Secluded Thoughts

What if some of the goals you’re working so hard to achieve aren’t actually things you want? In this episode, we’re getting to the bottom of what you actually want, why it can be so hard to figure that out when you’ve spent years optimizing for achievement and being impressive, and how my life changed when I stopped doing that.

In this episode we discuss:
Why nothing could just be a hobby for me and everything had to become a business, side hustle, or something I could excel at.
Being afraid that dismantling my externally validated identity would make me lose my ambition and drive (and what actually happened when I did).
The real reason we set impressive goals we don't really care about.
What I learned after realizing that achieving my goals were not going to give me the "feeling" I thought they'd bring.
The "arrival fallacy" and why achieving your goals don't always give you what you thought it would or feel how you thought it would feel.
How I realized I was optimizing for vanity metrics instead of what actually mattered to me.
What happened when I stopped creating content based on what I thought would perform and started creating based on what I genuinely wanted to say.
Why my Substack took off when I stopped trying so hard to make it work.
The real reason behind some of the lofty goals I had.
The difference between being ambitious and feeling like you have to be exceptional at everything.
How to completely change the way you set goals so they're aligned with what you actual want.
What happens when you try to chase the goals you *think* you want with your old identity.
How to start using your ambition to build what you actually want instead of using it to prove something about yourself.
Goal + vision board audit exercise & why it's important to do this EVERY TIME you set a goal.

Mentioned in this episode:
The Diary of a High Achiever
Secluded Thoughts Substack

Homework:
Goal + vision board audit exercise + leave a comment on the Substack post for this episode and tell me what you discovered.

Sponsors:
Become You 2.0 helps you dismantle the conditioning behind the externally validated identity that makes you feel like everything has to be optimized, impressive, and validated by something outside of you. It teaches you how to stop letting that identity dictate your decisions so you can use your ambition to build the life you actually want. Enroll Here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sorry, I ghosted y’all. 😂 But there was actually a reason, and it had a lot more to do with the version of myself I was becoming than me simply needing a break. In this episode, I’m catching you up on what happened while I was gone, what I realized about the identity I had built around achievement and being impressive, and why I had to let that version of me go before I could really build the life I actually wanted.

In this episode we discuss:
Why I disappeared from the podcast after years of never missing an episode, and what made me realize the old version of the show no longer represented who I was.
Realizing how leaving a successful career meant leaving behind way more of my identity than I ever expected.
What happened when I was forced to sit with myself because I had nothing impressive to hide behind.
How being externally validated can show up in your relationships.
Why I found myself blocking people I knew from seeing my content and what that revealed about me that I wasn't prepared for.
The connection between high achievement, people-pleasing, and the fear of disappointing people who have gotten used to you always having it together.
Why being hyper-independent can create a cycle where people genuinely stop treating you like someone who might need help.
Navigating relationships after you've found out that you've been placed on a pedestal.
Why asking for help felt so unsafe even when I was struggling.
What happens when a control freak is in a situation they can't control.
Navigating life after you realize that everything you've built was around what people expected of you.
What happens when you try to do the things you want to do but a part of you keeps asking, “What will people think?”

Mentioned in this episode:
The Diary of a High Achiever
The Unraveling of a High Achiever Series
The Weird Grief Of Realizing That People Don't Really Know You
The Weight of Being Placed on a Pedestal
Secluded Thoughts Substack

Sponsors:
Become You 2.0 dismantles the performative identity that keeps you stuck in approval-seeking, shape-shifting, and people-pleasing mode, trying to live up to who other people expect you to be, and helps you step into a more authentic version of yourself and build the life you actually want. Enroll Here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I'm gonna be honest about what it actually feels like to be placed on a pedestal you never asked to be on, why vulnerability felt like the enemy for most of my life, and what God had to take me through in 2025 to break all of that out of me (and he was not gentle about it).
This is part two so if you haven't watched part one please start there, but in this episode I'm getting into everything I actually learned coming out of that season because there was a lot.
We'll discuss:
Why not everybody deserves access to your vulnerability even when you're actively working on it
The difference between people making deposits versus withdrawals when you open up (and how to tell which one is happening)
What I actually changed about my standards and my relationships to protect myself going forward

If you can relate to this, know that the high achiever conditioning doesn't just stop at your vulnerability, it affects your ability to actually pursue the things you want in life because you're so used to performing. Once you remove that conditioning from your identity, it opens up a world of possibilities you couldn't step into as that performative version of yourself. For coaching to remove the high achiever conditioning from your identity to step into your next level, enroll in the Spring cohort: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

[Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you're the one who always has it together, the one everybody expects to be okay, the one who would genuinely rather deal with it alone than give people the opportunity to disappoint you — this episode is going to feel uncomfortably familiar.
I'm gonna be honest about what it actually feels like to be placed on a pedestal you never asked to be on, why vulnerability felt like the enemy for most of my life, and what God had to take me through in 2025 to break all of that out of me (and he was not gentle about it).
We'll discuss:
Why I disdain vulnerability & why high achievers specifically, struggle with vulnerability
The four responses you almost always get when you open up as the strong one (and why they make you want to never do it again)
What being placed on a pedestal actually costs you and how it quietly conditions you to keep everything to yourself
What it took for me to finally understand why I was so allergic to vulnerability and what it was really protecting me from

If you can relate to this, know that the high achiever conditioning doesn't just stop at your vulnerability, it affects your ability to actually pursue the things you want in life because you're so used to performing. Once you remove that conditioning from your identity, it opens up a world of possibilities you couldn't step into as that performative version of yourself. For coaching to remove the high achiever conditioning from your identity to step into your next level, enroll in the Spring cohort: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

[Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You've been working hard, staying consistent, making sacrifices... and yet just when things finally start working, something in you pulls back. You go quiet, you lose momentum, you forfeit the exact moment you've been working hard for. It makes no sense, and it's been driving you crazy.
This episode is going to explain what is actually happening every time that cycle plays out, (because I promise you it goes way deeper than discipline or how bad you want it), and once you understand it you will never look at it the same way again.
We’ll discuss:
The REAL reason why you lose momentum the moment things start working in your favor
Why your hard work and discipline STILL isn't enough unless you get this ONE thing right
The thing I discovered about myself that finally explained why I kept sabotaging my own breakthroughs
Practical exercise to do next time this happens so you don't sabotage your opportunity

If this has been happening to you and you’re tired of it, join Become You 2.0 to get the blueprint that will get your nervous system on board with your next level so you stop sabotaging every time things start working out: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha
Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy