Complicated Kids

Sometimes a grade becomes the whole story.
A child gets a low score, forgets an assignment, melts down over homework, or seems unmotivated, and suddenly everyone is focused on performance. But in this conversation, Dr. Linda Silbert brings us back to something much more important: a struggling child is still a whole child. Grades may show that something is wrong, but they do not explain why.
Gabriele and Dr. Silbert talk about the many reasons good kids can struggle in school, from weak reading skills and poor study habits to family stress, overscheduling, lack of sleep, and the emotional weight kids carry every day. They talk about how often children are expected to know how to study, organize themselves, and manage demands they were never actually taught to handle. They also explore how parents can shift from reacting to grades to getting curious about the cause.
This episode is also a strong reminder that learning has to fit the child. Dr. Silbert shares how play, connection, and simple strategies can unlock progress in ways pressure never will. It is a hopeful conversation about seeing children clearly, supporting them practically, and letting go of the idea that a report card tells you everything you need to know.
Key Takeaways
Bad grades are often a symptom, not the real problem. Looking only at the grade can keep parents from seeing the stress, skill gaps, overload, or unmet needs underneath it.
Many kids are told to study harder without ever being taught how to study. Study skills, organization, and planning are learned skills.
Parents help most when they act like an ally, not an adversary. Sitting beside a child and staying calm can change the emotional tone of learning.
Overload matters. Too much activity, too little sleep, too much screen time, and too much pressure all affect learning and regulation.
Children cannot do well when basic needs are not being met. Hunger, exhaustion, stress, and lack of connection all get in the way.
Disorganization and avoidance are often signs of missing skills or too much stress, not laziness.
Learning has to match how the child's brain works. Play and engagement can unlock progress more effectively than pressure.
Self-esteem is shaped by how children experience school and home, including tone, reactions, and expectations.
Families need priorities, not perfection. It helps to step back and decide what matters most right now.
The goal is to see the whole child. Grades and performance only tell part of the story.
About Dr. Linda Silbert
Dr. Linda Silbert is an educational counselor, dyslexia therapist, and longtime educator with decades of experience helping children and families understand the reasons behind school struggles. Her work focuses on the whole child, with an emphasis on self-esteem, learning differences, study skills, and practical support that fits real family life. She is the author of Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades: What Parents Need to Know and Do and the founder of Strong Learning.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

A child can need support and still have too much support.
In this conversation, I talk with Casey Joseph, special educator and founder of Casey's Special Education Services, about what happens when families get handed a long list of recommendations and start trying to do all of it at once. Casey shares why "more" is not always the best answer for neurodivergent kids, especially when services start to crowd out rest, connection, regulation, and ordinary family life. We talk about the hidden cost of too many appointments, too many providers, and too many moving pieces, and why parents need permission to step back and ask what is truly necessary right now.
We also get into the practical side of this: how to think about a child's most urgent needs first, why fit matters more than quantity, when it may make sense to pause or reduce services, and how seasons of life affect progress too. Casey offers a thoughtful framework for choosing support with more intention and less panic, so families can build something sustainable instead of piling on one more thing just because it sounds helpful.
Key Takeaways
More services do not automatically mean better outcomes. A child can benefit from support and still become overwhelmed by too many appointments, transitions, and expectations.
Parents need permission to be intentional. It is okay to ask what is most important right now instead of trying to address every need at the same time.
Burnout matters for kids too. If a child is spending all day holding it together at school, adding too many after-school supports can push them past capacity.
Burnout in parents affects the whole system. When a parent is juggling too many providers, updates, schedules, and logistics, that stress often gets felt by the child.
Fit matters as much as access. A therapist, tutor, or clinician may be wonderful and still not be the right person for a particular child or diagnosis.
Support should match the real priority. Sometimes the first need is regulation, anxiety support, sensory support, or basic physical needs, not academics.
Services can change over time. A child may need something intensely for one season, then need less, a break, or something different later.
Progress is not linear. Some parts of the year are naturally harder, and families do not need to panic if growth looks slower during stressful or draining seasons.
Multidisciplinary support can help when it reduces stress. Sometimes one clinic or one coordinated team makes more sense than managing many separate providers.
A good question for families is not only "What could help?" but also "What is giving us a real return on the investment of time, money, and energy?"
About Casey Joseph
Casey Joseph is the Executive Director and Founder of Casey's Special Education Services, LLC. She is a special educator who has built a team of special education teachers providing one-on-one support, tutoring, and consultation for families across the DMV. Casey's work focuses on children who learn differently and benefit from individualized support grounded in special education expertise. Her approach is collaborative, strengths-based, and centered on helping families find support that is both meaningful and sustainable.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Watch here
👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Learn more
➡️ Instagram: Follow here
➡️ Facebook: Connect here
➡️ LinkedIn: View profile
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

