Awesome Marriage Podcast

What does it really mean to be a man who follows God's design? In this episode of Wider Lens, Dr. Kim sits down with Seth Troutt, author of Authentic Masculinity, to talk about the messages shaping men today and what biblical masculinity looks like in everyday life.
Seth shares why masculinity is about more than appearances, accomplishments, or cultural expectations. They discuss the importance of humility, discipline, responsibility, and serving others, along with how these qualities shape the way men lead their families and love their wives. They also explore the power of self-awareness, learning to give and receive grace, and recognizing the generational patterns we may be carrying into our own marriages and parenting.
Whether you're a husband, a father, or someone who wants to better understand God's design for men, this conversation offers practical encouragement for growing in Christ and building a legacy of faithfulness for the next generation.
Top Takeaways:
The man you're becoming shapes the way you love your family. 
You don't have to get everything right to lead your family well. 
You get to choose what you carry into the next generation. 
 
Quotes from this Episode:
Seth Troutt:
It's not my fault that this feels normal to me, but it's my responsibility to not do it."
"Being the lead repenter is the first thing you do in being a leader in a Christian household."
"Jesus serves because he knows who he is."
"One of the problems I see early on emerging in marriages is that husbands expect their wives to be their mothers."
"The question is what type of head will I be? Will I be like Christ or will I be like Adam?"
"I think the older you get, the more you experience how much of a gravitational pull there is to become like your father or to become like the masculine examples that you had in your household and beyond you."
 
Time to Think About it:
How are my daily choices, attitudes, and habits shaping the way I love my wife, lead my family, and follow Jesus? 
What patterns from my family do I want to carry forward, and what patterns do I need to change? 
How do I respond when my wife or someone close to me offers feedback about my behavior? 
 
Your Next Step: Choose one of these plans to start TODAY!
Men of God: Ancient Virtues for Modern Warriors 
Fighting to Be a Man of God 
The Intentional Husband: 7 Days to Transform Your Marriage From the Inside Out 
 
Connect with Seth:
Seth Troutt, pastor and author of Authentic Masculinity: Leaving Behind the Counterfeits for God's Design (Moody Publishers). His website is www.sethtroutt.com or IG: @Seth_Troutt

Our past experiences can shape the way we show up in marriage, often in ways we don't even recognize. In this episode of the Awesome Marriage Podcast, Dr. Kim talks with Phyllis Robertson Thomas, author of I Never Knew: Finding Healing and Renewal After Trauma, about how childhood trauma and unhealthy coping patterns can affect our relationships as adults.
Phyllis shares how her own experiences shaped the way she approached marriage, including her struggle to trust and her need to stay in control. Together, they discuss how to recognize the patterns we bring into marriage, take responsibility for our own healing, and support our spouse without expecting them to fix us. They also talk about forgiveness, healthy expectations, and finding our identity and healing in Christ.
Your past may have shaped you, but it doesn't have to define your future. Join us for an honest conversation about healing, hope, and building a healthier marriage with God at the center.



Main Takeaways:
Your coping mechanisms may have helped you survive, but they may not help you connect. 
Your spouse can support your healing, but your spouse cannot be your savior. 
Your past may have shaped you, but it doesn't have to define you. 
 
Quotes from this Episode:
 Phyllis Robertson Thomas:
 1. "I didn't trust him, but I trusted God. I didn't believe in him, but I believed in what God could do in our marriage."
2. "Your spouse doesn't complete you. Your spouse doesn't heal you. Your spouse is not responsible for your healing. We love and support one another as we're both being healed, but we have to submit all of that to the Lord."
3. "They've already hurt you. So are we actually going to place our own healing in their hands? That's a lot of power and control that you're handing to someone else for your healing."
4. "Forgiveness does not equal relationship. Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation in all cases."
5. "I did what I had to do to survive, but then it doesn't serve you well as an adult, those unhealthy coping skills."
6. "Our past did shape us. It did, you know, but it doesn't have to define who we are and how we continue to live our lives."
7. "Trauma does not have to have the final word in your life."
8. "My expectation for perfection comes from nobody else except the Lord. I'm not perfect, and neither is my spouse."
9. "If it wasn't hard, if conversations weren't hard and situations weren't hard, Paul would have never told us that we needed the fruits of the Spirit."
10. "There is hope for me and I don't have to live in misery. My marriage can be healed."
Dr. Kim:
1. "We don't have to stay stuck in that."
2. "As a kid growing up, you figure, how do I survive in this? And then you get to be an adult, and you realize, okay, that worked then for you, which was great. It got you to survive. You can't do that now."
3. "If my marriage is going to work, you can't control it. Got to trust him."
4. "You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to believe what other labels people put on you. It's embracing who God created you to be."
5. "I've seen so many times for the spouse, one spouse begins to look at their spouse a little different and think, something's going on there. Maybe I need to figure out what's going on there too."
 
