Men On Fire UK

• #20 Time for a snifter

  Welcome to Men on Fire, a podcast about what it means to be a man.  Go on, Sam, get your ass over here. We're recording, mate. You ready? Are you? Yeah. We're on already. Yeah,  we're on already.  Is that because of a short time? Yeah. We're short of time today, mate. Short of time. So nice. Quickie today. You want a quickie, mate? It's a bit early for a quickie for me. Yeah, yeah. Um, but we'll do what we can. To be fair, if we've got 15 minutes. Yeah, it's not a quickie for me, so.  Yeah. Sorry about the noise in the background. We've got some diggers going, we've got very limited time. And we're going to talk about time. Yeah, yeah. So about time. Do you have enough time? No. Does anyone ever have enough time? Do you have enough time? God, no. It's really hard, isn't it? Sometimes it goes really slow. Didn't that time. Although I remember, like, being younger and having periods of my life where I felt. Wasted so much time. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's an older thing. Do you think as you get older, you start thinking, oh, shit, I think so. I mean, I remember at school holiday, six weeks would go on forever and ever and you think, oh, you know, I got forever, like here, you know, six weeks, stretch it out. And now it's like, gone in a blink of an eye. And, you know, it was like video games. I worked with a lot of young people. We talked about video gaming and stuff. Yeah. And I, I would probably be still partial to a video game, but where the fuck when am I doing that? What have you got? When am I doing that? Especially now. Like games, you have to. They're like little mini films, aren't they? You have to watch, like, scenes for ten minutes. I just can I just jump on something's head and make it explode really quickly? But yeah. Yeah. So time is pretty precious stuff, isn't it? Really? I think so, but then you've got to be careful. Because then. Because I get quite like,  not like restless. So if I, if I'm not doing anything, I'm like, I should be doing something. Yeah. I need to use this time. Yeah. But then if you're doing that sometimes you're not really. Just appreciating the moment that you're in, having downtime. And I mean, we've talked about it before we meet smelling roses and stuff, but, you know, it is important to have downtime and quiet time. It's important where you feel like you're doing stuff. I mean, I think with, you know, people feel like you've got to be doing something all the time, like jumping out of airplanes and parachuting and snowboarding and being busy and crazy and using the most of your time. But then you don't have those quiet time moments just to reflect. And yeah, um, they're really important too. So it's hard, isn't it? And then again, I guess that's individual because there probably are people with time on their hands and that's that's never a good. Well,  is that ever a good thing? I think if you haven't, if you haven't got it, you want it, you want it. But people that have got loads of times on their hands, I mean, I guess it's a bit like money. Well, if you haven't got it, you want it. And if you got lots and. Well, I was going to, I was going to say something a little controversial. That's, you know, quite a lot of people, a lot of time on their hands get up to things. Yeah. Crime? Drugs. Less. But then maybe the same with money. No, no. If you've got the money, you don't need the right to the crime. I mean, I haven't got time to do any drugs or crime or anything, so it's always time for drugs markets. Yeah. I'd love I know I would, I'd love time to even think about doing that. But yeah, it's hard, isn't it. It's, you know, work balance of work. We've talked about that stuff a lot, these things. And it does come down to time doesn't it? Time and money and love and things like that. It's so weird as well because time is like this rigid concept. You can time it. You can literally see it. You can watch it go past, you can categorize it, split it up. But the&

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• #19 Time to get on your horse