The jump from high school to college is bigger than most families realize.
In this conversation, I talk with Dr. Tara Williams about what neurodivergent students really need as they prepare for college and why so many of them struggle in that transition. We unpack the shift from high school supports to college systems, where students are suddenly expected to manage accommodations, communicate with professors, understand FERPA, and advocate for themselves in a much more independent way. Tara explains why waiting until the summer before college can create unnecessary stress, and why self-advocacy has to start getting practiced much earlier.
We also talk about executive functioning in real life, not as a buzzword, but as the day to day challenge of keeping up with emails, assignments, schedules, accommodations, and decisions. Tara shares practical tools for helping students build those skills, along with a powerful reminder that college success is not just about getting into the "right" major or pushing through what is not working. Sometimes the real win is helping a student find the path that actually fits how they learn, think, and thrive.
Key Takeaways
College accommodations work very differently from high school supports. Students are expected to initiate the process, submit documentation, schedule meetings, and communicate with professors themselves.
The summer before college is already a high pressure time to begin. Families need to know that accommodation offices may book far in advance, and waiting too long can mean starting the semester without support.
Self-advocacy needs to be practiced before college. Students can start by emailing teachers, asking about missed work, and learning how to communicate their needs while still in middle school or high school.
Executive functioning support is not one skill. It includes calendars, planning, batching tasks, reminders, follow through, and figuring out what systems a student will actually use.
Parents may need support building these systems too. Many adults are trying to help their child with tools they were never taught themselves.
A good system has to fit the person. Google Calendars, Post-its, color coding, batching emails, and breaking tasks down can all work, but only if the student will actually use them.
Technology makes sustained attention harder for everyone. Notifications, learning platforms, email, and constant digital access all increase cognitive load for students and adults alike.
Accommodations should be available even if a student does not use them every time. Signing up matters. The student can decide when they need the support.
Sometimes the issue is not just skill, but fit. A student may be in the wrong major, the wrong course path, or a program chosen for them rather than with them.
College success is often about redirection, not failure. Finding a path that matches a student's real strengths and interests can change everything.
About Dr. Tara Williams
Dr. Tara Williams is the owner and founder of Innovative Collegiate Consultants, Inc. She earned her PhD in Synthetic Inorganic Chemistry from the University of Sussex in Falmer, United Kingdom, and is currently a tenured professor at College of the Canyons in Santa Clarita, California, where she has taught for the past twenty years. Since 2010, she has worked with neurodivergent students across the United States after noticing how many were struggling with the transition from K-12 support systems to college environments that require far more self-advocacy.
Dr. Williams and her team specialize in executive functioning coaching with a strong academic focus, supporting students with accommodations, course planning, email and LMS management, housing, internships, jobs, and more. Her work helps neurodivergent and neurotypical students build confidence, advocate for themselves, and thrive in school and college.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com
Schedule a free intro call: Book here
YouTube: Subscribe here
Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool): Learn more
Instagram: Follow here
Facebook: Connect here
LinkedIn: View profile
Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

A child can be brilliant and struggling at the exact same time.
In this conversation, I talk with Julie Skolnick about what it really means to be twice exceptional, or as she so beautifully puts it, gifted and distractible. Julie explains why giftedness is often the misunderstood part of the profile, not the diagnosable challenges beside it. We unpack her three-layer cake of giftedness: asynchronous development, perfectionism, and overexcitabilities, and talk about how those traits can live right alongside ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, slow processing speed, and other learning or emotional differences. If you have ever looked at a child and thought, "But they're so smart, so why is this so hard?" this episode is for you.
Julie and I also talk about what support actually looks like when we stop seeing only the gifted side or only the struggle side and start looking at the whole child. We get into personal connection, reframing behavior, collaborative advocacy, and why the child who looks oppositional or disengaged may actually be overwhelmed, perfectionistic, dysregulated, or trying very hard to protect a fragile sense of self. This is a rich, practical conversation for parents, educators, and anyone trying to understand a child who does not fit inside standard expectations.
Key Takeaways
Giftedness is often the misunderstood part of 2e. Many people understand the diagnosis more easily than they understand what giftedness actually looks like in daily life.
Twice exceptional does not mean "smart plus one challenge." These kids often have multiple co-occurring traits, diagnoses, learning differences, and emotional needs at the same time.
Asynchronous development is a core part of the profile. A child may be far ahead in one area and significantly younger in another, which creates confusion for adults and anxiety for the child.
Perfectionism can look like underachievement. Sometimes not trying feels safer than trying and risking visible failure.
Overexcitabilities matter. Intellectual, emotional, imaginative, psychomotor, and sensory intensity can all shape how a child learns, reacts, connects, and copes.
Looking at only one side of the Venn diagram leads to bad support. If we focus only on giftedness, we may shame the child. If we focus only on the struggle, we may underestimate them.
Personal connection is the flagship strategy. Before most interventions work, the child needs to feel seen, understood, and safe with the adult in front of them.
Reframing behavior changes everything. What looks like avoidance, disrespect, or laziness may actually be overwhelm, perfectionism, dysregulation, or a mismatch between the task and the child's profile.
Strengths can help shore up struggles. Interests, passions, and areas of giftedness are often the best bridge into confidence, engagement, and learning.
Adults need a pause button too. Supporting 2e kids asks a lot of the grownups around them, and self-regulation is part of effective parenting, teaching, and advocacy.
About Julie Skolnick
Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, the author of Gifted and Distractible, and a passionate keynote speaker who works directly with parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors twice exceptional adults, trains educators, and advises professionals on how to bring out the best in their 2e students and clients. Julie's work is known for helping people feel deeply seen while also giving them practical language, strategies, and support. She offers courses, memberships, and book studies for parents, educators, and 2e adults, and publishes the free weekly Gifted and Distractible Newsletter. Julie and her husband are raising three twice exceptional kids who keep them on their toes and laughing hard.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Watch here
👾 Grab Tell the Story: Get it here
➡️ Instagram: Follow
➡️ Facebook: Follow
➡️ LinkedIn: Connect
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

