Unraveling Adoption

"So the piece that I most resonate with the Dialectical Behavior Therapy is it's one of the therapies that really understands this core feeling of feeling overwhelmed and like you don't want to be alive." - Sharon Stein McNamara
EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Sharon Stein McNamara, a licensed psychologist and adoption-competent therapist. Sharon, an adoptee herself, shared her personal journey and the profound impact of adoption on her life, particularly during her adolescent years when she faced suicidal thoughts after a breakup.
We delved into the complexities of adoption and how they can lead to feelings of self-loathing and overwhelming distress, especially among adoptees. Sharon introduced us to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic approach that has been particularly effective for adopted adolescents and young adults. She explained how DBT incorporates mindfulness and distress tolerance skills, which are crucial for individuals who may feel their emotions are too intense to manage.
Throughout our conversation, Sharon emphasized the importance of recognizing and validating these feelings rather than dismissing them. She shared her own experiences with DBT and how it helped her and her clients navigate the challenges of attachment and self-worth. We discussed the significance of shifting core beliefs about oneself, especially for adoptees who may struggle with feelings of being unwanted or unworthy.
Sharon's insights provided hope and practical tools for families and individuals impacted by adoption. She encouraged listeners to never give up hope on adoptees, as the right support and understanding can lead to healing and growth.
I hope this episode resonates with anyone who has been touched by adoption or is seeking effective therapeutic tools to support themselves or their loved ones. Thank you for joining us, and please share this episode with anyone who might benefit from Sharon's expertise.
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📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: amazon.com/Adoption-Suicidality-Healthcare-Professionals-Unraveling/dp/B0DCBCTSLL
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
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RESOURCES:
Sharon's information:
Look up Sharon's website: Sharonsteinmcnamara.com

Other resources mentioned in this episode:
Here's the book Sharon referenced: How to Break Your Addiction to a Person: When--and Why--Love Doesn't Work : https://www.amazon.com/Break-Your-Addiction-Person-When/dp/0553382497

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: http://Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: http://UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Please rate (*****) and/or review Unraveling Adoption in Apple Podcasts and Spotify (even if you listen to it on another app). Your feedback will help more listeners find our episodes. Thank you!
===============
TIME STAMPS
00:00:00 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption
00:01:30 - Guest Introduction: Sharon Stein McNamara
00:02:00 - Sharon's Adoption Story
00:03:40 - Understanding DBT and Its Relevance
00:04:50 - The Importance of Distress Tolerance
00:06:30 - DBT vs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
00:08:30 - Grounding Techniques in DBT
00:10:00 - Building Trust with Clients
00:10:30 - Working with Adoptees in Therapy
00:11:00 - Self-Loathing and Adoptee Experiences
00:12:30 - Personal Story: Overcoming Breakup Trauma
00:15:00 - The Impact of Attachment on Relationships
00:17:00 - DBT Skills for Managing Cravings
00:19:00 - The Role of Core Beliefs in Healing
00:21:00 - Finding a DBT-Trained Therapist
00:23:00 - Outcomes of DBT for Adoptees
00:25:00 - Final Thoughts and Resources
00:26:00 - Conclusion and Call to Action

"I was one of these slight skeptics; I was like, well I've been breathing all my life, what can breathwork do for me?" -- Kellan Bacon
Hear the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JKBNQJYFFZT18Z0XSMHHTH37
EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kellan Bacon, a gender-expansive, transracial adoptee from China, who was adopted as an infant in 1998 and now resides in Cardiff, Wales. Kellan has recently launched a professional practice called Kai Ming Holistics, where they utilize breathwork and other embodied modalities to support others on their healing journeys.
Kellan shared their personal adoption story, highlighting the complexities and challenges they faced growing up in a transracial family. They discussed the common narrative of being "saved" through adoption and how they eventually came to realize the profound impact of adoption trauma on their life. This awakening occurred during a mental health crisis around the age of 20, leading Kellan to explore their identity and the interconnectedness of their experiences as an adoptee and a queer individual.
We delved into the transformative power of breathwork, a healing modality that Kellan discovered during the COVID-19 pandemic. They explained how breathwork can help individuals access and process trauma stored in the body, particularly for adoptees who may have pre-verbal or pre-cognitive trauma. Kellan emphasized the importance of having a trained guide during breathwork sessions to ensure safety and support.
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📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: amazon.com/Adoption-Suicidality-Healthcare-Professionals-Unraveling/dp/B0DCBCTSLL
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
RESOURCES:
Kellan's information:
Kellan's Substack: https://kellanbacon.substack.com/

