Beat Your Genes Podcast

• 367: Emotional Affairs: A Modern Problem in an Ancient Brain

  Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:08 Q1:  Emotional Affairs – Is there such a thing? Is this a modern phenomenon? 16:20 Human Love instincts 24:10 A modern day problem 46:46 Can you prevent an emotional affair? 1:02:45 Final thoughts  Q1: Does Dr. Lisle believe in such a thing as an emotional affair? For instance, if someone in a committed relationship has a friend, coworker, or other acquaintance that they are attracted to and even fantasize about, how do you know where the line is and what is normal “boredom” as opposed to a real problem? Do you think that people who find themselves having feelings of emotional infidelity should disclose those details to their spouse if it doesn’t become physical? I realize that this is a vague question and any answer might come down to personal ethics. However, I would like to know if Dr. Lisle has any thoughts on this topic based on counseling people who have been in these types of situations. X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast   Become Binge Free Course by Justina Froese https://justinafroese.com/become-binge-free/ Participants will have long-term access. It includes 100+ lectures, a community, social eating solutions, over 10+ hours of video content, recipes, and more—literally everything about recovering from binge eating. It’s like a binge eating library that will be updated whenever there’s something new and valuable to share. 

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• 366: Closing an Open Loop – Friend Disappeared 17 years ago

  Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:40 Q1:  My friend went missing 17 years. How can I get closure? 14:14 Getting familiar with different causes of death 33:23 Trying to find out what you’re worried about 51:30 Final thoughts Q1: My question is about closing an open loop when it is impossible to get closure and all the information. A good friend of mine went missing 17 years ago. Police did an investigation but never found out what happened to him. He seemingly vanished into thin air. The investigation has been dead for 17 years with no new leads so it’s likely we’ll never know what happened to him. I still have an open loop regarding his disappearance and I regularly think about what might’ve happened to him. How can I close the loop and move on if it’s impossible to get all the information? Will this haunt me for the rest of my life? I’m not holding out hope that he’s alive, he’s likely dead, but I want closure and I’ll probably never get it. What can I do? X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast  

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• 365: Hustle Culture, Burnout, and the Evolution of Self Esteem

  Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:56 Q1: Do we call people lazy to excuse ourselves or to change them? 12:42 Q2:If goals bring esteem, why so much burnout? 28:20 Who gets burned out most often? 44:44 Evolution of Self esteem 1:10:20 Final thoughts Q1: Is the attribution of 'laziness' to others a form of self-deception by people high in conscientiousness to justify lowering our empathy to others? After all no one chooses their personality, some people are naturally less conscientious than others.  Or, does our nervous system get irritated so that we signal our anger to lazy people so they change their CBA of their behaviour? Q2: I have a question about self-esteem and building long-term happiness through the meaningful pursuit of achievable goals, which I’ve heard Doug discuss, and how it relates to burnout/feeling overwhelmed and therefore unhappy with life in the modern world.    If this really is the “formula” for happiness, why do so many people today end up burnt out or overextended in their pursuit of achievement, constantly striving for more?   In Europe, where I live, there’s a stronger cultural focus on slow living and enjoying simple pleasures, with less emphasis on wealth and material success. People here seem happier in general. Are they just pursuing more “realistic” goals? That are perhaps unrelated to building wealth?  In the U.S., why does goal achievement so often seem to come with unhappiness, burnout, and exhaustion?  If it is true that the only way to truly have self esteem is the meaningful pursuit of achievable goals, can you be happy if you ate NOT intentionally trying to better yourself or make yourself more competitive?   X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast    

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• 364: Marriage: Nature’s Most Optimistic Mistake?

  Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:50 Q1: What factors can predict divorce? 18:20 The Love Instinct 50:14 Q2: If marriage reduces effort to earn esteem, how can a woman feel secure having kids—and is it her job to vet the man well enough not to leave? 56:44  Final thoughts Q1: Can you speculate/attempt to predict who is most likely to get married and then divorced?  My wife and I have been happily married for almost 45 years but all around us we hear of couples divorcing even after just a few years of marriage. Q2: I appreciate your reasoning when it comes to marriage. From my recollection, you've explained that when 2 parties enter a legal contract like marriage, it now becomes more difficult to leave which can impact the effort both people put into earning esteem from one another.   Psychologically, this makes sense especially when it comes to a relationship without children. However, if a couple is considering children, how else  can a woman feel secure that the children & her will be provided for?  Is this simply the responsibility of the woman to properly vet the male for being a decent guy who won't just abandon his family even the relationship breaks up?   X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast    

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• 363: Too Anxious to Relax, Too Average to Admire?

  Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:00 Q1: Too neurotic to ever feel truly calm? 18:26 Recommending an expert in anxiety & OCD 31:55 Q2: If I think I'm a 7 but men treat me like a 3, who’s right—me or evolution? 54:30  Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I'm a big fan of yours and have come to understand that a person's personality is defined by their genes. However, I feel like I cannot change my circumstances enough to be happy. I'm highly conscientious and highly neurotic and I find that this combination is making enjoying life difficult. I'm sensitive, anxious and I have OCD tendencies. I'm also sensitive to loud noises, uncomfortable clothes and clutter. I'm always trying to perfect and optimize everything. I feel like I'm intelligent enough to realize that I cannot stop bad things from happening from cancer to accidents to criminality, but my brain is still trying to figure it all out and I try to prepare myself for anything and everything. I have a great pair bond relationship, I'm happy with the people who are my friends and family, a nice enough home and an okay job. But I'm just so stressed and anxious most of the time. Is it possible that I'm so neurotic that I'm just always going to be somewhat anxious and cannot find the environment/lifestyle in this world that would somehow calm my nervous system down? I started going to therapy once again to try and find some techniques that would help and my new therapist seems to be a good person and intelligent, but a part of me just feels that I'm not going to find relief there other than just some acceptance when the therapist tells me something like "it is ok to be just who you are". She says that cognitive behavioral therapy can help with generalized anxiety disorder. I'm not so sure.   Q2: I’m a young woman and all my life men of all ages have been mean to me for no apparent reason. I’m not talking about dating, but everyday life, like at the grocery store, at school, work, or just in general. They either ignore me or are just rude. Women, on the other hand, are always nice to me. I don’t think I’m unattractive, I’ve always rated myself above average, but men’s behavior toward me indicates otherwise. This has led me to hate men and actively avoid interacting with them. Should attractiveness be determined based on your opinion of yourself or on feedback you receive from the opposite sex? There is a discrepancy there for me, because I think I’m a 7 but I get treated like a 3 by men. Is pretty privilege a real thing and I just don’t get to experience it?   X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast    

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