When one child needs the most, another child often learns to disappear.
In this conversation, I talk with licensed clinical social worker Bari Turkheimer about the siblings we don't talk about enough: non-autistic kids growing up alongside an autistic sibling. Bari explains why siblings can feel isolated, why the "easy kid" label can be misleading, and how autism psychoeducation can give siblings language for what they're living. We unpack the big emotions that show up in siblings, including embarrassment, jealousy, anger, and grief for the relationship they assumed they'd have—and why those feelings deserve honesty instead of quick fixes.
We also explore what happens inside the family system when life has to revolve around one child's needs, and why "fair" can look different when executive functioning and regulation needs are not equal. You'll hear practical ways to support siblings without turning them into helpers, how to validate without problem-solving too fast, and how one-on-one time and peer connection can help siblings feel grounded, understood, and emotionally safer in their own home.
Key Takeaways
The "easy kid" is often carrying invisible weight. Many siblings cope by over-functioning, staying quiet, and trying not to add stress to the family system.
Psychoeducation reduces isolation. When siblings understand autism and neurodivergence, it helps them make sense of behaviors that otherwise feel confusing, personal, or unfair.
Give siblings language, not responsibility. Teaching a sibling how to explain stimming or sensory needs is empowering, as long as they are not put in charge of managing the autistic child.
Big feelings are part of the job description. Embarrassment, jealousy, anger, shame, and grief can all exist alongside love and protectiveness. None of it makes a sibling "bad."
Validate before you fix. When parents rush into solutions, siblings can feel dismissed. First response is empathy: "That makes sense. That was hard."
Birth order can scramble expectations. When the older sibling is autistic and the younger sibling is not, the younger child can feel confused and resentful as they outpace their sibling developmentally.
Executive functioning differences create "unfair" moments. A younger sibling may appear more capable and independent, while an older autistic sibling receives more hands-on support, which can feel like unequal attention.
Siblings can slide into helper roles without being asked. Many non-autistic siblings take on responsibilities during dysregulation moments because they feel they "should," not because a parent assigned it.
One-on-one time matters, and it can come from other adults too. A trusted adult can help provide experiences and attention when parents are stretched thin, so the sibling is not always waiting their turn.
Flexibility helps families function. Letting go of rigid "should" narratives about what families must do together can unlock creative solutions that support everyone's needs.
About Bari Turkheimer
Bari Turkheimer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who provides mental health services to neurodivergent individuals, particularly autistic people, and also supports individuals with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. She takes a strengths-based, relationship-centered approach and uses cognitive behavioral therapy techniques through a neurodiversity-affirming lens. Bari earned her BA in Psychology from the University of Maryland, College Park and her MSW from the University of Maryland at Baltimore with a specialization in families and children. She works at the Ivymount School as a Mental Health Provider and serves as the Mental Health Specialist in the Aspire School Program, supporting elementary, middle, and high school students. At Starobin Counseling, Bari facilitates Siblings Together, a group that supports children and adolescents who have autistic siblings by providing connection, language, and shared understanding.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube
👾 Grab Tell the Story: Get the tool
➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet
➡️ Facebook: Facebook page
➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn profile
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