Find Kellan on Instagram both ways at: https://www.instagram.com/kaimingholistics/ AND/OR https://www.instagram.com/kellanbacon/

Find Kellan on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/kellan.x.bacon

===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: http://Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: http://UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Please rate (*****) and/or review Unraveling Adoption in Apple Podcasts and Spotify (even if you listen to it on another app). Your feedback will help more listeners find our episodes. Thank you!
===============
TIME STAMPS
00:00:00 - Welcome and Introduction
Introduction to the podcast and the host, Beth Syverson, along with her son Joey's journey.
00:01:05 - Meet Kellen Bacon
Introduction of guest Kellen Bacon, a transracial adoptee and breathwork practitioner.
00:01:48 - Kellen's Adoption Story
Kellen shares their adoption experience and the realization of adoption's impact.
00:03:15 - Coming Out of the Fog
Discussion on the awakening to adoption trauma and its effects on mental health.
00:04:30 - Transracial Adoption Experience
Kellen discusses growing up as a transracial adoptee and the challenges faced.
00:06:04 - Exploring Gender Identity
Kellen talks about their journey of coming to terms with their gender identity.
00:07:01 - The Intersection of Identities
Discussion on how various aspects of identity intertwine and impact personal growth.
00:08:34 - COVID and Breathwork
Kellen shares how COVID led them to discover breathwork as a healing modality.
00:10:01 - Understanding Breathwork
Explanation of breathwork and its unique approach to healing trauma.
00:11:08 - Demonstration of Breathwork
Kellen provides a brief demonstration of breathwork techniques.
00:12:24 - Safety in Breathwork
Discussion on the importance of having a guide during breathwork sessions.
00:15:09 - Breathwork for Adoptees
Exploration of how breathwork can specifically benefit adoptees dealing with trauma.
00:16:39 - Trauma in the Body
Kellen explains how trauma is stored in the body and the importance of somatic healing.
00:19:30 - Kellen's Offerings
Information on Kellen's practice, including support groups for trans-adoptees.
00:20:20 - Root Cause Healing
Introduction to root cause therapy and its significance in addressing limiting beliefs.
00:22:26 - Kellen's Journey and Age
Discussion on Kellen's age and their deep work in healing and therapy.
00:23:30 - Closing Thoughts
Final remarks on the importance of breathwork and resources for adoptees.

"I think she had a deep ambivalence about me, knowing me, having a relationship with me from the very beginning." -- Susan Kiyo Ito
Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JJYRPQ0EJEGKW4GNXFMCA8CV

EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Susan Kiyo Ito, a writing professor and author of the memoir I Would Meet You Anywhere. Susan's book, a culmination of 30 years of work, explores her journey as a biracial adoptee—half Japanese and half white—who was adopted at three and a half months old by Japanese American parents.
We delved into Susan's origin story, her relationship with her adoptive parents, and her deep desire to connect with her birth mother, Yumi. Susan described Yumi as a charismatic yet ambivalent figure, reflecting on the complexities of their relationship and the cultural stigma surrounding adoption in Japanese society.
Throughout our conversation, we discussed the emotional weight of adoption, the challenges of identity, and the universal longing for connection that many adoptees experience. Susan shared how writing her memoir was a healing process, allowing her to articulate her experiences and put down the burdens she had carried for so long.
We also touched on the misconceptions surrounding adoption, particularly the notion of "luck," and how important it is for adoptive parents to support their children in their search for identity and connection without imposing their own feelings onto them.
As we wrapped up, Susan encouraged listeners to embrace their stories and consider the power of sharing their experiences. Her insights and reflections provide a valuable perspective on the complexities of adoption, making this episode a must-listen for anyone impacted by adoption or interested in understanding its nuances.
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📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: amazon.com/Adoption-Suicidality-Healthcare-Professionals-Unraveling/dp/B0DCBCTSLL
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
RESOURCES:
Susan's information:
Explore Susan's website and purchase her memoir: https://www.thesusanito.com/

