Awesome Marriage Podcast

Healthy relationships don't happen by accident—they're built one skill at a time.
In this episode, Dr. Kim sits down with returning guest and licensed counselor Debra Fileta to talk about why so many marriages struggle, not because couples don't love each other, but because they haven't learned the skills to communicate that love well. Together they unpack practical ways to become better listeners, healthier communicators, and more intentional spouses.
Whether you've been married for six months or sixty years, you'll walk away with simple, biblical tools to strengthen your connection, improve communication, and reflect the love of Christ in your marriage.



Main Takeaways:
Love isn't always the problem—sometimes it's a lack of relationship skills. 
The healthiest communication starts with self-awareness. 
Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse. 
You don't have to wait for your spouse to change first. 



Quotes from this Episode:
Dr. Kim:
"I think a lot of marriages aren't struggling because of a lack of love—they're struggling because couples haven't learned the skills to communicate that love well."

"Jesus is our model for relationships. Nobody served like He did, and nobody loved people more intentionally."

"When we really learn to listen to each other, it probably makes a bigger difference than almost anything else in marriage."

"Don't settle for a marriage that's just surviving when God created your marriage to thrive."

"The payoff of listening well is that your spouse doesn't just know you love them—they actually experience your love."

"You don't have to wait for your spouse to change before you begin obeying what God is asking of you."

"Good communication isn't something you master once. It's something you keep growing in through every season of marriage."

"Sometimes we think we're communicating because we're talking, but communication doesn't happen until our spouse feels heard."

"If you invest intentionally in your marriage today, you'll be grateful for it in every season that comes tomorrow."

 
___________________________________________________________________
Debra Fileta:
"It's often not a lack of love—it's a lack of skill."

"Relationships are only as strong as the skills we bring into them."

"God wants us to become more like Him, not more like us."

"Nothing changes if nothing changes."

"People skills aren't about getting people to like you more—they're about helping you communicate God's love more effectively."

"Just because you start a sentence with 'I feel' doesn't mean you're actually sharing a feeling."

"Healing means looking back at the things that served you in one season and asking whether they're sabotaging you in this season."

"If a relationship is like a recipe, I can't change your ingredients—but I can change mine."

"Most people hear about a book on people skills and immediately think of someone else who needs it. Real growth begins when you start with yourself."

"Listening isn't waiting for your turn to speak. It's receiving what's being said."

"The health of my marriage starts with my personal health. When I become healthier, I have more to offer my relationship."

 
Time to Talk About it: 
Which relationship skill do you think would make the biggest difference in our marriage right now—listening, encouragement, expressing feelings, handling conflict, or something else? Why?
Is there a communication habit or response you've carried from your family growing up that may be helping—or hurting—our relationship today?
What's one practical change each of us can make this week that would help the other feel more seen, heard, and loved?
How can we intentionally create at least 30 minutes this week to simply connect—not solve problems, but listen, encourage, and pray together?
 
Mentioned in This Episode:
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Get your copy of People Skills: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as Your Skills.

Your marriage communication needs intentional effort and investment: 30 Day Communication Challenge

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Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Marriage communication is different- it needs your investment daily. Check out Achieving Awesome Communication in Marriage.

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

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Talking about sex can feel awkward—even with the person you love most. But avoiding the conversation doesn't make the issues disappear. It often creates more distance.
In this episode, Dr. Kim and Nancy have an honest, grace-filled conversation about building a healthy sexual relationship through open communication, emotional safety, and mutual respect. They share lessons from their own marriage, discuss why every couple experiences different seasons of intimacy, and offer practical ways to have conversations about sex without shame, fear, or defensiveness.
Whether you've been married for six months or sixty years, this episode will encourage you to communicate with honesty, pursue one another with love, and create an environment where intimacy can continue to grow.



Main Takeaways:
Every marriage experiences different seasons of intimacy—and that's normal.
The healthiest conversations about sex happen when both spouses feel safe, heard, and respected.
Comparison is one of the quickest ways to create dissatisfaction in your marriage.
Small, honest conversations build stronger intimacy than avoiding difficult topics.
A thriving sex life isn't about perfection—it's about pursuing one another with love, grace, and intentionality.



