In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, I’m breaking down the blind spots of the dismissive avoidant attachment style. If you’ve ever felt confused about why you (or your partner) shut down, withdraw, or over-rely on logic in relationships, this episode will give you clarity and a new way forward. Here’s what I dive into: Logic vs. Love – Why relying on logic and analysis won’t create real intimacy. Where It Starts – How childhood environments that dismissed emotions shaped these defense patterns. The Hidden Cycle – How conflicts get rationalized away, leading to the same fights and disconnection repeating. Cut Off From Pain – Why avoiding your emotions also cuts you off from your body’s wisdom and intuition. The Path Forward – Learning to balance logic with emotion, validate your own needs, and stay in connection even when it feels uncomfortable. This episode is for both dismissive avoidants who want to understand themselves better, and anxious partners who are trying to make sense of their avoidant loved ones. My goal is to bring empathy, clarity, and practical tools to both sides so you can create more safety and connection. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
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Episode 220: The Hidden Patterns Keeping You Stuck in Love
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I dig into the blind spots of anxious attachment, the hidden patterns that keep you stuck in the same cycles, even when you think you’ve “done the work.” I explain why reflection alone isn’t enough, because you can only reflect on what you’re consciously aware of. Blind spots live in the shadows the parts of yourself you deny, repress, or don’t even know exist. And until you shine light on those, you’ll keep repeating the same patterns in love, friendships, and even business. Here’s what I explore in this episode: Your strength as someone with anxious attachment The shadow side of that strength How failing to hold boundaries often leads to resentment, misplaced blame, and feeling abandoned. Why sourcing safety from within not from your partner is the foundation of secure love. How building a full life outside of relationships makes you more attractive, grounded, and secure. Why pacing yourself in love is crucial to avoiding cycles of clinginess, panic, and destabilisation. I also share a personal story about noticing when I wanted my partner to uphold a boundary that was actually mine to hold a powerful reminder that no one else can honour your limits for you. At the heart of this episode, I want you to know: your open heart is a gift. But your lesson is learning to protect it, pace it, and recognise your value, so you don’t hand it over to just anyone without discernment. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
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Episode 219: The Real Reason Anxious + Avoidant Relationships NEVER Work (Until You Do This)
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I dive into one of the most common yet challenging dynamics I see: the anxious–avoidant relationship. Instead of just giving surface-level advice like “communicate better” or “give each other more space,” I explore how shadow work is the real key to creating lasting change. I share some of my own experiences with anxiety, avoidance, and love and why I realised that traditional approaches often just reinforce the old wounds. For me, shadow work has been the tool that allowed me to see the parts of myself I had disowned and projected onto partners, which kept me locked in unhealthy cycles. Here’s what I cover: Why anxious and avoidant partners are so magnetised to each other. How your partner often mirrors the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or rejected. Why symptom management (like “better communication”) doesn’t actually heal the root cause. The difference between chemistry and true compatibility. How I personally decide when a relationship is worth working on vs. when it’s time to leave. The questions I ask myself when I feel stuck in old patterns. This work has taught me that true growth in relationships comes from embodiment, not just intellectual understanding. That’s exactly why I created The Connected Woman to help women integrate shadow work with practices that shift attachment patterns, so we can all show up more secure, more authentic, and more fully ourselves in love. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
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Ep 218: Mirror, Mirror: A Conversation About Call-Outs with Connected Woman Alum Heather Rotan
Today’s conversation is all about the OWN IT part of CLOCK IT, OWN IT, CLEAN IT UP…and who better to share than the accountability queen herself, my amazing client Heather! Heather is a mother of three, a healthcare executive, and a self-proclaimed attention whore who loves deeply, leads fiercely, and never backs down from a challenge…and she proved that when she finally (after THREE FUCKING YEARS!) signed up for The Connected Woman! Facing down your patterns is never easy. But Heather makes it look that way with the way she owns them. It can take fucking AGES for people to clean up their patterns because they spend so long pretending they don’t exist. Not an issue for Heather. And I’m hopeful as FUCK she’s going to inspire you all to take a long, hard look in the mirror…because if everyone owned their shit the way she does, they’d hit a breakthrough a whole lot faster. CONNECT WITH HEATHER: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heather_rotan86 WORK WITH MICHELLE: These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
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Ep 217: Self-Abandonment in Relationships: How to Stop Betraying Yourself
Not to break your entire self-image or whatever, but abandoning all your needs and desires for the sake of your partner actually doesn’t make you a good person. Sorry not sorry. Sure, maybe it feels good to oh-so-f*cking-selflessly lay your needs down to fulfill your partner’s instead. To be the “good girl.” The “cool girl.” To play the hero in his story. Right up until resentment starts burning so badly you think you’ve got a f*cking ulcer. Truthfully, self-abandonment is a relationship-killer. But it can be a subtle one, especially when you don’t know what the fuck self-abandonment even LOOKS like. That’s why I’m walking you through all the ways self-abandonment slinks out of the shadows and sets you on the path to complete relationship meltdown—and how to finally shine a light on it so you can clock it, own it, and clean it up. Martyrhood isn’t a good look on you, babe. It’s time you tried something new. WORK WITH MICHELLE: These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
Welcome to Unf*ck Your Relationships Podcast! I’m your host Michelle Panning - intimacy alchemist AKA your love, sex, and relationship bestie, trigger queen, and founder of my signature program The Connected Woman.
I get it, you’re done being left on read, getting ghosted and being caught up in a cycle of attracting emotionally unavailable men. Let’s be real - you have NEEDS. You deserve it all, you deserve to feel worthy and confident. You deserve a fulfilling love life.
For years I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious, and pissed off. I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected, and abandoned. I just wanted a meaningful relationship and thought I was doing all the right things. But none of it was working.
I knew I couldn’t continue to repeat the same cycle with different men.
Something had to change.
I decided in that moment that I was going to finally work on healing my own wounds and work on myself, so that I could experience a beautiful and fulfilling relationship. I decided to put myself first.
And now, with this podcast, I want to share with you the exact internal work strategies that I did to get to a place of confidence, peace, and worthiness.
You can kiss ALL of your worries and limiting beliefs around love goodbye. Are you ready? Grab your favorite glass of wine and let’s get to work, because it is time to reclaim your self worth babe.
For more information about the podcast, or other ways you can work with me, visit: www.michellepanning.com
I would love to connect with you more on social media! You can find me at:
IG: @michellepanning
Website: michellepanning.com
South Africa