Delight in Parenting with Dajana Yoakley

• 65. The Grief of Parenting: Learning to Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Expected

  Ever wondered why your teenager meticulously plans their gaming strategy for hours but melts down when asked to pack their backpack the night before school?What if I told you the disconnect isn’t about defiance or laziness—but about a fundamental mismatch between your expectations and their actual neurological wiring, and there’s a powerful framework for bridging this gap without sacrificing your values?I recently spoke with Abigail Wald, a parenting mentor to thousands of families including therapists, pediatricians, and celebrities. With two teenage boys of her own and over 1.5 million podcast downloads, Abigail specializes in helping parents navigate what she calls “the schism”—that painful space between what we think parenting should look like and what it actually is.If you’ve ever found yourself raging at the gap between your Pinterest-worthy parenting aspirations and your actual Tuesday morning chaos, or wondered why one child feels like ease while another feels like sandpaper against your soul, this conversation offers a radical reframe grounded in acceptance without giving up on growth.Abigail’s approach centers on three interconnected principles: recognizing where your expectations actually come from (your past, your in-laws, or Instagram?), determining which expectations align with your genuine family values versus imposed “shoulds,” and understanding that children don’t act their age—they act their abilities.In this transformative conversation, Abigail shares specific strategies you can implement starting today.You’ll discover:* How to distinguish between consequences that teach and punishments that simply discharge your frustration, including why your ADHD child might need to metaphorically (or literally) skin their knee to understand why you’ve been warning them about going too fast around corners* The “magazine versus your people” principle and why choosing the magazine over your actual family creates a schism that moves you further from happiness—plus how loving your people accurately for who they are paradoxically brings you closer to the life you actually want* Why some parent-child combinations feel like fire meeting gasoline while others flow like water, and how the child who challenges you most might be your greatest teacher in expanding your capacity for genuine love (hint: pearls form from irritating grains of sand)* The critical difference between helicopter-enabling and supportive scaffolding, including when to let your child forget their lunch and experience hunger as their teacher rather than you constantly being their reminder system* How strong-willed, gifted, and highly sensitive children especially need experiential learning to develop internal boundaries—and why controlling them too tightly produces teenagers who’ve mastered flouting external rules but have zero internal compassAbigail vulnerably shares her own moments of “this isn’t what I signed up for” rage, comparing parenting to an arranged marriage where you pledge your life to someone you’ve never met, with no idea of their temperament, needs, or challenges.She reveals how grief and feelings of betrayal are normal responses to this vulnerability, but shows how to transform that grief into what she calls “capital L Love”—choosing leadership over behavior-chasing.Most importantly, she challenges us to examine whether we’re approaching self-improvement (and child-improvement) from a place of “I’m broken and need fixing” versus “I’m whole and excited to grow.” The distinction changes everything about how we approach those morning battles and evening meltdowns.Ready to stop fighting upstream against your family’s actual temperament and start leading from a place of genuine acceptance and strategic growth?This conversation will give you permission to love the people in your house instead of the ones in the magazine—and show you why that’s where the real magic happens.To learn more about Abigail Wald:https://abigailwald.com/Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 64. The Success Skills Your Teen "Actually" Needs: Executive Function, Self-Compassion, and Future-Ready Skills

  Ever wondered why your teenager seems completely capable of planning an elaborate gaming strategy but can’t seem to organize their homework for the week?What if I told you that the disconnect isn’t about laziness or defiance—but about how their developing brain handles different types of motivation and executive function, and there are specific ways you can support them without taking over?I recently spoke with Will Kirsop, an education leader and founder of Many Roads, where he coaches teenagers and young adults to discover their purpose and thrive. With degrees in both commerce and psychology from top Australian universities, Will works day-in and day-out with teens navigating the complex terrain of academics, identity, and the transition to adulthood.If you’ve ever felt that time-crunch anxiety as your teen gets closer to graduation, or wondered how to help them develop the skills they’ll need to succeed independently, this conversation will give you practical tools grounded in what actually works with teenagers.Will’s approach focuses on three interconnected areas: helping teens identify what genuinely engages them (flow states), building both metacognitive awareness (thinking about thinking) and executive function skills (the actual capacity to plan and execute), and cultivating self-compassion as the foundation that allows teens to take risks and learn from mistakes.In this practical conversation, Will shares specific strategies you can implement starting this week. You’ll discover:* How to help your teen identify flow states—those moments when they lose track of time in deep engagement—and why recognizing these patterns matters for both academic success and future direction, whether it’s surfing with friends, writing essays, or building Minecraft worlds* The weekly planning system using Google Calendar or physical planners that gives teens ownership while providing structure, including how to negotiate realistic schedules when they suggest two hours of gaming before homework and why educating them about dopamine spikes works better than controlling* The Pomodoro Method adapted for teens (25-minute focused study sessions with 5-minute breaks) and Professor Marty Lobdell’s “Study Less, Study Smart” technique—a five-phase approach to reading textbooks that primes the brain before diving into detailed content* The three components of self-compassion and why research shows teens with higher self-compassion set mastery learning goals, demonstrate greater resilience, and maintain curiosity—plus why modeling your own executive function struggles teaches more effectively than appearing perfect* What the World Economic Forum’s 2025 survey reveals about critical future skills, with motivation, self-awareness, and critical thinking ranking above technical knowledge—and why the biggest currency for the future is the ability to learn itself, especially as AI changes what skills we’ll needWill vulnerably shares examples from his coaching practice, including the student who discovered that “the hard part isn’t studying—it’s figuring out what to study,” and how having a clear plan created profound relief during a stressful exam period. He demonstrates how to have conversations about screen time and homework that empower teens to make informed decisions rather than simply complying with rules.Most importantly, he challenges us to move beyond the countdown mentality of “only X years left before they’re on their own” to recognizing that each teen’s journey is unique. The skills that matter most aren’t about memorizing content—they’re about learning how to learn, thinking critically about information, and developing the self-compassion that allows for risk-taking and growth.Ready to help your teen build genuine executive function skills while honoring their developing autonomy? This conversation will give you specific starting points for supporting them right where they are, not where you wish they were.To learn more about Will Kirsop:https://www.manyroads.co/Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 63. Why Your Child's Back-to-School Meltdowns Aren't About Defiance (And What They're Really Trying to Tell You)