Time to Talk About It:
1. Are there ways your past experiences or family patterns show up in how you respond to your spouse today? How might understanding those patterns change the way you respond?
2. Is there an area where you've been trying to control things or struggling to trust your spouse? What would it look like to take a small step toward trust?
3. How can you support each other's healing while remembering that neither of you is responsible for being the other person's savior?
 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Get your copy of I Never Knew by Phyllis Robertson Thomas

Connect with Phyllis on Instagram!

Your marriage needs God's Word. Awesome Marriage partners with YouVersion to make it easy for couples to get in the Word together. Check out this plan: 5 Marriage Lies to Defeat with Biblical Truth will help you stay confident in God's Word and God's plan for your marriage even when the world tells us lies. 

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

How do you share responsibilities in marriage without keeping score? In this episode, Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy talk about what it means to be true partners, especially when life changes and responsibilities shift. They discuss why equal doesn't always mean fair, how unspoken expectations can lead to resentment, and why feeling appreciated and seen matters so much in marriage. You'll also hear practical ways to talk about the things that feel unfair, serve one another with a Christlike attitude, and build rhythms that keep you connected. Marriage isn't about keeping track of who does more. It's about learning to come alongside each other, give grace, and work together as a team with God at the center. 
 
Top Takeaways:
Healthy partnerships aren't always 50/50. 
Unspoken expectations can lead to resentment. 
Serving your spouse is more important than keeping score. 
 
Quotes from this Episode:
1. "The danger isn't an uneven load. It's when one spouse starts to feel alone, unseen, or taken for granted."
2. "Equal isn't the same as fair. Sometimes you just have to give and take. It's for the common good of the team." — Mrs. Nancy
3. "This isn't 50-50. It's 100-100. You're both in, and you're working together on it." — Dr. Kim
4. "A lot of scorekeeping is really a fight for significance. I need to know what I'm doing matters, and you see me doing it." — Dr. Kim
5. "Being a student of your spouse and letting them show you, and maybe sometimes tell you directly what they need. And then come alongside them." — Dr. Kim
6. "We expect our spouse to read our mind and know what our expectations are. So it's a really good tool to talk about what's realistic and what's not." — Dr. Kim
7. "When you come to a conversation that might be difficult, you pray about it first. Ask God to give you the right words and to help you be empathetic with your spouse." — Dr. Kim
8. "How do I serve you today? How do I come alongside you today? That trumps scorekeeping." — Dr. Kim
9. "I want you to know that I care enough that I'm going to do the things to make your life better." — Dr. Kim
10. "Remember, you're not invisible to God. God sees it all, knows it all, and is ready to help you through it all." — Dr. Kim



Time to Think About It:
Are there any responsibilities in your marriage that feel uneven right now? 
What is one thing your spouse does that makes you feel supported or appreciated? 
How can you be a better team in this season of marriage? 
 
Mentioned in this Episode:
Need a healthy guide to communicate expectations: The Marriage Expectations Worksheet

If your marriage is struggling, try our 90 Days to Save Your Marriage email series. 

Maybe you need to shift how you're viewing your marriage and your spouse. Our Reframing Challenge can help!

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. This plan is specifically for struggling marriages: One Foot Out the Door

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

Infidelity can shatter more than a marriage. It can shake your sense of safety, identity, family, and even faith. But what happens when a couple chooses to face the pain, do the hard work of healing, and allow God to write a new chapter in their story?
Today, Dr. Kim sits down with Carl and Laura Lentz, authors of Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt. They share honestly about the devastation of betrayal and the long road toward rebuilding trust. Carl talks about the importance of taking ownership, honesty, and accountability, while Laura shares what healing looked like for her, including navigating triggers, finding safe people, and learning to feel safe again. Together, they discuss forgiveness, counseling, vulnerability, and helping children navigate a family crisis.
If your marriage has been impacted by betrayal, or you're walking alongside someone who is hurting, this conversation offers an honest look at the work of healing and the hope that can come through God's grace. Your story doesn't have to end at its hardest chapter.
 
Key Takeaways:
Healing begins with honesty and ownership. 
Forgiveness, trust, and safety are not the same thing. 
Your hardest chapter doesn't have to be the end of your story. 
 
