Speak Your Mind Unapologetically

At one of my prior jobs, my performance review went from outstanding to average. The work was good. I just couldn't explain what it was worth to the business. If you're a manager, director or VP writing your self-assessment this month, this episode is for you.
In this episode:
Why the leader two levels above you knows less about your year than you think, and what that means for promotions and stretch projects
The self-assessment habit that makes your year sound smaller than it was
A before and after: the same work, written two ways
Three checks to run on your draft before you hit submit
Why the review conversation itself is where a lot gets decided
Is your self-assessment or review conversation coming up in the next few weeks?
Book 30 minutes with me and we'll work on yours: https://calendly.com/bravecultureinstitute/30min

Most leaders believe they handle conflict well. The people who report to them often see something different. Your team can't see your intentions. They only see your behavior.
In this episode, organizational psychologist Dr. Lan Phan of Columbia University explains how she and Dr. Peter Coleman measure a leader's conflict intelligence through the eyes of their direct reports. She walks through the three behaviors that make a team see a leader as steady when tension rises. You'll hear why "my door is always open" is not enough, how to pause a heated conversation without looking like you are avoiding it, and how to extend grace to yourself and others while still holding people accountable.
About Dr. Lan Phan (her exact approved intro)
Dr. Lan Phan is an organizational psychologist and people analytics expert at Columbia University. With Dr. Peter Coleman, she developed and validated a scale to measure leaders' conflict intelligence, as rated by their direct reports. Her doctoral thesis looked at giving and receiving interpersonal grace in having difficult conversations, and she is a TEDx speaker on the quiet activists, the people who create change without a megaphone.
In this episode, you'll learn:
The 3 dimensions of conflict intelligence your team actually observes: stabilizing presence, contextual-strategic alignment, and conflict-positive framing
Why your team judges your behavior, not your intent, and how a "lesson for everyone" can feel like public embarrassment to the person who made the mistake
Why "my door is always open" is not enough, and the question to ask yourself when a conflict reaches you too late
What it takes to be the rock of your team, and why steady does not mean emotionless
How to pause a tense conversation without looking like you are avoiding it: say when you will come back, and frame the pause as what you need
How to look past two people arguing to the real cause, from unclear roles to anxiety about AI
The five words that make disagreement easier to bring to you: "Thank you for bringing that up."
How to get honest feedback on how you handle conflict, and who to ask first
Grace with accountability: Lan's three-part definition of grace, and how leaders give it while still raising the bar
A self-assessment from Columbia's research center to identify your own conflict pattern
Chapters (approximate; check against the final cut)
00:00 The gap between how you see yourself in conflict and how your team sees you
01:45 Meet Dr. Lan Phan
02:26 From Vietnam to studying conflict
05:09 Why measure conflict through your team's eyes
07:38 Intent vs. impact
12:43 The 3 dimensions of conflict intelligence
17:23 Stabilizing presence: more than looking calm
21:19 How long to pause before you respond
25:20 Feedback, power and humility
35:36 Grace with accountability
41:37 Where to start this week
45:29 Key takeaways
Resources and links
Connect with Lan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lanhoangphan
Lan's TEDx talk, The Quiet Activists: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7TSGovglTY
Phan, Coleman and Ojo (2026), Conflict-intelligent leadership in a messy, anxious world: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/organizational-psychology/articles/10.3389/forgp.2026.1777594/full
Conflict intelligence assessment questions and get a report on your tendencies in conflict (free, 5-10min): https://www.conflictintelligence.org/cars
If this episode made you think of a leader who handles tension well, or one who could learn from this research, send it to them.

Change is hard, yet it a common reality. Dr. Ellie Gates, who led the Adobe Check-In redesign that replaced annual performance reviews, says the old change management playbook is dead. Change is now constant, and what organizations need instead is change agility.
In this episode, Dr. Gates breaks down why people resist change even when it makes sense, why leaders and employees go through the same change at completely different times, and what it really took to get rid of annual reviews at a company the size of Adobe.
What you'll get from this episode:
The 3 levels of resistance to change (I don't get it, I don't like it, I don't like you) and how to address each one
Why leaders are crossing the finish line of a change just as employees find out there's a race, and what to do about it
How a pre-mortem helps you anticipate resistance before you launch
The early signs a change is not landing, and why waiting for those signs means you're already behind
Which parts of traditional change management still matter, and what has to give way to change agility
How middle managers can lead a change they didn't choose, while still processing it themselves, by focusing on what is still in their control
Inside Adobe's Check-In: why they scrapped annual reviews, why they refused to rush a replacement, how they brought the resisters in, and how it saved over 80,000 management hours in a single year
How one CEO told his team the truth before missing payroll, and lost no more than 10% of his people
Three things to start this week, including how to diagnose your own resistance to change
About Dr. Ellie Gates
Dr. Ellie C. Gates, DSL, is an Assistant Teaching Professor at CU Boulder's Leeds School of Business and Founder of BusinessTechne and the Human Ingenuity AI Foundation. For over 25 years, she has partnered with C-level executives at Microsoft, Adobe, T-Mobile, Box, and Snowflake on their hardest transformations. At Adobe, she led the Check-In performance redesign that saved 80,000 management hours and cut voluntary turnover by 30 percent. Trained in Strategic Foresight, she reads emerging trends before most leaders know to look. She holds a Doctorate of Strategic Leadership and a Master's in Organizational Leadership and Business Administration. She is a change agent at heart.
Connect with Dr. Ellie Gates:
✅ BusinessTechne: https://www.businesstechne.com
✅ Human Ingenuity AI Foundation: https://www.businesstechne.com/hiai/
✅ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliecgates
Mentioned in this episode:
Beyond the Wall of Resistance by Rick Maurer
The ADKAR change model (Awareness, Desire, Knowledge, Ability, Reinforcement)
Mike Robbins, author and speaker on feedback
More from Speak Your Mind Unapologetically:
✅ Free Newsletter: https://assertiveway.com/newsletter/
✅ Take the Quiz 'Do You Speak Like a High-Impact Leader?': https://myassertiveway.outgrow.us/highimpactleader
✅ Follow the show host, Ivna Curi, on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ivna-curi-mba-67083b2/