  Ever wondered why back-to-school season feels emotionally overwhelming, even when you've checked all the boxes on your preparation list?What if I told you that your child's September meltdowns and resistance aren't about defiance or poor adjustment—but are actually their nervous system responding to a major life transition, and you might be unknowingly adding fuel to the fire?My guest, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, Master Certified Coach and co-founder of Impact Parents, has spent over 15 years supporting parents of what she calls "complex kids"—children with ADHD, anxiety, learning differences, and other challenges that make everyday parenting feel anything but everyday.If you've ever felt like you're walking into a battlefield during school pickup, or wondered why traditional discipline seems to backfire with your child, this conversation will completely shift how you understand what's really happening during transitions.Elaine's work focuses on helping parents move from director mode to collaborator mode with their children—particularly those who present as neuro-spicy, explosive, or shut down. Drawing from her coaching expertise and personal experience raising three complex kids, she provides practical tools to understand the hidden dynamics driving behavior.In this eye-opening interview, Elaine reveals how we can support our children's transition challenges while building stronger relationships in the process.You'll discover:* Why safety and trust are the foundation for all cooperation—and how your child's definition of "feeling safe" might be completely different from yours* The powerful shift from "ask, don't tell" that immediately communicates respect for your child's developing autonomy* How to recognize when your expectations don't match reality—and why that gap is where most triggers and explosions happen* The surprising truth about why pushing harder during resistance actually undermines your authority instead of building cooperation* How to decode your child's behaviors as communication rather than defiance—including why your child might need to complain for 10 minutes every day after school* The difference between prevention and management during emotional dysregulation—and when to let the meltdown run its course versus intervening* Why transitions are harder for everyone than we give ourselves credit for, and how to expect and prepare for heightened emotions weeks before they happen* The simple but profound perspective shift that changes everything: moving from "they're being difficult" to "they're having difficulty"* How to break the stimulus-react-react cycle that keeps families stuck in power struggles and disconnection* Why focusing on the parent's inner work is actually the most effective way to help your child succeedElaine vulnerably shares her own journey from an overwhelmed mom of three challenging kids to discovering the power of a coaching approach. She shows us how treating our children as whole human beings rather than problems to be fixed creates the foundation for genuine cooperation and lasting change.Most importantly, she challenges us to move beyond asking "How do I get my child to comply?" to asking "How can I support them where they are right now?" This shift changes everything about how we approach parenting challenges.Ready to move from back-to-school chaos to confident connection? This conversation will give you the coach-approach tools to support your child's emotional world while strengthening your relationship in the process.To learn more about Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Impact Parents:https://impactparents.com/https://impactparents.com/podcast Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 62. The Science of Safety: Why Your Child's 'Difficult' Behavior Isn't About Defiance

