Two Cents gets Distracted - A Rugby Podcast

What. A. Weekend.
The All Blacks have drawn first blood in the Greatest Rivalry Series, knocking over the much-vaunted Springboks in a result that has Tony desperately attempting to remain humble and gracious in victory. Unfortunately, humility has never really been his strong suit. Mark is much better at that sort of thing.
And somehow, the All Blacks actually fucking did it.
For long periods, it felt like the Boks had them under enormous pressure. The scrum was creaking, the high-ball battle was brutal, and physically South Africa seemed to have the upper hand. But instead of folding, the All Blacks did something we haven't seen nearly enough of lately: they played like an All Blacks team.
They absorbed the pressure. They stayed in the fight. And when opportunities appeared, they absolutely feasted.
Five tries to one tells part of the story, but the bigger story was efficiency. South Africa had pressure, territory and dominance in key areas, but couldn't turn enough of it into points. New Zealand, meanwhile, lived off scraps and somehow made every post a winner. Give them half a sniff and — by God — they took it.
We break down all the ins, outs, heroes, concerns and glorious moments from Test One before turning our attention to Cape Town, where a wounded Springbok side will undoubtedly be waiting with violence in their hearts.
It is going to be significantly harder.
And yet...
We're quietly starting to think the All Blacks might be able to fucking do this again.
Plus, in considerably less important but equally satisfying news, Tony's North Harbour got one over Mark's Auckland in the Battle of the Bridge.
The All Blacks win. Harbour win. Tony wins.
It's all coming up Milhouse.
Springbok fans: commiserations. We're trying not to be smug.
Grab a beer and enjoy.

Two Cents Gets Distracted – Greatest Rivalry Series Preview
In a week where the hype is about as hyped as it can possibly be, the speculation is about as speculative as it can possibly be, and our bullshit talking is about as bullshit as it can possibly be… we are finally here.
We sit on the precipice of one of the biggest rugby events in recent memory — more than 30 years in the making — as Test One of the Greatest Rivalry Series: All Blacks vs South Africa is about to kick off.
The All Blacks arrive after three relatively straightforward outings against South African opposition. There was a bit of a wobble against the Stormers early doors, but the Sharks and Bulls were dispatched without too much drama.
So… should New Zealand be feeling confident?
Or has Rassie Erasmus been playing 4D chess again, deliberately lulling the All Blacks into a false sense of security? Were the South African franchises mysteriously instructed not to box kick so the All Blacks wouldn't get any proper preparation?
Conspiracy theories? Absolutely.
Any chance we actually know what we're talking about? Probably not.
Then there are the Boks themselves — back-to-back world champions, as they very much enjoy reminding everybody, over and over and over again.
They've been relatively quiet, relatively private, but now it's all starting to come to the fore. Are they slightly undercooked? Could there be some rust after their last showing against Argentina? Or was the evil mastermind Rassie simply keeping his powder dry for the series that really matters?
The bullshit is high. The speculation is higher. And the hype is very, very real.
And it's about to get even more real.
Grab a beer and enjoy.
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The Greatest Rivalry Tour is officially underway, and naturally that means it’s time for everyone to start drawing enormous conclusions from a handful of rugby games that probably don’t deserve enormous conclusions.
First up, the All Blacks took on the Stormers in Cape Town and, for a good chunk of the game, it was a seriously butt-puckering affair. The All Blacks stuttered, spluttered and at times played more like poo than an international rugby side, while an under-strength Stormers team — missing their Springboks — gave them absolute hell. The ageless Deon Fourie was somehow still out there causing problems, before the All Blacks eventually located their rugby brains, pulled away late and finished with a 38–21 win.
Then it was the Springboks’ turn, heading to Argentina with plenty of big names left back in South Africa but still carrying some serious quality. Against an under-strength Pumas side, however, they made life look considerably harder than anyone expected.
Cue several days of South African fans and pundits performing Olympic-level mental gymnastics explaining why the Bok performance was actually encouraging while the All Blacks’ was apparently evidence that New Zealand rugby had entered its final death spiral.
The more boring answer? There probably wasn’t that much to read into either game.
Then came Durban.
On a sodden track, the All Blacks faced the Sharks in game two of the Greatest Rivalry series — and suddenly Ma’a Nonu appeared in a Sharks jersey. Because apparently 2026 has completely stopped obeying the normal laws of rugby.
Before kick-off, Nonu produced one of the most surreal and memorable moments of the tour so far, standing alone and returning Kapa o Pango with a one-man haka.
Unfortunately for the Sharks, that was about as competitive as the evening got.
The All Blacks absolutely pumped a young Sharks side 54–0 in what eventually became more training run than test of character. Nonu arrived around the 60-minute mark, produced a couple of nice touches, and reminded everyone that he remains approximately 400 years old and still capable of playing professional rugby.
Elsewhere, Australia edged Japan in a relatively tight affair, we attempt to decide whether anything we’ve seen so far actually matters, and begin the inevitable overanalysis as the real meat of the Greatest Rivalry Tour creeps closer.
Sorry this one’s a little late.
Massive thanks to Sports4cast.com for the beers.
Grab a beer and Enjoy