Most of us check the odds before we try something big. MIT-trained engineer and serial founder Sanjay Manandhar, author of The Why Not Advantage, says that's the wrong number to look at. A statistic describes the crowd, not you.
At 16, Sanjay applied to US schools from Kathmandu. He needed a full scholarship and airfare, and his friends asked if he was nuts. In this conversation, he shares the formula he uses to rewrite his odds, what a Nobel Prize winner's 40 years of persistence teaches about timing, and why your odds change the moment you take action.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why "probability does not exist," and the difference between the crowd's odds and your personal odds
The BPCA formula (Belief x Preparation x Context x Action), and why a zero in any one variable takes your odds to zero
The variable people underestimate most, and why the hardest negotiation is the one with yourself
What Katalin Karikó's path to the Nobel Prize reveals about preparing for the moment context turns in your favor
"Activation energy": why progress feels stuck right before a breakthrough, and how to push through
Why any action beats overthinking when you're stuck, even if it isn't the perfect move
How to keep your conviction without falling into confirmation bias or following the crowd, with lessons from the dot-com bubble and Theranos
The deathbed test and the five-year test: two tools to decide what to do this week
About Sanjay Manandhar:
Sanjay Manandhar is a serial technology entrepreneur, mentor, and author of The Why Not Advantage: How Small Probabilities Create Outsized Outcomes. Originally from Nepal, he is an MIT-trained engineer. In 1994, he helped bring the internet to Nepal, and he has since founded and led multiple technology companies. He lives in Cambridge, MA, and loves trekking and motorbiking.
Connect with Sanjay:
Book and author site: https://sanjaymanandhar.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sanjaymanandhar
The Why Not Advantage is available on Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook.
Mentioned in this episode:
Bruno de Finetti, Italian mathematician
Katalin Karikó, Nobel laureate and mRNA vaccine pioneer
Bronnie Ware, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying
Know someone usure of which path to follow? Send them this episode.
 
Quotes from Sanjay:
"Your odds change in your favor the moment you take action."
"You don't get to run your venture 1,000 times or your career move 1,000 times. You have one chance, maybe two."
"Negotiating with a counterparty is hard. The harder part is actually negotiating with yourself."
 
Chapters:
00:00 Agency, and why the odds you're quoted aren't your odds
01:17 "If you think of it, do it": his mother's advice about time
05:01 One talk to 60 people that led to an $80M startup
08:07 "Probability does not exist": the idea behind the book
10:39 The BPCA formula: why one zero sinks your odds
13:11 The Nobel winner who waited 40 years for her moment
18:05 The variable people underestimate most
19:55 Survivorship bias: is beating the odds just luck?
23:29 Why almost everyone who starts a marathon finishes
26:04 Activation energy: why water won't boil at 99.5°C
30:13 Overthinking? Any action beats the perfect action
34:00 Conviction vs. the crowd: lessons from bubbles and Theranos
39:07 The deathbed test: what you'll regret not doing

How do you disagree with a superior or your boss when you see a problem in a decision you still have to deliver? How do you influence senior leaders when you don't have the final say?
In this episode of Speak Your Mind Unapologetically, Ivna Curi explores managing up and upward influence through two real workplace stories from her book, Unapologetic Voice.
Amy spent six months building a business case after senior leaders dismissed a gap she saw in their plan. Rebecca challenged a leader's approach to restructuring by proposing an alternative that addressed his concern about confidentiality.
Their experiences reveal practical ways to challenge a decision, earn consideration for your ideas, and help your organization improve.
You'll discover:
How to disagree with your boss when your first concern gets dismissed: What to reconsider before repeating the same argument.
How to get senior leadership buy-in: Connect your recommendation to business consequences and the results leaders want.
How to push back without sounding combative: Address what the decision-maker is trying to achieve or protect.
How to build a stronger business case: Use individual conversations to test assumptions, understand objections, and improve your proposal.
How to recognize progress when you don't get a full yes: Evaluate whether a workable compromise improves the decision.
Three questions to prepare for a difficult conversation with your boss or a superior: Identify your disagreement, understand their concern, and propose a specific alternative.
If you're a manager, director, or VP navigating a rejected idea, an overlooked risk, or a decision you believe needs reconsideration, this episode is for you.
Share this episode with a colleague working to get a useful perspective heard, and follow Speak Your Mind Unapologetically for more on leadership communication and upward influence.