The Autism Little Learners Podcast

div]:bg-bg-000/50 [&_pre>div]:border-0.5 [&_pre>div]:border-border-400 [&_.ignore-pre-bg>div]:bg-transparent [&_.standard-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pl-2 [&_.standard-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,ul,ol,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pr-8 [&_.progressive-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pl-2 [&_.progressive-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,ul,ol,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pr-8"> _*]:min-w-0 gap-3 [&_>_*:last-child]:mb-0 print:block print:[&_>_*_+_*]:mt-3 standard-markdown"> "Don't buy him letters." That's what a professional told Cari Ebert when her son Aaron was two. He was "obsessed," they said, and needed to be moved toward more appropriate play.
Cari ignored them. Those letters were how Aaron showed joy, and how she connected with him. Nearly two decades later, that same deep interest in letters, numbers, and dates is what landed him a job he loves.
That moment is the heart of today's episode, because it's exactly what happens when we treat autism as a journey instead of a tragedy.
This is Cari's keynote from this year's Preschool Autism Summit. She brings two lenses to it: 30+ years as a pediatric SLP, and 21 years as mom to her autistic son. Together they make a case that so much of what we were taught to fear, grieve, and "fix" was never the problem. The problem was the language, the linear milestones, and the compliance-first thinking we inherited.
Cari walks us through Aaron's whole story, from spelling words before he could speak, to teaching himself to tie his shoes at 20, to reading bedtime stories to his baby nephew. Along the way she gives us a clearer, kinder way to talk to families and a real shift in how we show up for autistic children.
We'll talk about:
why the child is exactly the same the day after a diagnosis, and it's the adults who need to shift
the power of first messages, and how "red flags" teach families to fear a diagnosis
deficit-based language versus affirming, neutral, strengths-based language
what autism is not, and what it actually is
the spiky, non-linear developmental profile
reframing the spectrum into a support-needs profile
honoring autistic joy as the doorway to connection and learning
Because we don't get to decide where an autistic child's journey ends. Our job is to keep believing there's more ahead.
In This Episode, You'll Learn
Why autism is a journey, not a tragedy, and what changes when we lead with curiosity instead of fear
How deficit-driven language sends the message that something is "wrong" with the child, and how to choose affirming or neutral language instead
Why autism is not a delay, a disease, or something a child outgrows
What a spiky developmental profile is, and why milestone charts don't fit autistic development
How to give families space to grieve their expectations, not the child in front of them
What presuming potential looks like in real life, including how video modeling helped Aaron learn a skill on his own timeline
Why deep interests, from Metallica to NASCAR, are the way in, not something to redirect
Key Takeaways
The diagnosis doesn't change the child; it changes how the adults see and support them
Regulation creates the conditions for learning, and connection comes before communication
All behavior has meaning; it's a clue, not a problem to extinguish
Progress isn't linear, and growth continues across the whole lifespan
Communication is a right, not something a child has to earn
Autistic children are different, not less
We stretch strengths instead of fixing deficits
Families are the experts on their child, and the most important members of the team
Try This
Take one traditional IEP goal and ask AI to rewrite it in neurodiversity-affirming language, without percentage-of-accuracy measures
Swap deficit words for neutral ones this week: "deep interests" instead of "obsessions," "prefers consistency" instead of "rigid"
Learn one child's deep interest, and use it as your starting point instead of redirecting it
Reframe a behavior you'd usually try to stop, and ask what it's communicating about the nervous system
Notice a child's glimmers, the small things that bring them micro-moments of joy, and make room for them
Start with connection before you ask for a single communication skill
Related Resources & Links
Cari Ebert's website - The Learning to Learn program, the Silly Sounds cards, and The SLP Talk Show podcast
Preschool Autism Summit 2026 - Grab the summit replay bundle, a free guide, and get on the waitlist for 2027
Autism Little Learners Membership
When we treat autism as a journey instead of a tragedy, we stop asking a child to prove they're worthy of our belief and start offering it from the very beginning. Cari's son didn't become worthy the day he got a job or gave a keynote. He was always worthy. Once you see every autistic child that way, it changes everything about how you teach.

