CLOSER with Rachel Lim

When do children stop trusting themselves?

They start out asking why about everything. They know what they like. They challenge us. They follow their curiosity without wondering whether they’re doing it “right”. And then, somewhere along the way, many start looking outside themselves for the answers.

In the 2nd episode of Raising Conscious Humans, I sit down again with Hwee Keng Maeder, mother of three boys, including Singapore’s youngest Olympic medallist, Max Maeder, to talk about how we protect that inner compass instead of slowly overriding it. She tells me, “You can’t want to raise a curious child that doesn’t challenge you. Then it’s not a curious child.”

We talk about knowing when to step in and when not to rescue, including why she resisted bringing her youngest home from a summer camp in Greece even when he called every day asking to leave. We also talk about giving children real responsibility, letting them face consequences, and creating different “pockets” where they can build confidence and self-worth, so their whole identity doesn’t rest on our approval or how well they perform.

And I share a moment with Ollie that made me realise how easily our children’s struggles can start to feel like a reflection of us.

At the heart of it is one question:

How do we raise children who can trust themselves?

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:00 Curious Child vs. Compliant Child
00:03:38 It’s Okay to Say, “Not Right Now”
00:04:49 Honouring the Child’s Agenda, Not Ours
00:08:52 How Good Intentions Can Kill Curiosity
00:11:47 Creating a Safe Space for Questions and Discernment
00:15:11 When to Sit With Discomfort Instead of Rescuing
00:19:11 “Is This for Them, or Is This for Me?”
00:23:21 When Our Child’s Struggle Feels Like Our Failure
00:27:45 Giving Children Space to Build Their Own Confidence
00:33:48 Letting Children Face Consequences
00:37:40 Raising Conscious Humans, Not Compliant Ones
00:39:01 The Mindset Shift That Changes How We Parent

Follow CLOSER on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closerwithrach/

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot. But what does narcissism actually look like in a relationship, and what happens to us when we spend too long trying to manage someone else? In this episode of CLOSER, I sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Ramani Durvasula to unpack narcissism beyond the label: the subtle signs we often miss, why narcissistic people can be so charming to the outside world, and why the people closest to them can have a completely different experience.

We talk about what it feels like to walk on eggshells, to second-guess what you say, to give endlessly but feel unsupported in return, and how, over time, you can begin silencing parts of yourself just to keep the peace. Dr. Ramani also shares why we cannot change another person's narcissism, what healthy boundaries and realistic expectations can look like, and why compassion for someone else should not require abandoning yourself. We explore healing, self-blame, healthy ego, social media, and how we can raise children with a stronger sense of who they are.

One idea from this conversation stayed with me: more than one thing can be true at the same time. You can love someone and still be hurt by them. You can see the good in them and acknowledge that their behaviour may not change. And sometimes, healing begins with seeing the relationship for what it is, rather than continuing to believe that if we just love better, give more, or say the right thing, we can make it different.

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:26 What Is Narcissism, Really?
00:03:57 Narcissism Is a Spectrum
00:06:12 How Dr. Ramani Recognised Narcissism in Her Own Life
00:08:42 What a Narcissistic Relationship Actually Feels Like
00:12:49 Is Social Media Fueling Narcissism?
00:15:16 How to Raise Children With a Strong Sense of Self
00:19:30 Can a Narcissist Actually Change?
00:21:26 How to Stop Blaming Yourself and Set Boundaries
00:24:36 The Biggest Myths About Narcissism
00:26:12 Healthy Ego vs. Narcissism
00:27:49 When Compassion Becomes Self-Abandonment
00:30:10 “It’s Not You”
00:32:04 Be Their Parent, Not Their Peer
00:35:53 What Dr. Ramani Wants You to Know About Narcissism

Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani?stkn=MWcxZXNwdng3YzZteA==

Follow Dr. Ramani Durvasula here:
https://doctor-ramani.com/

Hwee Keng said: “There is a personality in that small human being... you don’t know the settings. First, I think you need to find out the settings.”
As parents, we spend so much energy shaping who we hope our children will become, and perhaps not enough time discovering who they already are.
What struck me about Hwee Keng is how much of her parenting has been about unlearning her own expectations. She even caught herself once after feeling disappointed that Max didn’t win a competition, and realised some of that disappointment was about her own ego.
That hit me. Because maybe the work is not raising the child we imagined, but learning to really see the child in front of us.
In this episode, we talk about curiosity over performance, giving children real agency, the difference between “you’ve got this” and “we’ve got you,” responsibility, consequences, and what it means to raise children who are truly fit for life.

