The Shallow End

In this episode of The Shallow End, the universe appears to clock in early and enforce consequences with zero paperwork.

Schnebly and Toth break down a surreal Milwaukee incident in which a man attempting to set a Cadillac Escalade on fire instead ignites his own pants—an act of instant karma caught entirely on surveillance video. What begins as felony-grade arson collapses into slapstick physics as flaming trousers, panicked decision-making, and a perfectly timed police cruiser converge in what may be the most efficient arrest on record.

From there, the episode widens into a greatest-hits reel of bad ideas and questionable judgment. A listener email recounts a sober college sledding adventure that ends with injuries, hospital visits, and the realization that alcohol isn’t always required to make terrible choices. The hosts share their own youthful snow-related miscalculations, proving once again that age and common sense rarely arrive together.

The episode also dives into a Texas burglary attempt that goes sideways when a man breaks into a car dealership, injures himself on the glass, calls 911 for help, and—while waiting for first responders—helps himself to candy from a sales desk. Because of course he does.

Equal parts dumb criminal behavior, misfired confidence, and real-world absurdity, this episode is a reminder that when plans collapse, they often do so loudly, publicly, and on camera.

Make good choices. Don’t play with fire. And for the love of God, don’t try to outrun your own pants.
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In this episode of The Shallow End, Schnebly and Toth dive headfirst into the kind of poor decision-making that only extreme weather, youthful confidence, and suspended driver’s licenses can produce.

It starts in Vermont during the infamous Blizzard of 2010, where a 23-year-old man was caught driving more than 60 mph down Interstate 89 while towing a friend on a plastic sled. When police attempted a traffic stop, things somehow escalated further—as the driver tried to switch places with the person on the sled mid-incident, apparently believing legality depends on where you’re physically sitting at the moment you get caught.

From there, the episode spirals delightfully into listener stories and human misjudgment, including a jaw-dropping email about two beer-buzzed teenagers who accidentally witnessed an armed jewelry store robbery—and laughed through the whole thing. The lesson? Alcohol, adolescence, and crisis situations are a dangerous cocktail.

The episode wraps with another true crime oddity involving attempted bird smuggling at the U.S.–Mexico border, featuring parakeets hidden in pants, chirping during inspection, and a defense that somehow made things worse. Because of course it did.

Equal parts dumb criminal behavior, bad luck, and baffling confidence, this episode is a reminder that common sense is often the first thing lost in cold weather, stressful situations, and moments when someone asks, “What if we just tried this?”

Pour a strong beverage, make better choices than the people in this episode, and wade into The Shallow End—where real stories prove that someone, somewhere, is always doing something worse than you.
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In this episode of The Shallow End, human decision-making briefly leaves the building—and gravity takes over.

First, we head to downtown Vancouver, Washington, where a routine disturbance at a restaurant escalates into a full-blown aerial performance. Instead of running from police like a normal person, one man chooses a bold new escape strategy: climbing onto a rooftop communications cable, dangling 20 feet above the street, taunting first responders, and—because why not—removing his shirt mid-sway. For 45 minutes, cops, firefighters, and stunned onlookers watch what can only be described as a bootleg Cirque du Soleil audition, before physics ends the show in the most slapstick way possible.

Then, we travel back to Everett, Washington, for a classic case of criminal ingenuity meeting basic chemistry. Two would-be thieves attempt to break into an ATM using an acetylene blowtorch—successfully cutting their way in, accidentally setting the cash on fire, and then attempting to extinguish the flames using the only tool they apparently planned for: their own urine. Surveillance footage confirms every bad decision.

Along the way, we discuss panic logic, commitment to terrible ideas, firefighters who literally “caught” a suspect, and the many ways stress can unlock brand-new genres of stupidity. Plus, a listener email sparks a discussion about naming the show’s mysterious lifeguard voice.

It’s a reminder that when humans are under pressure, they don’t rise to the occasion—they dangle from cables, pee on burning money, and give first responders stories they’ll be telling forever.

Pour a strong beverage, make better choices than these guys did, and dive into another episode of The Shallow End.

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Episode 192 of The Shallow End delivers three perfectly unhinged true stories that prove human decision-making collapses completely under mild pressure.

First, police in the UK respond to a routine burglary investigation—only to discover their suspect hiding inside a washing machine. Not running. Not mid-cycle. Just vibrating slightly with shame. When officers lift the lid, the man doesn’t flee or panic… he politely waves. Because of course he does.

Then, listener Ben from Springfield, Massachusetts shares his own bizarre brush with human nonsense after arriving at his riverside boathouse to discover his entire dock has vanished. Security footage later reveals two strangers and a dog untying it, floating it upstream, and casually tying it to a tree—apparently deciding the dock needed a change of scenery.

Finally, we head to Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a rejected liquor purchase escalates into an armed robbery using an 1850s derringer, also known as a “muff pistol.” Pajama pants, hoodie, antique firearm, and stolen IDs—because if you’re going to commit a crime, you might as well do it with Civil War flair.

No one is hurt. No high-speed chases. Just grown adults, questionable choices, and appliances that were never meant to be safe houses.

Lesson of the week: appliances are not hiding places, docks are not community property, and blunderbusses do not improve your odds.

You’re in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth—where confidence routinely outruns planning.

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In this episode of The Shallow End, we ease into the morning with half-finished coffee, mild grogginess, and a deep philosophical discussion about a very specific human flaw: the irresistible urge to acquire objects we absolutely do not need—and will almost certainly never use.

From abandoned French press coffee makers to unopened hologram fans quietly aging in closets, the boys unpack the strange comfort of possession without follow-through, the sacred importance of keeping boxes “just in case,” and the moment you realize you’ve officially become your parents.

Things take a darker turn with a true crime story from Italy involving pension fraud, family deception, and a high-profile attempt at impersonation that has been dubbed the real-life “Mrs. Doubtfire scheme.” It’s a story that somehow manages to be disturbing, absurd, and baffling all at once—and proves that bureaucracy will eventually notice… even if it takes a while.

Then, a listener email delivers a classic Shallow End cautionary tale involving college logic, expired Mello Yello, gravity, and a car hood that never knew what hit it. It’s a story about impulse, regret, and the long shadow cast by a single bad decision made at the top of a staircase.

Finally, the episode closes with a quintessential Florida Dumb Criminal Story: a man who tried to delay his flight by calling in a bomb threat—using his own phone, his real voice, and airport Wi-Fi. What follows is a quietly perfect example of impatience, overconfidence, and how modern surveillance does not reward shortcuts.

It’s an episode about bad choices, unintended consequences, and the universal belief that maybe—just maybe—we can outsmart the system this one time.

Spoiler: we can’t.

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