The one who melts down at the smallest request, who seems to dig in the moment you say "do this."...you know this child.  In this episode I sit down with Casey Ehrlich, PhD — social scientist, founder of At Peace Parents, and a leader in the first peer-reviewed PDA research in the United States — to talk about PDA: what it is, why it's a nervous system response rather than defiance, and what actually helps.
PDA isn't defiance. It's a survival-level drive for autonomy — and once you see that, you respond to the child in front of you completely differently.
PDA most often stands for pathological demand avoidance, but many autistic people prefer pervasive (or persistent) drive for autonomy — because autonomy is right at the root of what activates the nervous system. Casey defines it as a survival drive for autonomy and equality that can override other survival instincts like eating, sleeping, toileting, and even safety.
We talk through what PDA actually looks like in young children, why behavior that reads as oppositional or manipulative is so often a nervous-system response, and the practical, compassionate shifts that help a dysregulated child feel safe again — in the classroom and at home.
We'll talk about:
●  what PDA stands for — and why many autistic people prefer "pervasive drive for autonomy"
●  why demand avoidance is a nervous system response, not manipulation or defiance
●  the five characteristics Casey looks for, including equalizing behavior
●  why we flip the order for PDA kids: nervous system and autonomy first
●  the difference between independence and autonomy
●  real strategies: signals of safety, declarative language, and rhythms over routines
In This Episode, You'll Learn
•  What PDA is, and why "pervasive or persistent drive for autonomy" may describe it better
•  How a survival drive for autonomy can override eating, sleeping, toileting, and safety
•  Why "equalizing behavior" can look oppositional but is actually a nervous-system response
•  How to read the early signals that a child is moving toward fight-or-flight
•  Why reducing spoken language and using declarative language lowers perceived demands
•  How to send signals of safety with your face, tone, and body — and why getting low matters
•  What the "four S's" — safe nervous system, screens, sensory/novelty, special interest — reveal about regulation
•  Why repair and felt safety, not teaching, are the moves in the hard moment
Key Takeaways
•  PDA is a nervous system response, not defiance or manipulation
•  Autonomy is at the root — a perceived loss of autonomy activates the survival brain
•  For PDA kids, think nervous system and autonomy first, then sensory, executive function, and communication
•  Independence is doing a task alone; autonomy is having a genuine say in what happens
•  Signals of safety often matter more than words
•  Declarative language lowers the demand a child perceives
•  Think rhythms, not rigid routines — even a chosen routine can start to feel like lost autonomy
•  Compassion over compliance — always
Try This
•  Pause and ask whether a behavior might be a nervous-system response to a perceived demand
•  Lower the demand: swap questions and directions for declarative, observational statements
•  Get low to the child's level and soften your face, tone, and pace
•  Offer real autonomy — a genuine say, not just a choice between two adult-chosen options
•  Reduce spoken language during escalation and wait for the child to re-engage
•  Build in rhythms instead of rigid routines
•  In the hard moment, focus on repair and felt safety, not on teaching the lesson
Related Resources & Links
💚 Casey Ehrlich — At Peace Parents (free PDA masterclass)
💚 At Peace Parents Podcast
💚 The Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K. Murphy
💚 Free Visual Support Starter Set
💚 Autism Little Learners Membership
When we stop asking "How do I get this child to comply?" and start asking "What is this child's nervous system telling me?" everything changes. PDA kids aren't giving us a hard time — they're having a hard time. And when we lead with autonomy, safety, and compassion, we give them what they actually need to come back to calm and connection.

That child who waits for you to start every sentence? In this replay I sit down with SLP Alexandria Zachos — founder of Meaningful Speech — to talk about how years of prompting quietly create prompt dependence, and how silence, connection, and a child-led approach help gestalt language processors find their own spontaneous voice.
Prompting doesn't lead to spontaneous language. Connection, silence, and meeting a child where they are do.
Gestalt language processing (GLP) is a normal, natural way of developing language — just a different path than the analytic, word-by-word route most of us were taught. Alex walks us through what it actually is, how the stages unfold from delayed echolalia to flexible, novel grammar, and why so many kids we've labeled "echolalic" or "scripting" are simply gestalt language processors who need a different kind of support.
