Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• #1210 - Breaking Free from Beauty Sickness

  What happens when the mirror moves from our wall to our head? In this preview of Saturday's interview with Professor Renee Engeln, discover how beauty sickness affects women and girls, why being "ladylike" might mean "stay small," and how to teach children to value their bodies for what they can do rather than how they look. Plus, understand why having two social media accounts might signal a deeper cultural problem. Quote of the Episode: "Bodies are super cool... teach your children about how cool they are, like all the amazing things they can do—not so they can look good to other people." Key Insights: Self-objectification develops when external scrutiny becomes internal. Beauty standards affect women disproportionately. "Ladylike" behaviour often teaches girls to stay small. Social media creates additional appearance pressure. Cultural expectations create exhausting beauty demands. Body appreciation should focus on function over appearance. Simple activities like hugging and smiling show body value. Cultural change is needed more than individual change. Resources Mentioned: Beauty Sick by Renee Engeln Northwestern University research Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Focus on what bodies can do rather than how they look. Avoid appearance-based conversations. Enable physical exploration and movement. Celebrate body functionality over aesthetics. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1209 - Bedtime Battles: When Your Kids Won't Stay in Their Own Beds

  Getting enough sleep is the number one parenting hack, but what happens when your children won't cooperate? Historically, humans slept in groups, which explains why your child resists sleeping alone. Breaking free from bedtime battles requires giving children a voice in their routine, changing your perspective on this fleeting season, and doing whatever it takes to ensure everyone gets some rest—even if that means musical beds at 2 a.m. Key Points: Force creates resistance—the more you try to control bedtime, the more children push back. Giving children a voice through family meetings or one-on-one discussions about bedtime helps them buy into routines. Humans historically slept in groups—our desire for children to sleep independently is relatively recent. Changing your perspective to see this as a season that will pass can help reduce frustration. Sometimes the practical solution is simply "do what it takes"—even if that means musical beds at 2 a.m. Dental hygiene matters—parents should help children brush teeth until about age 8. Electric toothbrushes with timers can make tooth brushing more engaging for children. Having the dentist explain the importance of oral hygiene can remove parents from being the sole authority. What feels like an eternal struggle will eventually pass and may even be missed someday. You can give children more autonomy in some areas while maintaining boundaries in others (like dental care). Resources Mentioned: Happy Families website Electric toothbrushes with timers Action Steps for Parents: Have a one-on-one conversation with each child about their ideal bedtime routine, giving them a voice while maintaining reasonable boundaries. Change your perspective—recognize this difficult season is temporary and years from now you might miss these cuddles. Do what it takes to ensure everyone gets sleep, even if that means unorthodox arrangements temporarily. For dental hygiene, use engaging tools like electric toothbrushes and enlist the dentist as an authority figure. Submit your own parenting questions at happyfamilies.com.au or email [email protected]. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1208 - Let Them: The Two Words That Will Set You Free from Other People's Drama

  Stop trying to control other people's moods, opinions, and behaviours—it's exhausting and impossible. Instead, try Mel Robbins' revolutionary "Let Them Theory" which teaches two simple words—"let them"—to reclaim your power and energy. When you stop obsessing over what others think or do, you finally focus on what matters: your own life. But that's only half the equation. The crucial second step is saying "let me" take action on what I CAN control. # Quote of the Episode: "The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them." - Mel Robbins Key Points: The Let Them Theory consists of two parts: "let them" (accepting what others do) and "let me" (choosing your own response). When you stop trying to manage other people's emotions and behaviours, you reclaim your energy. "Let them" doesn't mean being a doormat—it means acknowledging you can't control others. Your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behaviour, opinions, or moods. Hacking your stress response by saying "let them" and taking a breath interrupts your reactivity. Trying to please everyone typically results in pleasing no one and exhausting yourself. The method works for handling difficult colleagues, judgmental family members, and stressful situations. This approach is primarily for adult relationships, not parenting young children who need guidance. Setting boundaries is still important—"let them" doesn't mean accepting harmful behaviour. People-pleasing often leaves you feeling empty and unappreciated despite your best efforts. Resources Mentioned: "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins (New York Times bestseller) Mel Robbins Podcast Happy Families website Action Steps for Parents: Next time someone upsets you, say "let them" silently to yourself, then take a deep breath Follow with "let me" and choose a response that serves your wellbeing Identify one relationship where you're trying too hard to please someone and practice letting go Accept that someone will always be disappointed by your decisions—and that's okay Remember that while you can "let them" with adults, parenting requires appropriate guidance and boundaries with children See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1207 - Listen Like You Mean It: How to Hear What Your Child Isn't Saying