Follow CLOSER on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closerwithrach/
Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Before Shanti Pereira became Singapore's fastest woman, before she made history on some of the world's biggest stages, she was a ten-year-old girl who lost a few races in primary school and wanted to quit.

That's where we begin. Not with the medals, but with the moments most people never see. Losing both her scholarships within the same week at 22 and sharing, "It really felt like rejection." Getting injured in an Olympic year after achieving her dream of qualifying for Paris on merit, and wondering if she'd even make it to the start line. The unglamorous discipline of showing up on the days she didn't feel like it at all.

What struck me most wasn't Shanti's list of achievements.. it was the way she spoke about identity. About learning not to tie her self-worth to success or failure. About protecting her peace. And about choosing, again and again, not to give up when things get hard.

At the end of every season, whether it's been a good one or a difficult one, she asks herself: "Did I show up?" I think that's a question all of us need from time to time.

I hope you'll enjoy this conversation with Shanti Pereira.

Chapters

00:00:00 Meet Shanti Pereira: The Woman Behind Singapore’s Fastest Sprint
00:01:20 Growing Up in the Shadow of Track and Field
00:03:46 The Childhood Lesson That Changed Everything
00:05:27 Grounded Advice For Her Younger Self
00:06:54 Facing Rejection: Losing Two Scholarships in a Single Week
00:09:14 Defying Failure and Choosing Resilience
00:12:40 Managing Olympic Dreams Amidst Physical Injuries
00:18:09 Staying Grounded: Body Care, Aging, and Reconnecting With Her "Why"
00:20:23 Choosing Stillness Over Chaos at the Starting Line
00:25:12 Tuning Out Public Pressure to Protect Your Joy
00:27:56 How to Reset Your Mindset After a Bad Race
00:30:48 The Powerful Advice That Stayed With Her
00:31:33 Finding Her Identity Beyond Winning and Losing
00:34:23 The Unseen Work and Human Side of Elite Performance
00:36:17 Choosing Consistency and Building Unshakable Habits
00:37:36 Shanti Pereira’s Definition of a Champion
00:39:19 Inspiring the Next Generation of Athletes
00:40:13 Sacrificing Her 20s: Choosing a Different Path Without Regret
00:41:23 Entering a Milestone Decade and Looking Toward Her Next Era
00:43:35 Shanti Pereira’s Recovery Rituals and Wellness Staples
00:45:18 The Message She Hopes to Leave Behind
00:46:05 Staying True to Herself Beyond the Spotlight
00:46:41 Final Reflections

Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Follow Shanti Pereira here: https://www.instagram.com/vshantipereira/

Most people know Ing as the founder of INGU - the skincare brand that sold out 30,000 units in three minutes with zero advertising. The trusted voice who built a community of millions by doing the one thing his industry often punishes: telling the truth.
But this conversation isn't really about skincare.. it's about what happens after you build something people believe in. The weight of carrying other people's trust. The loneliness of being misunderstood. The panic attacks that made him think he was dying. The goodbye video he filmed, edited, and still hasn't had the courage to post.
For the first time, Ing shares what was happening behind the scenes during one of the biggest seasons of his life, and how it changed the way he thinks about ambition, happiness and success itself. We also talk about the person who answered the phone from a surgery room when Ing thought he was going to die on the floor of a café, and why that relationship ultimately reshaped his definition of what really matters.
I left this conversation seeing success a little differently. I hope you do too.

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/
Follow Ing here: https://www.instagram.com/ingck/
Follow Ingu Skin here: https://www.instagram.com/inguskin/