Awesome Marriage Podcast

Joining me today are Dave and Ann Wilson who have written a brand new book about what it looks like to speak life into our marriages; not just with the words we say, but also in the thoughts we choose to dwell on. We'll talk about why trying to be your spouse's Holy Spirit never works, why kindness is actually one of the most rebellious things we can do in today's world, and how reframing our inner dialogue can change the way we manage conflict.
Whether you've been shouting to be heard, or quietly holding back the pain of unspoken expectations, today's conversation will offer biblical wisdom, practical tools, and fresh hope for building a marriage that reflects Christ's love. We pray this episode encourages you!



Episode Highlights:
How you approach the conversation matters. 
Hope and joy can only be in the Lord.
Your words have the power to build up or tear down your spouse.
Gratitude for your spouse can change your perspective of your spouse.
 
Quotes from Today's Episode:
"Men go where they're affirmed. They go there." - Dave Wilson
"I realize like when I'm in the Word, I look at things different. I look at the world different. I look at Dave different. And it started, God's Word started to change me." - Ann Wilson
But there's something that's really holy about seeing greatness in a person and being able to communicate it in some way." - Ann Wilson
"I had put all my hopes and dreams in Dave. I'd taken them off of Jesus and I was like, you could make me happy. And it's easy to get into that rut of like, if you would just do X, Y, Z, I could be more content." - Ann Wilson
God's given us to each other to sharpen one another- Dave Wilson
Speak life to your husband. Bring him back to be the man God created him to be. 
We can help shape how our husbands and how our kids feel about themselves, but we have to first connect with Jesus. - Ann Wilson
What good does it do to only think of the negative?
When I'm in the Word, I see the world different. I see Dave different.
You can't say everything you feel!



Couples' Conversation Guide:
How do we typically approach hard conversations with each other—and what could we do to make those moments feel safer and more affirming?



Have we unintentionally placed our hope or happiness in each other instead of in God? What would it look like to shift that back to Jesus as our source of joy?



What is one thing I genuinely admire or am grateful for in you that I may not say often enough? How can we be more intentional about calling out the good in each other?

 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Find Dave and Ann Wilson on IG.

How to Speak Life to Your Husband When All You Want to do is Yell at Him on Amazon

Dave and Ann Wilson's podcast: FamilyLife Today

Help your children write God's Word on their hearts with our FREE 11 Bible Verses For Kids to Memorize

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word as you work toward growing the gratitude in your marraige, find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Try this FREE YouVersion plan: 4 Days to Growing Gratitude in Marriage

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

Now is the perfect time to join our Marriage Changers program. Enjoy every resource of the month plus bonus content from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy. Join now, just in time to . receive our Raising Faithful Kids in a Cancel Culture.

In this week's episode, Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy unpack the powerful topic of expectations—focusing on how to clearly express what you need from your spouse. With honest conversation, a willingness to listen, and an open heart, you can transform how you communicate and connect in your relationship.
Quotes from this episode:
"I just thought you knew. And when you didn't I would go along and get resentful"
"We were trying to fit each other in the mold." 
"Our first big argument scared the heck out of me. My unrealistic expectation was that we would never fight." 
"It's a good idea to have a signal or cue so that you make your spouse aware." 



Questions for Reflection:
What are some expectations—spoken or unspoken—that we each bring into our marriage, and how well do we feel they've been understood by each other?


When was a time we misunderstood one another because expectations weren't clearly communicated? What can we learn from that moment?


How can we create more space in our relationship for honest, judgment-free conversations about what we each need or hope for?


What's one expectation we can both express more clearly this week—and how can we support each other in meeting it with love and grace?
 
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  
Find Dr. Kim on Instagram

If expectations feel like too big of a topic to tackle alone- try out Dr. Kim's Marriage Expectations Worksheet. He has used this resource in his counseling office for over thirteen years and now we are sharing it with you!

When you're frustrated, it's easy to let words fly out of your mouth. Our new FREE resource: 17 Unintentionally Disrespectful Phrases To Cut Out When Speaking To Your Spouse will help couples choose words that bring life instead of cause chaos. 

Awesome Marriage has a great Premarital course to help couples have important conversations before their big day. Communicate expectations effectively and be proactive in learning your future spouse with this great course. Already married? Share this course with a couple who's looking forward to their big day.