We are officially sitting on the precipice of the Greatest Rivalry Tour — South Africa versus New Zealand — and, quite frankly, everybody is starting to lose their minds.
The All Blacks are in South Africa. The tour is happening. The hype machine is fully operational. And with the first Test still a good few weeks away, we have reached that wonderful stage where there is almost no actual rugby to analyse, so naturally everybody is just speculating about absolutely everything.
The South Africans, in particular, are talking an extraordinary amount of shit about how dominant they're going to be. In some quarters, the All Blacks have already been written off completely.
And then you've got people like Tony, who for reasons that may or may not be grounded in reality, are starting to feel... quietly confident.
Is that confidence justified?
Is it delusion?
We'll find out soon enough.
Until then, this podcast is basically speculation about speculation, followed by some more speculation, as everybody gets increasingly worked up about a series that hasn't even bloody started yet.
There is, however, some actual rugby to talk about.
The All Blacks take on the Stormers this weekend in the first little taste of the Greatest Rivalry Tour. What sort of team do the All Blacks put out? What do the Stormers look like without their Springboks? And why, despite all of that, are we still weirdly nervous about it?
Meanwhile, the Boks are just popping over to Argentina for a casual one-off Test against a slightly depleted Los Pumas side — which, let's be honest, they will probably absolutely rinse.
But all of that is merely the entrée.
The real thing is coming.
The All Blacks are in South Africa. The Springboks are waiting. The shit-talking has begun. The nerves are building. The optimism is getting dangerously high.
It's stressful. It's exciting.
And it is officially on like Donkey Kong.

The first block of the Nations Championship is done, and the All Blacks—much to our delight—finally played like bloody All Blacks.
For 40 glorious minutes at Eden Park, they were all over a slightly flailing Irish side. Ireland fought their way back into it after halftime, but putting 41 points on them and winning by 19 is a bloody good result. More importantly, it gives us a little bit of—keyword—optimism heading into the Greatest Rivalry Series.
Speaking of which, the Boks—or the B-Boks, C-Boks, or whatever version of the Boks was rolled out this week—put Wales away without too much trouble. South African fans weren’t exactly thrilled by the dropped ball and generally ordinary-looking performance, but they still won 43–0, and that scrum somehow looks even more terrifying than ever.
So, naturally, we dive into the All Blacks–Springboks rivalry and start looking ahead to the series we’ve all been waiting for. Tony throws a little chum into the water, so try not to bite too hard. It’s all banter at the end of the day. Probably. Rassie is definitely in our heads.
Elsewhere, Australia gave Joe Schmidt a fitting send-off by dominating Italy, Fiji scored some absolutely ridiculous tries despite losing to Scotland, and England and Argentina appeared to cram an entire year’s worth of yellow cards into one fiery, chaotic match.
Coming on the back of the spicy England–Argentina Football World Cup semifinal, the whole thing felt suitably hostile, slightly unhinged and, eventually, pretty entertaining.
We cover all of that, talk plenty of rugby and sprinkle in the usual amount of bullshit.
There’s no episode next week, but after the break, we’re going deep into South African content as the Greatest Rivalry Series finally arrives.
Grab a beer and enjoy.