  When children need to talk, they'll give subtle clues that most parents miss completely. Recognising these moments and responding with actual listening—not advice, stories, or solutions—creates connections that last decades. The secret? Summarise what they say instead of steering the conversation. Most children never reveal their real issue first, which means parents who jump in with solutions are missing what their children truly need: to be understood. Quote of the Episode: "Understanding is the deepest hunger of the human heart." - Stephen Covey (quoted by Ross Judd) Key Points: Children rarely reveal their real issue first—they test the waters with a "safe" topic before sharing what's really bothering them. Look for unusual behaviour or emotional signals that indicate your child needs to talk. Taking control of the conversation prevents your child from getting to the deeper issue. The art of summarising (repeating back what your child has said) is the key to effective listening. Our brains think 10 times faster than people speak, making it incredibly difficult to truly listen. Deep listening isn't something you need to do all the time—just recognise the important moments. Children often already have the answers to their problems; they just need someone to listen. Use neutral phrases like "tell me more" to encourage continued sharing. Don't change the direction of the conversation with questions that steer it elsewhere. Effective listening involves "taking the ride, not the wheel"—let your child drive the conversation. Resources Mentioned: "Listening: A Guide to Building Deeper Connections" by Ross Judd "Miss Connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk" by Dr. Justin Coulson Stephen Covey's concept of "faithful translation" (active listening technique) Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Recognise special moments when your child is seeking connection (unusual behaviour, lingering in doorways, emotional signals). When these moments occur, stop everything, engage fully, and put away distractions. Use neutral phrases like "tell me more" instead of asking directive questions. Practise summarising what your child says without adding your own input. Remember that the real issue usually comes second—be patient and don't try to solve the first problem they mention. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1206 - Rethinking School: Why Alternative Education Might Be the Best Choice for Your Child

  Is traditional schooling the only path to success? In this eye-opening episode, Justin and Kylie challenge the conventional approach to education, sharing their journey through homeschooling and industry-based schooling with their daughter, Lily. They discuss why so many kids feel disconnected from mainstream education, the power of hands-on learning, and how alternative schooling models are helping students find passion, purpose, and career opportunities. If you’ve ever worried about whether the standard school system is serving your child, this episode is a must-listen! KEY POINTS: Many kids feel disconnected from traditional schooling because it lacks real-world application. Industry schools combine formal education with hands-on experience, giving kids exposure to different careers. Parents often fear that alternative education means failure, but in reality, it can lead to greater success and fulfillment. The stigma of leaving mainstream school is often more about parental concerns than what’s best for the child. Exposure is key—kids don’t always know what they want to do until they experience different career options. There are so many flexible schooling alternatives—vocational training, homeschooling, apprenticeships, online learning, and more. Insights from a school principal: The biggest hurdle in education reform is often parents’ reluctance to try something different. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "We’re using medieval institutions to train our children to live in an era where we have god-like technology. They don’t match up—they simply don’t." RESOURCES MENTIONED: Dark Horse by Todd Rose Industry schools, vocational training programs, apprenticeships, and alternative schooling options. The Happy Families website ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: If your child is struggling with school, research alternative education options in your area. Have an open conversation with your child about what excites them and what frustrates them about their education. Challenge the fear of failure. Understand that leaving traditional school doesn’t mean giving up on success—it might be the key to unlocking it. Connect with other parents who have explored homeschooling, vocational programs, or industry schools for insight and support. Encourage your child to explore different careers through internships, apprenticeships, or hands-on learning experiences. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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