Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Question: I recently listened to a podcast featuring an adoptee, a birth mother, and an adoptive parent, which was great. The adoptee talked about when it hit her that she was adopted and feeling like her birth mother threw her away. My sons are adopted through the foster care system. One is technically still a foster child. My oldest was removed from his birth mother immediately after being born and placed with us. My second son spent about a year with his parents in a very neglectful situation, and drugs were a factor in both situations. I'm wondering how to respectfully have that conversation with my sons when the time comes. Note, please, that we are a two-dad household, so there's no hiding the adoption from them.
Resources:
Talking about Adoption at Different Ages
How to Make and Use an Adoption Lifebook
Talking with Young Children About Adoption and Birth Parents
Books for Kids Adopted from Foster Care
9 Things Adoptive Parents Must Do Before Age 13
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Are you familiar with pathological demand avoidance? Do you need helpful strategies to raise a child with the challenging behaviors that characterize PDA? Listen in to this conversation with Dr. Cynthia Martin, a clinical psychologist, the former Senior Director of the Autism Center at the Child Mind Institute, and founder of CM Psychology in Manhattan, NY.
In this episode, we discuss:
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?
What makes PDA different from typical defiance or resistance?
Is PDA considered an official diagnosis, or is it more of a way to describe a cluster of behaviors that we’re seeing in some kids?
What do we know about the underlying causes?
How does PDA relate to other conditions like autism or ADHD? What are the overlaps with trauma, prenatal substance exposure??
What are the types of behaviors parents or caregivers might see?
How can a caregiver tell the difference between a child who can’t comply and one who won’t comply?
Where do parents start when considering if their child has a PDA profile?
What observations or examples should parents share to help a clinician understand their child’s challenges?
What kinds of strategies are effective for parenting a child with PDA traits?
How can parents reframe their approach so that daily demands — like getting dressed, brushing teeth, or doing homework — don’t turn into constant battles?
What types of therapies or interventions tend to be most helpful? 
What do you say to caregivers who are feeling worn down and ineffective? Where do they start?
How can a parent or caregiver set their child up for success even if they do have this PDA profile?
What words of hope or encouragement would you offer to parents and caregivers just starting to investigate?
Resources:
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in Kids - Child Mind Institute
Demand Avoidance: Why Kids Refuse to Follow Directions - Psychology Today
Symptom Tests for Children: Is Your Child Showing Signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance? - ADDitude: ADHD Science & Strategies
Unstuck & On Target - Evidence-Based Curricula and Resources for Professionals and Families to Support Executive Functions.
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Question: How to talk to your child about their conception story when embryo donation/embryo adoption is involved in forming your family?
Resources:
Embryo Adoption (Resource Page)
Suggested Books for Children Conceived Through Embryo Donation
Disclosing Donor Conception to Our Kids (podcast)
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Talking about the difficult parts of our child's story, like abuse or prenatal substance exposure, can be overwhelming. Kelly Weidner, the co-founder and Executive Director of Haven Adoptions & Family Services in Ambler, PA. She has 28 years of experience in foster care, residential care, and adoption, which will help us navigate these challenging conversations with our kids.
In this episode, we discuss:
What kinds of issues do we mean when we say “difficult parts” of a child’s story? What are some of the everyday challenging conversations that adoptive parents must tackle?
Why is it necessary to introduce these potentially painful, complex issues to our kids?
Why are parents reluctant to talk about these issues?
What steps should adoptive parents take when choosing to start these conversations? Where do they start?
What is a Lifebook, and how can parents use them to introduce and build on the story as their child grows?What should be included?
How does a Lifebook differ between the types of adoption?
What if your child wants to bring their Lifebook to school or show it to people outside the family?

What language can you use with young children to lay the groundwork for later, with more details filled in as they grow?
How would a parent start the conversation about being conceived during a rape or abusive relationship, across several ages or stages, to build understanding?
As another example, should we tell our kids about abuse or neglect that happened to them if they don’t remember it? How?
Should you tell a child that her birth mother’s use of drugs or alcohol during pregnancy might be the cause of their learning disabilities? 
How do you help your child understand how much of his story he should share with others outside the family?
What if you don’t believe the birth mother’s story of what happened? 
What if you don’t know the details of what happened, just that something “big” did happen?
How can adoptive parents help their children understand that they are more than the difficult parts of their history and that they are not doomed to repeat their birth parents' mistakes?
What are some practical tips for supporting our kids after we’ve had to share hard-to-hear information?
Resources:
Suggested Books for Adoptive Families
Using Lifebooks to Explain Complex Issues in Adoption to Kids
Building the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories

Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.
Having the right documentation, signed, dated, and completed, is crucial to maximizing the claim and avoiding delays or audits. But before we jump into the actual documents, let's start with the big changes to this year's adoption tax credit, because these are important details for families to know this year.
Resources:
Adoption Tax Credit Resource Page
Finding a Tax Specialist to File Your Adoption Tax Credit Claim
Adoption Tax Credit (IRS)
5 Things to Know About the Adoption Credit (IRS)
Support the show
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building