How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

This week on How To Fail, we are doing something slightly different. I know, I know, we don't like change, but sometimes IT'S GOOD FOR US. It's especially good for us when it comes in the form of Alain de Botton, one of the most intelligent, eloquent and thoughtful people on the planet.And because it's Alain de Botton, modern philosopher, founder of The School of Life and bestselling authors of life-changing books such as Essays In Love, I decided to allow him a little leeway. Instead of choosing personal failures, Alain wanted to talk about three philosophical 'failure concepts' and I'm so glad he did, because it led to one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions I've ever had on the topic.We discuss the idea that we can be good people and yet fail, and the concept (which I'm forever banging on about) that failure is the norm, and that we should find contentment in the average rather than constantly expecting the exceptional. He also has brilliant insights into why romantic break-ups are not, in and of themselves, tragic, because each relationship teaches you something you need to know, and when the time is right, it is ok to move on. Along the way, I also ask him about X Factor, so fear not, I'm there to pepper his brilliance with my usual lowbrow content, as per.It was such a delight to meet Alain. An hour in his company left my brain fizzing with new (and reassuring) ideas, and I hope it has the same effect on you.*The new book from The School of Life, co-authored and introduced by Alain de Botton, is out now and available to buy here. *I am thrilled to be taking How To Fail on tour around the UK in October, sharing my failure manifesto with the help of some very special guests. These events are not recorded as podcasts so the only way to be there is to book tickets via www.faneproductions.com/howtofail* The Sunday Times Top 5 bestselling book of the podcast, How To Fail: Everything I've Ever Learned From Things Going Wrong by Elizabeth Day, is out now and is available here.*This season of How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted by Elizabeth Day, produced by Naomi Mantin and Chris Sharp and sponsored by Sweaty Betty. Sweaty Betty are offering listeners 20% off full-price items with the code HOWTOFAILTo contact us, email [email protected]* Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayAlain de Botton @alaindebotton Sweaty Betty @sweatybetty        Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Just occasionally in life, you meet someone who changes your way of thinking about the world. The shift might be subtle or it might be seismic, but afterwards, you are never quite the same again.This is what happened to me when my path crossed with that of Mo Gawdat who spoke to me about what it is to live a contented life in a way that had an immediate and practical impact on my outlook. Gawdat is the former chief business officer at Google X (Google's so-called 'moonshot factory' responsible for off-the-wall ideas such as self-driving cars and a balloon-powered internet) but for a long time in his life, despite having professional, personal and material success, he realised he wasn't happy. So he set about solving this problem by applying his scientific research skills to the issue: how can one individual be happy?After 12 years, he developed an algorithm for happiness, eventually arriving at an equation which states simply that happiness is greater than, or equal to, your perception of the events in your life minus your expectation of how life should be. He even wrote a book about it, Solve For Happy, which became an international bestseller.Gawdat joins me to talk about how that algorithm was put to the ultimate test when his beloved 21-year-old son Ali died in tragic circumstances. We talk about how to survive depression and grief; how happiness is like fitness; how to cope with break-ups; why social media is driving us further apart and what to do about it; why life is like a computer game; the illusion of time and why we should always, always be polite to Siri.This episode is slightly longer than normal just because I didn't want to cut any of it. I hope you take as much from Mo's words as I have. Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path To Joy by Mo Gawdat is available to order here.How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted by Elizabeth Day, recorded by Chris Sharp and sponsored by 4th Estate BooksThe Sunday Times Top 5 bestselling book of the podcast, How To Fail: Everything I've Ever Learned From Things Going Wrong by Elizabeth Day, is out nowand is available to pre-order here.*IMPORTANT NEWS KLAXON* I’m doing a live How To Fail With Elizabeth Day event on 5th May at The Bridge Theatre in London with ZAWE ASHTON (who is amazing). There are still some tickets available here.   Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayChris Sharp @chrissharpaudio4th Estate Books @4thEstateBooks    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fashion icon Bella Freud on abandoning psychics, learning to trust herself and realising that what happens next is entirely up to her. Freud is a designer and creative whose clothes have adorned the likes of Zadie Smith, Kate Moss, Little Simz and…well…me. She’s also a cult podcaster with her hit show, Fashion Neurosis, where guests are invited to examine what clothes mean to them. She’s lived a fascinating life: the daughter of Lucian Freud, the great-granddaughter of psychoanalyst Sigmund and the sister of novelist Esther who wrote the novel Hideous Kinky about their childhood. Now in her 60s, she joins me to explore why she’s always late, why she regrets never joining the circus and what it’s really like carrying the weight of such an instantly recognisable family name. Plus: why she no longer goes to psychics. Bella is so smart, considered and stylish. This free-ranging conversation will make you think, laugh and feel unexpectedly hopeful about getting older. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Introduction 04:04 The Power of Fashion and Design 06:47 Challenges in the Fashion Industry 11:52 The Significance of Punctuality 17:02 Childhood Memories and Their Impact 22:18 Therapy and Family Loss 26:13 Reflecting on a Peaceful Passing 27:43 Family Dynamics 30:04 The Circus Job That Never Was 32:33 Sibling Relationships and Childhood Roles 36:06 The Legacy of the Freud Name 41:23 Embracing Failures and Life Lessons 46:28 Living Authentically and Joyfully 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: This whole thing about failure of course, is that you can fail and try again What's going happen is what I make happen, so get on with it The key is to stay and finish and then the whole level of reward is so much greater Being late is an incredibly aggressive thing to do 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: You can listen to Fashion Neurosis wherever you get your podcasts and it’s also available to watch on YouTube Bella’s photo is by Lynette Garland (2025) Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ 📚 WANT MORE? Bernardine Evaristo - the Booker Prize-winner talks about persistence, manifestation and making art on your own terms swap.fm/l/PszltDAfnTF5EpG0UmE7 Trinny Woodall - on the setbacks she’s faced in business, single parenthood and fertility swap.fm/l/fJVwewwLr5xEOE1zLroZ Edward Enninful - the former editor of British Vogue and an influential figure in fashion explores his journey through the industry. We talk about his challenges around diversity, identity and health swap.fm/l/NOAt5NDZeBTgX6qZUWpB 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Elizabeth and Bella answer live audience questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’ve always been obsessed with friendship - how it shapes us, challenges us and often goes uncelebrated. In this episode, both Dawn French and Vogue Williams get honest about the beauty and the messiness of it all. Despite being surrounded by great friends, Vogue explains why she worries she’s not the best friend back - although she’s definitely working on it. Dawn then reflects on growing up as an RAF kid. Repeated moves meant she learned early on how hard it can be to build and keep connections. She also talks about her iconic friendship with Jennifer Saunders (which did *not* start smoothly) and the people she holds closest today. My fascination with the subject runs so deep that I even wrote a whole book about it! Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict explores why friendship matters and how it evolves over our lives. Feel free to buy a copy for you…and all your friends! Listen to Dawn French’s full episode of How to Fail here: swap.fm/l/NJDrzxLKhyi6icOrxmHT Listen to Vogue Williams’ full episode of How to Fail here: swap.fm/l/KdIrVp0y41qgun1oGjfR 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @howtofailpod @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod @elizabday Website: www.elizabethday.org Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You might know the star of Rivals for his revealing role in the hit Disney+ show, but did you know about his dramatic allium allergy?! I thought not. Alex Hassell might be best known for his portrayal of the dashing bounder, Rupert Campbell-Black in the Emmy-Award winning TV adaptation of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals but his career spans the Royal Shakespeare Company, a leading role opposite Anya Taylor-Joy in The Miniaturist, HBO’s His Dark Materials and co-founding the pioneering Factory Theatre Company. In this conversation, Alex reflects on the role therapy and his marriage have played in weathering early-career rejection. We talk about his struggle with self-confidence, his unlikely ’failure’ to get into trouble and the rebellious streak that defined his youth - including that time he took acid at Alton Towers. Plus: having to spray tan his own private parts. This episode was recorded live at the Barbican earlier this year. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 03:17 Season Two of Rivals 04:35 The Challenges of Acting 05:28 Therapy and Self-Reflection 11:17 Overcoming Self-Doubt 13:31 School Experiences and Bullying 20:13 The Factory Theater Company 23:31 Reflecting on Early Career Challenges 23:57 The Onion Allergy Struggle 28:16 Balancing Historical Accuracy and Sensitivity in 'Rivals' 29:30 The Pressure to Be Good 33:12 Family Influence and Personal Growth 40:57 The Actor's Vulnerability and Connection 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: To withstand being an actor, you have to have very, very thick skin. I am really drawn - for some perverse reason - to parts that intimidate me and that I think I'm probably not capable of playing. I think that acting sometimes can be a bit like being in an abusive relationship in that you feel like the most important and the best... And then it's just taken away and no one wants you and they're not interested and it's like you're a piece of shit. 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Head shot credit: Morgan Robins 📚 WANT MORE? Dame Jilly Cooper - on bonking, class, adoption and the real-life inspiration for Rupert Campbell-Black https://link.chtbl.com/rjl6Slav Andrew Scott - on bad auditions and his failure to be heteronormative https://link.chtbl.com/18dVhMb_ Sharon Horgan - on the impact of divorce and the liberation of being in your 50s https://link.chtbl.com/hR7kycoN 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Elizabeth and Alex answer live audience questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices