Delight in Parenting with Dajana Yoakley

• 63. Why Your Child's Back-to-School Meltdowns Aren't About Defiance (And What They're Really Trying to Tell You)

  Ever wondered why back-to-school season feels emotionally overwhelming, even when you've checked all the boxes on your preparation list?What if I told you that your child's September meltdowns and resistance aren't about defiance or poor adjustment—but are actually their nervous system responding to a major life transition, and you might be unknowingly adding fuel to the fire?My guest, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, Master Certified Coach and co-founder of Impact Parents, has spent over 15 years supporting parents of what she calls "complex kids"—children with ADHD, anxiety, learning differences, and other challenges that make everyday parenting feel anything but everyday.If you've ever felt like you're walking into a battlefield during school pickup, or wondered why traditional discipline seems to backfire with your child, this conversation will completely shift how you understand what's really happening during transitions.Elaine's work focuses on helping parents move from director mode to collaborator mode with their children—particularly those who present as neuro-spicy, explosive, or shut down. Drawing from her coaching expertise and personal experience raising three complex kids, she provides practical tools to understand the hidden dynamics driving behavior.In this eye-opening interview, Elaine reveals how we can support our children's transition challenges while building stronger relationships in the process.You'll discover:* Why safety and trust are the foundation for all cooperation—and how your child's definition of "feeling safe" might be completely different from yours* The powerful shift from "ask, don't tell" that immediately communicates respect for your child's developing autonomy* How to recognize when your expectations don't match reality—and why that gap is where most triggers and explosions happen* The surprising truth about why pushing harder during resistance actually undermines your authority instead of building cooperation* How to decode your child's behaviors as communication rather than defiance—including why your child might need to complain for 10 minutes every day after school* The difference between prevention and management during emotional dysregulation—and when to let the meltdown run its course versus intervening* Why transitions are harder for everyone than we give ourselves credit for, and how to expect and prepare for heightened emotions weeks before they happen* The simple but profound perspective shift that changes everything: moving from "they're being difficult" to "they're having difficulty"* How to break the stimulus-react-react cycle that keeps families stuck in power struggles and disconnection* Why focusing on the parent's inner work is actually the most effective way to help your child succeedElaine vulnerably shares her own journey from an overwhelmed mom of three challenging kids to discovering the power of a coaching approach. She shows us how treating our children as whole human beings rather than problems to be fixed creates the foundation for genuine cooperation and lasting change.Most importantly, she challenges us to move beyond asking "How do I get my child to comply?" to asking "How can I support them where they are right now?" This shift changes everything about how we approach parenting challenges.Ready to move from back-to-school chaos to confident connection? This conversation will give you the coach-approach tools to support your child's emotional world while strengthening your relationship in the process.To learn more about Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Impact Parents:https://impactparents.com/https://impactparents.com/podcast Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 62. The Science of Safety: Why Your Child's 'Difficult' Behavior Isn't About Defiance

  Ever wondered why your child's explosive behavior keeps happening, even when you use all the "right" consequences and rewards?What if I told you that your child's meltdowns and resistance aren't about defiance or manipulation—but are actually their nervous system's way of saying "I don't feel safe right now"?My guest, Dr. Bethany Bilodeau, a behaviorist and sensory specialist who works at the intersection of trauma, neurodiversity, and nervous system regulation, has spent years discovering that traditional behavior management approaches often make things worse, not better.If you've ever felt lost trying to help a child who seems to explode over the smallest things, or wondering why school pickup feels like walking into a battlefield, this conversation will give you a completely new lens for understanding what's really happening.Dr. B's practice focuses on helping parents shift from managing compliance to co-creating safety and regulation with their children—particularly those who present as oppositional, anxious, or withdrawn. Drawing from neuroscience research and evidence-based interventions, she provides practical tools to understand the underlying needs driving behavior.In this eye-opening interview, Dr. B reveals how we can support our children's developing nervous systems while building stronger relationships in the process.You'll discover:* Why safety is the foundation for all healing—whether your child has experienced trauma, is neurodivergent, or is simply struggling with nervous system regulation* The powerful "stance of safety" that immediately communicates to your child's nervous system that you can keep them safe and help them co-regulate* How to recognize when your child is "stuck" in resistance and what's actually happening in their brain during these moments* Why pushing harder when they're stuck actually undermines your authority instead of encouraging cooperation* The science behind why proprioceptive input (like carrying heavy things or walking upstairs) can be your secret weapon for helping kids reset their nervous systems* How to use transitions strategically to help eliminate behaviors that drive you crazy—like Dr. B's genius approach to ending her son's endless burping* The early warning signs that your child's difficult behavior might actually be their nervous system protecting them from overwhelm* Why hydration, sleep, and movement aren't just "nice to have" but are actually fundamental to your child's ability to regulate and cooperate* How to read your child's body language to know when they're approaching their limit—including the meaning behind "whites above or below the eyes"* Practical strategies for back-to-school season that help prevent the inevitable overwhelm and meltdownsDr. B vulnerably shares her own journey from having a child who was asked to leave three different daycares to discovering the power of understanding sensory needs and nervous system regulation. She shows us how early intervention made all the difference—and how her son eventually exited special education services by sixth grade because he had developed the skills he needed to thrive.Most importantly, she challenges us to move beyond asking "How do I get my child to comply?" to asking "How do I help my child feel safe enough to cooperate?" This shift changes everything about how we approach parenting challenges.Ready to move from constant battles to genuine partnership with your child? This conversation will give you the neuroscience-backed tools to support their developing nervous system while strengthening your connection.Parenting overwhelmed kids is exhausting, and you’re normal if you feel drained, burnt out, and overwhelmed yourself when dealing with them. Join us on the FREE upcoming Self-Compassion for Peaceful Parenting summit to learn strategies to calm your triggers, soothe yourself mid-storm, and repair when things blow up. Click here to register for your free ticket. To learn more about Dr. B:https://www.thebehaviorbootcamp.com/ Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 61. Why You Keep Losing It with Your Kids (The Real Reason Will Surprise You)