Find her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susan.ito

Find her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesusanito/

===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: http://Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: http://UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Please rate (*****) and/or review Unraveling Adoption in Apple Podcasts and Spotify (even if you listen to it on another app). Your feedback will help more listeners find our episodes. Thank you!
===============
TIME STAMPS:
00:00:12 - Meet the Host and Guest
00:00:44 - Susan Kiyo Ito's Memoir Journey
00:01:27 - Personal Connections and Background
00:02:38 - Susan's Adoption Story
00:04:37 - Cultural Heritage and Upbringing
00:05:37 - Describing Yumi: The Birth Mother
00:06:48 - Cultural Stigma and Secrets
00:07:02 - The Significance of the Title
00:09:46 - Personal Growth and Boundaries
00:10:44 - Emotional Release After Publishing
00:11:28 - The Weight of Connection
00:12:45 - The Complexity of Relationships
00:14:25 - Validation from Other Adoptees
00:15:10 - Sensory Details in Writing
00:16:37 - The Role of Journaling
00:18:19 - Exploring Alternative Life Paths
00:20:54 - Reflections on Luck in Adoption
00:22:54 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:25:45 - Support and Understanding
00:26:29 - The Sound of Names
00:27:28 - Connecting with the Author
00:29:33 - Closing Thoughts and Future Works

"The most healing thing for me now has been the support of other adoptees." -- Dave Sanchez-Brown
Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JJD8EF1R7VJ6J0V5GXRWXJY4 
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EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Dave Sanchez-Brown, an adoptee who has bravely navigated the complexities of adoption, mental health struggles, and addiction.
Dave shared his adoption story, which took a significant turn after he read Dani Shapiro's memoir Inheritance. Inspired, he decided to take a DNA test, leading him to uncover his biological family and the trauma associated with his past. He discussed the overwhelming emotions that surfaced as he connected with his roots, including the discovery of a family history marked by addiction.
Throughout our conversation, Dave highlighted the importance of community and peer support in his recovery journey. He emphasized that finding others who share similar experiences has been more therapeutic than traditional therapy. We also touched on the stigma surrounding addiction and mental health, and how society often lacks empathy for those struggling.
As we wrapped up, Dave offered valuable advice for adoptive parents, urging them to be aware of their children's emotional needs and the potential for feelings of alienation. He encouraged parents to seek their own healing to better support their kids.
This episode is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of connection in healing. I hope Dave's story inspires listeners to seek support and understanding, whether they are adoptees, adoptive parents, or anyone affected by mental health challenges. Thank you for joining us, and remember to stay safe and connected.
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📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: amazon.com/Adoption-Suicidality-Healthcare-Professionals-Unraveling/dp/B0DCBCTSLL
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
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RESOURCES:
Dave's information:
Follow Dave as The Rebellious Adoptee on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therebelliousadoptee

And find him as The Rebellious Adoptee on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therebelliousadoptee/

Other resources mentioned in this episode:
Dani Shapiro's memoir Inheritance: https://www.amazon.com/Inheritance-Memoir-Genealogy-Paternity-Love/dp/0525434038

DNA Detectives Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DNADetectives/

Search Angels: https://www.searchangels.org

===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: http://Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: http://UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Please rate (*****) and/or review Unraveling Adoption in Apple Podcasts and Spotify (even if you listen to it on another app). Your feedback will help more listeners find our episodes. Thank you!
===============
TIME STAMPS
00:00:00 - Introduction to Adoption Healing Quest
00:02:00 - Introducing Dave Sanchez-Brown
00:02:21 - Dave's Adoption Story Begins
00:03:36 - The Impact of DNA Testing
00:04:21 - Finding Biological Family
00:05:59 - Discovering Family History and Addiction
00:07:28 - Understanding Genetic Influences
00:08:09 - Adoptive Family Dynamics
00:09:00 - Childhood Trauma and Coping Mechanisms
00:10:54 - First Suicide Attempt and Hospitalization
00:12:22 - Parental Reactions to Suicidal Behavior
00:13:27 - Surviving Through Activities and Friendships
00:14:50 - Moving to San Francisco and Coming Out
00:16:09 - The AIDS Crisis and Its Impact
00:18:25 - Struggles with Addiction Post-Partner's Death
00:20:01 - Creating a Fictitious Family
00:21:11 - Revisiting Addiction and Recovery
00:22:35 - Turning Point: Moving to New York
00:23:29 - Support from Other Adoptees
00:24:10 - Coming Out of the Adoption Fog
00:25:03 - Intergenerational Trauma and Its Effects
00:26:43 - Reclaiming Identity as the Rebellious Adoptee
00:27:20 - Navigating the Complexities of Adoption
00:29:20 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:32:05 - The Importance of Empathy and Support
00:33:35 - Connecting with the Community
00:34:42 - Final Thoughts, Encouragement, and Resources