Quotes from this Episode:
Carl Lentz:
1. "If I can't own it, I can't get the power from change."
2. "It's either all honesty or none."
3. "You cannot heal in isolation."
4. "Forgiveness and trust are two very different things. Forgiveness and access, wildly different things."
5. "Your story doesn't have to end at the worst, hardest chapter."
Laura Lentz:
1. "We've got, we call it marriage 2.0, and it's better than it ever was."
2. "If you don't talk about it, it doesn't go anywhere."
3. "The number one question he still asks me today is, 'How can I make you feel safe today?'"
4. "Him telling me his feelings is one of the greatest things he could do."
5. "I wanted to heal from this. I didn't want to hold that and be like, he's the one that did the wrong."
 
Time to Talk About it: 
1. What stood out to you most from Carl and Laura's story? Was there anything that challenged or changed the way you think about healing and forgiveness?
2. How can we make it easier for each other to be honest about our feelings, struggles, and fears without worrying about being judged or dismissed?
3. What helps each of us feel safe, valued, and secure in our marriage? Are there small, intentional ways we could do a better job of creating that safety for one another?
4. Who are the trusted people or professionals we could turn to if we faced a difficult season in our marriage? How can we make sure we don't try to navigate hard things alone?



Mentioned in This Episode:
Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt.

Find Carl and Laura on Instagram

Awesome Marriage has an Online Affair Recovery course to help you navigate the aftermath of infidelity. Use code: AWESOMEMARRIAGE for 10% off the cost of the course. 

Your marriage needs God's Word. Awesome Marriage partners with YouVersion to make it easy for couples to get in the Word together. Check out this plan: 7 Prayers to Grow Your Marriage

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!

Is your marriage too far gone?
When a marriage has been marked by betrayal, years of unresolved conflict, emotional distance, or simply feeling more like roommates than spouses, it can be hard to imagine things ever getting better. You may have prayed, tried to talk, waited, and wondered if there is anything left to work with.
Today, Dr. Kim tackles that difficult question honestly: Is your marriage too far gone? He talks about the difference between discouragement and hopelessness, what biblical hope looks like when circumstances aren't changing, and why God's idea of redemption may look different than we expect. He also shares what you can do when you're fighting for your marriage but your spouse isn't, and how to invite God into the healing process without trying to control what only God can change.
If your marriage feels broken, heavy, or beyond repair, this conversation is a reminder that your story isn't finished and that your hope can be anchored in who God is, not in what your circumstances look like today.



Episode Highlights
Why hope in God is stronger than optimism about your circumstances.

What redemption really looks like in a struggling marriage.

The habits that invite healing instead of hopelessness.

How to trust God when your marriage feels too far gone.

 
Quotes from this Episode:
"Discouragement says, 'I don't see how this gets better.' Hopelessness says, 'It can't.' The first is a feeling that deserves to be honored. The second is a conclusion that deserves to be challenged."
"No marriage is beyond what God can do. That doesn't mean every marriage is restored the way we picture it, or on the timeline we demand, but it does mean that the God who specializes in resurrection is not intimidated by broken marriage."
"We come to Him asking to fix the relationship. He comes in wanting to transform the people in the relationship."
"Sometimes the miracle is the small movement."
"Optimism says, 'I think this will work out.' Hope says, 'God is faithful regardless of how this works out.'"
"You cannot control your spouse. You cannot manufacture their willingness, love them into change, or pray hard enough to override their free will. Only God can reach the heart of another person."
"If your faith is anchored to who God is, to His character, His faithfulness, His sovereign love for you and for your spouse, that holds. Even when circumstances don't, even when the answer is not yet, even when the story isn't finished."
 
Time to Talk About It:
Have I allowed disappointment to shape my view of my spouse more than God's promises?

What is one area of my marriage that I need to surrender to God instead of trying to control?

What evidence of God's faithfulness can I remember today that reminds me He is still working—even if I can't see it yet?

Mentioned in this Episode:
Don't give up yet. Try our 11 Things to do Before You Get a Divorce.

Need a low pressure, on ramp back toward one another: 4 Week Connection Challenge.

If your marriage is struggling, try our 90 Days to Save Your Marriage email series. 

Maybe you need to shift how you're viewing your marriage and your spouse. Our Reframing Challenge can help!

Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. This plan is specifically for struggling marriages: One Foot Out the Door

If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

Be the first to hear about all things Awesome Marriage, receive monthly bonus content straight from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy, and take advantage of big discounts by becoming a Marriage Changer!