Quotes from this Episode:
Dr. Kim Kimberling
"Our marriage is not just about sex. It's about all of life, and our intimacy has to fit the season we're in."
"When you approach conversations about sex with love instead of criticism, you're setting your marriage up to grow instead of to fail."
"Don't compare your marriage to Hollywood or someone else's story. You have to define what works best for the two of you."
"Stay at the comfort level of the person who's least comfortable. There's always another way to build intimacy together."
"It's not really about the quantity of sex—it's about the quality of the connection."
"The goal isn't proving who's right. The goal is making your marriage better together."
 
 
Nancy Kimberling
"We've always approached these conversations with love, not a critical spirit."
"Nothing is more personal than your own body, so sharing it with someone else is the ultimate vulnerability."
"Warmth is the best culture to keep between you when you're talking about intimacy."
"Emotional safety is foundational. It's hard to be sexually vulnerable if you don't feel emotionally safe."
 
Time to Talk About it:
What helps you feel the safest, most loved, and most connected to me—both emotionally and physically?
Are there any conversations about our intimacy that we've been avoiding? If so, what's one small step we could take to talk about them with honesty and grace?
What's one thing I do that makes you feel pursued, appreciated, or desired, and what's one thing I could do more often?
What would it take to take our sex life up one point? How can we make that happen?
 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Sign up for our daily One Thing email!

Our Love Making Survey is a great way to keep conversational loving rather than critical. 

Sex is intended to be a gift for your marriage, if you're having a hard time talking about it with your spouse, try this resource: 62 Questions About Sex.

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. You'll love our 14 Keys to Lasting Love. Check it out with your spouse!

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

What does success really look like—and who gets to define it?
In the final episode of this three-part conversation, Dr. Kim sits down with Tom Pfeiffer to talk about the subtle ways we drift from our priorities without even realizing it. Together they unpack why saying "yes" to every good opportunity can cost us what matters most, how small daily habits shape the life we're building, and why true success isn't measured by titles or achievements but by living a life that's aligned with your values.
Whether you're feeling stuck, stretched too thin, or simply wondering if you're chasing the right things, this conversation will challenge you to slow down, evaluate what's most important, and take one intentional step toward the life God is calling you to live.
 
Episode Highlights:
Learn how "priority drift" quietly pulls you away from what matters most—and how to stop it.

Why chasing alignment instead of success leads to greater freedom, purpose, and peace.

Simple daily habits that create lasting change, both personally and professionally.

Practical encouragement to stop waiting for the perfect moment and start taking the next right step.

Quotes from This Episode:
Tom Pfeifer:
"Priority drift doesn't happen all at once. It's one extra meeting, one extra commitment, one extra 'yes.'"

"Every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else."

"Success is what other people can see. Alignment is when the life you're living matches the values you say you have."

"The best decision I ever made was to stop chasing success and start chasing alignment."

"Sports are supposed to be fun. You're not going to war."

"So many of the things we worry about are first-world problems."

"Don't quit your job tomorrow. Start stacking proof one day at a time."

"Your habits become discipline, and discipline will always outlast motivation."

"Everyone has the same 24 hours. It's not about having time—it's about the choices you make."

"Just do the thing. Take the first step and let tomorrow build on today."

Dr. Kim Kimberling:
"Culture doesn't pull us away from what matters overnight—it happens one small drift at a time."

"When we say yes to too many good things, we often end up saying no to the people who matter most."

"The hardest part of protecting your priorities is learning to say no."

"You don't always realize you're drifting until you look up and wonder how you got so far from what matters."

"Don't get impatient. Big life changes are built one step at a time."

"Working out changes far more than your body—it changes your confidence and your mindset."

"One day stacked on another becomes a habit, and habits shape the life you live."

"Ask yourself: Are you drifting? And if you are, where is that drift taking you?"

"The best opportunities aren't always the ones that align with your priorities."

"You have to define success for yourself instead of letting culture define it for you."

 
Time to Talk About It: 
Where have you noticed "priority drift" in your own life, and what's one step you can take to realign with what matters most?

How do you currently define success? Has that definition changed over the years?

What's one habit or daily choice that could help you become more intentional with your time, relationships, or calling?

Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your spouse thinking, "That's not what I meant at all"? Or wondered why you keep having the same argument over and over again?
The truth is, most couples aren't struggling because they don't love each other, they're struggling because they communicate differently.
In this episode, Dr. Kim is joined by licensed therapist and author Jason Van Ruler to unpack the five communication types and why understanding your spouse's communication style can completely change the way you approach conflict. They talk about why we so often take our differences personally, how stress affects the way we communicate, and why learning to truly listen may be the most powerful thing you can do for your marriage.
If you've ever felt misunderstood or wished your spouse "just got you," this conversation will help you replace frustration with understanding and give you practical tools to communicate in a way that brings you closer instead of pushing you apart.
 