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word as you intentionally choose to puruse the marriage God intended, find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Try this FREE YouVersion plan: 14 Keys to Lasting Love

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

Now is the perfect time to join our Marriage Changers program. Enjoy every resource of the month plus bonus content from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy. Join now, just in time to receive our resource of the month.

In this episode, Dr. Kim sits down with Ron Deal to talk about what it really means to build a mindful marriage. Ron shares lessons from his new book, Mindful Marriage, and how restoration therapy helped him and his wife Nan find healing and deeper connection. Together, they explore how faith, self-awareness, and emotional regulation can transform your relationship from the inside out.
 
Episode Insights:
Authenticity is the foundation of lasting happiness.
Emotional dysregulation is normal.
 Our brains respond to threat, not fairness.
Pain cycles drive repeated conflict.
Growth and redemption matter more than blame.



Quotes from Today's Episode:
'Happy wife, happy life' sounds catchy, but in reality, it's an empty promise. Lasting happiness in marriage comes from authenticity, not performance or pretending everything is okay.
Every single one of us gets thrown off-balance emotionally. Some stay there longer, others move through it quickly, but emotional dysregulation is part of the human experience. There's nothing wrong about you because you get dysregulated.
The brain can't tell the difference between a rattlesnake, a near-miss in traffic, or your spouse's criticism. Threat is threat.
Our brains are wired for survival, not perfect communication.
You don't have fifty different fights in marriage. You just have one ongoing pain cycle. Once you identify and understand your pain cycle, you can finally move beyond it together.
Ignoring your pain doesn't make it go away—if anything, it makes your pain stronger, more insistent, and harder to escape.
It's easy to point out the flaw in someone else, but it's vital to focus on your own growth.
You may not forget your pain, but you can redeem what it does in your life. Choosing redemption over resentment is liberating.



Couples Conversation Guide:
Are there areas in our marriage where we tend to "perform" or pretend things are okay instead of being real with each other? 
When conflict or hurt arises between you, how aware are you of what's really going on beneath the surface—your emotions, triggers, or past experiences?
What's one practical step you can take this week to be more mindful in your marriage—whether that's pausing before reacting, praying together, or choosing to listen with empathy?



Mentioned in this episode:
#1 Amazon Bestseller is available! The Mindful Marriage (designed for every marriage).  

Ron Deal

What's your reactive coping style? We all have one. Take our free assessment (15 minutes). 

Find Awesome Marriage on Instagram

Need help starting the practice of prayer in your marriage? Here's a great resource: 21 Prayers for Building an Awesome Marriage

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. We even have a plan for praying as a couple! Check out 7 Prayers to Grow Your Marriage.

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

What if marriage was never meant to be primarily about your happiness?
In this episode, Dr. Kim sits down with Randy and Rozanne Frazee, authors of Encountering God's Love from Genesis to Revelation, to explore how God's design for marriage is part of a much bigger story. Together, they discuss how understanding God's love throughout Scripture can transform the way couples view their relationship, shifting the focus from chasing happiness to living out a covenant that reflects Christ's love.
Randy and Rozanne share wisdom from their own marriage, practical ways couples can encounter God together, and encouragement for those who feel spiritually disconnected. You'll learn why spiritual intimacy doesn't require grand gestures, how your relationship with God directly impacts your relationship with your spouse, and why counseling can be one of the healthiest investments you make before a crisis ever arrives.
Whether you're in a thriving season or feeling stuck, this conversation will help you see your marriage through a wider lens, one that is rooted in God's purpose, sustained by His love, and strengthened through intentional connection.
Episode Highlights
Marriage Was Designed for More Than Happiness
How God's Bigger Story Gives Marriage Greater Purpose
Your Relationship with God Shapes Your Relationship with Your Spouse
Simple Ways to Build Spiritual Intimacy Together
Why Counseling Should Be Preventative, Not Just a Last Resort
Practical Steps for Reconnecting When You Feel Spiritually Disconnected
Key Takeaway
The healthiest marriages aren't built by pursuing happiness first. They're built by pursuing God together, faithfully living out your covenant commitment, and allowing His love to shape the way you love one another.
Quotes from This Episode: 
Randy Frazee Quotes
"The closer we move to Christ, the closer we move to each other."

