2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in with Tom in Austin and Bert in New York for the Food & Wine Festival. Tom opens by tackling the Shane Gillis backlash from his SNL monologue, while Bert tries to stay out of it for once (he just really loves those pants). The Bears react to the livestreamed execution of the Fort Hood shooter getting called off. Then Bert declares himself Team Katie for new White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, from her shaky first briefing to her gym pics and the bar exam she failed, and the guys give her three months, tops. He also opens up about his people-pleasing after a woman on a plane Googles him and asks, "What did you do?" Plus: Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 story, Bert buying Napoleon's cologne in Paris, Pope Leo's surgery, a maintenance guy catching Bert's 54-year-old mirror selfie, Bert's street-interview do-over, Chris Distefano charming Rachael Ray on Something's Burning, and Mark Zuckerberg's first Guinness.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 344

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:58 - Shane Gillis' SNL Monologue

00:06:28 - Bert Stays Quiet For Once & Those Gym Pants

00:18:35 - The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution Gets Called Off

00:23:15 - Katie Zacharia & Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 Story

00:27:58 - The George Bushes & Napoleon's Cologne

00:35:03 - The Press Secretary Failed The Bar & Bert's Oval Office Plan

00:42:31 - "What Did You Do?" Bert Gets Googled On A Plan

00:48:25 - Pope Leo, Bert's Mirror Selfie, & The Street Interview Do-Over

00:56:50 - Chris Distefano Charms Rachael Ray

01:01:30 - Zuckerberg's First Guinness & Wrap Up
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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from the road, with Tom in Atlanta and Bert in Philly on his Permission to Party World Tour. The Bears debate whether they'll watch the Pentagon's livestreamed firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter, then dig into the SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio shakeup that had comics coming after Sebastian Maniscalco, and how one video turned into Bert starting a comedians union (Leanne is handling it). From there, Bert swears he'll die with his beard, finally tells Tom about the shot in Bad Thoughts season two he can't believe made the cut, and gets fired up over hood horse racing in Mississippi. Plus: Mike Ditka's one-take steakhouse commercial, Michael Jordan finding his lost championship rings in a forgotten safe, Chamillionaire's $25,000 autograph, Barry Sanders and The Fridge, and Tom getting pitched hair transplants.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 343

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https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:06:15 - Should You Watch The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution?

00:12:14 - Black Horse Racing & Sprinting On A Horse

00:19:31 - Bert Will Die With This Beard & The Bad Thoughts Shot

00:24:52 - SiriusXM, Raw Dog Radio, & The Sebastian Maniscalco Backlash

00:35:19 - Bert's Comedians Union

00:41:25 - Spam Calls & Mike Ditka's One-Take Commercial

00:46:34 - Michael Jordan's Lost Championship Rings

00:56:52 - Barry Sanders, The Fridge, & Elway's Two-Minute Drill

01:03:07 - Tommy Time & Wrap Up
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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer call in from opposite ends of the map: Tom on a day off from his movie in Atlanta, Bert from Cleveland's Rocket Mortgage arena. Bert pulls up old Hollywood stars next to today's to prove Tom belongs in Cocoon, and Tom fires back that Bert looks like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. Then Bert drags in an arena worker to vouch for his looks, and she guesses Tom is 45. From there, the Bears lock in a bench press push-up challenge, Bert asks Claude who he should support between Israel and Palestine, before he finally admits to needing a seatbelt extender. They also get into Zach Bryan's Free Palestine shirt at Gillette Stadium, Ari Emanuel's memoir Roll the Calls, Bert's brutal gum surgery, Tom Cruise's Digger, and Tom introducing Bert to the cinematic universe of Quan Millz.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 342

https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:04:09 - Football, The Metric System, & Catching Strays

00:09:13 - Tom Belongs In Cocoon

00:16:07 - One-Drink Bert & The Bench Press Push-Up Challenge

00:28:11 - Club Runs, Zach Bryan, & The Pillow Debate

00:33:20 - Goodwill Listening & The Gillette Stadium Beef

00:37:15 - Bert Asks Claude To Pick A Side

00:44:10 - "Do You Need Readers, Ma'am?"