Episode Highlights:
Why communication breaks down—and why it's probably not for the reason you think.

Discover your communication type and learn how it shapes every conversation with your spouse.

Simple shifts that will help you feel more seen, heard, and understood in your marriage.

Stop taking communication differences personally and start using them to grow closer.

 
Quotes from This Episode:
Jason VanRuler
"We aren't very well versed in communicating for connection."

"The more we feel we can't communicate, the more we believe the lie that our spouse must like it that way."

"We're experts in what we meant, but we're not experts in what our spouse experienced."

"Understanding your communication type takes the personal offense out of conflict and helps you ask, 'What did they mean?'"

"A great communicator isn't someone who thinks they're communicating well—it's someone who understands how other people experience them."

"When life gets hard, we all go back to our primary communication style. That's why understanding each other matters most in conflict."

"From birth, we all want to feel seen, heard, and understood."

 
Dr. Kim Kimberling
"Most couples don't know why they struggle to communicate—they just know it creates distance."

"We're fighting our differences instead of embracing them and learning how they can strengthen our marriage."

"Bad communication gets in the way of being a great team."

"When I really learned to listen to Nancy, it changed our marriage."

"Sometimes the simplest advice is the most powerful: let your spouse finish."

"If you attack the problem, you can find a solution. If you dance around it, you'll never solve it."

"The healthiest marriages keep working on communication because every season of life requires new ways of understanding each other."

 
Time to Talk About it:
When do you feel the most heard and understood by me? Is there anything I could do differently to help you feel that way more often?
Which communication style do you think describes each of us best, and how have our differences helped—or challenged—our marriage?
What's one small change we could each make this week to communicate with more grace, patience, and understanding?
 
Mentioned in This Episode:
You need to get your hand on Jason's new book: Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths To Deepen Connections and Stronger Relationships 

Sign up for our daily One Thing email!

Awesome Marriage wants you to grow your communication skills! Try our 30 Day Communication Challenge. 

If communicating about money feels too big to tackle, this will help: 27 Money Questions Every Couple Should Ask.

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. You'll love our Achieving Awesome Communication in Marriage reading plan. Check out it out with your spouse!

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

Our spouse hears messages every day from the world—criticism, pressure, comparison, and doubt. But what if home became the place where they were reminded of who they are, what they're capable of, and how deeply they're loved?
In this episode, Dr. Kim and Nancy talk about the power of encouragement in marriage and why your words carry more weight than anyone else's. They share personal stories from their own marriage, practical ways to encourage your spouse authentically, and how couples can replace patterns of criticism with a culture of support. Whether your marriage is thriving or you've fallen into a habit of negativity, this conversation will challenge you to become your spouse's greatest encourager.

 
Quotes from this Episode:
Dr. Kim
"I don't care what anyone else thinks. Hearing your encouragement makes all the difference in the world."

"When your spouse gets more encouragement from someone else than from you, there's a void in the marriage."

"Your encouragement is meant to build your spouse up, not put them in the box you want them to fit in."

"The more you become a student of your spouse, the more you'll know how to encourage them in ways that truly matter."

"When I ask God to help me see you through His eyes, I'm flooded with good things to tell you."

"When you see yourselves as a team, encouragement becomes part of how you do life together."

 
Mrs. Nancy
"Your spouse is the most important person in your life. What they say carries more weight than anyone else's words."

"Sometimes we simply need our spouse to say, 'You can do this.' Those words can make all the difference."

"Living in a fallen world makes negativity come naturally, but that's not how God designed our marriages."

"Specific encouragement is powerful because it reminds your spouse of the unique gifts and strengths God has given them."

"A look or a tone can discourage just as much as words."

"When I pray for you, it changes my heart. It changes the way I see you."

 
Time to Talk About it:
When do you feel the most encouraged by me? What specific words or actions help you feel seen, valued, and believed in?

Have criticism or negativity become a habit in any area of our marriage? What's one intentional way we can replace those patterns with encouragement this week?

How can I better support what God is doing in your life instead of trying to shape you into who I think you should be?

 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Sign up for our daily One Thing email!

Struggling with your attitude toward your spouse? Find it hard to encourage someone you feel disconnected from? Our Reframing Challenge will help!

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. You'll love our 4 Days to Growing Gratitude in Marriage . Check it out with your spouse!

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!