happens when the life you move into leaves little room for you to be yourself?

In Part 2 of Lisa Gaitho’s story, we pick up where we left off: Lisa is back in Kenya, unsure of what to do next, when she meets a boyfriend and decides to move to Nigeria. What follows is a very different life from the one she grew up knowing. Living with her boyfriend’s family, Lisa encounters unfamiliar cultural expectations, struggles with the pressure to conform, and begins to feel increasingly disconnected from herself.

Eventually, she returns to Kenya, where her search for belonging takes another unexpected turn. She becomes deeply involved in Christianity, only to begin questioning some of the beliefs she had embraced.This part of Lisa’s story explores relationships, identity, faith and what happens when finding your place in the world starts to feel like losing yourself.

This is Part 2 of Lisa’s three-part story. Catch up on Part 1 before listening, and join us next Monday for the final chapter.

CONNECT WITH LISA:
https://www.instagram.com/lisagaitho

FOR MANNERLESS WOMEN LIVE THIS SATURDAY!
We're so excited to see everyone joining us on Saturday, 26 September, at Trademark Suites at Enaki Town, off Redhill Bypass.A few reminders for ticket holders: please arrive at 12 noon. The show begins at 1 p.m. and is expected to end at around 4 p.m. Parking is free, there's no dress code, and your ticket includes a complimentary welcome drink, The Mannerless. Food and additional refreshments will be available to purchase. Please have your ticket ready at check-in, and remember that tickets are non-transferable.
Check your email for the full event details!
And please note that we're at Trademark Suites at Enaki Town, not Trademark Hotel at Village Market.

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New episodes of the Legally Clueless podcast every Monday.

What happens when the person who once made you feel like the centre of their world becomes the person who makes you question your worth?

The constant attention. The big promises. The feeling that you've finally found someone who truly understands you. And then, slowly, the affection changes. The criticism begins. Your boundaries are tested. You find yourself holding on to the person they were at the beginning.

In Part 1 of this conversation on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist and trauma therapist Perpetua Chomba to unpack how narcissistic abuse can begin, how it can escalate, and why recognising and leaving a harmful relationship can be so difficult. They explore love bombing, future faking, gaslighting and the cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering. They also discuss how inconsistent affection can strengthen attachment, why setting boundaries matters, and how our earliest experiences of love can shape the relationships we find ourselves in as adults.

In this episode, we explore:
Love bombing and future faking: when intensity is mistaken for intimacy
How someone responds when you set a boundary
Gaslighting, silent treatment and emotional manipulation
Financial abuse, isolation and other forms of control
The cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering
Narcissistic patterns in family relationships
Trauma bonds and why leaving can feel so difficult
How the highs and lows of a relationship can become familiar
Learning to recognise consistent love without abandoning yourself
In Part 2, Adelle and Perpetua explore healing from narcissistic abuse and answer questions sent in by the For Mannerless Women community.

CONNECT WITH PERPETUA CHOMBA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapist_perpetua
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapistperpetua 

RESOURCES RECOMMENDED BY PERPETUA
The covert Passive aggressive narcissist by debbie mirza book
Will I ever be good enough healing daughters of narcissistic mothers by karyl McBride
Boundaries by Dr henry cloud
JOIN THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITY
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If this conversation helps you put language to something you've experienced, share it with another woman who may need it.
Subscribe to For Mannerless Women wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss Part 2.

#ForMannerlessWomen #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #LoveBombing #TraumaBonds #AfricanWomen #LegallyCluelessAfrica

Have you ever disliked a woman who hadn't actually done anything to you? Maybe her confidence irritated you, her success made you uncomfortable, or you found yourself picking apart her life without really understanding why. What if the problem isn't her, but what her life brings up in you?

In this week's episode of The Mid Week Tease, Adelle Onyango unpacks jealousy, envy, and the uncomfortable ways comparison can turn into shame, insecurity, and sometimes hostility toward other women. We explore the difference between jealousy and envy, why another woman's success can make us question our own worth, and how the expectations placed on women can make us see one another as competition. Most importantly, Adelle shares seven practical ways to navigate jealousy without projecting it onto other women. Because feeling jealous doesn't make you a bad person. But what you do with that feeling matters.

In this episode, we explore:
The psychological difference between jealousy and envy.

How comparison can trigger shame, fear, and insecurity.

Why we sometimes criticise women whose lives reflect something we desire.

How to celebrate a friend while navigating your own disappointment.

Seven practical ways to understand and manage jealousy.

How to turn comparison into a better understanding of what you want for yourself.

CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA
Website: https://legallycluelessafrica.com 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica 

New episodes of The Mid Week Tease every Wednesday on the Legally Clueless Africa channels.
#TheMidWeekTease #LegallyCluelessAfrica #Jealousy #Envy #WomenSupportingWomen #SelfAwareness

How do you figure out what you want to do with your life when nothing seems to quite fit?

In Part 1 of Lisa Gaitho’s story, she takes us from a playful childhood growing up in Nairobi West to a high school experience she desperately wanted to escape and into years of trying to figure out where she belonged. Lisa tried journalism. She tried hotel and restaurant management. She eventually found culinary school, which took her from Nairobi to South Africa. But when she returned home ready to begin her career, the reality she encountered made her question whether this was the life she wanted after all. Suddenly, she was back home watching the people around her move forward while she wrestled with one overwhelming question: What am I actually doing with my life?

Lisa speaks candidly about the pressure she put on herself to have everything figured out, feeling like she was wasting time, and how dark that period of uncertainty became. And just when she has no idea what comes next, she meets someone who will take her life in a completely unexpected direction. This is Part 1 of Lisa’s three-part story.
CONTENT NOTE: This episode includes a brief discussion of suicidal ideation.

Connect with Lisa Gaitho: https://www.instagram.com/lisagaitho

Have a story you’d like to share on Legally Clueless?
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CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA
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What if the life you really want begins after the age you were told you should have everything figured out?

In this episode of For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with Sally Sawe, Co-Founder and COO of The Partnership Agency, for a beautiful conversation about ageing, starting again and giving yourself permission to build a life that is entirely your own. Approaching 40, Sally walked away from a long-term relationship and began questioning the definition of a “full life” she had inherited. Did it have to include marriage? Children? Could she define it differently for herself?

Then at 53, after 20 years at WPP Scangroup, Sally made another huge pivot: she co-founded her own advertising agency. What began with five people working from a garden has since grown to a team of more than 100.

In this conversation, we talk about:
• Starting again at any age
• Why ageing can bring more confidence, not less
• Being happily single and child-free
• Defining a full life outside marriage and motherhood
• Leaving relationships that no longer serve you
• Learning to enjoy your own company
• Building self-trust and listening to your inner voice
• Starting a business in your 50s
• Beginning again after 20 years in one career
• Letting go of ego when you have to start small
• Why experience becomes an advantage as you age
• Giving yourself permission instead of waiting for it from others

Sally’s Mannerless Message is simple: “Be as ungovernable as you can be.”Give yourself permission to change your mind, begin again and live your life fully.

CONNECT WITH SALLY SAWE
The Partnership Agency:
https://www.instagram.com/thepartnershipagency
https://thepartnershipafrica.com/
Sally Sawe:
https://www.instagram.com/sally.sawe

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For Mannerless Women is a Legally Clueless Africa production creating space for honest, shame-free conversations about African womanhood. Subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode of Season 6, and share this conversation with a Mannerless or almost Mannerless woman in your life.