  Welcome to Men on Fire, a podcast about what it means to be a man. There we go. We're recording,  I think. Yeah. We're recording. Yeah. Yeah, I think we're recording. So. Technology in this cold. We're about half an hour. We're about. No, we are technically. You said. We said we'd meet at nine. Yeah. It's now 55 minutes past. Yeah. And we've only just started. Yeah, yeah, we have an hour. We've got a lot of water under the bridge already. And quite often me and Sam, when we just end up chatting, we end up in the worlds too. Right. And then not recording it and then. Yeah, but then there's some sensitive information we probably would want to edit out quite a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So not that sensitive. We're not talking about the body again. No is in my car. The reason I brought up the time was because we were going to talk about time management. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. I missed the cue there. I missed the cue. You opened the door and I asked because we chose the subject again right at the start, about an hour ago and talked about everything else. Yeah. Time management box. How do you manage your time? Sometimes I don't know how I manage my time. Lack time, lack of management. Yeah, yeah I do all right with work and my oil work. My old job. I'm very good at that. I mean, that's getting busy now and I'm juggling plates with with that and family stuff. So. And with barbecue. So yeah. Time management is um, is is important. I do struggle with it, but I have to be effective really with, with a lot of it, especially with my oil work. I can't not be effective with time management with that. You know, you've got to plan. You've got to meet deadlines. You've got to do that. Do you find it easier with. Because I was I was thinking about this before we start talking the. So with time management, the bit I find hardest is when there isn't a clear answer, which is maybe more about decision making. But where should I be spending my time? Whereas actually with oil work or with me, with sessions like when people book a session, it's 11 to 12. I'm doing the session. That's what I'm doing, you know, and and even with things like sport, rugby, you know, a lot of blokes go into the Army and get something from that, that sort of there's no time management for me to do anymore. Everyone's telling me what to do. Yeah. But when you go, I find it hard. When it's like, okay, should I leave an hour early for work and pop in to see my mum and dad for a coffee? Because I've seen them for a while? Or should I spend half an hour playing with my son? Or actually, should I get there early so I'm more prepped for work, you know, or it's that kind of time management I find really hard. But I think there's like self time management where you have to be disciplined yourself and you've got like a slot of time. That's the one. I'm sure that that one, um, I can be quite good at that. But I know I do my best work when kind of when my back's against the wall. So. Right. Writing the books, I. You have to write in my barbecue books. You have to be stacking up recipes ready. You have to be working. Working. But then bringing it all together and writing it up, I literally would just sit down for a few days solid bang bang bang bang bang just before the deadline even. But I would have been completely screwed if I hadn't have had that background of work ready. But I know I've got to bring it all together. That bang bang bang I and I like my oil work. I can't do that because there's like steps you have to to hit each step. So you can't, you know, you've got to have those steps in in order. And probably my biggest frustration quite often is other people, their interaction with you and that they might not have the same that time. They're not on my time management. And that's okay. I've got okay with that. But, you know, it's not just work, it's family. It's, you know, it's it's lots of things that fit in time and it's trying to get the time sometimes for you as well.

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• #18 Friends

  Welcome to Men on Fire, a podcast about what it means to be a man. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Men on Fire. Do that again. Yeah, we're we're live, mate. We're live with my colleague, podcast recorder and friend. Definitely friend. Yeah. How are you doing, mate? How you do, mate. Good. Well, this is first. Yeah. And also what's funny about this podcast is when we record, sometimes we've been yammering on to each other for about two hours. So then we know exactly as soon as I press the record button, we go, right. What should we talk about? Yeah, we kind of covered it all. We talk about friendships though. Yeah, yeah. And I would say that is a a bonding factor in our friendship Marcus just kind of. Yeah. Offload to each other. Yeah I think it's important to have somebody you can talk to and mate and, you know, not just with the mental health thing. It's men's mental Health Month in November. People are growing with stashes and stuff. And yeah, isn't that that's for ball cancer isn't it. No. That's is it. No Movember. Oh, that's what I meant. Grow mustaches. Remember Movember? Is it for testicular cancer? Is it? Is it not? I don't know, one of us is going to sound bad, isn't it? I mean, they're both, you know. I know it's men's mental health month, November, so. Yes, maybe I'm getting confused that two. No, I think it's both. Both? Yeah. Anyway, we've established that we don't know. Anyway, most most men have got balls anyway, so. Well, most men think with their balls sometimes at some point in their life. So, you know, perhaps it's one and the same. Yeah. Yeah. Health and head health. Yeah. But yeah, friendship's really important, isn't it. You know, I obviously I value you as a friend and you know that's that's amazing. And I also believe sort of friendships come and go a bit. And I'm not saying I'm going to leave you. Yeah. Yeah. But they do. And it's it's hard sometimes, you know, you can be in the moment with and going back to podcasts. What was it a couple where we were in the moment. You can be in the moment with friends and sometimes it's just not  I don't know, lives move on and different. And, you know, I look back and I've got very few friends from, you know, like university days and early on days and, you know, I'd rather have a group of sort of tight knit friends rather than a few people who I sort of stay in touch with who are like friends. Yeah, 1s yeah, it is hard, isn't it? Because I think. Quite often you look at a relationship and then if you drift apart or you're not as close as you were, that's always seen as a negative. But actually I think about it as well. That was a really good time. We had together when we saw each other all the time. But then circumstances change. Life changes. You still touch base every now and again with my uni mates. We're quite close, but we don't really speak to each other. We just meet up for birthdays. But when you're there, it's like nothing's happened. You like back in the room? Yeah, I think that's a bit of a difference with blokes. I mean, talking, you know, with wife and female friends and stuff. Female friendships can be a bit more intense and, you know, you've got to be a bit more  keeping up. And, you know, that's part of the, you know, if I go out with like a mate I haven't seen in a few years, you go out and have a beer and, you know, it's like nothing's sort of happen. You don't have to force it. I find, you know. Yeah, it just is just there. And, you know, it's that realization that actually may be leading different lives, but you've got common sort of history. You've had a few beers together at some point, and you don't need to force it. I don't, don't think. There's also I think there's like things you go through in your life that change or that you don't do anymore. And sometimes maybe particularly with blokes, maybe not, but. It's like you played rugby together, so you saw each other week in, week out for years, but now you don't play rugby. S

