Awesome Marriage Podcast

We've explored the spectrum of narcissism, now it's time to dive into what you can do when those patterns show up in your marriage. Dr. Kim shares how to discern when to speak up and when to self-reflect, how to cultivate an atmosphere for healthy conversation, and why boundaries are essential for meaningful connection.
 
Episode Takeaways:
Forgiveness is not pretending something didn't happen. 
Trust has to be built consistently over time. 
Being a good christian spouse does not mean absorbing pain. 
When you see the same behaviors repeatedly, it's time to do something. 
Language matters when having productive conversations.
Change starts with responsibility, not accusation.
God sees you and He is near!
 
Quotes from this Episode:
You can forgive someone and still require accountability.
Healthy relationships don't make you feel like you're losing your mind. 
Keep love as the goal. 
Boundaries aren't unloving, they are essential.
Patterns that took years to develop don't disappear in just weeks. 
Labels can explain behavior, but they rarely heal relationships.
Defensiveness feels safe, but it slowly kills intimacy.
You can't control your spouse's willingness to change — but you can control your own humility.
Most marriages don't break from one big issue, but from unaddressed patterns over time.
Healing begins when curiosity replaces accusation.
 
Take Time to Talk About It:
What narcissistic or self-protective patterns do you notice repeating in your marriage?


How does defensiveness show up for you — and what is it usually trying to protect?


What would it look like to take responsibility for your part without minimizing the pain you've experienced?

 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Awesome Marriage is on Instagram!

Make sure you're checking in with your spouse every week!

Your words, your tone, your attitude- they all matter in how your spouse hears you and how connected your marriage feels. Check out our new devotional: Cut the Criticism and Cultivate Companionship

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Continue growing in love and intimacy, don't stop Pursuing Your Spouse in Marriage.

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com !

Are you caught in a maze and don't even know it? Today, Dr. Kim is joined by Ryan Wekenman to talk about the maze of self-centeredness we all have to navigate. When we begin living for applause, appreciation, or validation, we can easily drift out of sync with the Lord and into a life focused on serving ourselves—the exact opposite of what God calls us to. In this powerful conversation, Ryan and Dr. Kim challenge us to recognize the pull toward self-focus and invite us to shift our attention back where it belongs: fully on Jesus. We pray this episode encourages you to take the focus off yourself and go all in on Him.
Episode Takeaways:
Self-centeredness is a spiritual issue that affects everyone.

Control is often at the root of self-centeredness.

We need to be intentional about serving others.

Self-improvement should not come at the expense of God-centered living.

The Lord is our shepherd; we lack nothing when we trust Him.

Finding freedom comes from letting go of the need for validation.


Quotes from this Episode:
If Satan can't get you to not worship, he'll try to get you to make worship about you.
You don't need self-help. First and foremost, you need God's help.
The problem isn't self-help. The problem is thinking that self-help will save.
The way towards abundant life is serving and it's humbling yourself.
There's so much freedom on the other side of letting that performer in you die.
I think we have to be intentional about that because it's easy to absorb the culture and let that just become part of, well, everybody's doing it.- Dr. Kim
I think one thing that God has taught me and I still struggle with at times is learning to celebrate others. - Dr. Kim
I think what God is teaching me now, as old as I am, is that just do what I want you to do. - Dr. Kim
 
Time to Reflect:
Where in my life am I most tempted to seek applause, appreciation, or validation instead of simply seeking the Lord?


How might my focus on myself be affecting the way I love and serve my spouse and the people around me?


What is one practical way I can shift my focus from myself to Jesus in my daily decisions and interactions this week?
 
Connect with Ryan:
Website: ryanwekenman.com; redrocksaustin.com

Podcast: Afterthoughts Podcast; Stories in Scripture     

Instagram: instagram.com/ryanwekenman     

YouTube: YouTube.com/@ryanwekenman

Today, Dr. Kim is joined by his bride, Mrs. Nancy, to talk about the freedom that comes from allowing yourself, your spouse, and your marriage to have a bad day without making it something bigger than it is. They share how they navigate the hard days, avoid the spiral of negative thoughts, and bounce back with grace and compassion toward one another. Your marriage is a gift—be encouraged to let bad days simply be days without letting them erode your view of your marriage.
 
Episode Highlights:
Everyone has bad days.
Early warning signs that you're starting to spiral.
The danger of turning your spouse into your opponent.
The Lord has seen you through bad days in the past, be encouraged He can do it again this time.
The powerful role grace plays when your spouse has little to give.
See how our marriages are the textbooks for our children to learn from for their future marriages.

 
Quotes from this Episode:
When I try to force something and Nancy isn't ready, it's not going to go well.
In everything you have to realize you're still on the same team. So, how can you help your spouse?
The problem is the opponent. Satan rejoices when we are fighting, when we are angry with one another. -Mrs. Nancy
Satan hates marriage. He hates christian marriages. He loves to destroy them.
Every marriage can be a witness for the Lord. 
Being a role model for your kids, being the text book on marriage that your children need is a huge responsibility. 
Sometimes you have to dig down deep and find that love for your spouse. You don't have to feel it all the time, but remember that it's there. - Mrs. Nancy
Once I learned to get past myself and get past my pride, and start giving you grace, it was a great feeling. -Mrs. Nancy
Be vulnerable enough to say "I don't have much to give." Then as a spouse, "what can I do to help you." Just that is a step forward in growing your marriage. 
Take whatever is bothering you and give it to the Lord. As a christian you are forgiven anyway! - Mrs. Nancy
Worrying about your marriage shows you care about it. Showing up for counseling means you care about your marriage. 
Don't compare your marriage to someone else's by what they post on Facebook.



