Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Should you consider adopting or fostering a child who is older than a child already in your family? Are there things you can do to make it easier for all the children? We talk to Elizabeth Bohlken, Director of Education and Support at Children's Home Society and Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota, to talk about the preparation, joys, and challenges of disrupting birth order.
In this episode:
What is disrupting birth order?
Why is this a topic that prospective adoptive or foster parents should educate themselves about?
When combining children by birth and adoption, is it better for the adopted child to be the eldest, the youngest, or in the middle?
Is there an age gap that is most recommended or best practice between children when disrupting birth order?
Are there similarities between families that have a blend of children by adoption and birth, and families with blended children from divorce and remarriage?
How much does age really matter?At what age is a child least affected by having their birth order disrupted?
At what age is a child most affected?
Is it best to disrupt the birth order of the eldest or the youngest in a family?

How should parents handle a situation where the newly adopted child is older in age but younger on an emotional or behavioral level?
What steps can prospective adoptive or foster parents take to prepare children already in the home for the adoption of a sibling, especially an older child?
What type of sleeping arrangements should parents use in the first couple of months at home when they are adopting a child who is older than their other children?
What types of behaviors might a parent or caregiver see in the early stages of this new dynamic?
Why is sibling rivalry a common outcome of disrupting birth order?How to handle physically aggressive behavior between children?

Practical tips to ease the transition for all the children in the family.
Parenting mentalities/techniques to help a family adjust to a disrupted birth order?
What is virtual or artificial twinning?
What should parents consider before adopting a child of a similar age (within about 9 months) to a child already in the family?
What are the warning signs that parents need to get help with an adoption that disrupts birth order or involves virtual twinning?
What type of therapies or therapists should families look for to support birth order changes or artificial twinning?
What should parents understand about the risk factors of sexual or physical abuse that a child may have experienced before being adopted or placed in this foster home?
Where and how do parents get help to support their family in the transitions of disrupting birth order?
Resources:
Sibling Relationships (Resource page)

Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Question: How do we handle an adoption that has been closed from the first mom’s end? We don’t even have a photo of her despite our request.
Our #1 Secret Tip for Navigating Open Adoption
5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
Who Holds the Power in Adoption: Birth Parents or Adoptive Parents?
Where is Mommy? Helping Kids Cope with Absent Parents
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Did you know that the current reigning Miss Kentucky is a foster alum? We spoke with Ariana Rodriguez about her life leading up to the pageant circuit, what motivates her, and how her foundation, The Lucky Ones, is changing foster care experiences for foster kids in Kentucky.
In this episode, we talk about:
You made history as the first Miss Kentucky to have been in foster care. Can you start from the beginning and give us the story that led to this title?
What was it like living with your grandparents? What were the positive changes? What was hardest about this time of your childhood? 
How did that time in kinship care help shape who you are today?
Were you able to stay in touch with your siblings?
What gaps or “pain points” for kids in foster care or kinship care did you experience in those years?
How did these lived experiences begin to transform into a passion or mission for advocacy? Was there a pivotal moment when you said, “This is my platform”?
What personal strengths emerged from your past that you leaned on (resilience, empathy, leadership, etc.)?
How do your childhood and care-system experiences continue to inform your daily life, mindset, or choices?
Are there challenges or triggers that still surface for you because of your past experiences? How do you navigate them?
What are your relationships with your siblings like now? 
Tell us more about The Lucky Ones
Do you have a specific story you can share that illustrates the impact of your work?
Are you gaining new connections and collaborations to help further the mission of your platform?
What’s next for you, personally (as Miss Kentucky, as an advocate, as a leader)?
What’s next for The Lucky Ones? Are there new programs to launch, etc?
What advice do you have for young people currently in the foster or kinship-care system who may feel uncertain about their future?
For foster or relative caregivers?
If you could speak directly to the decision-makers (legislators, social services, educators) about one thing to make a meaningful difference for foster/kinship care kids, what would that be?
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Question: I recently listened to a podcast featuring an adoptee, a birth mother, and an adoptive parent, which was great. The adoptee talked about when it hit her that she was adopted and feeling like her birth mother threw her away. My sons are adopted through the foster care system. One is technically still a foster child. My oldest was removed from his birth mother immediately after being born and placed with us. My second son spent about a year with his parents in a very neglectful situation, and drugs were a factor in both situations. I'm wondering how to respectfully have that conversation with my sons when the time comes. Note, please, that we are a two-dad household, so there's no hiding the adoption from them.
Resources:
Talking about Adoption at Different Ages
How to Make and Use an Adoption Lifebook
Talking with Young Children About Adoption and Birth Parents
Books for Kids Adopted from Foster Care
9 Things Adoptive Parents Must Do Before Age 13
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Are you familiar with pathological demand avoidance? Do you need helpful strategies to raise a child with the challenging behaviors that characterize PDA? Listen in to this conversation with Dr. Cynthia Martin, a clinical psychologist, the former Senior Director of the Autism Center at the Child Mind Institute, and founder of CM Psychology in Manhattan, NY.
In this episode, we discuss:
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?
What makes PDA different from typical defiance or resistance?
Is PDA considered an official diagnosis, or is it more of a way to describe a cluster of behaviors that we’re seeing in some kids?
What do we know about the underlying causes?
How does PDA relate to other conditions like autism or ADHD? What are the overlaps with trauma, prenatal substance exposure??
What are the types of behaviors parents or caregivers might see?
How can a caregiver tell the difference between a child who can’t comply and one who won’t comply?
Where do parents start when considering if their child has a PDA profile?
What observations or examples should parents share to help a clinician understand their child’s challenges?
What kinds of strategies are effective for parenting a child with PDA traits?
How can parents reframe their approach so that daily demands — like getting dressed, brushing teeth, or doing homework — don’t turn into constant battles?
What types of therapies or interventions tend to be most helpful? 
What do you say to caregivers who are feeling worn down and ineffective? Where do they start?
How can a parent or caregiver set their child up for success even if they do have this PDA profile?
What words of hope or encouragement would you offer to parents and caregivers just starting to investigate?
Resources:
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in Kids - Child Mind Institute
Demand Avoidance: Why Kids Refuse to Follow Directions - Psychology Today
Symptom Tests for Children: Is Your Child Showing Signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance? - ADDitude: ADHD Science & Strategies
Unstuck & On Target - Evidence-Based Curricula and Resources for Professionals and Families to Support Executive Functions.
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building