  Ever wondered why your child's explosive behavior keeps happening, even when you use all the "right" consequences and rewards?What if I told you that your child's meltdowns and resistance aren't about defiance or manipulation—but are actually their nervous system's way of saying "I don't feel safe right now"?My guest, Dr. Bethany Bilodeau, a behaviorist and sensory specialist who works at the intersection of trauma, neurodiversity, and nervous system regulation, has spent years discovering that traditional behavior management approaches often make things worse, not better.If you've ever felt lost trying to help a child who seems to explode over the smallest things, or wondering why school pickup feels like walking into a battlefield, this conversation will give you a completely new lens for understanding what's really happening.Dr. B's practice focuses on helping parents shift from managing compliance to co-creating safety and regulation with their children—particularly those who present as oppositional, anxious, or withdrawn. Drawing from neuroscience research and evidence-based interventions, she provides practical tools to understand the underlying needs driving behavior.In this eye-opening interview, Dr. B reveals how we can support our children's developing nervous systems while building stronger relationships in the process.You'll discover:* Why safety is the foundation for all healing—whether your child has experienced trauma, is neurodivergent, or is simply struggling with nervous system regulation* The powerful "stance of safety" that immediately communicates to your child's nervous system that you can keep them safe and help them co-regulate* How to recognize when your child is "stuck" in resistance and what's actually happening in their brain during these moments* Why pushing harder when they're stuck actually undermines your authority instead of encouraging cooperation* The science behind why proprioceptive input (like carrying heavy things or walking upstairs) can be your secret weapon for helping kids reset their nervous systems* How to use transitions strategically to help eliminate behaviors that drive you crazy—like Dr. B's genius approach to ending her son's endless burping* The early warning signs that your child's difficult behavior might actually be their nervous system protecting them from overwhelm* Why hydration, sleep, and movement aren't just "nice to have" but are actually fundamental to your child's ability to regulate and cooperate* How to read your child's body language to know when they're approaching their limit—including the meaning behind "whites above or below the eyes"* Practical strategies for back-to-school season that help prevent the inevitable overwhelm and meltdownsDr. B vulnerably shares her own journey from having a child who was asked to leave three different daycares to discovering the power of understanding sensory needs and nervous system regulation. She shows us how early intervention made all the difference—and how her son eventually exited special education services by sixth grade because he had developed the skills he needed to thrive.Most importantly, she challenges us to move beyond asking "How do I get my child to comply?" to asking "How do I help my child feel safe enough to cooperate?" This shift changes everything about how we approach parenting challenges.Ready to move from constant battles to genuine partnership with your child? This conversation will give you the neuroscience-backed tools to support their developing nervous system while strengthening your connection.Parenting overwhelmed kids is exhausting, and you’re normal if you feel drained, burnt out, and overwhelmed yourself when dealing with them. Join us on the FREE upcoming Self-Compassion for Peaceful Parenting summit to learn strategies to calm your triggers, soothe yourself mid-storm, and repair when things blow up. Click here to register for your free ticket. To learn more about Dr. B:https://www.thebehaviorbootcamp.com/ Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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• 61. Why You Keep Losing It with Your Kids (The Real Reason Will Surprise You)

  Ever wondered why you keep losing it with your kids, even though you know all the "right" things to do?What if I told you that the missing piece isn't another parenting technique—but how you treat yourself after those inevitable moments when you completely lose your cool?In this vulnerable solo episode, I share the story of one of my clients who had a complete meltdown with her elementary schooler. Here's what hit me: this wasn't just any parent—she was a kindergarten teacher who helped 25 kids regulate their emotions every single day. Yet when it came to her own child, all that knowledge seemed to vanish the moment she got triggered.Sound familiar?If you've ever felt like you're failing at this peaceful parenting thing, if you've wondered why you keep repeating the same reactive patterns even though you know better, this episode will change everything for you.I dive deep into what's really happening in your brain when your child pushes your buttons—and why your amygdala doesn't care that you've read 17 parenting books. But more importantly, I reveal the cruel irony that keeps us stuck: it's not the losing it that's the problem, it's what we do to ourselves afterward.In this episode, you'll discover:* Why the "shame spiral of doom" actually makes it MORE likely you'll lose it again with your kids* The neuroscience behind why all your parenting knowledge disappears the moment you get triggered* The three components of self-compassion that can break the cycle of reactive parenting in just 60 seconds* How one simple shift helped my client stop beating herself up for three days after every parenting mistake* Why 80% of parents never give themselves this one thing—and how it's sabotaging everything else they're trying to do* The specific phrases and techniques that can regulate your nervous system faster than any breathing exercise* How self-compassion isn't "soft" parenting—it's actually what makes authentic repair and connection possibleI share the exact framework my client used to transform her relationship with her parenting mistakes, moving from shame to learning in a matter of minutes instead of days.Most importantly, I explain why this isn't about becoming a perfect parent—it's about becoming a real one. One who can mess up, take responsibility, repair, and try again with love.Ready to stop being your own worst critic and start being your own best friend?I've brought together 35 world-leading experts for the Self-Compassion for Peaceful Parents Summit—completely free for 5 days. You'll hear from incredible voices like:* Dr. Laura Markham explaining why self-regulation must come before you can help regulate your child* Jamie Lynn Tatera revealing how to break generational cycles of shame and reactivity* Emily Delworth sharing somatic techniques that can stop a reactive episode in under 30 seconds* Dr. Marcy Axness teaching you how to "reparent yourself" while parenting your childrenThis isn't about collecting more techniques to forget when you're triggered. This is about developing the inner capacity that makes you actually able to use those techniques when you need them most.Because here's the truth: when you stop fighting with yourself, you naturally stop fighting with your children.The summit is completely free, with 7 expert interviews available each day for 24 hours. Don't worry about listening to every single one—pick the experts who resonate most with you and dive deep into those conversations.Register for free at: delightinparenting.com/self-compassionYour children don't need a perfect parent. They need a real one. And that parent? That's exactly who you already are. You just need to start treating yourself like you believe it.I'll see you at the summit. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe

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