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• #17 Holidays...the good, the bad and the nightmare...

  Welcome to Men on Fire, a podcast about what it means to be a man. All right, mate. All right. All right, let's go in. We started off. We? Yeah. Um, forgotten what to do. Really was all. I was all chatty earlier, and then you fed me this. Incredible. Steak. Tomahawk steak. And I'm in a bit of a meat coma now. But a good one. Yeah, a good brunch. I mean, what's it now? It's only like 10:00 and we've had a tomahawk steak, which is. It was ridiculous,  but we can't talk about it. Marcus doesn't do barbecue, so I can't tell you what you did or how, but it was. It was very dirty, though. It was very dirty. I gave it a good way. Dirty finish. Oh, what was that? You could you. We can talk about the salt that you used. What was that? Yeah. Toby. Toby. Tom's new salt. He sent me a few boxes of that, so it was a nice pecan smoked salt. Oh, we sent you a few boxes. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't send me any boxes, so you can't talk about it on this podcast. It's a joint effort to send me some tubby tom or whatever your name is, but you get the benefit of it, so I did. Yeah. To be fair, I do keep sending them to Marcus. I've still get my fingers in the salt. Yeah, although that would make it go moist and stick together. You don't want that? No, no, not that I've got moist fingers anyway. What we're talking about today, um. Why? I haven't been here for a couple of weeks, so we've sort of missed a couple of recording sessions. So I had a group of chefs here, um, a couple of weeks ago, which was great fun, passing on my barbecue knowledge. And last week I had a holiday  which brought up the subject of holidays, didn't it? Yeah, yeah. Holidays. So. Was this a good holiday? You come back feeling recharged and ready to go. Yeah. I don't know about recharged, but just different, different mindset. I talked to my wife about this, and sometimes it really helps us to have a different mindset. And remember you saying when you had your holiday, your lovely warm holiday in the summer, that you came back and you needed another holiday, but you felt different, like almost like recharged a little bit in a different way. But but it was that change of scene, wasn't it, I think. Definitely, definitely. It's like the first day you come back from holiday. You always appreciate your bed and your home more than any other day until you go on holiday again. Come back, I think. And that was I was thinking then when I asked you, or was it a good holiday and did you come back feeling recharge? Well, that's not that's not everyone's measurement of a holiday, is it? I suppose it's like when you're 18 and you go to Ibiza with the lads. Not that I've ever done that. Oh, it's Thailand with the lads. Up into my ether with a lad, mate. And with the lad. Yeah, the lad and. Yeah. That's not like some sort of different holiday. No, no, no, that was, that was a good. We went into a travel agents a day before and said we want to go somewhere that ends in uncovered. We want to go tomorrow. Right. So Ibiza was it. That's funny, isn't it? Because I'm a bit of a tangent then, but I remember being that sort of age and before was that sort of place you go with the lads or lasses to, you know, do stuff, do bits and now it's like it's quite a sort of swanky holiday spot for sort of older clubbers, isn't it? If me and you were going to go on clubbing holiday now with a bit of cash to throw around your cash, not mine.  Um, then we would go Ibiza and go to all the swanky clubs. Mean James Haskell's there. Exactly, exactly. There's a lot. I don't know what it says, you know. Yeah. Um, but yeah. Yeah. It was. No, it's a nice holiday. Thank you. It was. It was good. Do you think now, would you judge a holiday?  But quite heavily on either recharging or giving headspace. Is that like what you would think? It's just doing something different from the day, say, daily grind, but just doing something different from what I do normally, which you know, is pretty amazing. But I do