  Ever wondered why you keep losing it with your kids, even though you know all the "right" things to do?What if I told you that the missing piece isn't another parenting technique—but how you treat yourself after those inevitable moments when you completely lose your cool?In this vulnerable solo episode, I share the story of one of my clients who had a complete meltdown with her elementary schooler. Here's what hit me: this wasn't just any parent—she was a kindergarten teacher who helped 25 kids regulate their emotions every single day. Yet when it came to her own child, all that knowledge seemed to vanish the moment she got triggered.Sound familiar?If you've ever felt like you're failing at this peaceful parenting thing, if you've wondered why you keep repeating the same reactive patterns even though you know better, this episode will change everything for you.I dive deep into what's really happening in your brain when your child pushes your buttons—and why your amygdala doesn't care that you've read 17 parenting books. But more importantly, I reveal the cruel irony that keeps us stuck: it's not the losing it that's the problem, it's what we do to ourselves afterward.In this episode, you'll discover:* Why the "shame spiral of doom" actually makes it MORE likely you'll lose it again with your kids* The neuroscience behind why all your parenting knowledge disappears the moment you get triggered* The three components of self-compassion that can break the cycle of reactive parenting in just 60 seconds* How one simple shift helped my client stop beating herself up for three days after every parenting mistake* Why 80% of parents never give themselves this one thing—and how it's sabotaging everything else they're trying to do* The specific phrases and techniques that can regulate your nervous system faster than any breathing exercise* How self-compassion isn't "soft" parenting—it's actually what makes authentic repair and connection possibleI share the exact framework my client used to transform her relationship with her parenting mistakes, moving from shame to learning in a matter of minutes instead of days.Most importantly, I explain why this isn't about becoming a perfect parent—it's about becoming a real one. One who can mess up, take responsibility, repair, and try again with love.Ready to stop being your own worst critic and start being your own best friend?I've brought together 35 world-leading experts for the Self-Compassion for Peaceful Parents Summit—completely free for 5 days. You'll hear from incredible voices like:* Dr. Laura Markham explaining why self-regulation must come before you can help regulate your child* Jamie Lynn Tatera revealing how to break generational cycles of shame and reactivity* Emily Delworth sharing somatic techniques that can stop a reactive episode in under 30 seconds* Dr. Marcy Axness teaching you how to "reparent yourself" while parenting your childrenThis isn't about collecting more techniques to forget when you're triggered. This is about developing the inner capacity that makes you actually able to use those techniques when you need them most.Because here's the truth: when you stop fighting with yourself, you naturally stop fighting with your children.The summit is completely free, with 7 expert interviews available each day for 24 hours. Don't worry about listening to every single one—pick the experts who resonate most with you and dive deep into those conversations.Register for free at: delightinparenting.com/self-compassionYour children don't need a perfect parent. They need a real one. And that parent? That's exactly who you already are. You just need to start treating yourself like you believe it.I'll see you at the summit. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 60. Drowning in Advice: What ADHD Parents Really Need Instead

  Ever wondered why you keep exploding at your kids despite reading every parenting book and knowing exactly what you "should" do?What if I told you that if you're neurodivergent or raising neurodivergent kids, traditional parenting advice isn't just ineffective—it can actually make you feel more ashamed and overwhelmed because it ignores how differently your nervous system works?My guest, Lauren O'Carroll, completely shifted my understanding of what neurodivergent parents actually need during our raw and honest conversation. As a certified peaceful parenting coach who has ADHD herself and is raising two neurodivergent children, Lauren knows firsthand the impossible position many parents find themselves in—desperately wanting to co-regulate with their kids but lacking the nervous system capacity to do so.In this vulnerable interview, Lauren reveals why the "just regulate yourself first" advice feels so impossible for ADHD parents and what actually works instead.You'll discover:* The "double negative" that neurodivergent families face: kids who need more co-regulation paired with parents who have less capacity to provide it* Why consuming more parenting information can actually make your regulation worse when you're already overwhelmed* How anger needs to move through your body—and Lauren's go-to strategy* The crucial difference between accepting where you are versus condoning harmful behavior* Why community with other neurodivergent parents isn't just nice to have—it's essential for your nervous system health* Specific somatic techniques that work when traditional "take deep breaths" advice failsLauren vulnerably shares how she went from being "a walking encyclopedia" of parenting knowledge to finally finding tools that actually worked for her reactive nervous system. She reminds us that if you're listening to parenting podcasts, "that is proof that you're a good parent"—even when you're struggling.Most importantly, she challenges the myth that neurodivergent parents are somehow broken, showing us instead how to work with our wiring rather than against it.Ready to stop fighting your nervous system and start supporting it? This conversation will give you permission to parent in a way that actually fits your brain—and find the community support you've been craving.To learn more about Lauren O'Carroll's work:https://www.instagram.com/positivelyparentingtogether/https://www.facebook.com/LaurenParentCoach/https://www.facebook.com/groups/myparentvillage https://www.linkedin.com/in/positivelyparenting/ Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 59. How to Stop Your Child's Explosive Behavior Without Punishment or Consequences

  Ever wondered why your child's "difficult" behavior keeps happening over and over, no matter what consequences you try?What if I told you that your child's explosive meltdowns aren't actually about defiance or manipulation—but are their way of communicating that there's a problem they don't know how to solve?My guest, Kim Hopkins, completely shifted my understanding of children's challenging behavior during our powerful conversation. As a licensed clinical social worker and Director of Learning and Resources with Dr. Ross Green's organization—the author of the groundbreaking book "The Explosive Child"—Kim has spent over 25 years discovering that traditional behavior modification techniques often make things worse, not better.If you've ever felt lost trying to help a child who seems to explode over the smallest things, Dr. Green's book has been a lifeline for countless families. And Kim works directly with him to bring these life-changing strategies to parents and professionals around the world.In this eye-opening interview, Kim reveals how we can help our children develop the skills they need to handle life's challenges while building stronger relationships in the process.You'll discover:* Why the phrase "kids do well if they can" changes everything about how we approach discipline—and what to do when they can't* The crucial difference between focusing on behavior modification versus solving underlying problems* How to identify which of your child's struggles to work on first when you feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to change* Why collaborative problem-solving with your child is actually higher accountability than punishment* The three-step process for partnering with your child to solve problems together—even with young kids who don't communicate with words yet* How to use "Plan C" to temporarily reduce conflict while you work on higher priority issues* Why children who seem "well-behaved" at school might still benefit from this approach* The specific assessment tool that helps you understand exactly which skills your child is struggling to accessKim vulnerably shares her own story of working in residential care, where they were restraining children who couldn't live at home—until she discovered Dr. Green's approach and saw "nothing short of remarkable" results, even before they became skilled at the model.Most importantly, she challenges the belief that we need to be punitive to raise good citizens, showing us how collaborative problem-solving actually teaches children the skills they'll need as adults.Ready to move from constant power struggles to genuine partnership with your child? This conversation will give you the tools to help them develop the problem-solving skills they need while strengthening your connection.If you're tired of feeling like you're constantly managing one crisis after another and want to create the calm, collaborative home you've been dreaming of, I'm starting a small group where we'll work through Dr. Laura Markham's Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook together over 6 weeks. Just 8 spots available, and I'll be there to guide you through every step.You can find all the details at https://www.delightinparenting.com/workbook-group. Your child is waiting for you to show up differently—this is how you learn to do it. There are only a few spots left, and doors for registration close tonight. Click here to learn more. To learn more about Kim Hopkins: https://livesinthebalance.org/Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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