We also dig into the hard truth about prompting — why fill-in-the-blank, cloze phrases, and always initiating for a child can lead to prompt dependence — and what to do instead: natural language modeling, honoring all communication, and trusting silence to make room for language to emerge.
We'll talk about:
●  what gestalt language processing is — and why it isn't a disorder
●  the six stages of gestalt language development, from delayed echolalia to complex grammar
●  how prompting and compliance-based strategies create prompt dependence over time
●  why our ultimate goal is spontaneous, flexible, multimodal communication
●  how silence, connection, and being a trusted communication partner change everything
●  why it's never too late for an older child who has become prompt dependent
In This Episode, You'll Learn
•  What gestalt language processing is, and how it differs from analytic language development
•  How the stages unfold — delayed echolalia, mitigated echolalia, the "magic" word-freeing stage, and grammar
•  Why delayed echolalia is always communicating something, even when it isn't literal
•  How to do "detective work" to figure out what a child's gestalt actually means
•  Why years of prompting and cloze phrases lead to prompt dependence, not spontaneous language
•  What targeted natural language modeling looks like across communicative functions
•  Why "the change starts with us," not with fixing the child
•  How silence and the OWL approach (Observe, Wait, Listen) create space for language to emerge
•  Why acknowledging all communication — a smile, a nod, a repeat — builds the trust language grows from
Key Takeaways
•  Gestalt language processing is a natural way of developing language, not a disorder
•  Delayed echolalia is meaningful — it's communicating something worth investigating
•  Prompting does not build spontaneous communicators; child-led support does
•  Our goal is spontaneous, flexible, novel communication — including through AAC
•  Change starts with what we model and how we respond, not with the child
•  Silence is a strategy: spontaneous language emerges when the pressure is off
•  Acknowledge all communication to build the relationship and trust
•  Use a child's own gestalts — and put them into AAC — for instant buy-in
•  It's never too late for an older, prompt-dependent child
Try This
•  Notice how often you prompt, question, or fill in the blank — then try saying less
•  Use the OWL approach: observe, wait, and listen before you speak
•  Let silence sit; follow the child's lead and join what they love
•  Acknowledge every attempt to communicate with a repeat, a smile, or a nod
•  Model language naturally instead of asking the child to perform it
•  When you hear a gestalt, do some detective work to learn what it means
•  Add a child's gestalts into their AAC device for automatic buy-in
•  With an older prompt-dependent child, plan low-pressure sessions to rebuild trust first
Related Resources & Links
💚 Alexandria Zachos — Meaningful Speech (free masterclass on echolalia & child-led therapy)
💚 Meaningful Speech — Beginner's Guide to AAC (free masterclass)
💚 Natural Language Acquisition by Marge Blanc
💚 Free Visual Support Starter Set
💚 Autism Little Learners Membership
When we stop trying to pull language out of a child and start building a relationship they feel safe in, something shifts. Gestalt language processors don't need more prompting — they need us to slow down, model naturally, honor every way they communicate, and trust that the silence is doing work too. That's where spontaneous, joyful communication has room to grow.

Teaching autistic preschoolers can feel lonely. This is the episode where I pull back the curtain on the membership that became the opposite of that island — where it came from, what's inside, and the community that surprised me most.
Teaching young autistic children can feel like being on an island. The membership is the opposite of that.
I'll tell you how it began in grief, after I lost my dad in 2019, and grew into a genuine passion for helping educators and parents feel less overwhelmed and celebrate the small wins that build on each other.
I'll share the story of Laura — a member who started with four empty walls and turned them into a classroom where children are seen, presumed competent, and given every chance to communicate. And I'll tell you why, even with hundreds of resources inside, people don't stay for the resources. They stay for each other.