00:46:58 - Pretty Privilege & Bert's Seatbelt Extender

00:50:31 - Ari Emanuel's Memoir & The Quan Millz Universe

00:58:24 - Animating Bert's Dreams & Tom Cruise's Digger

01:05:23 - Oppenheimer On A Phone & Wrap Up
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This week, Tom is off somewhere, so Bert Kreischer is joined by the legendary Rob Lowe, back in the Cave to talk about his new movie The Musical, the Sundance comedy with a twist so audacious the big distributors were too scared to buy it, now playing in theaters. Rob breaks down the 18-day shoot, the moment that makes audiences gasp, and why a small theatrical run still beats a mystery streaming "hit." From there, the two get into learning stick on La Cienega, LeeAnn's endless story recaps, Tom Cruise pulling his own tooth for The Outsiders, and Paul Newman's legendary hangs. Bert opens up about his Free Bert season two meltdown and the night he forgot how to yawn, Rob shares what 36 years of sobriety taught him, and they pitch the ultimate Netflix show: 24 Hours with Rob & Bert, starring Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler. Plus: Usher's house tour, Bryson DeChambeau's eagle, and the national anthem bit.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 341

https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:39 - Skinny Bert & Driving Stick On La Cienega

00:10:43 - Bert Doesn't Listen & The Cousin Who Can't Eat Anything With A Hoof

00:23:54 - Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth & Butch Cassidy Cool

00:32:05 - The Musical & The Twist Nobody Would Buy

00:48:40 - The Night Bert Couldn't Yawn

00:54:54 - Measured Drinking & Rob's 36 Years Sobriety

01:00:37 - Paul Newman

01:05:43 - Rob's Headshot Composites & Growing Up Before Phones

01:11:15 - Timothée Chalamet, Press Tours, & Tom Cruise's Perfect Day

01:20:22 - Mark Wahlberg's 4AM Club & Bryson DeChambeau's Eagle

01:32:11 - Stunt Flying With Tom Cruise & & The National Anthem Bit

01:41:58 - Humble Sons & Usher's Netflix House Tour
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Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you.

This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are on separate sides of the country, but still together in our hearts. Tom's about to film a movie and Bert's been running his takes through ChatGPT before he says them out loud, which still doesn't stop LeeAnn and his daughters from destroying him over The Pastor's Wife. Bert explains how Last Comic Standing edited him into the villain, and how much public misrepresentation a person should take before they swing back; Michael Jackson, Shane Gillis, Johnny Depp, Joe Rogan, and Bert's "how many bees until you start swatting" theory. From there, Bert delivers the two greatest analogies of his life, Tom demands the production Bible for Tenet to understand it better, and Bert turns his garage door into a guillotine. They also get into Kyle Forgeard of Nelk Boys running seven marathons in seven days, Bert's daughters hijacking his couples therapy to tell the therapist he only feels emasculated at Lowe's, and Bert's case that Raygun should have won the gold medal and that Jackson Pollock was a shill.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 340

https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 14 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.

Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:38 - ChatGPT Approved Takes & Death Of The Pastor's Wife

00:07:17 - How Many Bees Until You Start Swatting? + Purple Doritos

00:15:02 - Tom's Movie Beard & Revisiting Tenet

00:28:44 - 365 One-Minute Episodes & Bryson DeChambeau's Hole In One

00:34:08 - Mountain Dew Sizzle

00:38:01 - Football Segue

00:39:19 - Kyle Forgeard's Seven Marathons & Andrew Schulz's Miami Era

00:43:50 - Bert's Tom Impression & Couples Therapy With The Girls

00:51:03 - The Honey Deuce & Bert's Return To Drinking

00:56:16 - What Olympic Sport Could You Actually Get Good At?

01:02:50 - Raygun Deserved The Gold & Jackson Pollock Was A Shill

01:12:15 - Wrap Up
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