"Marriage is really more about sacrifice. God instills this amazing agape love in you, and your job is to pour it out to others—especially your spouse."

"The pursuit wasn't happiness. The pursuit was fulfilling our covenant commitment. As a result of that, we received happiness."

"When you go after the feeling of happiness, it almost always devastates the relationship you're in. When you go after the responsibility of being like Christ for the sake of others, happiness often follows."

"Marriages don't drift toward intimacy—they drift toward chaos. That's why intentionality matters."

"The love you have to offer apart from God will eventually get you into trouble. You need God's love flowing into you before it can flow through you."

Rozanne Frazee Quotes
"I can't put expectations on him because he will always let me down. God will never let me down."

"Marriage in Scripture is never presented as a right. It's presented as a responsibility."

"The wall of resentment goes up very quickly, but it comes down one brick at a time."

"Knowing that God loves me unconditionally gives me the freedom to risk loving another person."

"If you want your husband to become more of a spiritual leader, encourage what he's doing instead of criticizing what he's not doing."

"As you grow closer to God, you'll naturally grow closer to each other."

"Don't wait until the last minute to get help. Go early. Go often. Go preventatively."

Dr. Kim Quotes
"We can't put our marriage on the back burner for eighteen years while we raise kids and expect it to still be thriving when they're gone."

"You'll never regret carving out intentional time for your marriage, but you will regret not doing it."

"Your obedience is to God. Keep doing what God is calling you to do, whether your spouse responds immediately or not."

"A thirty-second prayer, a verse of the day, a simple step—just start somewhere. God can grow it from there."

"What makes the difference isn't doing marriage perfectly—it's continually coming back to God's design for it."

"Sometimes the most important thing a couple can do is simply make the time to reconnect."

 
Time to Talk About It: 
What is one thing you see God doing in me (your spouse)  right now that you appreciate and want to encourage? 
Have there been times when we've expected each other to meet needs that really need to be taken to God first?
What's one small thing we could do this week to be more intentional about growing closer to God together?
Is there anything we've been putting off talking about that would be better to address now instead of letting it sit?
 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Get your copy of Encountering God's Love from Genesis to Revelation

Check out Awesome Marriage's Two Week Scripture Challenge with your spouse.

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Check out our Men of Virtue plan. Dr. Kim dives into the lives of five extraordinary men whose lives are still shaping ours today. 

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

What does it mean to build a life that truly matters? In this episode of The Wider Lens, Dr. Kim sits down with Tom Pfeiffer, former Air Force JAG officer, attorney, coach, trainer, husband, and dad, to talk about the experiences and values that shaped him. From growing up in a blue-collar family on Long Island to playing college football, serving in the military, and eventually leaving a successful legal career to pursue a different calling, Tom shares lessons on work ethic, purpose, fatherhood, and taking risks.
Along the way, they discuss the importance of showing up for your kids, the life lessons sports can teach, and why success on paper isn't always the same as fulfillment. This conversation will challenge you to think about the legacy you're building and the choices that matter most.
Episode Highlights:
Why the best lessons in life often happen outside the classroom

The impact of a father who always showed up

How to pursue purpose over prestige and redefine success

Tune in for an honest conversation about work, family, calling, and what it means to live with intention.
Quotes from Tom Pfeifer:
"For me, it was a non-negotiable starting point. I'm just going to be there."
"Now I have margin in my life. On a Tuesday afternoon, I can block my calendar and just hang out with my kids."
"Everything you do has a cost."
"Every yes, every extra commitment, every extra dinner—that's time you're taking away from something else."
"Most kids just want somebody to say, 'I'm proud of you.'" 
At what cost do you continue doing something that looks successful on paper but leaves a void inside?" 
"When things are scarce in your life, you become hyper-focused on getting them." 
"Your kids aren't going to remember how hard you worked. They're going to remember that you were there." 
 
Time to Talk About it:
What is one area of your life where you're pursuing success, and what might it be costing you in your relationships, faith, or personal well-being?

When you think about the people who impacted you most growing up, what did they do that made you feel valued—and how can you offer that same gift to others today?

If your children, family, or closest friends described the legacy you're building right now, what would they say matters most to you? Is that the legacy you want to leave?