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• #16 Being in the moment

  There we go. Right. I'll put the phone down. Put your phone down. Not going to look at the clock. Phones down. Not look at the clock. Stare at that fire for a bit. Yeah. Get completely in the moment, Marcus. Talk about it. We are at this moment. Yeah, it's. It's a subject I'm trying to do, like, focus more on and trying to bring a bit more into my life. Um, I've. I've always been somebody very goal orientated and thinking. Right, next thing, next book, next. You know, what can I do next, next, you know, project. And I forget that here and now is is really special. Really important. Oh, thanks. And right here and. Yeah. I mean I've been doing so I've been doing a bit of work with a counsellor recently and, um, it's sort of, you know, the work we've sort of got to is like that. I'm sort of. I need to plateau for a little bit. I've been working, working, working for a lot of years. The last 20 years I've been working really hard. And actually I just need to stop and smell the roses a little bit. And. I enjoy some of my hard work. Instead of thinking about hard work, thinking about the next thing, just enjoying where you are and the level you got to. Yeah, definitely. So I'm trying a bit more of that. That's something you do. You stop and smell the roses. You try and see where you are and just think, yeah, well, it's one of those, isn't it? Because being in the moment, if invariably if you look at any sort of mindfulness or you know, that is at the core of it is learning to be in the moment. Um, and I certainly think I've got better at consciously doing it. Yeah. But I do have to work at it, and it's hard work. Yeah, I'm quite in the moment in terms of changing from moment to moment, but don't stay still somewhere for very long. So I'm trying to get better at that, particularly when it's like nice stuff. Family time, time with my son.  Is that hard? Because you mean you got a tendency to flip around between stuff? So 100% is very hard and it's hard work and have to put things in place and whenever. So like, for example, with my son and the phone, you know, it's so easy to check an email to try and get some work done, you know, that kind of stuff. Whereas if I'm out in nature, I find that kind of makes it easier to just switch off. Um, but the other thing, which kind of ties back to what we were talking about last week, is I look for activities where I can't not be in the moment. It's kind of like cheating. Yeah, yeah, it forces you into it. Exactly. So I went from rugby, which was always that, and that was part of my life from probably 13 to. 35. So when that, when that went, it left quite a big hole. And so I've discovered jujitsu. And in a way that was almost because with rugby, if I was playing and I was catching quite a lot. So I was like worried about the result and stuff sometimes. Whereas with jiu jujitsu, if you aren't in the moment, you're probably going to get strangled. So it's kind of like you've got to be completely responsible to be present. It's amazing for that. So I think you can either like, go down the sort of Buddhist route of you've got to practice it and, you know, listen to the sounds and feel the sensations and grounding and all that stuff, which is really valuable. But equally, if you're struggling with that, you can just fast track it. Just find something where you're getting strangled. Go get straight. Yeah, yeah. Maybe not for you, but you know something? Where for some people, it could be things like. Like I talked to my father in law about it. In the way he describes, like, shooting and shooting air rifles. And, you know, that's that for him. That kind of focused on the shot and the breath and all that kind of stuff. So there's loads of ways to do it. I think you're finding that with barbecue and like the fire thing, can you, can you sort of. Because I can. I'm lucky that I can sort of switch off and look at a fire. And I find a lot of people sit around the fire and you lose them into the fire

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