We'll talk about:
how Autism Little Learners was born out of one of the hardest seasons of my life
why teaching young autistic children so often feels like being on an island
the member who started with four empty walls — and what her classroom looks like now
the Four Foundations framework: Regulate, Connect, Routines, and Teach
what's actually inside the membership (and what isn't the reason people stay)
how a community of real educators in real classrooms makes the island disappear
In This Episode, You'll Learn
How a grief-driven project quietly grew into a community of educators and caregivers
Why the "island feeling" — not a lack of skill — is where so many educators stall out
How Laura set up a brand-new autism classroom from an empty room using the membership
What it looks like to build connection and trust with students before placing demands
The Four Foundations that give you a clear path through your day
What the membership includes: resources, on-demand trainings, handouts, adapted books, and a high support needs curriculum
Why presuming competence changes what children are able to show you
Key Takeaways
You don't have to do this work alone
The island feeling is common — and it's usually where progress stalls
Transformation rarely starts with a breakthrough; it starts with support and consistency
Presume competence — never underestimate what a child can do
Children are soaking it all in, even when it looks like they aren't watching
Resources matter, but community is what keeps educators going
Small, consistent shifts — supported and sustained — are the ones that change everything
Regulate, Connect, Routines, Teach: a simple framework for a complicated day
Try This
Name your own "island" moment — then bring it to people who understand it
Model AAC with no pressure and no expectation of an immediate response\Build connection and trust with a student before adding any demands
Set up one predictable routine that helps a child feel safe
Turn a board book you already own into an adapted, hands-on book
Celebrate one small win this week, and share it with another educator
When you feel stuck, reach for a person, not just another resource
Related Resources & Links
💚 Autism Little Learners Membership
💚 Preschool Autism Summit
This membership is the opposite of the island. It's an empty room becoming a place where children are seen, presumed competent, and given every chance to communicate and learn — with a whole community standing alongside the educator who makes it happen. If you've been feeling that island feeling lately, come take a look. I think, for a lot of you, it will feel like home.

My non-speaking three-year-old student told me "This is boring" on his AAC device.
That moment changed everything for me, because that is communication, and that is competence. It's exactly what today's episode is about: presuming competence, an idea that quietly shapes everything else we do with young autistic children.
Because so often, the ability was there all along. What was missing wasn't the child's capacity. It was the tools, and an adult willing to believe there was something worth saying.
This conversation explores what presuming competence actually means, why it matters so much in the preschool years, the prerequisite myths that hold kids back, and the practical shifts that help us act like the capable child is already there.
We'll talk about:
● what presuming competence really means
● why the preschool years set a child's trajectory
● the "prerequisite trap" and why there are no readiness skills for communication
● why speech is not the same as intelligence
● what presuming competence looks like in a real classroom
● why communication should never have to be earned
Because we don't know what a child knows until they have the tools to tell us.
In This Episode, You'll Learn
• What it actually means to presume competence, and why it's a starting posture, not a reward • Why the false belief that "speech equals intelligence" causes real harm • How the way we describe a child can become a self-fulfilling prophecy • Why there are no prerequisites for communication, no pointing, matching, or "safe behavior" required • How lowered expectations in early childhood can follow a child for a lifetime • Practical ways to presume competence with non-speaking and minimally speaking children • Why cognitive testing can dramatically underestimate what a child knows • What it means to make communication available rather than something a child has to earn
Key Takeaways
• Presuming competence means believing in a child's capacity before they can prove it • Non-speaking does not mean non-understanding • Speech is not the same as intelligence • There are no readiness skills required for robust AAC • Children grow toward the expectations we hold for them • We don't talk about a child in front of them, because we presume they understand • Behavior almost always has deeper meaning than a few simple categories • Communication is a right, not something a child has to earn
Try This
• Pick one child whose abilities you may be quietly underestimating, and shift one assumption this week • Talk to every child as if they understand every word, because they very well might • Stop talking about a child in front of them, even with co-teachers and paras • Follow a child's deep interests instead of restricting them • Model language without requiring the child to perform it back • Make room for silence, simply being a calm, trusting presence • Hold cognitive test scores loosely, and presume there is more inside than the test could reach
Related Resources & Links
AAC In The Classroom
AAC- What Most Educators Miss
 Preschool Autism Summit Registration- Grab your free ticket to the 3rd Annual Preschool Autism Summit (Happening Now)
Autism Little Learners Membership
When we presume competence, we stop waiting for children to prove they're ready and start making sure they always have the opportunity to communicate. Our job was never to decide when a child is ready. It's to make sure the door is always open. And once you start seeing every child as already capable, it changes everything about the way you teach.