"It's a deep rooted fear of every adoptive parent that the parent will get rejected." - Dr. Asra Ali
Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JHS4S4K9DW0G3AZRZKWG970A
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Join Unraveling Adoption's in-person Adoption Healing Quest in Seal Beach, CA on February 8, 2025. More info and registration here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/adoption-healing-quest-an-interactive-event-for-the-adoption-community-tickets-1095804814699?aff=oddtdtcreator

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EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Asra Ali, an adoptee from India whose adoption was facilitated by Mother Teresa. Dr. Asra shared her unique adoption story, highlighting the positive experiences she had growing up in a loving family that embraced her identity as an adopted child from a young age.
We delved into the cultural narratives surrounding adoption in India, discussing the historical preference for male children and the significant shifts that have occurred over the years. Dr. Asra explained how adoption practices have evolved, moving from informal arrangements to more structured legal processes to combat issues like human trafficking.
As a psychologist and child and family therapist, Dr. Asra works with adoptive families in India, helping them navigate the complexities of adoption. She emphasized the importance of honesty and emotional support for adopted children, noting that many adoptive parents struggle with insecurity and often keep the child's adoption a secret. This can lead to emotional disconnects and challenges for the child.
Throughout our conversation, Dr. Asra provided valuable insights into the common mistakes adoptive parents make and the need for open communication about adoption. She also shared her mixed feelings about her own adoption, reflecting on the unanswered questions regarding her biological family.
Listeners will find this episode enlightening as we explore the intricacies of adoption in India and the universal themes that resonate with adoptive families worldwide. Dr. Asra's work is a testament to the importance of understanding and supporting adopted children, and I encourage anyone interested in this topic to reach out to her for guidance.
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📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: amazon.com/Adoption-Suicidality-Healthcare-Professionals-Unraveling/dp/B0DCBCTSLL
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
RESOURCES:
Dr. Asra's information:
Find Dr. Asra on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.asraali25/

Call Dr. Asra on Mobile/Whatsapp: 9742163606 (India)

Email Dr. Asra: asraali1989@gmail.com

People throughout the world can reach out to Dr. Asra for various counselling therapy sessions
Depression

Adoption

Emotional distress

Low self esteem

Public speaking issues/ Social issues

Parenting and its types

How to handle teenages

Impact of Covid on my child's mental health, emotional, social and cognitive decline

Grief counselling

Loss of a dear one OR pet counselling

Early childhood years challenges

Handling children with emotional distress

Importance of nutrition

Mind and body healing

Astro travel journey

Healing the child in you

Impact of food on my body

Positive attitude towards self and other

Working on negative emotions and energy

Communication and its importance for my healing

Price for 1-hour session: 
US$: 80 dollars 
Canada: 90 USD/CAD
UAE: 1000 AED 
India: 2000 inr
 
Other resources mentioned in this episode:
The other Indian adoptee guest on our podcast: "Pride and Resilience: A Transgender Adoptee's Path" with Sanjay Pulver: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/31826567

===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: http://Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: http://UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Please rate (*****) and/or review Unraveling Adoption in Apple Podcasts and Spotify (even if you listen to it on another app). Your feedback will help more listeners find our episodes. Thank you!
=============== 
TIME STAMPS:
00:00:00 - Introduction
00:01:00 - Meet Dr. Asra Ali
Introduction of Dr. Asra Ali, an adoptee from India, and her unique adoption story facilitated by Mother Teresa.
00:03:00 - Cultural Perspectives on Adoption in India
Discussion on the cultural status of adoption in India, including gender preferences and historical practices.
00:06:00 - Domestic vs. International Adoption
Insights into the prevalence of domestic adoption in India compared to international adoption and the challenges involved.
00:10:00 - Common Mistakes by Adoptive Parents
Dr. Asra discusses the importance of honesty and the emotional disconnect often seen in adoptive families.
00:15:00 - Reflections on Identity and Biological Roots
Exploration of Dr. Asra's feelings about her adoption, her desire to learn about her biological parents, and the concept of twinship among adoptees.
00:20:00 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
Dr. Asra offers guidance on how adoptive parents can better support their children and the importance of personal growth.
00:24:00 - Closing Remarks and Resources
Beth shares information about upcoming events related to adoption healing and how to connect with Dr. Asra.