Time to Talk About It:
How are we viewing our marriage right now? 
Think about the last time we had a "bad day" in our marriage. What helped us move past it, and how can we remember to do that again next time?
What helps each of us reset after a hard moment or a tense day—space, reassurance, prayer, a conversation, or something else?
What is one simple way we could extend more grace to each other the next time one of us is having a bad day?
 
Mentioned in This Episode:
Awesome Marriage is on Instagram!

Make sure you're checking in with your spouse every week with our FREE Weekly Marriage Check in Guide!

Your words, your tone, your attitude- they all matter in how your spouse hears you and how connected your marriage feels. Check out our new devotional: Cut the Criticism and Cultivate Companionship in Marriage

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Have negative thoughts about your spouse slowly replaced the positive ones? You need to start Mind Craft: Take Your Thoughts Captive to Transform Your Marriage today!

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

It's the perfect time to become a Marriage Changer! When you become a Marriage Changer before March 31, you'll receive our Most Popular Resource Bundle — 10 powerful marriage tools with a combined value of $185. Become a Marriage Changer today!

What if your marriage isn't falling apart, but just missing a key insight? In this powerful conversation, we explore "Light Bulb Moments"- the sudden realizations that can transform a relationship almost instantly. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Light Bulb Moments in Marriage and the bestselling Love and Respect, shares how couples who feel miles apart are often just inches away from breakthrough. You'll learn how understanding gender differences, taking responsibility for your responses, and applying a faith-centered perspective can lead to deeper connection and lasting change.
 
Episode Takeaways:
Your response is your responsibility, and you don't have to wait for your spouse to change first.
Gender roles shape how we respond when marriage gets tough. 
Small insights and honest apologies create space for connection, healing, and leadership at home.
Love and respect are different, but both matter.
 
Quotes from this Episode:
Sometimes we feel miles apart in marriage, but in reality, we're just inches away from understanding each other- Emerson Eggerichs
When we expect our spouse to heal and complete us, we set ourselves up for disappointment; only God can fill that space.- Dr. Kim
Don't confuse silence for a lack of love.-Emerson Eggerichs
Behind every marital conflict are two good-willed people simply missing each other's signals—not enemies, just different shades of right.- Emerson Eggerichs
Apologizing isn't about taking the blame for everything—it's about sincerely owning your part, even if it's just 10%. Leave self-justification behind.- Emerson Eggerichs
No one can make you hate. You are always free to choose how you respond—claim that freedom.-Emerson Eggerichs
 
Take Time to Talk About it:
What's been your biggest "light bulb moment" in marriage?
Where have you shifted your focus from short-term fixes to eternal impact?
Think back to your last marital conflict, where could you/ should you have owned your response in a way that honors your marriage better?



Mentioned in This Episode:
Learn more about Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his ministry Love and Respect

Get your copy of Lightbulb Moments in Marriage 

Awesome Marriage is on Instagram!

Make sure you're checking in with your spouse every week with our FREE Weekly Marriage Check in Guide!

Your words, your tone, your attitude- they all matter in how your spouse hears you and how connected your marriage feels. Check out our new devotional: Cut the Criticism and Cultivate Companionship in Marriage

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Want to strengthen your marriage connection and overcome challenges? Check out Deep Waters, Deeper Love: Marriage Lessons from Jonah by Dr. Kim. 

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

We are quick to label selfish or defensive behavior as "narcissism," but what if the issue runs deeper than personality? In this episode, we explore how disordered desires, our need for control, comfort, or validation, shape the way we relate to others and quietly erode connection.
This conversation unpacks the difference between healthy self-awareness and self-absorption, why freedom begins when we stop defending ourselves, and how real change doesn't come from trying harder—but from surrendering deeper. You'll be challenged to look beneath behavior and consider what your heart is truly after.
If you're tired of surface-level fixes and ready for lasting transformation, this episode invites you to step out of self-protection and into humility, empathy, and freedom.



Episode Takeaways:
What we often label as narcissism or selfishness is rooted deeper than personality. It flows from disordered desires and a heart that wants control, comfort, or validation more than connection.
Healthy self-awareness leads to growth, humility, and empathy. Self-absorption does the opposite , it narrows our world until everything revolves around us and what we want.
Freedom starts when we stop defending ourselves.
Change doesn't come from trying harder, but surrendering deeper.

 
Quotes from this Episode:
"Selfishness doesn't start with what we do — it starts with what we want most."


"Narcissism isn't always loud or arrogant; sometimes it's quiet, defensive, and deeply fragile."


"You can't out-behave a heart problem — transformation always starts inside."


"The more we focus on protecting ourselves, the less capable we are of loving others."


"Growth happens when we stop asking, 'How does this affect me?' and start asking, 'How did this affect you?'"


"Humility isn't thinking less of yourself — it's thinking of yourself less."


"God isn't after better versions of us; He's after surrendered hearts."




Take Time to Talk About It:
Where do you notice selfishness showing up most in your relationships — words, reactions, expectations, or silence?


How can you tell the difference between healthy self-care and self-centeredness in your own life?


What might change if you stopped defending yourself and started listening with curiosity instead?
 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Awesome Marriage is on Instagram!

Make sure you're checking in with your spouse every week with our FREE Weekly Marriage Check in Guide!

Your words, your tone, your attitude- they all matter in how your spouse hears you and how connected your marriage feels. Check out our new devotional: Cut the Criticism and Cultivate Companionship in Marriage

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Want to fight off the cultural pull toward discontentment in marriage? Subscribe to our 5 Marriage Lies to Defeat with Biblical Truth reading plan.

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com !